The Human From a Dungeon

Nick Smith

Adventurer Level: 7

Human - American

"I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" the voice shouted.

"MMUPHBLLP!" I replied, struggling to breathe.

My sword dropped to the ground as I grabbed at the arms that were trapping my head. I struggled for a few moments and finally released myself, taking a few heavy breaths. Once my breathing calmed down, I looked up to find Tits grinning widely at me, her almost teal colored eyes shimmering in the sunlight. My peripheral vision managed to warn me to maintain eye contact with her, and my face went beet red.

"W-what the fuck?" I asked, desperately pretending not to notice her clothing situation. "Were you trying to suffocate me?"

"Only if you're into that," she said with a wink.

Nash placed a hand on my shoulder and gently pulled me behind him. I picked up and sheathed my sword, trying not to catch a glimpse of the arch-fae while I did so.

"Why are you nude?" he asked.

"It's such a wonderful day out, how could I not be?" she replied.

"Not that wonderful of a day," Nash said as he pointed to the tornado.

"Oh that?" she giggled. "Don't worry about that, it's just Mumuldobran having a conniption."

Nash and I shared a concerned expression, which made Tits laugh. Before we could say anything about these concerns, Algebrun appeared behind her.

"Causing trouble again?" he asked.

"Me? Never," Tits replied with a grin. "I was just giving Nick a friendly hello."

"Little too friendly," I muttered.

"Sounds about right," Algebrun smiled. "Did Tits reveal the reason we've interrupted your journey?"

"No," I said as Yulk, Olmira, and Imlor jogged up to us.

The two arch-fae noticed our approaching companions and their smiles faded. They gave each other a worried glance.

"You think that's going to be a problem?" Tits asked quietly.

"I don't know," Algebrun answered. "Hopefully not."

"What's going on?" I asked.

The pair exchanged a few whispers before Algebrun turned back to me with a somber expression.

"We'll start with why we're here. The reason that we stopped you is because we need you to testify on our behalf," he explained.

"Testify? Like in a court?"

When I said the word court they both flinched like parents who just heard their toddler swear for the first time. In a crowded but quiet public place.

"No. Not a..." Algebrun hesitated. "More like a hearing. What happened between us has raised a lot of questions, and the purpose of the hearing is to find answers to those questions. Nobody is in trouble."

"Yet," Tits said with a pointed glance at Olmira. "You're keeping rather... interesting company these days, Nick. Do you know that's a vampire?"

The seriousness in her voice combined with her nudity nearly made me laugh. I avoided looking directly at her and thought about how to reply. After a moment of silence, I turned back toward her and looked her directly in the eyes.

"Do I know that the oddly youthful and powerful sorcerer named Olmira the Eternal, who also happens to drink blood, is a vampire?" I asked sarcastically. "No. How could I have ever guessed?"

"Ooo you become twice as cute when you get saucy," she winked and gave herself a squeeze that made me blush and look away. "Hot."

"Put some clothes on," Algebrun chided.

"Is my vampirism an issue?" Olmira asked hesitantly.

"Of course it is," Algebrun turned to her with a scowl. "We would have smote you the moment we saw you, were Nick not acting as your travelling companion."

"What?" I asked, shocked. "Why?"

"To use terms you're more familiar with, vampires are possessed by the souls of the damned," Algebrun explained. "As are all undead, for that matter. These 'souls' are actually magical beings like fae or fairies that have twisted and corrupted themselves by intentionally breaking the laws that bind us, simply to satisfy their whims and petty ambitions. Once their corruption causes them to be killed, and it always does, they are forced to take the form of an undead. This how they serve penance for their crimes."

"We can see their sin," Tits added. "To us, it's as plain as the nose on your face."

"But why discriminate against those who didn't have a choice, though?" Yulk asked. "It isn't as if it is typical for someone to request being turned into a vampire."

"Oh, is that a fact?" Algebrun asked pointedly. "If you were better versed on the subject, you would know that not all who are bitten by vampires turn into vampires. Some just die, and this is because before the malicious magical being possesses them, it gives them a choice. Become corrupted with its sins and roam the lands as a shadow of their former self, or simply die with only their own sins to bear."

"That's not exactly a good choice to have to make," I said. "You can't really blame them for not wanting to die."

"They still die, Nick," Algebrun's tone softened a little. "When a mortal chooses to become corrupted, their own spiritual energies merge with that of the magical being and they become an entirely different being. The only reason that vampires and the like are able to keep pretending to be the mortal in question is because the flesh maintains its memories. On top of that, the mortals that choose corruption are able to see the sins of the malicious spirit, just as we are. And all of this has to be explained to them in excruciating detail, so make no mistake, this is an informed choice. There can be no deception involved."

"If they know what they are going to become, why do people choose to become vampires?"

"The mortal mind is a mystery to things like me. But judging from my knowledge of your own experiences, I would say hope is the most likely culprit. Hope that your spirit will overcome their spirit, that some piece of you will live on within them and help them make the right choices. Or maybe straight up spite, depending on the person."

I glanced at Olmira, who was staring firmly at the ground with her fists clenched. Nash and Imlor were looking away from her uncomfortably, as if she had just been stripped bare in front of us. Yulk, on the other hand, was rubbing his chin, deep in thought.

"So how do they become cleansed of this... sin?" Yulk asked. "Undead are immune to the rigors of time, aren't they?"

"That is up to higher beings, the ones you call gods. They measure the weight of the individual's sins and decide what variety of undead they will become. The undead are considered enemies by all living races, and as such are frequently slain. If they have served enough penance for their misdeeds by the time they are slain, they are reborn free of corruption. If they haven't repented fully or have committed more sin, they are reborn as an undead once again."

"If they serve their penance, what are they reborn as?"

"Fae, fairies, sprites, etcetera. Maybe even mortals, but as far as I'm aware that's just a legend."

"But... not all magical beings are benevolent. Are those doomed to become undead once they die?"

"Your version of benevolence is not universal. Even the blood and bone fae and fairies have laws they must abide by. As long as they follow those laws, they are free of sin in the eyes of those above our station."

"Yeah, well... this has been an absolutely riveting conversation," Tits said as she waved a hand and finally became clothed. "But we came here for a reason, and it wasn't to explain the ins and outs of vampirism."

"That is true," Algebrun nodded. "However, it would be foolish to escort them into the forest along with a vampire. Even if we were to forbid violence against her, there are those who believe in the cycle enough to take matters into their own hands. They would also be well within their rights to do so."

"I can guard the cart," Olmira said softly.

"Are you sure?" Yulk asked. "We can probably protect you."

"You genuinely cannot," Algebrun replied tersely. "Even if it were within your capabilities to defend her from the fair folk, which it isn't, the corrupted do not have the right of self-defense under our laws."

"Meaning that if I were to try to intercede on her behalf..."

"You would be committing assault or murder. This would result in your arrest, if you aren't killed outright."

"I will remain at the cart," Olmira said.

"Yeah, me too," Imlor added. "No offense intended, but I'm looking to get home in one piece, and the fair folk have a somewhat grim reputation among my kind."

"Merchants or gnomes?" Tits asked with a laugh.

"Both, actually."

"Yeah, fair enough. Algebrun, you want to leave them with some reinforcements? Or should I?"

"I'll do it," Algebrun said, raising his hand. "Reidlos lanrete tsac!"

An icy chill crept through the air as red energy leapt from his hand and began to form the shape of a person. Once the magic finished taking shape, a crack rang through the air that made me jump. We suddenly found ourselves joined by a fae in crimson armor. Its glowing red eyes made its coal-colored skin seem even darker.

Its left hand held the longest sword I had ever seen, and in its right hand was black rock. Even I felt magic stirring within that rock. Must be an arcane focus. I turned to Algebrun and raised an eyebrow.

"This is a simulacrum of a blood fae," he explained. "While I have actual blood fae under my command, I will not force them into the position of deciding between my commands and their beliefs."

"Yeah, that's probably smart," I said. "What happens if a fae stumbles upon the cart, though? Won't you get in trouble if your spell hurts them?"

"Oh, I'll be casting a spell on it that will make it unnoticeable to all thinking creatures," Tits answered with a smile. "The spell wears off when whoever is inside of it calls out to someone on the outside of it. Or if I want it to."

"What do we need the blood fae for, then?" Nash asked.

"There are creatures that don't think, brother," Yulk said.

"Oh... right..."

Yulk helped Olmira back into the cart as Imlor took his seat. Yulk, Nash, and I grabbed our bags and rejoined Tits and Algebrun. Tits cleared her throat and held up her hand.

"Ememitna tsac!" she said.

The spell took effect instantly. I tried to focus on the cart, but I could no longer really see it. Whenever I tried to look directly at it, my gaze wandered and I forgot what I was doing. It was a very unsettling experience.

"There, your friends are secure and the cart is protected," Algebrun said. "Let's be off."

"What about Mumuldobran?" I asked, gesturing at the distant tornado.

"It's best to let them vent their frustrations. They'll join us once they're done."

I nodded, and we followed the two arch-fae off of the road and into the woods. Before long, the woods became a forest and the leaves of the trees began to blot out the sun. It took a bit for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Once they did, I saw that the bushes and brambles that would have hindered our movement seemed to lean out of our way. As we ventured deeper and deeper, the sounds of the tornado became more and more muffled until they disappeared entirely.

That's when I realized that the only sounds I could hear were the creaking and groaning of the foliage moving. I looked around and noticed some birds, but instead of announcing our presence, they were staring at us. The deeper we went, the more animals I noticed, and all of them silently watched us pass. An eerie chill ran down my spine.

"I can't help but feel as if we aren't exactly welcome here," Nash said.

"Nonsense," Tits said with a smile. "If you weren't welcome, you'd have been ripped apart by now."

"Sure, but the locals don't appear to be particularly happy to see us."

"Well... Bah, it's complicated. Algebrun, you're better at explaining things."

Algebrun let out a heavy sigh and looked over his shoulder at Nash.

"I'm sorry, Nash. It would seem that I did not properly convey the gravity of our situation," he said. "Arch-fae are very special beings. We have connections with divinity that open up many of the world's deepest and darkest secrets to us, so that we may properly guide the fair folk. However, even with all this knowledge at our disposal, neither Tits nor myself can account for how we were made into arch-fae."

"Well, it happened when Nick named you, didn't it?" Yulk asked. "That's not likely to be a coincidence."

"True, but even so, it doesn't make sense. An arch-fae is not made, it's ordained. There are only two known ways for an arch-fae to come to be. Either the fae nobility pool their powers to imbue a named fae with enough power to make the necessary divine connections, or the divine themselves forge these connections. Nick is gifted with plenty of magic in his core, but he doesn't even have a tenth of the magical power that a single fae noble has. Let alone a higher being."

"So..." I paused. "A god made you both arch-fae? Not me?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out, sweetie," Tits giggled. "The higher beings usually have a specific goal in mind when they make an arch-fae, and they never make two at once. When we ask, we're met with confusion. When other fae ask, they're met with derision. This means that even the higher beings don't know what happened or why."

"Obviously, this requires a thorough investigation, which is where the hearing comes in," Algebrun said. "You'll be meeting with some of the kings of the fair folk, who will be asking you questions about our interaction."

"Kings?" I asked, a little bit of fear leaking into my voice.

"Yes, but don't worry. This is an informal hearing," Algebrun laughed, seemingly reading my mind. "You'll be speaking as equals, despite the airs that some of them will put on. Don't use honorifics, especially gendered ones, and don't speak out of turn."

"Don't say sir or ma'am? Why not?"

"The physical form of a fae is not an indication of gender or sex. We lack both, in fact, and it can be taken as an offense to assume otherwise," Algebrun sighed. "Thought that's just one of the many tiresome tricks that you mortals frequently fall for. It's such an old trick that there's even rules surrounding it. If the mortal is unaware that you're a fair folk, you cannot feign offense at being addressed with a gendered pronoun. Even if they are aware, they are still allowed to use most gendered pronouns so long as you are presenting as that sex. Unless it's an honorific. If you call a fair folk sir or ma'am, they'll probably demand satisfaction. If you're lucky, it'll one of your material possessions."

"That's actually in the book," Yulk whispered to me.

"You can call me ma'am, if you want to," Tits winked at me.

"Th-that's okay," I said. "What kind of kings will we be meeting?"

"That's not entirely clear yet. Mumuldobran, the king of arch-fae, will be there. Yilf, the king of flower fairies, will also be attending. The dark ones are still battling it out to see who they're sending. Basinoth, king of the blood fae, or Horth, king of the bone fae, would be the most likely participants. Maybe both, seeing as how they frequently fight to a draw."

"Tamithi will also be there," Tits added. "King of the sprites."

"Tamithi isn't actually part of the hearing, though. They're just curious about what's going on," Algebrun shrugged. "We're nearing our destination."

We fell into silence and continued walking until we came onto a clearing. A colossal tree stood in the center of said clearing, glowing with magical energies. I recognized it from Algebrun's memories, the tree of life that births new fair folk. Between us and the tree were branches that had warped to form desks and chairs. There were two rows of ten, facing each other. Algebrun gestured to them.

"Sit. We'll begin soon," he said.