The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

Tap.

“Do you dislike those people over there, Unnie?”

“……Huh?”

On a day when the night mist lay thick all around, obscuring the night sky, Hia, who had made it her hobby to enjoy the night air next to me every dawn since that one time, asked me that with her dreamlike eyes shining brightly in the white mist.

Did she mean those people in reference to Jeong-eun or Yeon-i?

If that’s the case, Hia’s question would turn into one asking if I disliked Jeong-eun or Yeon-i, and I couldn’t help but feel flustered.

There was absolutely no reason for me to dislike those guys, so why was Hia asking that?

But then, I realized that Hia was looking at the zombies beyond the wall.

Only then did I understand that those ‘people’ Hia referred to were none other than those zombies.

….

Zombies and people.

Yeah, maybe that was it.

Kind Hia still considered ‘those’ things as people, didn’t she?

“…….Hmm.”

At the sudden question, I leaned my chin on the railing and fell into quiet thought.

Next to me, Hia quietly smiled and waited in silence as I stared outside, tracking the movements of a zombie with my eyes.

A gentle silence crossed between us.

After enjoying that brief stillness for a few minutes, I finally came to a conclusion.

“───I can’t like them.”

“….I see.”

There was no hesitation.

I couldn’t like them; that was my answer.

The horrific appearance, the chilling cries, the danger those creatures were waiting for us to step outside, and perhaps most importantly—the actions they had committed until now.

No matter how much I looked, there was nowhere to find something to like about them; instead, only reasons to hate and despise them remained.

If it had been Jeong-eun or Yeon-i who asked such a question, I would have said I disliked them without a moment’s hesitation.

In fact, I might have even been angry and asked why they were asking such a thing.

Of course, they wouldn’t ask such a question, as they would only dislike zombies even more than I did.

But when it came to Hia, I gently answered that I couldn’t like them, not because I had any particular reason for it.

It was simply because the coolness of the night air felt good.

The warmth of the night mist, like being wrapped in a cozy blanket, was soft and pleasant.

And because I was sharing this moment, looking at the same place together with Hia, for those few reasons, my hatred for them lessened—

“─So, you think that way, Unnie.”

“…..Uh.”

It was just a passing whim.

Some might think it’s an unreasonable rage.

To elaborate, that zombie over there wasn’t the one I hated vehemently, the one who killed and devoured my friends.

I hadn’t seen anyone who resembled that zombie among those who attacked us when we were escaping from the alley to the mart.

So, I might not be familiar with that zombie, or maybe it was merely something like that.

So, there was no reason for me to hate that zombie.

Then, was I filled with hatred because that zombie ate someone else?

But that could only be said if I had witnessed or confirmed that zombie attacking someone, a right I didn’t have as I hadn’t experienced it first-hand.

So that likely wasn’t the reason.

If not that, did I dislike that zombie simply out of the potential risk it posed to attack me?

….No, it didn’t seem like that was the case either.

Originally, the reason I hated them wasn’t that they attacked me.

If they suddenly became plants just standing there one day, or if they suddenly transformed, regained their minds, and reached out to reconcile with me, I would probably have ended up brutally beating them down anyway.

If that were the case, what was the reason I hated them?

What was the reason I wanted to fundamentally deny their existence?

….

There really wasn’t any particular reason.

Yeah, it was just—

“─I just hate them.”

I simply hated them.

Just like a country might hold animosity toward another because it once invaded their land.

Just like people might lump together and disparage an entire group because of some thoughtless individuals inside it.

I hated the way they confidently roamed the streets, the disgusting cries ringing in my ears, and all of it just banging thump thump against the door.

“I just hate them.”

“……..”

I just wished they would all die somewhere.

That was my desire for their demise.

So.

“Then, Unnie──”

Because of the utterly unreasoned thought that I simply hated zombies.

“──If I become a zombie, will you hate me?”

“…..?! Hia, you!”

I couldn’t answer Hia’s question.

At that shocking inquiry that made me doubt my ears, my eyes widened.

There were words that should be said and words that shouldn’t be said.

Even if it was a hypothetical situation, no matter how much younger Hia was, such a dangerous phrase should never be thrown around carelessly.

I shot her a glare, filled with a bit of anger and resentment.

“….Would you hate me then?”

“…….”

But Hia, without either being surprised or scared, just looked at me nonchalantly.

“……….”

“……….”

The serene silence hanging between us had now turned awkwardly uncomfortable.

At one point, I had two friends.

They loved each other so much that they asserted they would kill themselves if one died, a pair that had truly pricked our hearts.

Initially, I worried about the emotional wounds we’d suffer from parting one day, but seeing their beautiful smiles, which I had never seen before, melted away my worries like snow.

School days’ love, although, was nothing but the immature affection of children.

I knew better than anyone that it would come quickly and fade just as fast.

But even so, if it was those two smiling, perhaps they could continue their relationship even into adulthood.

Yeah.

I thought so.

─Crack!

[‘─Damn it, damn it!!’]

‘D, why… the kids…..?’

Until I saw one of them bite the neck of the other.

There had been a kind neighbor.

There had been a harmonious family, parents and children.

There had been a teacher and a student who genuinely respected and esteemed each other.

──And they all ended up killing and devouring one another.

Moments before, they had asked about each other’s well-being, now they craved each other’s blood and flesh.

No matter how much they loved one another, how valuable they considered each other, or how tightly bound with friendship they might be, all of it held no meaning in the face of their diminished humanity.

Stricken by zombification, the infected simply reached out toward the humans in front of them.

Crack crack, they made truly ear-piercing sounds.

Even if they were unfamiliar faces at first, surely they thought it would be okay when they raised their hands toward familiar ones.

Those who truly believed that if they spoke sincerely, their pleas would be heeded, but were then stopped by others who wielded sticks.

Once lovers, family members, and neighbors, they met such a futile end.

Caught in a delusional fantasy, they could not escape.

With despair etched on their faces, they ended their lives.

Even those who had become zombies likely didn’t want to kill people.

Knowing that I had seen that dreadful scene, I understood this more than anyone.

Who would want to kill their beloved family and friends?

Unless they were entirely out of their minds, no one would.

And the ones I knew were at least not those kinds of people.

But nonetheless.

How could one put into words the existence that had become compelled to kill their beloved under the command of their automatic motion?

What could we call their actions?

─Tap.

“I feel sorry for those people.”

“………”

Yeah, I felt sorry for them.

So much so, that it was pitiable.

Gazing in horror as they tore into the necks of their loved ones.

Watching helplessly as they devoured the corpses of those they once cared for.

What were they thinking?

Perhaps.

They might be wishing to be killed instead.

“──And so, I’m scared.”

“….Hia.”

“What if, when I turn into one of them, I attack you? What if I become a burden that just clings to your ankles? What if in the end──you come to hate me?”

With her long monologue finished, Hia fell silent.

Quietly closing her eyes, she took a breath to catch her breath after spilling out her words one after another.

Wheeze, wheeze.

Hia’s heart, hidden under the thin fabric, was fluttering rapidly.

And it was only then that I understood what Hia had been worried about.

We, I don’t particularly fear death.

Why would we have a reason to fear something we have never experienced even once, something that none of us has gone through?

What we fear are the pain, the parting, and the loss of relationships that come before death.

Feeling more sorrow at another’s death than our own may sometimes be due to this reason.

We had once been afraid of parting from others more than pain at the moment.

So, if all the negative things didn’t exist.

Perhaps we would regard death not as frightening but as something beautiful and welcome.

And what Hia truly feared was──

“Uh….? Hwam-in Unnie?”

“……..”

A zombie coming to attack us, uncontrollable by her own body.

Perhaps it was because she had always seen me as a feeble child who couldn’t do anything.

We always told Hia that we would protect her, that regardless of what happened, we would let her survive.

But those assurances meant to ease Hia turned out ironically to weigh down her heart.

A burden. Yes, it was a burden.

What if she were to grab onto our ankles?

What if, in trying to protect herself, we couldn’t leave this house?

What if she ultimately became a burden to us? Hia had been pondering all this time.

Of course, we felt we hadn’t even begun to repay Hia’s kindness. But this good child considered even that little bit of favor as a burden.

And in the end, after long contemplation, she reached such a horrifying conclusion.

When her weak self, unable to do anything before the zombies, was finally bitten by one…

When she became a zombie, would she, in turn, attack us?

When her reason is lost, will she bare her teeth at us?

Before someone she could easily defeat, would the bonds of affection stop us from acting?

Hia had been worrying all this.

Therefore.

“Nobody will hate you, Hia. Neither I, nor Jeong-eun, nor Yeon-i will ever hate you.”

“……….”

Even such meaningless reassurances wouldn’t ease Hia’s fears and worries.

Reassuring her with words like those was irresponsible when such an event would never occur.

So.

“I promise, Hia.”

“……Huh?”

The only thing I could say to Hia was just one thing.

“Then, just then──if you turn into a zombie.”

That was my resolve.

That was my heart.

That was my growth.

And that was──my everything.

“Then, I will──────”

I said.

A word so horrifying I could hardly spit it out, one that shouldn’t be said to a child who hadn’t even reached middle school.

I told Hia this cruel thing.

But.

“…….”

In contrast to my expectations that she would be angry or look at me with fear in her eyes, Hia, hearing my answer, displayed a face of shock, wide-eyed, just like the expression I had worn earlier.

Was my answer what Hia wanted to hear?

Looking back now, I couldn’t say for sure.

Perhaps I might find it impossible to know Hia’s heart for my entire life.

─Hug.

“…..Hehe.”

But one thing was certain.

That at that moment, Hia seemed to have resolved a long-standing worry.

As if her long-held wish had finally been granted.

“──Thank you so much, Unnie.”

Pressing her face against my chest, she was truly smiling bright.

Yeah.

She was definitely smiling.

“………..”

Creeeak, I opened my shut eyes.

The heavy lock that I believed could only be opened from within, no matter what happened outside, ensured that the house’s door would never open again.

That’s why, I had imagined that door would never open in my lifetime.

But now, that door was──

[‘──Damn, damn…..’]

“Ah….aa…..”

With a horrific sound reminiscent of hell, it began to open slowly.

A sigh, whose owner was unknown, reached my ears.

The twisted metal, scraping against one another, made a chilling noise.

Amidst that high-pitched sound, a zombie’s cry started to engulf the yard where we stood.

The sickeningly obliterated, cracked, and mangled sounds of zombies that had terrified me to the core on the first day, now resonated as a sound I could almost call ‘familiar.’

─Drip, drop.

“…No, no way.”

“…Ugh…aa…aah….!”

But as that strangely familiar sound pierced my ears, our three bodies froze as if time had stopped.

─Thump, thump.

“……Ah.”

Breathing became constricted, and my heart started racing uncontrollably.

My teeth chattered helplessly, and my throat felt like it was pierced, leaving only a relentless suffocation.

My mind warned me to close my eyes right away.

If I didn’t look away from that place immediately, I was bound to see something terrible, and my reason whispered that way.

However, as soon as I heard that sound—

When the voice I had longed to hear for so long reached me—

I realized there was no option available to flee.

[‘───Damn, damn!!’]

The sound echoed.

Of course, it was a sound I had never heard before.

Even if I had heard such a sound once, there was no reason I would consciously remember the horrific nature of it.

But even so, I recognized that voice.

I knew who belonged to that voice.

I knew.

I so damned knew.

Because no matter how much it changed, I could never forget that youthful voice.

Because I───────could never forget Hia’s voice.

This was the sin I had committed.

This was the karma that had come my way.

─Tap.

“….Hia.”

[‘………..’]

Hia appeared, stepping through the door.

The once pure child was stained scarlet.

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