LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 40: I…
He stares into my eyes, which prompts me to ask, “What?”
“You… are a very special lady and you captivate me.”
“How so?”
“You’re a collection of contradictions and please, don’t misunderstand me, because I really like it. You’re gorgeous and you know it, but you don’t flaunt it, nor are you vain. I love the fact that you can be bold, but normally, you’re a little shy and as sweet as they come. I like that you never hesitate to tell me what you want or are thinking. You never pretend to be someone or something you’re not and honestly, I love that about you. You amaze me with how kind you are to everyone. Like when Chris felt bad after hurting you, you tried to make him feel better. Most people would have never done that or for that matter, ever thought of it.”
I grin mischievously at him as I say, “So, I guess that means that you like me?”
He shakes his head. “No, Andie. I love you.”
I catch my breath and freeze in place because I have no idea what to say here. I knew he loved me because he told me before, but I still have no idea if I love him or not. I do like him. I mean, I truly like him, a lot. I’m not even sure I know what love is or how it feels to be in love, so how am I supposed to know?
“Thank you, Dan. Believe me, I like you. As in really, really like you and you make me very happy, but that also scares me at the same time.” I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts. “This… You and me, it frightens me. I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I love being with you and how happy you make me, but at the same time, I’m terrified of you hurting or walking away from me.”
He frowns. “Andie, I’m not your father.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“No, you didn’t, but you’re allowing him to color your view of relationships. You’re allowing him to control our relationship. Andie, I’m not like him.”
Is that really what I’m doing? Dan and my father are totally different. I know that beyond the shadow of a doubt, but could I be expecting him to turn out like my father did? My father was a totally different person until the new minister showed up and then he slowly changed into the man who would try to beat me to death for spending the night with Alla. Nothing happened between us and nothing would have happened since we’re both straight. So, am I expecting Dan to do the same thing? By that I mean, changing 180° from who he is now, not the beating me part because I don’t believe that Dan would ever lay his hands on me.
Reaching up, I place my hand on his cheek, and lightly trace my thumb along his cheek bone to the soft contour of his mouth and softly say, “Dan, if I am, I don’t mean and I don’t want to. Believe me, I trust you. You don’t think I’d have spent the night in the same bed with you otherwise, do you?”
He sighs. “This and that are two different things… Sure, you trusted me with your body, but I want you to trust me with your heart. I think the problem is that in your mind, if you give someone your heart, if you allow yourself to love them, they’ll hurt you. Andie, I have no intention of ever hurting you.”
I look at him for several seconds and finally relax. “My heart, huh? Dan, I care about you and I don’t want to lose you, so would you mind giving me some time?”
He smiles gently. “All of the time you need. I’ve told you before, you’re worth the wait.”
Smiling back, I reply, “Thank you.”
He slips his arms under me and rolls over with me on top. Without a thought, I lean in and suddenly we’re kissing like crazy. Almost as if this is the last time we’ll ever get to do it. His tongue slips inside my mouth, gentle, yet demanding, and it’s nothing like when we’ve kissed before.
While we are kissing, it occurs to me why people describe kissing as melting because any distance between us disappears and I can feel every inch of him against me. Slipping my right hand behind his head, my fingers grip his hair, pulling him closer, demanding even more. I can’t imagine wanting anyone else like this, ever. All I know is that he’s mine, he loves me and to me, at this moment, nothing else matters.
I don’t even care that we’re making out in front of the children and other couples here, I truly don’t care if people watch, stare or even make rude comments. All I’m thinking of right now is Dan. The feel of his muscular arms as he holds me is extraordinary. I feel him, all of him, as I’m pressed against him and he feels wonderful, which only makes me want just that much more. His hands trace along my back as we continue our kiss. My breasts are crushed against him and all I can think is as close as we are, it isn’t close enough.
Sometime later, Alla clears her throat to get our attention and I break our kiss to look at her. She nods at something over my shoulder, I turn to look and see security walking our way. He stops when he gets near and politely says, “Sorry kids, but the beach is closing soon, so you’ll need to gather your things.”
Brian replies, “Sure.”
Security nods, “Thank you, You kids have a good night and be safe,” and walks on to the next group.
After we load up Brian's truck, or really I should say the boys do, while we change back into our clothes, then we head out to eat dinner at the Barracuda Grill. Nothing fancy or anything, but the food is really good there according to the reviews.
Alla and I order the seafood combo and pasta, while the boys order ribeyes. It’s enough to say that dinner is wonderful and as usual, I snag some of his steak.
It’s a little before 9:00 when we pull up at the house and I touch his arm to stop him from getting out after Brian and Alla do. “About earlier, Dan, I think I might love you, but I’m not sure. You’re amazing, well, it’s more like you amaze me, but you are and I love being with you. You treat me so well and are always so considerate.
“You know, my father never used to be the way he is now. He was always so kind and we always had so much fun when he was off on the weekends. Then we got this new minister at church and everything started changing. You might be right that I see other men as like him, I don’t know. I don’t want to, especially you.
“Look, I know you’re nothing like him, and if I’m expecting you to do the same thing, I don't mean to and I'm sorry. That said, it doesn’t stop me from being afraid, nor does that make it right. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll understand if you get tired of dealing with me and move on to someone that doesn’t have my issues.”
He shakes his head while frowning. “Huh. I guess you weren’t listening to me before? I meant it when I said you were worth waiting for and it isn’t because you’re gorgeous and having a rockin’ bod either. Though those don’t hurt either,” which makes me grin. “Andie, it’ll work out. I’m not going to leave you. So, don’t worry about it so much. I’m not.”
I know what he said and just repeated again, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. The thing is, just how do I stop myself from expecting him to be like my father? That’s a damn good question and one I have no inkling of how to answer.
Looking into those concerned blue eyes of his, I mutter, “I wish it was that easy.”