The hero is now gone, but I’m still here, now what? (Undergoing editing)

“You’re gonna be fine!” I tapped Zathania’s shoulders and gave her a confident, reassuring grin-  which sadly didn’t do anything to ease her quivering smile, “just call your Pledge,” after I said that, Zathania’s expression looked like she couldn’t understand what just came out of my mouth or what she was doing and I knew then that she needed another metaphorical shove so I rested my hand on her shoulder and said, “look, it’s like… uh- like calling something into your hand,”

 

Zath’s dry stare in response to my words was all I needed to know about that lackluster explanation.

 

Bashfully smiling, I scratched the back of my neck and tried again, “look, how about this… it’s like- hmmm… imagine holding the staff,” I started to say and she nodded, comprehension dawning in her eyes, “you said you dreamt of holding it right?” Zath nodded again, “okay, picture that again but this time, convince yourself that you want the Pledge in your hands, and that should make your Pledge appear.”

 

“I’m trying it now,” Zath closed her eyes in concentration.

 

Now free from her odd stare, I allowed myself to smile.

 

Watching Zath stand there, eyes shut as she did her best (and failed) to call her Pledge and me patiently waiting for her to do so really brings home how much I appreciate her as a person- meanwhile, I’m standing here, in front of her, eager to start teaching her the basics of Light Techniques that can be used alongside her Pledge.

 

This? This tells me more about our relationship than words ever could.

 

Zath is a bond that I don’t think I want to ever part with, even when we eventually get married and live in different houses, I like to think that we both will keep in touch, talk, and keep each other company even when we both have husbands to do that for us. A warm smile grew on my face at the thought of that kind of future.

 

Zath opened one eye and locked her narrowed gaze with mine, “you were thinking of something funny just now, weren’t you?”

 

I tilted my head, “no?” It was the opposite actually, but I don’t think I wanna tell her about any of what I was thinking of just now- well- maybe a bit of it, “I was actually thinking about how close we are,” I admitted, the warm smile still present on my face, “we’ve been together since what? Kids? That’s… I really can’t describe how much I appreciate you,” Zathania’s furrowed brows relaxed and my friend returned my smile, with all the warmth in it, I shook my head and sullenly said, “goddess time flies,”

 

I shirked off the aching feeling of time passing way too fast and looked to the side, where evidence that I didn’t waste any of my time till now could be seen- Fafnir is there, sleeping right next to a gazebo as big as her, a gazebo that’s filled with people; my guests are having tea and talking with each other and as I stared, I met Castella’s eyes and she gave me a nod, a small gesture, but one that gave off all the moral support that the she could humanely give- I looked away and turned back to Zath, who was closing her eyes again in concentration, trying to call her Pledge.

 

‘Hm. How long do you think it’ll take her to call for it?’ Fafnir asked and I shrugged in response to tell her that I have no idea, ‘how long did it take you to call your Pledge?’

 

“Half an hour after I got it, give or take,” I moved away from Zath and took a seat on a nearby stone bench, “...I think that’s one of the reasons why people consider my Pledge “strong at the start” or something,” I air quoted Fafnir stayed silent and I felt a rant oncoming so I opened my mouth and words just spilled out-

 

“And it didn’t help that I also didn’t even get sick when I got it so people really believed the rumors, which were wrong,” I added with a sigh, no one really believed me when I told them that my Pledge isn't strong when I first got it.

 

“But back to calling my Pledge- my rapier was there for me from the start, just waiting to be called.” I hummed, thinking, “and goddess, by now, the weapon’s physical presence is so active that all I really need to do in order to call it is think about it and with a pull- voila, my weapon’s in my hand.”

 

To demonstrate, I called and recalled my rapier in the span of a single second, “see?”

 

‘Fascinating.’ Fafnir’s voice sounded intrigued, ‘clearly you were meant to be a powerful Pledge Bearer from the start,’

 

“Something like that,” Weird that she agreed with everyone else’s opinion on the whole “meant to be powerful thing” but… eh, that’s Fafnir, I’m not gonna judge. And well, it’s not like her compliment is a bad thing so I'll let it slide.

We started talking in small conversations and all the while, I kept my eyes on Zath, she still wasn’t able to call her weapon and well, I know it’s gonna take a bit for her to do so but the small trembles that’s making her body shake started to make me feel worried so I decided to give her a bit of a tip, “focus on the sounds of the fountain Zath, clear your mind,” is it just me or were those words something that’ll come out of a Buddhist’s mouth? Anyhow- “it’s gonna take a while but I know that you can do it!”

 

I cheered her on.

 

‘I have heard that Pledges have the same strength at the start,’ Fafnir mentioned, making me turn to her and nod to confirm and agree with her words, ‘but clearly, they also vary in power and potential, or else everyone would be as powerful as you,’

 

“Eh,” I waved my hands in a ‘so-so’ gesture, “it’s not really how that works,” I explained while digging through my memories of ingame lore, Fafnir gave me a look and I decided to elaborate, “it’s like… you know- uhm… how do I explain this?”

 

In game, technically, the Pledges of the different characters have different stats but that’s more of a game mechanic than anything concrete in lore, and according to said lore, Pledges always start off as strong as a baseline weapon, no different from the highest quality swords that can be found out in the world but over time, with the Bearer’s hard work and training, the Pledge grows stronger and so does their body, the latter is because regular human bodies can’t really hold Pledges but in game, that’s the throwaway explanation as for why the main characters are superhumans.

 

Now, how do I say that so that it’ll make sense without me saying anything about my past life? Let’s see- “Pledges are complicated and there's almost nothing written about their rate of growth,” I said, remembering all the lacking lore when it comes to the growth of Pledges as well as the holes of knowledge about it in the Royal Library, “but even if they're weak, it's not really a question if they can kill Demons or not since Pledges are mostly based off of positive emotions, it’s what makes them so effective against eradicating the damn things,”

 

‘Is guilt a positive emotion?’

 

I shook my head, I knew she was talking about me, and I knew she was trying to ask about my own Pledge and its insane rate of growth, which-  great, me ranting to her about wanting to repent in the past has backfired, sort of- Fafnir cares, I know that- “no, but repention is.”

 

‘So you want to fix your past mistakes? That’s how you got your Pledge to be that powerful?’

 

I shook my head, “... not really,” I replied easily, I can’t really say that I was meant to get a powerful Pledge so- “but… I guess also yes?” I don’t know what I’m saying, fucking complicated emotional bullshit and the divide it has with people- and video games term too I guess, - Goddess this is hard.

 

A tired sigh escaped my lips, “... how do I say this?” I looked around, my eyes landing on my concentrating friend/maid, from here, I could see that something is glowing on Zath’s hand, progress, I suppose.

 

I sighed,  “... I mean, do you know what it feels like to… lose something?”

 

‘Yes.’ Stupid question, she most likely does. More than me too.

 

“Well it’s like that for me except… you know, I lost my dreams I guess? Does that sound childish?” I turned to her and got a shaken head in response, an agreement yet not at the same time- behind the gesture, a message that no words could ever hope to convey, “... well I guess I’ve always wanted to be a… Slayer and being an excited child, I thought that maybe… I can be that way or something.” I pursed my lips, am I making sense right now? I probably am, or at least I think so.

 

“You know-” stuff. Say stuff.

 

Another sigh, “whatever,” I kicked the grass underneath my feet, uprooting them as my soles dug into the dirt, “I don’t… want you to get it but honestly? Watching all my dreams fall apart? It’s- like- it’s shitty. I guess that’s the only way I can describe it.”

 

‘It feels like the world is ending, that you have no hope, that everything is meaningless, why get up, eat, and bother with work when there’s no point to it all?’

 

For some reason, it felt like Fafnir was saying it more to herself rather than answering a question…

 

“Yeah. That.”

 

Silence, that was what followed when our conversation ended and I guess I kind of appreciate it, Fafnir’s… newness to my life made her give off a major stranger vibe that I wanted to dump my issues onto- I don’t know her yet, I don’t know how she judges people, but what I do know is that she’s willing to listen.

 

And sometimes, that’s the only thing that matters.

 

The complicated issues of my life aside, Zath soon snapped out of her trance as bright blue light enveloped her arms, we all watched as the light ate up her limbs until eventually- it faded into nothingness with no Pledge in sight.

 

I got up and gave her my best smile, “you’re gonna get there in a little while Zath,” I encouraged, “it’s only been a few hours since you got your Pledge,”

 

… she looked away, “Can I even enter the academy with this?”

 

I hummed non-commitaly, if she can’t get in as a Pledge Bearer then she can probably go there as a foot soldier, we’d still be in the same school, just not in the same classes but I feel like that’s the wrong thing to say so I decided to encourage her- “of course,” I smiled, “we still have one week and two days before the entrance exam,”

 

The smile that she returned was more brittle than the teacups that my guests were holding.

 

Regardless of her feelings of inadequacy though, Zath proceeded to practice on calling her Pledge for a little while.

 

When Zath said she wanted a break, I agreed and we both went to the gazebo to enjoy some tea and snacks while talking to our actual acquaintances and friends on noble society, Castella was the first I befriended but over time, our group grew and by now, there’s at least 6 of us here, and somehow it went up to 7 with Capscaria’s involvement.

 

And speaking of Capscaria-

 

I’ve… talked to her earlier, when the two of us were left alone by everyone else on the way here because they “wanted to carry snacks” or whatever. And I get it, they wanted us to talk so they left, I silently thanked them.

 

Somewhere down the line, she admitted to me that she wanted to break off her marriage, a simple ordeal most of the time but complicated when it comes to noble society, which… okay fine, fair, but I really would’ve been fine without the whole “threesome” part of her ploy.

 

I haven’t forgiven her yet, but she’s trying to make up for it by waiting for me to do so- “space, I just need a bit of it to think,” that was what I said I needed at the moment and she gave it to me on a silver platter by leaving me alone and only looking my way occasionally.

 

Even now, I still don’t know what to think so I avoided her and sat at the opposite end of the table, next to Castella and her sister, Tanni. The latter of the two slid a cup of tea my way and I took it and took a sip. “Thanks,”

 

She gave me a curtful nod before grabbing a small, fish-shaped bread from her plate and chewing on it.
”So, just now, we were talking about Pledge bearers,” Tanni started and the girls perked up, I smiled wryly, I uh- can never get enough of this? I guess? I don’t know why I keep calling and going to these small gatherings when I’m not interested in gossip.

 

Tanni’s giggle broke me out of my thoughts, “and… I think we want to know about what happened with Inferno,” she smirked, “we heard from your friend over there already that you fought four guys back to back during Eruptia’s Ball and the last one is Inferno, what happened?” Her smile turned mischievous, “we need details.”

 

I sulked, “he was a cheating bastard,” my words made everyone’s expression- even those who attended the ball, - look like a shark smelling blood, “and… sent three guys who knew how to defend well in order to tire me out before fighting me personally- I don’t really want to talk about it.”

 

Well… I guess I already did- whatever.

 

Sensing my mood, Tanni threw another piece of bread on her mouth before saying, “then tell us about the fights! That’ll get you going right? It sounds to me like you enjoyed them,” she wagged her eyebrows and I stared at her dryly, “come on?”

 

I gave in- “alright, fine,” I raised my hands in surrender, I swear I don’t know how I made friends with these girls- “the first one deserved his defeat,”

 

A girl perked up, “You kicked him in the crotch right? I saw that during the ball and my fiancee visibly cringed when it happened!” Another one of the girls giggled, while the others started talking quickly, saying things like how its painful for guys to get hit there or whatever, honestly their voices started to overlap so I can’t really catch anything. And that's with my boosted senses getting taken into account.

 

A smirk tugged on my lips, “yeah… I did.” I tried to feel guilty but I couldn’t help it, I chuckled mischievously, “serves him right for going with Inferno’s plan and insulting me like that,”

 

Tanni giggled something nefarious, “what did he expect?” A sense of amusement glinted within her autumn colored eyes, “that you’d hold back?”

 

The rest of the girls started giggling and the following conversation was more or less me talking about what happened during the fight and explaining how things worked out, and everything was going fine until my dance partner in that very same night got mentioned-

 

One of the girls peeked at Capscaria, who had remained silent during most of the conversation, “so, I heard you brought, not one, but two people to your quarters that night,”

 

The girls perked up and they all stared at me and Capscaria back and forth until the latter couldn’t take it- “yes… we-” her eyes met my narrowed gaze, “- did not really do anything though, I… had ulterior motives for claiming that we had a threesome,” I nodded internally, good that she wasn’t pushing the narrative, or at least not when I’m around.

 

“Sorry, Neo… phyte.” Capscaria finished.

 

If any of the girls noticed her denial of those rumors, none of them showed it, mostly because they were focused on another part of what Capscaria said, especially Tanni-

 

“Pet names already?” Tanni caught her correction at the end of her sentence and the girl smirked, her eyes went over to me and looked me up and down, “but if I may, I heard that you also have a relationship with your maid?” Everyone’s expression turned playfully malicious and I held back a groan, “how… interesting that you have an affair with your maid, it’s straight out of a romance novel,”

 

The self assured nod that came from her was either directed at herself for saying something so witty, or at me. It’s most likely the former.

 

“Neo and I aren’t in a relationship,” Zath replied to my relief, “sorry but I’m gonna have to dissapoint your dreams about that one,”

 

“Really now?” Tanni pressed her hands together, emphasizing her chest before leaning forward, “so it’s not a coincidence that you’ve gotten a Pledge just a week before Neophyte goes to the Academy then?” Zath shot her an incredulous look which I repeated- Tanni, who’s skin is as thick as a plate of metal, shamelessly smirked, “I’ve heard stories of how Pledges are commonly gotten,” Tanni straightened her posture and started sipping her tea, “usually its born out of… feelings of… inadequacy,”

 

“That’s not how that works,” I corrected, “people get Pledges when The Goddess considers their character good,”

 

“And yet we have bad people who possess Pledges,” Tanni argued, “as I said, its inadequacy, feeling like you’re not enough and promising to yourself that if you get the chance to be able to earn power, then you would reach out your arm to its fullest and…” She mimed her next words and extended her hand, “...grasp it.”

 

I paused, I guess what she said is pretty close to how Pledges are usually gotten isn’t it? But then what about everyone else? People like Inferno, Charcoal, and Bismuth who simply wake up with Pledges one day? I said that to her and Tanni merely shrugged, saying, “I have no idea, perhaps the Goddess simply saw them as worthy?”

 

I reluctantly grunted, it’s a better explanation than them being “game characters” at least.