The hero is now gone, but I’m still here, now what? (Undergoing editing)

Beads of sweat ran down my cheeks and fell to the blue training mat below, the rapier in my hand was steady, held strong between my fingers as I circled my opponent.

There is no one here but us and our respective maid and butler, here, in this training room that's nigh empty save for the mat and the people standing on top-

There was no risk of danger, just pain, I knew that so I took a step-

 

My opponent charged before me-

 

“Hup!” I jumped back and readied a haphazard stance.

 

My opponent swung his sword for a slice-

 

In response? I parried-

 

My rapier moved sideward and forced the arch of my brother’s swing to the left, a successful parry-

 

- and one that he unfortunately quickly recovered from by pulling his arm back, he skillfully followed it up by stabbing forward-

 

I put some strength into my heel and dodged to the left.

 

Sidestepping the pointed tip of his diamond-blue sword and moving away from the range of my brother's much preferred right hand before retaliating with my own attack.

I slashed, one that didn’t need any fancy, long-winding movement, just a flick of my wrist and-

 

He violently swung his weapon upward and parried my slash with enough force to shake my hold.

 

“Aa-” pain erupted from my wrist.

 

I couldn't finish my breathless yelp because my brother was already on his way towards me.

 

His larger, bulkier frame charged head on and threatening me with a tackle that’ll send me to the mats beneath our feet.

 

A wave of strength came to my heel and I pivoted leftward and away from the direction of Bismuth’s tackle, he stopped and twisted his body, using the halted momentum to send a punch packed with force my way.

 

I grit my teeth and weaved, moving downward and falling even lower as gravity held onto my body and pulled it to the ground.

 

I let it happen and used the velocity to strengthen my blow as I extended my leg and sent out a low kick that used all my weight towards Bismuth’s shin.

 

He jumped up for a dodge and I bit back a curse and tensed.

 

I pivoted my foot to the floor and my soles met the ground and I kicked backward.

 

Too much momentum-

 

That was my thought as my body moved further backwards than I intended it to.

 

I recalled my weapon and inhaled a lungful of air before relaxing my body and pushing my arms ahead of me, aiming them at the mat.

 

My body arched down and my palms connected to the surface of the training mat and I reflexively tensed my muscles before pushing myself into a flip.

 

I saw my brother run over to me while in the air.

 

I readied my rapier and prepared a retaliatory strike, a quick-slash, that was the best move I could do at this very moment since I didn't time for any other attack.

 

I landed on my toes and immediately proceeded twist my body to the right before bleeding my momentum and letting it carry me into a spin.

 

As my body violently rotated, I extended my arm and held out my rapier, the sharpened edge of its blade faced the spot that I knew where my brother was-

 

CLANG

 

Sparks flew out as both our Pledges met and struck one another.

 

Knowing full well that I was still winded from the acrobat move that I had just done, Bismuth grinned and rushed forward.

He started attacking and forced me to be on the defensive, his slashes were relentless and I had to keep blocking.

I tried to find an opportunity for a parry, for a single chance where his sword could run down the length of my blade and onto my rapier’s cross-shaped guard but his strikes were too heavy for that.

 

The opportunity couldn’t have come sooner but I was thankful it eventually did.

 

After long exchange of blows that got us to circle the training room, Bismuth made a mistake and went for a strike that utilized his entire shoulder, he probably wanted to finish the fight and assumed that I was low on stamina.

 

I was gonna prove him wrong.

 

My elbow rotated to get my rapier to meet the blow head on and I held back a grin when I saw my brother’s shocked face.

I then forced my rapier upward and slid his sword to the bottom of my blade, the sharp edge of his pledge met my weapon’s guard with a loud clang.

 

Then, using my entire bicep, I moved my arm sideways for a parry and to prepare a diagonal, downward slash-

 

I wheezed-

 

My body lost its strength and I felt my knees buckle-

 

I stared up, “W-”

 

A kick to my chin sent me flying backward.

 

“Come on Neo,” I heard Bismuth say with a chastising tone, “we’ve talked about this a dozen times already, you have a rapier, you don’t use long, flashy attacks unless it’s your only choice.”

 

I tried to reply with a sarcastic rebuke but he spoke before any words left my mouth.

 

"You tried to run my sword through the entire length of your rapier, you know, the 5 feet long one?”

 

I grit my teeth and recalled my Pledge.

 

“You’re an asshole,” I started as I pushed myself up.

 

Bismuth rolled his eyes.

 

I glared, "see? You wanted me to see you rolling your eyes!” I said heatedly, “we’re supposed to be practicing here! You can’t just pull off dirty tricks like that out of the blue and expect me to somehow know that you’ll do it beforehand!”

 

“Neo, Demons won’t care in a real fight-”

 

“You’re not a Demon!” I cut him off, “and this is supposed to be a sparring match practicing our swords, not- not everything else!”

 

“We're unboosted so we both know that you would’ve lost regardless if I kicked you or not,” both his stare and his tone were dry as the desert sand.

 

“That's not the point! We should've kept it going for as long as possible-” I tried to say but he just shook his head.

 

“I was the one expecting you to pull off a dirty trick, I was waiting for it but it never came,” he said with a disappointed tone, “Neo, you’re better than this,”

 

I scowled, “we agreed- don’t cut me off,” Bismuth held his mouth, “we agreed that we were gonna use our Pledges and just those didn’t we?” He nodded, “and? What happened?”

 

“I’m teaching you how to fight-”

 

“You aren’t, you’re pushing me down instead of getting me used to moving around in a life and death situation, everything would’ve been fine if you just took a step back when I parried your sword instead of kicking me in the stomach,” He looked guilty for once and I sighed, "I get it, things are... Bad right now but it's fine to take a step back and-"

“No, not anymore-” Bismuth argued, “the Hero has been dead for a long time Neo, and the Demons are starting to get more numerous because of it,"

I looked down in guilt.

"We need to start risking our lives against the Demons or else our battles against them would start having more casualties than we'd like- look, the point is, I'm sorry. Okay? I really am." My brother finished with a sigh.

 

"No- it's fine- I mean-" I clamped my mouth shut.

I acted like I was the one who's at fault and… well, I hate to admit it but I was.

 

“We're going to be fine, we just need to keep fighting," Bismuth offered but his words passed me by.

 

I stayed silent, my own guilt eating me up because…

I sighed, "sorry,” I said, I didn't dare face Bismuth and I know that he was doing the same, “it's just that… you know, I thought that-”

 

What?

 

What was I thinking?

 

That…

 

I could have lived a happy life by sending the hero on a quest? Because what? It would give him a power up that'll allow him to curb stomp the rest of the Demons?

 

"YOU FOOLISH GIRL-”

… a sigh escaped my lips, “sorry.” That was really the only thing I can say.

 

“There's nothing we can do about it, Neophyte.” I only nodded, “we move on and hold strong until another hero comes,”

 

“Right.” I didn't want to look my brother in the eyes as he left. Or even Zathania for that matter.

 

But even then, my maid walked up to me and enveloped me in a hug from behind.

 

She knew that I didn't mind the close contact, hell, she was basically my pillow back when I was young. Back when the only thing I did was cry myself to sleep every night.

 

Back when-

 

"You're shivering again. Neo.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

How many times do I have to say it till things go right again?

 

The walk back to my room had been spent in silence, Zath knew I preferred it that way when I was stressed and so the maid didn't start a conversation, merely walking two steps behind me, waiting for an order that will never come.

 

Not until later at least, because the first thing I said when the double doors of my room shut behind us is, “please prepare my bath,”

 

Despite me saying ‘please’ to her, Zathania simply nodded and did her task instead of rebuking with the usual ‘there is no need for pleasantries, mistress,’ that she replies with.

 

Which she only ever really does knowing that it's the “polite thing to do” when dealing with a royal, I know that she needs to do it in order to keep up a habit of respect, or else she runs the risk of accidentally being too familiar with another royal or noble that isn't me.

 

It's to keep herself grounded, I know it but… the distance that her words imply still hurts. We've known each other since we were kids, glued even, but the gap is still there.

 

Will it ever disappear?

 

I placed myself on the bench attached to the front of my king-sized bed and stared down at the ground.

 

I'm... a hypocrite.

 

Really.

 

Because just like her, I try to remember too, to keep myself grounded and my ambition present.

 

Everything around me, the luxury, it wasn't always like this, back before my Pledge came to me, my room was completely barren save for the bed and the curtains on the windows.

 

The carpet was simple back then, and certainly not the bright red, fluffy thing with a runic stone drawn onto it using gold.

 

I stared down at the symbol representing my family crest.

 

Sweat dripped down my forehead and into the carpet, staining the fabric and darkening the color, and most likely giving Zathania more work later.

 

I would be more mindful than this usually but… I wasn't really in the mood for it right now.

 

And Zath knows it so chances are, she's not even gonna react when she sees the stains.

 

“Well, the bench would be easy to clean at least, I just need to remove the cover and be done with it.” I looked up and met Zathania's eyes, wondering if I talked out loud or if it was one of her ‘I'm just guessing' moments.

 

Zathania stared at me with a warm gaze and an understanding smile, “come on Neo, to the bathroom, I'm cleaning you,”

 

I shook my head, “it's fine,” I denied, “I can take care of myself, I'll call you when I can't,”

 

She nodded in response and moved to the side, allowing me to walk to the bathroom in silence, when I walked inside, I turn back and gave her a thankful nod, “thanks, Zath.”

 

“It is my duty as a maid and I am simply doing my job,” she bowed and it was the last thing I saw before I closed the door.

 

I turn around and faced my way too pristine, white-shaded bathroom, colored after my namesake, Neophyte- it mostly stands for purity... unstained. Which white represents quite well.

 

Unlike me.

 

And though it was mostly made of marble, some of the things here, such as the cabinets and the tub, were made with tough jade.

 

It was over the top, definitely, but honestly, I didn't really care, all bathrooms are the same in the end, this one is just made with expensive stones instead of regular concrete.

 

Sighing, I stretched and popped my joints, the relief that came from doing so didn't do anything to relieve the ache in y chest.

 

Well, I've lived with the guilt for over 10 years now so there's really no point in wallowing in it any further...

 

I slapped my cheeks, “move on, move on.” I said it like it was a mantra, “things are going to be fine,”

 

A wave of guilt washed over me and without thinking about it, I walked over to the mirror.

 

The sight that greeted me was the reflection of a teenage girl with smooth, cream-colored skin, gray eyes, silver hair, and a beautiful face that wasn't mine…

 

It belonged to another person, once, a heroine by the name of Neophyte Astral Everlast, one of the many heroines that the... chosen player character...

 

Cedric-

 

The streets were filled with people, it was supposed to be my coronation, my time to shine in the spotlight and get recognized as a member of the Everlast royalty but…

 

“YOU KILLED HIM!”

 

“MURDERER!”

 

“HOW IS SHE STILL NOT HANGED! A ROYAL SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO LIVE AFTER KILLING THE PROPHESIZED-”

- can pick and marry on an RPG game with the same last name as this body- Everlast.

 

I… killed Neophyte when I took over her body as a child, the same way I- I…

 

… sighed. Relief came for a second but then the anger bubbled to the surface moments later and I clenched my fist-

 

“Murderer.” I glared at my own reflection. It looked so fake. A joke.

 

Even if I accepted the fact that I was now Neophyte, I still couldn't get over the guilt of dooming an entire world to a demon army.

 

"Why did you think it was a good idea huh? You FUCKING-”

 

“Neo?”

 

I bit my cheek, “I'm fine, Zath.” I said, my voice echoey and ethereal inside the empty bathroom.

 

Zathania definitely heard the rest of my speech and not just my yell so by all accounts, she knew that I was not fine but she didn't need to get dragged into my issues, no matter what she says otherwise.

 

I inhaled and exhaled, “Don't worry about me,”

 

“If you say so,”

 

I released my breath and shook the depressive thoughts out of my head before proceeding to do my usual bathroom ritual.

 

Starting by taking off my training clothes, the sports bra went off first and was bundled up before mercilessly thrown into my laundry bucket

 

I unfastened the tie on the gauze around my chest and the constricting feeling on my chest loosened but the ache eating away at the center was still there.

 

I pulled and bit by bit, the white fabric came loose, unfurling into a strip that I bundled up and threw to the nearest trash can.

 

Next were my shorts and underwear, they soon joined my sports bra on the laundry bucket.

 

I stepped closer to the bathtub and shuddered when I dipped my toes, despite my moping session, which honestly felt like it lasted forever, the water was still hot and a wave of euphoria washed over me as I plunged my body into the tub.

 

I let myself sink deep into the water until the only part outside of it was the upper side of my face, forehead and all.

 

I closed my eyes and breathed out of my mouth, causing bubbles to rise to the surface.

 

Slowly… a daze came over me and I stared at nothing until I snapped back when someone knocked on the door, I stared at it, waiting for whatever it is that Zathania is going to say, “Neo, you're being called for dinner,”

 

“Already?!” I jumped out of the tub.

 

I blinked and realized that I must have gotten into one of my fugues again.

 

I cleared my throat, “sorry, that was unladylike,” I said in case a family member is outside the door waiting for me.

 

“There are only the two of us here, Neo,” Zathania said to my relief, and because of that, I'll allow her playful tone just this once.

 

I could tell that she was smiling from my panic just now, I just know it.

 

And I hate that I was smiling back but... It's fine.

 

I think.