The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

“Hehe. It feels nice.”

“….Really?”

“Yeah! Hwa-min Unnie’s body is cold, so it feels good….”

Whoosh, under the night sky that looks like clusters of stars swimming in waves.

Hee-a, bundled up in my slightly cold body, rubbed her face against the cool fabric while gazing at the beautiful scenery where constellations were densely packed onto a black canvas.

The slightly grayish, mystical eyes of Hee-a seemed entranced, unable to tear themselves away from the stars drawn in the sky.

Well.

“….Then, I’m glad.”

As for me, while feeling the unique hot and throbbing pulse of the child in my arms, I was listing the reasons why this situation had come to be, star by star.

They say that at night, different hormones are secreted compared to during the day.

Those embarrassing thoughts I had been mumbling just moments before were ones that I couldn’t even dare to recall again.

‘Sometimes… I cry….’ – such a confession, devoured by the monster named morning emotion.

The poor victims waking to see the consequences of their own actions the following morning, wouldn’t they be crying as they realized what their fleeting emotions had summoned?

Bam, bam, the sound of kicking the blanket was just a bonus.

The old saying that “letters written at night should be revisited by day and never sent right away” was definitely not wrong.

Perhaps morning emotions are not just a modern issue but something that has a long-standing tradition.

So then, there was nothing wrong with me.

Those thoughts I might’ve been too embarrassed to lift my head over if it had been daytime.
Also, the lamentations of that early morning, as if I were the sole protagonist of tragedy.

“……..”

All of it was due to this damn morning air.

Swish.

“….Huh? Unnie, suddenly Hwa-min Unnie feels warm…”

“….Maybe it’s just a feeling? After all, you’ve just woken up.”

“Hee… Is that so…?”

“Yeah, yeah. Looks like our Hee-a is very tired~”

As Hee-a pulled aside the curtain, trying to step onto the balcony where I stood leaning against the railing, she spotted me and gave a bright smile, whether out of joy or not.

Well, I was taken aback wondering why in the world Hee-a was coming out there at such an early hour.

But regardless of whether I was surprised or not, Hee-a approached me, pushing through the fluttering white fabric.

One step at a time, carefully.

A child whose pure white shadow could rival the bright sky was striding toward me, exuding an indescribable charm greater than the beauty of the night sky I had just gazed upon.

However, I couldn’t help but sweat nervously, wondering if my movement on the balcony had woken her up or if it was my muttering in the ambiance that had stirred her from her sleep.

There were two very plausible reasons I couldn’t ignore, and I stared at the approaching child as sweat trickled down.

“Still—”

But to put it simply, those worries of mine were unfounded.

What came back to me as I stood still was not the playful ridicule of waking her up, nor any questions about what I was muttering to thin air, but—

Thud.

“The warmth of Hwa-min Unnie is nice too.”

“……….”

The distance, like the sound of gentle cotton being rubbed.

In front of the me who was waving away concerns, there was only one child, quietly throwing herself into my arms.

The screams of someone knocking on doors, and the human forms scattered and blurred beyond recognition, enveloped by hordes of zombies.

In a situation where laughter was utterly forbidden and impossible, if smiles were to bloom at the corners of one’s mouth naturally…

That surely meant that people had completely broken down, unable to accept this horrific world.

Yeah.

“……….”

We were broken.

The reason a desolate-looking desert is beautiful is that an oasis is hidden within it.

The reason we say that a life filled only with pain is beautiful is that we believe a tomorrow better than today awaits us.

But in a life where there is truly no oasis to be found, where everywhere you look, there’s only despair waiting,

Is there really such a meaning that they speak of?

Instead of hope that tomorrow I would be rescued by a rescue team and share a meal with my family at home, when did I begin to calculate the future based on the number of canned goods hoarded in a drawer of the kitchen?

Instead of looking up at the sky and anxiously waiting for the rescue chopper or stockpiled supplies to reveal themselves, when did I start gauging the time by looking at the sun and roughly estimating the hour?

Tick, tick.

Like sand falling from an hourglass, our sanity began to dwindle.

In an environment where even the most normal person would inevitably spiral into madness, there was no wonder even those without a mental illness would start developing one.

‘How do I kill those bastards…? How… how…?’

Clack, clack.

Jeong-eun was forcefully pulling out a strong appearance and hearty laughter, awkwardly hiding the fears lurking beneath her face behind her mask.

‘…Senpai. Is there anything I can help with?’

‘………’

‘Should I fix the door? Or close the window? Recon? Exploration? Logic? Just tell me anything. Let me help, senpai.’

Yeon was hiding behind the person in charge, entrusting all decisions to others, not looking ahead as she clung to the hem of that person’s clothing.

I watched as my precious friends I had lived with were pushed to the edge of a cliff, one by one.

‘Heh… Haha… Hahaha.’

And I also felt myself transforming into a figure not much different from theirs, staring at those friends.

Since entering Hee-a’s house, everyone seemed to have found a brief respite, but the situation hadn’t improved.

Even if we regained a little moment of peace, it couldn’t change this bleak and hopeless reality.

And that was.

‘…Hehe.’

It shouldn’t have been just us.

We all knew it.

No. We couldn’t possibly miss the obvious.

The possibility of a child who appeared to be no more than ten years old living alone in this large house was nonexistent.

Counting roughly, there were definitely over six pairs of spoons and chopsticks, and four beautifully prepared teacups.

And.

‘…This.’

The photo hanging on the wall, capturing the image of three people who looked more harmonious than anyone else.

We had seen it with our own eyes, clear as day.

Unlike us, who had no more than a fleeting hope left, completely extinguished, the child had known true hope.

Considering Hee-a’s age, it would be understandable if she broke down in tears.

But.

‘—Hey. Let’s play a game, Hwa-min Unnie!’

‘…Game?’

‘Yeah! A game. Yeon Unnie and Jeong-eun Unnie, come here too! Let’s play a game together~ Hehe!’

The child was different.

The one who had every right to abandon the world was unlike us who had already given up.

Tap.

‘Oh… it’s over…?’

‘…Eh!? That’s it!? Can’t we start over… Yeon Unnie…?’

‘Wow… I didn’t see you as such, Yeon. Taking it seriously against an elementary school student… you really are heartless.’

‘No, really! It’s just… Hee-a played so well that—! I’m serious! Trust me, senpai!!’

The child, whose vibrant eyes could not lose hope, was gazing at the world.

Even in this horrifying transformed world, Hee-a maintained her original stance.

And.

‘Throw it already…!!’

‘…To be or not to be, that is the question.’

‘If you don’t throw it now, your kid’s gonna die, ha!’

Maybe that hope had become contagious.

Or maybe, given that our lives had already fallen apart, we were just letting ourselves go.

Before I knew it, Yeon had resolved to try and do something herself.

Jeong-eun, who had hid her weakness behind her strength, was finally able to exhale the overwhelming breath that had filled her throat and gain a bit of composure.

Yeah.

Everyone, because of this child.

“……..”

“…Hehe…”

I lowered my head to look below.

Wrapped in my gray cardigan, Hee-a’s face, half-lidded with sleep, was visible.

No matter how mature, is a child still just a child?

I couldn’t help but smile briefly at that cuteness, thinking it was time for me to return to bed for Hee-a’s sake.

The previous thought about staying up all night was long gone.

“It’ll be cold, Hee-a. I’ll get scolded by Yeon if you catch a cold… Should we head back soon?”

“….Yeah. Let’s go together, Unnie.”

Tap, tap.

I placed my arms on the railing, brushing off the dust that had settled on my sleeves, as I spoke to Hee-a, who was looking at me.

The voice of Hee-a, who responded to me attentively, seemed filled with sleepiness.

I carefully followed behind her, making sure she wouldn’t stumble.

“Are you okay?” “Is it tough?”

In this quiet space, no greetings or inquiries about each other’s wellbeing passed between us.

What we did was simply nestle under the dark sky and gaze at the beautiful night together.
That was all the conversation we shared.

But I found that just this was enough.

With a single embrace alone, I gained more comfort than a hundred words.

Soft pat, soft pat.

“Hee-a, the game says Part 2 on the box. Do you think there’s a Part 3?”

“…..Huh? Uuum… we don’t have it at home. But… maybe if we go to the mart, we could find it.”

“Hmm… Is that so.”

Well, ultimately, nothing had changed.

What was visible, what was tangible, none of it existed.

After leading Hee-a back to her room, it would probably just repeat the same day, like every other time.

Still.

“—But, since there’s a part 2, there must be a part 1.”

The reason I could still hold onto hope.

The reason we all could rise again.

“Let’s play that game together later.”

Life is beautiful not because there’s certain happiness waiting right in front of me.

But simply because we are given the ability to hope and dream of a beautiful future.

“—When that time comes, Hee-a and I will be on the same team.”

“……Yeah! Sounds good, Hee-a Unnie!”

Thus, it was a truly ridiculous reason that I decided to believe.

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