The Gate of Shadows

"Fenris?" I mumbled, shutting off the water before gazing towards the light.

Shade hissed at whoever was at the door, alerting me it probably wasn’t my wolf. The curtains for the shower were completely see-through to allow Fenris to check up on me from the door if he needed to. This also meant the door had no lock since I last had a meltdown.

Ryker’s plans to show me my place were about to burn in a fiery inferno. Once my eyes adjusted to the sudden exposure to light, they widened upon seeing Layla. The white wolf had sneaked back into the room while Fenris was going off on Kira.

I froze the moment I spotted her. Her amber stare was locked on Shade, who was about to jump her. If she focused on me…

I… I…

Flashes of what happened to me rushed through my mind. The ones who had abused me were women, not men. I couldn’t count the times female nurses had to back away from me when they were trying to clean my wounds.

Thanks to that, Ben was the one who had to learn how to care for me. Fenris was too young to have that responsibility back then, so the older silver wolf took it upon himself to cure me whenever there weren’t any male nurses on the shift.

I was okay with men seeing me naked or probing me after the fall, but women were another matter. My body trembled, and I couldn't move from where I was.

"Hey... I just wanted to apologize for—" Layla began, only to halt, eyes widening upon seeing me.

We both stood there, not knowing what to say to each other, but she broke the silence soon after.

"What the fuck?" Layla gasped, scrunching her eyes, visibly repulsed by what she witnessed.

Melody's voice echoed my name outside the bathroom, but I could only focus on the white wolf before me. My scars weren’t a sight to behold, especially the burn scars, which were some of the worst anyone could have.

Most of my imperfections were darkly pigmented, almost flesh-like, thanks to the burns I endured. Other scars lifted outward, popping out of my skin. My breast was disfigured beyond anyone's imagination; luckily, the medical team could keep my areolas from decaying and falling off.

There wasn’t a part of my body that didn’t have a reminder of what I had endured; not an inch was beautiful. That much was apparent from the way she gazed at me.

"Get out," I muttered, feeling a wave of energy surge.

I was losing my grip like a branch on a snowy day. It could handle only so much weight before a twig snapped off. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as stern as a tree to hold any more weight. Not after the night I had.

The way Layla gazed at me made shivers run down my spine. For the past years, only Fenris saw my disfigured body, each time calling it beautiful every time I was under his arms. Seeing her made me crash back into reality to the state my body was in.

Fenris...

My insecurities swelled, slowly reaching their climax.

"This is..." Layla rasped, shaking her head in disbelief, taking two steps towards me.

A smirk erupted on her lips, appearing pleased to see me like that, followed by a slight snicker.

"Get out!" I snapped, triggering Shade to jump towards the mirror cabinet by the sink.

I’ll rip those eyes out! Release me! Shade hissed, positioning herself ready to pounce.

“Lilith?” Melody called out to me once again from outside of the bathroom.

The energies within me were spiraling out of control.

Fenris... I’m sorry.

"Ah... I’m relieved. Everything makes sense now." Layla breathed, unaware Shade was about to rip into her.

Suddenly, I felt like I was once again that ten-year-old girl, helpless as I got stepped on and abused by the coven. The desire to wipe her face off our realm grew instantly, merging my mind with Shade’s hostile wishes.

"I said get out!" I snarled at the top of my lungs, energies surging from me again, prompting Shade to launch at the white wolf.

When Melody heard my distress, she ran inside, placing herself between me and Layla.

Ah…

Her back was towards me, almost like she was trying to protect me from Layla. For a split moment, time froze…

If that energy hits Melody… Will she end up like Mary and Emma all those years ago?

Images of the black wolf splattered over the floor rushed through my mind.

No! I will not allow that to happen!

Instantly, Shade bounced off Melody’s head and towards me as the energy recalled back towards me. The moment her little paws touched me, the shock of it alone caused me to slam against the wall behind me, knocking the wind right out of me.

Beside me, Shade fell limp as my body felt like it was about to be ripped apart instead. The surge wanted to come out, yet I could never let that happen to Melody.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Can't you hear her?!" She growled at the white wolf, who took a few steps back from her.

Falling onto my knees, I grabbed onto the little unconscious feline, trying to grit through the pulses of agony rushing through me. Whispers I hadn’t heard in years started to bombard my fragile mind.

Let go...

Let it end.

Give in!

Grabbing onto my head, my breath hitched, unable to fill my lungs with enough air. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep it in. It hurt to try. Fenris was probably outside the room arguing with Kira and couldn’t hear what was happening inside.

Melody closed the door behind her, sealing the room from the inside. If he could’ve listened, he would’ve already stopped this. The other boys weren’t in the room either. They probably went to get food or into their morning routine after having been awakened by me twice.

Fenris was the only one who could stop this, though—the only one who could even calm me.

I... need you!

Tears swelled in my eyes before they streaked down my cheeks, struggling to hold myself together without my beloved wolf.

I never wanted to hurt Melody, but how long can I hold it?

Noticing my distress, the black wolf turned away from Layla.

Grabbing onto the towel on the side, she opened the clear curtain to help me. Once she was close, though, she stopped, surprised by my body's condition. Fighting the energy flowing through my veins, I shifted my gaze toward her to see her biting her lip.

Before I could see her expression, she threw the towel over me, making sure my body was covered.

"Lilith, are you okay?" her voice quivered.

I finally saw the black wolf’s expression; her eyes glossed as her brows were scrunched up like she was about to cry.

Ah… You aren’t normal… Are you?

Her gaze alone was enough to soothe my troubled soul. Those precious seconds allowed Fenris to barge into the room with Liam behind him. I didn’t realize when my bracelet shone, alerting him.

My wolf pushed Layla aside, freeing the way towards me. Melody stepped to the side to let him reach me. This would be the second time he found me in this bathroom, losing myself.

"I’m here, Lily," Fenris whispered, grabbing my face.

Melody turned to Layla once again, growling loudly. Liam didn’t dare to enter the bathroom, staying outside, calling to the back wolf who grabbed Layla's shirt in her fist. My body screeched in pain when I launched myself on Fenris. 

Delirious and unable to reason or hold back any longer, I kissed my wolf deeply. I had forgotten about everything that surrounded us.

Where and who I was there with didn’t matter to me.

I only saw Fenris and how much I needed him. My tongue glazed over his lips when he clasped onto my cheek, giving me in for only a moment, tugging away slightly soon after. It wasn’t enough for me, though.

Before he could say a word, I yanked him into another kiss. Grabbing onto the back of his head, I claimed his lips as mine. This time, my tongue went into his mouth. However, he pulled away more sternly, holding my arms in his hands to prevent me from following suit again.

He avoided my gaze when I finally realized what I had done.

Layla...