The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Before death dares to approach us, what if we rush into that secret house of death first?

Is it really a sin?

“I… don’t know.”

Fifteen days have passed since the event in the garden.

Everyone has already begun to indulge in the atmosphere of the Christmas festival to be declared tomorrow evening. The twenty-third day of the twelfth month has revealed itself.

The city, buried under the cold old snow that fell suddenly the previous day, started to show the shadows of people one by one, as if new sprouts were pushing through.

Figures gathering in the streets.

Tall adults completed preparations for the blessing they didn’t finish the day before, swinging their long legs.

Short children, clad in thick mittens, wondered what game they would play in the freshly fallen snow today.

On the eve of a holiday celebrating the birth of one person.

─Whoo■■.

“…..Hoo.”

As always, I sat cross-legged at the window, staring blankly at the vibrant scenery outside.

The hustle and bustle of people moving about each day.

From my small mouth, a faint breath of spirit rose and disappeared in small puffs.

Until my lungs grew cold and completely frozen, no spirit could flow out any longer.

That sequence of actions continued on.

“One month has passed! You…. how long are you going to stay here?! Hurry and go back?!”

“……..”

“Don’t turn your head and look at me, you little brat!! Ugh──!!!”

Thump, thump.

Remy’s sharp voice and the sound of her banging the table pierced my ears.

Though I frowned inwardly at the discomfort and pain that felt like a sharp metal skewer poking at my brain, I couldn’t help but smile and turned to look at them.

In that direction, there was, unsurprisingly, Remy, shouting something while grabbing Anna by the collar, and Anna, being dragged by Remy, desperately turning her head sideways to avoid making eye contact.

One played coy and avoided the gaze, while the other glared fiercely.

It was like watching someone scold a guilty cat.

Hahaha.

“…….Hehe.”

I let out a small chuckle at the absurd thought that suddenly came to mind.

Back in the day, there used to be something enjoyable about even the dullest thoughts, and I couldn’t help but smile all day long.

Once upon a time, I could find joy in even the smallest, most trivial things.

Without even a moment to think about the reasons, just laughing and playing, living boldly.

Where, and when did my insincere smile start?

Even as I writhed in overwhelming pain, I didn’t erase the smile on my lips.

Still, soon it will be over.

Everything will start anew.

I could endure.

“Can you… just stay a little longer…?!”

“I’m telling you, it’s already the tenth time I’ve said it!! Go out right now?!”

Remy pointed her finger at the door, shouting for me to leave.

It had been a month since Anna had settled down in Sia’s dormitory.

Her once ambitious declaration of wanting to stay just a little longer had turned into a cliché excuse, like a debtor being urged.

Of course, no younger sibling wins against their older sister, but no matter how much older, if a crime has been committed, the tables are turned.

Even if it were a caring older sister, she couldn’t be too harsh on her sibling, and in the icy coldness, Anna, though wrinkled with worry, was determined to stick it out until the end.

She must have quite a lot of royal duties amassed, but here she is, wanting to stay just to be with me.

Should I call this admirable or foolish?

For me, it was a mystery.

Nearby, Tessa, who was now used to it, was reading a book, and Sia was looking at the desk, which had been smashed by Remy’s fists, with a face that seemed to have transcended understanding.

“…..It’s noisy, don’t you think Elli would hear?”

And finally, there was Elli, sitting far away, drinking tea.

*

Water and oil.

And a spark.

Years of memories built up over time had suddenly turned to hatred, and what once was love had become resentment between Remy and Anna.

And until the lonely Ellie had hidden and protected her identity, they had all been unavoidable opposites no matter how they tried to mix.

Sia, who could approach without prejudice, somehow managed to keep moderate relations with all of them, but for the other three, that was not an easy feat.

However.

‘I won’t forgive you… never, I won’t ever forgive you….’

‘…….’

Even if revenge is off the table, and forgiveness is impossible.

‘So, you. Treat Aris well from now on.’

‘…Remy?’

To their surprise, they learned that reconciliation was possible.

Who could have ever expected that those who once drew swords at just a glance would now witness such a scene as this?

Definitely everyone would have shook their heads in disbelief.

But in the end, they made it.

‘I’ll be watching from the side! If I see even a hint of you doing that again, I’ll deal with you! Got it?’

‘….Remy.’

‘Don’t get the wrong idea! I haven’t forgiven you fully yet!! I’m just… just telling you not to sulk in the corner!!’

They severed the chains of hatred, the shackles of animosity that everyone thought were impossible, on their own, without anyone’s help.

Time. It is the greatest remedy of all.

No matter how deadly the wound or how painful the longing for death may be, it succumbs before it.

Even the death of someone becomes just a fleeting scar in time that will eventually pass.

Everything they went through will eventually fade, and memories will settle down and be forgotten one day.

It was a wound like that.

Even though right now their conversations feel disconnected and awkward, it doesn’t equate to the whole of their relationship.

If it’s them, the people I love and trust without a doubt, I was confident they could overcome even that awkwardness.

So.

“……..”

Now, truly, everything has ended.

What remains is to bless their path as I vanish.

No longer, before I take away anyone else’s happiness.

No longer, before I block their path.

And.

“My desk….! The thing that broke last time…!”

“Ha… Huh? Sia?■■■■■■?”

“■■■■■…..”

…Before I myself get broken.

I forced my increasingly cloudy eyes to blink.

“─Remy, big sister.”

“…Huh? What is it, Aris!? Just say it! I’ll throw this brat out immediately!”

In the strangely blurred vision, I murmured Remy’s name.

Even while pulling Anna’s collar in a tug of war in real-time, Remy immediately let go of her grip and looked at me.

Muffled sounds I couldn’t understand occasionally broke through, as I made the rather dull effort of interpreting or guessing by watching Remy’s lip movements.

I prepared to speak just one sentence I could never take back.

Once, the slide is drawn back.

With a single foot, the bullet is loaded.

Squeezing, aaaaaaa! The hammer pulled to its limit waited only to be released.

With a light sound, the gun pointed at my throat.

When that clumsily aimed muzzle breathed searing flames, soon.

I was—

“─I want to buy something… that I want to give… as a gift to my sisters… so… I want to go out a little.”

This is the last.

This is the real last of this life.

Truly. Truly, my final script.

“Remy, big sister. So… I want to see the city. Is it okay if I go out?”

“…Tessa. Get dressed immediately. We’re leaving right now.”

“…Do we need to call the carriage…?”

Messily, as if it were an agreement, they started putting on their clothes.

Even with my sudden request, they moved rapidly without a single complaint or grumble.

Watching their movements, I thought.

They were all far too wonderful for me.

So I wished they’d not be bound by someone like me, and go seek their freedom.

Forget someone like me, and embark on a journey to find the bluebird that grants new happiness.

That’s what I hoped.

“….Hehe.”

Now. The long-awaited beginning of the festival.

Adults and children, men and women, villains and heroes.

On Christmas, a blessing.

Words of blessing, all united in heart and thought.

Merry Christmas.

─Ding.

“─Let’s go!”

Feeling the loud sound erupting from the bell hanging at the front door.

I, we, stepped outside.

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