The Human From a Dungeon

Nick Smith

Adventurer Level: 7

Human - American

I woke up feeling fully rested for the first time in quite a while. As I stretched away the remaining stiffness in my muscles, I found myself enjoying the fluffiness of the bedding against my skin. I hadn't been able to enjoy it much last night because I'd passed out right as my head hit the pillow. It had been an exhausting week of training and translating, but all that's over now. Well, the translating, at least. I'm sure Nash has something evil in mind for when we're on the road.

I let out a sigh when I realized I would have to be leaving this bed. The bed isn't even the best part about the inn, though. I'd been able to get a warm shower, a shave, and a haircut as well. I didn't have much beard to shave, of course, but the hairs under my nose and on my chin had been getting annoying. The shower was amazing, and very much needed. I'd become accustomed to my stench for the most part, but every now and again I'd get a whiff that made my eyes water.

Reluctantly, I left the softness of my bed and found my clothes. The Marfix Inn also had a laundry service, and I had taken full advantage of it to get my clothing and armor cleaned. On the wall near the door were two boxes that had conveyer belts inside them. In one box I found my clothes neatly folded alongside my armor, and in the other box I found the breakfast I had ordered. When we first began staying at the inn my meal orders had raised eyebrows, but now the staff was used to it. They even made recommendations of things that they thought might taste good together.

Normally I don't bother with a breakfast order and just pick something up from a stall, but I get one free meal a day during my stay and I wanted to use it on our last day here. The wonderful smell of the breakfast convinced me that I had made the right choice. There were two sides, one of thin meat strips that tasted like a mixture of canned ham and beef jerky, and a vegetable that looked like a dark green celery stick but tasted like asparagus. I'd been hesitant to try it at first due to my hatred of celery, but one of the elven chefs convinced me to give it a try. Now, I regret not ordering it sooner.

The entree was a mixture of eggs and meat, and I didn't know which animal either were from. This made me a little hesitant to try it, but the smell helped me fight off my doubts. I picked at my breakfast as I pulled on my clothes and armor. Unsurprisingly, the food was really good. Once I finished dressing myself, I moved my meal to the small table in the corner of the room and dug in.

My breakfast rapidly vanished, and once I was finished I leaned back and let the well-padded chair comfort me. I let out a burp, then reached into my nearly bulging coin purse and brought out a gold coin, placing it on the table next to the meal tray before turning my attention to putting my armor on. Once I squeezed into everything and all the straps were tied, I took one last look around.

The room itself was tastefully decorated with wooden walls and engraved stone trim. They had used a light colored wood which seemed to glow when the curtains were open. The window was able to be opened, which wasn't something I had seen in many other places. There were also some well done paintings depicting some exciting scenery, like a man arm wrestling a dragon and a mage casting fireball.

The bathroom had a toilet, sink, and the aforementioned shower. Even without any additional decorations, it was the fanciest bathroom I'd every personally seen. The toilet had a footrest and the shower had a seat, both of which made it easy to relax while taking care of business. I could see why Renv's coworker said some people use the inn as their vacation destinations. My entire stay had felt like one. I felt a small pang of sadness when I realized how much I'm going to miss these luxuries, but comforted myself with the thought that we'll probably find another Marfix Inn during our travels.

With another small sigh, I turned to the door and opened it to find Nash and Yulk waiting outside. Nash was holding his fist up as if he were about to knock. The three of us stared at each other awkwardly for a moment.

"Oh good, you're up," Yulk grinned.

"Yep, he sure is," Nash nodded. "That's good, we can get on the road right away. Come on."

I gave my room one final glance before I followed my brothers-by-adoption out of the inn. The staff bid us farewell as we left, urging us to visit again soon. We began to head to the place where Imlor had the cart set up when I spotted Regent Oakmor dashing our way. I debated whether or not to start running, but he caught up to us before I could make up my mind.

"Hello boys," he said with a beaming smile. "Glad I caught you before you left."

"Why's that, sir?" Nash asked. "Your business with Nick is done, right? You already paid us and everything, your highness."

"Oh yes, yes, don't worry. I have no further jobs for you," Oakmor laughed. "The reason I wanted to catch you is to let you know that we would normally throw a goodbye celebration, on account of Nick awakening our monarch and everything. Unfortunately, we can't due to... Well... Critical matters of state that must be addressed immediately."

"That's alright, sir. I understand," I said.

"Good, good. I didn't want you to think we were terrible hosts or anything. Anyway, the next time you visit Bolisir I'd ask that you send a message first so we can properly plan a thank you celebration."

"We already had a feast. Surely that counts, your majesty," Yulk added.

"Actually, the feast was specifically to celebrate the return of His Highness King Yssinirath," the elf shrugged. "Royalty get their own party. Plus, combining celebrations is tacky. No, even if it must be delayed for the moment, I am required to insist that we do a proper celebration for Nick's contribution as soon as we are able."

After a bit more back and forth on the merits of such a celebration, we relented to Oakmor's request. Or demand disguised as a request, rather. Once we agreed, he merrily sent us on our way. People waved as we passed, which was a welcome change from the awkward stares that we got when we first arrived. They actually seemed happy when I waved back, too, which made me feel good. People had been friendly like this back home, and I hadn't realized how much I missed it. Before long, we found Imlor packing up his cart.

"Hi Imlor," I said as we approached.

"Hey guys, you ready to hit the road?" he asked.

"Yep," Nash said as he grabbed a heavy-looking sack from the gnome and carried it into the cart.

"Very much so," Yulk agreed as he climbed into the cart after Nash. "While I've enjoyed our stay, I'd very much like to check the mail to see if mother sent anything. I've been keeping her updated, but have told her to send her replies to Kirkena because we didn't know for sure how long we'd be in Bolisir."

I took one last look around the city built within the trees. Renv had said his farewells yesterday because his uncle was taking him to see the rest of his family. It ended up being a bit of a twist of fate. Instead of Renv seeing us off, we had seen him off. However, it appeared that someone else may want to see us off. The someone that was moving our way at an unnaturally fast pace.

"Uh... hey, guys?" I pointed at the figure racing toward us.

In the time it took for Nash and Yulk to turn their heads to look, the unidentifiable figure got close enough for me to figure out that it was a certain female vampire. The next thing I knew Olmira the Eternal was standing beside me, carrying a duffel bag and looking at Yulk. I questioned my sanity when I realized that she didn't look like she'd been running at all. She was breathing normally and her hair wasn't even out of place in the slightest. The hell kind of product does she use?

"Hi Olmira," Yulk's smile beamed. "Come to see us off?"

"And to chastise you," She placed her hands on her hips. "It isn't proper for a gentleman to fail to bid a lady goodbye, Yulk. Even when he's the one doing the leaving."

Yulk's smile faded, "Ah, I see. You're right, I apologize. I beg your forgiveness, milady."

Yulk stood and bowed, while Nash and I gave the two of them a befuddled look.

"I'll forgive you on the condition that you allow me to join your party," Olmira smiled, showing the briefest hint of fang.

"Really? Why do you wanna travel with us?" Nash asked.

"Well, the Regent is now advisor to the king. An advisor having an advisor is a bit much," She chuckled. "Plus, the king already has an immortal magical advisor. A djinn by the name of... um... Relph, I think it was? Yssinirath retrieved him yesterday. So, I am out of a job, haven't travelled in well over a century, and can't help but wonder what sort of hijinks my favorite pupil is going to get into with this human here."

As she was explaining herself, I turned to look back the way she had came. It had to be at least a half a mile from where I had initially spotted her, and it was a decent uphill gradient, as well. She'd run that distance in less than ten seconds without looking the least bit phased. And to top it off, she's a magic user. She could be pretty helpful in a fight.

'I suggest we bring her along,' Ten said. 'Her relationship with Yulk leads me to believe that she has a vested interest in helping us, and she would be a powerful ally.'

'Quit reading my mind,' I replied.

'I can't read your mind without you directing your thoughts at me. Yet. I was simply inferring based the context and your current gaze.'

"It would be an honor to travel with you, Lady Olmira," Yulk said.

"Wait a minute," Nash interrupted. "What are you going to do about blood?"

Olmira held up a jug and shook it, "I'm bringing some with me. Despite my youthful appearance, I'm an elder vampire. I don't need to feed as much as younger vampires do, so this is well over a years supply. Plus I can visit a blood-keeper if I need to top up."

"Are you royalty or nobility or something?" I asked.

"Pardon?" She gave me a confused look. "Oh, because of Yulk. No, I'm not. Not anymore. I was a noblewoman before I was turned, but my title was revoked due to my conversion to vampirism. Immortals aren't allowed to be nobles in Eldravia."

"Eldravia?"

"A nation to the south of Bolisir and the Unified Chiefdoms," Yulk interjected.

"Yes. Eldravia is known for its wine and multi-species elected monarchy. Yulk previously learned of my noble heritage and insists upon calling me by my former honorifics," Olmira explained. "It used to annoy me, but I've long since grown used to it."

"Oh okay, good," I laughed. "I didn't want to have to walk on eggshells the whole journey."

"Anyway, I'm obviously fine with Olmira travelling with us," Yulk grinned. "Are there any objections?"

"Nope," I said.

"I guess not," Nash shrugged.

"It'll be good to have another guard, I suppose," Imlor chimed in.

"It's unanimous, then. Allow me, milady," Yulk stood and offered his hand to Olmira.

She took his hand and climbed into the cart, taking a seat next to Yulk. I climbed up after her and took my seat next to Nash.

"Let our hopefully-uninteresting journey begin," Imlor said, turning back toward the hnarses.

The carts began to move and I watched the as the city that is constantly shaded by trees slowly shrank into the distance. Once we cleared those trees, my eyes stung trying to adjust to all the extra sunlight. We travelled for about an hour in silence before my curiosity got the better of me.

"So what's Eldravia like, Olmira?" I asked.

"I really wouldn't know what it's like these days," the vampire smiled sadly. "It's been well over a century since I left, and I haven't had reason to return. Nor do I seek out news of my homeland. I can tell you what it used to be like, though."

"Yes, please."

"Alright. Eldravia had massive tracts of land dedicated to growing fruit. Trees, bushes, and vines littered the landscape. These fruits were used to make all sorts of alcohol, but wine was by far the most popular. Most noble houses either directly owned or were heavily invested in wineries and the farms that supplied them."

"A nation of drunks?" Nash asked.

Olmira laughed, "Actually, most of their wine ended up exported. Eldravia doesn't have much in the way of metallic resources, so trade was important to make up the deficit. The quality of our wine made certain that it fetched a high price. So much so that it actually aided in our diplomacy, which in turn ended up being crucial for our national defense."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll give you an example that happened before I was born. Plimorno, one of the nations that border Eldravia, declared war as part of an expansion campaign. They won easily, but the people of Eldravia stopped making wine in protest. Once the wine stopped flowing other neighboring nations, including the Unified Chiefdoms, declared war on Plimorno to force it to give Eldravia back its independence. However, this war didn't get very far because the citizens of Plimorno revolted against their queen. She was executed along with most of their nobility, and Eldravia became independent once again."

"Wow," I whistled. "People really like wine, I guess. So you said Eldravia's led by an elected monarchy? How does that work?"

"A multi-species elected monarchy," she corrected me. "Essentially, nobility is decided by influence rather than by blood or species. Whoever can wave the most gold around becomes nobility, which results in their family also becoming nobility and forming a noble house. It is from these houses that candidates for the throne are chosen, and the general populace votes on which candidate becomes king or queen. These monarchs decide upon the laws of the land and rule until death or they are deposed."

"Deposed?"

"Yes. If a monarch doesn't live up to expectations, the noble houses have the right to dethrone them. They actually get together once per year to vote on whether or not to do so. It takes a four-fifths majority vote to get a king or queen off their throne."

"Doesn't the monarch put up a fight?"

"They don't have their own military forces, so they have to rely on the forces of their house. Assuming their house didn't vote to dethrone them, of course. Either way, any military they could muster would be heavily outnumbered, and they would likely face execution for their efforts."

"I see. So back to the noble houses, how do they become noble?"

"If a monarch takes note of someone's accomplishments, they elect them as a candidate for nobility. The populace, including the other nobles, then vote on whether or not this individual becomes a noble. If they do, they become the leader of a noble house comprised of their family members. If they don't, then they go about their business until next time."

"Sorry to interrupt," Imlor said. "If we're gonna have lunch today, now's the best time to do it."

"Alright, let's take a break, then," Nash replied.

Imlor nodded, then pulled the cart off of the road. We all climbed off and stretched our legs, then had a quick meal of dried meats and water. Except for Olmira, who didn't eat or drink. Once he finished his piece of road jerky, Nash walked up to me with an evil grin. The grin alone told me what was coming, and I felt a familiar dread begin to well up within my chest.

"Time for training, Nick."