The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Bam!

A strange sound that can’t be expressed in words travels through my body. It was like the sound when chewing on the cartilage of pork belly until it’s crushed.

Even without consciously trying, my mouth automatically lets out a scream.

Controlling that scream to make it more horrific and desperate is my job.

Pain that is almost impossible to accept rises through my nerves. It feels as if my brain is being fried.

I know pain is a signal that one’s body is in danger. If that’s the case, then my body is likely in an irreversible danger.

I want to let go of my mind.
I want to be at ease.
But hold on.
It’s time to reap the fruits of the journey so far.
If I even relax a little here, I’ll die.

“Kyaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!”

“Ispa!!!”

The sensation below my waist has vanished. It feels like the crushed area is on fire.

The children, still bewildered and unable to face reality, call my name.

Was it the five stages of accepting death? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—right? For those who don’t know, please check the Simpsons meme going around on Google.

These kids probably still can’t accept the situation I’m in.
Denial, perhaps.

“Kuh, kuh, hh-ah, aaah!”

“I-Ispa? You’re just joking, right? This isn’t fun, so get out quickly, hurry!!”

I struggle and twist my body as much as possible.
My hands pound the ground.
Each time I do, an unknown murky liquid seeps from my mouth and nose.

I act as if I’m dying, making it as absurd and desperate as I can.
Seeing me like that, Helena collapses to the ground. I see her face pale, her eyes lose their luster, and her mouth agape in shock.

“Ispa!! It’s not fun, so come out!! Come out!!!”

Yuta still thinks I’m just kidding. He must think I can come out anytime but I’m just dragging it along.

Yuta pulls on my arms.

With all his strength.

Believing that I’m just playing around, he gives it his all.
Crack. A sound from my body that shouldn’t be heard comes out.

“Kuh, ah, hh… stop, don’t, Yuta, don’t—!!!”

Ugh, this time it really hurts.
Can I endure it?
—Bam!

With a voice that was too angry, but with a face filled with horror, Yuta, who still doesn’t fully understand my situation, pulls at my body.

My lower body, crushed under the heavy stone ceiling, turns into something like gum. The leather that connects to my upper body tears under his force, and my body is being dragged out.

My body is split completely in half.
Split in half and dying!

“Ah….?”
Like a rope that was all tangled up coming undone, my insides stretch out along with my pulled body.
Seeing that, Yuta finally seems to realize reality and collapses to the ground like Helena.

He realizes what he has done.
“Ah….? I-Ispa?”

“Kuh…uh… uah….”
What kind of expression is on my face? Is it a face twisted in pain? Or is it furious at Yuta, who caused this to happen? Or is it just a blank, lost expression?

Whatever it is, I hope my emotions don’t show on the outside.
I bite my lips. Trying to focus, I scratch the stone floor with my nails. Crack, my nails break and embed in my skin, and my mind comes back.

As I regain consciousness, a smile starts to form. No, I can’t, hold on.
I lift my head.
I see the children looking at me with faces that seem like they’re about to cry. Their errors or mistakes. All those things seemed to weigh down on them.

The kids lost in a muddy guilt.
Seeing them unable to escape that swamp, I want to embrace them immediately.
Yuta, Helena, the children who became my family in this life.
Where did those faces from earlier go? Yuta is crying. He’s screaming and crying like the scream I let out before.

Ah.
I’m so happy.
Such a face.
Eyes that lost their light, a heart that’s pounding without a break, a body shaking, all of it is proof that my current life was worth something.

With every groan that echoes through this small space, I see the two children flinch in response, thinking that I could die at any moment.

What, I’ll probably die soon anyway.
14 years. I’ve spent 14 years with them like family.
Though it may seem like this, considering just my mental age, I would be their great-great-grandmother, so it was entirely my responsibility to take care of them.

Well, I’ve been a bit busy taking care of other orphans too, but it was still worth it.
We’ve been through so much together; we decided to become the adventurers Yuta admired and left home.
And on our eagerly anticipated first expedition.
—It all ended up like this.

Caught in a trap due to hasty judgment and being overly greedy, the damage only escalated, and it all ended like this.
What a pity.
I wanted to spend more time with them.
Even though I’m going through puberty, the shock of seeing me, who was their mental support, in such a pitiful state can’t be trivial.

Personally… yeah, I hope they treat this experience as practice and become renowned adventurers in the future.
These kids are strong.
Well, they’ll probably overcome something like this someday.
Even if they can’t, they just have to learn from this mistake and do well moving forward.
Yup, that’s it.

“Kuh…a….a….”
“What should we do now…? Yuta…? Ispa…?”
“……….Ah…?”
Right, I’m a teacher.
With my worthless life as a sacrifice, I give an unforgettable lesson and teaching to those shining people with only one life, a profession that is so incredibly happy.
Their faces filled with despair, sadness, sorrow, all of it proves that my life hasn’t been in vain.

In these countless years, I discovered my own way of life amid this long curse.
Yeah, reincarnation isn’t a curse; it was a blessing.

“Ugh….”
My vision darkens.
This brief moment of happiness will soon come to an end, won’t it?
I squeeze out all the remaining strength. My hazy vision suddenly finds focus. Slowly, I raise my blood-stained hand, with broken nails.

I’m aiming for Helena.
“Ah…..ah….?”
A child sitting still like a lost child, without anyone to tell her what to do.
This is my last lesson for a child who lacks decisiveness.

“…Kill…me…”
“Ispa?! What did you say?”
As I utter something, Helena, who’s filled with hope, approaches me.
It wasn’t that she held a hope that I would survive; she felt relief from being given a command in a situation where she didn’t know what to do.
Oh no.
This can’t be, Helena.

With my trembling fingers, I point towards her waist.
Where the finely sharpened dagger is.
I said.
“—Kill me.”
“Uh….?”
She instinctively utters a weak question as if she heard something wrong.

But you know it, don’t you?
I’m going to die soon.
In this state, writhing in pain and screaming, I’ll face my end in this ugly manner.
I have to make a choice.

“Ah, it hurts.”
“Ah….ah!?”
It must feel unfair, it must feel sad. Why me? Why this cruel thing happening to me, a person who did nothing? The world must be lamenting.
But Helena, that’s just how life is. Haven’t you watched the Crayon Shin-chan movie? It’s about a handsome prince coming to save everyone; it’s a cliché story that’s getting old.
Ah, maybe you haven’t watched it.

Now, stab it in.
Push that knife into my throat.
Helena.
Always indecisive, avoiding taking responsibility, I always said that is bad.
This time too, I didn’t stop Yuta from insisting we go in.
Why? Because I didn’t want to fight with her.
It was just that reason.
Having watched her life from the side, I could easily understand why she took that stance.
This would later cause big problems.
Even if it didn’t, the thinkings behind it would haunt her deeply in her heart.

“Huh…ah…ha…”
“I…don’t want…don’t want to!!”
Helena, with a face that seems like the world is crumbling.
Every time I see such a face, my head fills with joy, almost melting away in happiness.
But, this is it.
Despite the overwhelming desire to see them just a little longer, my body already seems unable to endure as it faces death.

My vision completely darkens, vitality fading away.
I am dying now.
In a world where stories have beginnings, developments, twists, and endings, I could say my story always ends at the beginning.

After that, everything became a blur, and I hardly remember anything.
I only knew that as I lamented the world, I felt the cold iron sensation at my throat.

Hmm, you’ve made up your mind, haven’t you, Helena?
Well done.
Yes, live like this from now on.
Then I thought she would be okay, no matter what happened to her.

Ah.
This was also so nice.
A perfect score of 100 out of 10.
As darkness approaches, it’s only then that I could let go of everything and laugh heartily.

Surrounded by mountains, a small yet gentle kingdom where everyone knows how to care for one another.
In the capital at the center of that kingdom, everyone held their breath waiting for one piece of news.

The clumsy royal capital, staying up all night in regret because he spoke harshly to someone.
The second princess throwing a fit with her parents about naming her new sibling, who would finally be born.
And the first princess, who sighs at these two but feels a bit uplifted inside, all of them.
And amidst their blessings—

“—,——!!”
“—A child has been born!”
Following the sound of the baby’s cry, cheers erupted in the royal palace.

Beginning, the story starts anew.