The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

If someone were to ask me what my position was at the academy, Museion, I probably wouldn’t be able to answer right away.

However, if they kept insisting, after a long thought, I’d say, “Mercenary.”

…It’s just too vague.

For now, I was technically a student belonging to Museion, but I had no obligations like other students who had to pay tuition.

Instead, I was in the position of receiving a salary regularly.

In exchange, I had to sometimes run classes myself or lead them.

Like now, for instance.

“—So, today we will first hear an explanation from student Hahn and then proceed with the class using the book.”

“….Yes.”

Now that I had an idea of what to expect, I carefully moved my chair back to avoid making noise and stood up.

Snow, snow, snow.

At the same time, I was showered with the gazes of a dozen eyes. I forced my trembling legs to walk forward.

“Unnie… are you really going to be okay…?”

“Hehe! Don’t worry, Alice. Just trust me!!”

“…..Um, the burn.”

Alice’s worried expression when she sent me off popped into my mind.

And behind her, Saelli was looking at me with a disdainful gaze.

Honestly, it seemed like there was no further bottom to drop from… but as an older sister, I couldn’t show a weak side, so at that moment, I answered Alice with a brave voice.

I had no idea I was about to get on a hellish rollercoaster.

So, if I could go back to that moment, what would I say?

…..Hmm.

“Alice, save me….!!!”

“I lied when I said I was okay…!!”

“I want to go back….!!”

…I might say that.

Really.

Why did I leave when I could have stayed with lovely Alice?

Since coming here, I’ve been regretting every day, wondering why I did that back then, but time doesn’t come back just because I wished for it.

History doesn’t have an “if.”

All there was, was the Will that I had to conduct the class….

Only the future where I’d be ruined awaited me…!!

“…Umm, first of all, mercenaries are often hired as the primary force requiring high skill and specialization, like cavalry or archers. The well-known Bur-G cavalry is one of them.”

Uweweweweu…

I didn’t even know what I was saying, but I tried to steady my trembling voice and continued the lesson with a stiff face.

With this voice level… would it work?

It… it should…?

Watching the people’s reactions, I was worried they might notice my quivering voice and hastily swallowing my saliva, I tried to speak.

…The teacher beside me seemed to have caught on to everything.

Her face pretended to be calm, maintaining the cool demeanor she had shown before, but the little smirk and the rising corners of her mouth revealed what she really felt.

Making money was such a hard job after all.

I felt a powerful revelation inside me that I had never encountered in my life.

“They don’t count spearmen as ‘individuals,’ but rather in ‘lances’ and contracts are made per lance. The reason is… for one spearman to exist, at least five assistants and attendants are needed—”

“………..”

The eyes were too heavy with interest.

Honestly, I was just a beginner who had just hit my one-year mark.

Honestly, it was embarrassing to be called a mercenary.

Honestly, my peers were all such terrible people that my chance came only because of that.

The title of ‘mercenary’ just seemed cool to everyone, and every time I stood on that stage, those aggressive gazes weighed even more heavily on my shoulders.

I just came to the academy hearing from the seniors that this was an easy job to just mess around and enjoy.

There had been a reason everyone waved me off with smiles…!

But even while my insides were being twisted in real time, there was another reason causing real troubles inside me.

“………”

Looking this way, that way.

Here, there.

Because there were people observing me as if they were searching for something.

You could call it a hyper-reaction, but the instincts I had gained through experience claimed it was true.

She was keeping a close watch on me.

Those drowsy, half-asleep eyes seemed to be trying hard to find something in me.

Such gazes can be welcomed or rejoiced over, depending on the person.

But to me, who had felt a deep sense of foreboding since I first met her, it was definitely not a pleasant affair.

I had jumped in surprise when I had heard she would be in the class I was about to enter.

And I had thought that absolutely, Alice must never be made to meet her.

Because.

Her name was Remi Akaia.

A princess from the Tesillia Kingdom and a student at the same academy as me.

And—

—she was truly family to Alice.

“…The term Freelance was created right here—”

Shivers ran down my spine.

Why can’t everything just flow easily in this world?

I grumbled inside, barely managing to keep the class going.

Just to note.

It wasn’t until ten minutes had passed that I was freed.

Heeeng.

Children as good as Alice would have long fallen asleep at this dawn hour.

The bad adults, neither kind nor young, were wandering, stepping on the dewy grass in the damp, cold night air.

Just wandering aimlessly, without a destination.

“….You have a rough idea of what I’m going to say, right?”

“…….”

In the perfectly quiet dawn forest, apart from the sounds of insects chirping.

A silence so complete that it felt a waste to break it.

In that stillness, I opened the conversation first.

Well, after all, I was the one who woke this person up and brought her along.

The cruel monster who had indiscriminately devoured the townsfolk who had assaulted Alice in the past.

And the one whom Alice lovingly called “Big Sister” as if she were real family.

Saelli.

She was standing beside me now.

“—Tell me, Saelli. No, tell me what happened to Alice previously.”

With a mix of anger, fear, and sorrow, I asked her.

“…….”

But she merely gazed up at the void without responding to my question.

As if she had finally accepted everything that was coming, she looked up at the darkening sky, where clouds gathered, and was staring at the invisible stars.

My confrontation with her.

The trigger for this incident began when I, alongside Alice, took a bath together.

While it’s somewhat embarrassing to say, I was learning basic swordsmanship from Alice, who was not well.

When Alice first said she would teach me swordsmanship, I watched with half worry and half suspicion, but once I witnessed her swordsmanship, as if the sword were alive, I was mesmerized and ended up doing push-ups she instructed when I came to my senses.

…After all, I had some romantic notions as well.

Swish, and swoosh!

Of course, the sword swung with one hand didn’t seem to carry great strength, but the sharp trajectories the sword left were impressive, even to a beginner like me.

The person performing it even had an expression of “I can do this?” to some extent.

Well, eventually, this led to where we are now.

After that, it was ordinary.

I participated in a session with Saelli as a member in case of any unexpected situations while I grew noticeably under Alice’s teachings.

In truth, her instructions were so detailed that even a beginner like me could easily grasp them.

They say effort is often expressed through blood and sweat, right?

Thanks to that, both Alice and I would be drenched in sweat after our practice sessions.

So, normally, I would stay a bit longer to train while Alice would take a bath first, and then I would go in,

But that day was a bit different.

Both of us being tired, we planned to end the practice quickly and get into the bathtub together.

Of course, Alice insisted I should wash first so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable seeing her condition, but I held her wrist, insisting I was fine, and we went to the bathroom together—

And that became the source of trouble.

“…Her wrist had scars that were undeniably ‘bitten’ marks upon a closer look. And the words I had heard from Alice long ago.”

“…….”

“I wish I didn’t want to believe it, but I’ll ask.”

Of course, it would be a lie if I said I was prepared.

I knew well enough that Alice didn’t have a wrist, having been around her for quite some time, and that beneath her clothes lay countless scars etched into her body were firmly ingrained in my mind from the past.

So, I thought I could handle it.

But as always, I was foolish and pathetic.

The first time I got a good look at Alice’s unclothed body stood right in front of me, the resolve I had made seemed to vanish, and my head went blank, leaving me unable to think.

Turning the child’s body so she wouldn’t see my face, holding her tightly from behind felt almost commendable.

‘….Unnie?’

‘…..I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.’

Wounds,

Wounds,

And more wounds.

Everywhere were scars.

I could see her quietly calling out my name, praying she wouldn’t notice my voice laced with tears, so I just stayed still in silence.

Muttering my apologies that could never reach her.

It was sorrowful and heart-wrenching.

Why. That thought wouldn’t leave my head.

The scar that pierced through her abdomen and stretched to her back made me unable to fathom what could have possibly happened to create such a mark on a child.

There were spots on her calves that looked as if they had been scooped out by something sharp, and the area was empty enough to be visible.

And when it came to the visible bite marks on her wrist, I realized I had opened a Pandora’s box that should never have been opened.

Those sights, right before my eyes, were too much of a shock for me to bear.

I instinctively turned my head away from that very spot.

‘……!!’

I was desperately trying to hold back my vomit.

After a long struggle. When I regained consciousness, my gaze was restrained, looking away from Alice’s body to somewhere far.

At least, since Alice was tucked in my embrace, I hoped she wouldn’t notice how I had averted my eyes from her.

Yes.

I had once again repeated the same mistake from that time.

That’s why I must know.

To prevent making that mistake again.

Despite how what I was looking into could very well be a part of an endless abyss.

I needed to know.

“Tell me everything.”

“……..”

Alice’s past.

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