LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 29: Circumstances Change
[Sunday, May 5th]
I wake up at 7:00 and lay there thinking about last night. It's still almost unbelievable to me that not only did I invite him to kiss me last night, then I turn right around and demand even more of them from him. Trust me, I liked it, a lot. I liked the way it felt when he held me and the way he felt against me. Not to mention, he's damn good at kissing.
If I'm honest, I'm still a little confused over the whole thing. Look, I know I kissed his cheek when he stopped Chris and several other times, but I more consider those 'thank you's' than anything else. The thing is, I like Dan. I really do. The question is just how much do I like him. As a friend that I spend time with and make out? A boyfriend? Maybe even husband material at some point?
I have a lot to think about here. Kissing is great, but what about sex? Am I willing to allow him to touch me in that way at some point? I dunno and that's a very good question.
I did think a lot about when Eris asked me if I really believe I was still a boy. I'll admit it, I've always have been transgender, so her saying she changed me to help me and not hurt me makes perfect sense. It took a lot for me to finally admit it. I mean, I've always looked at guys in that way, but at the same time I told myself that it was just about their popularity or me wishing I was built like them or as good looking, etc.
"Hi Andie," startles me out of my reverie and I bolt upright in bed and look at the desk to see Eris sitting there smiling at me.
"Uh, hi Eris." I glance down at Alla, who is still sleeping soundly.
"Don't worry, she'll stay asleep while we are talking."
"Okay, good. I don't know how I would explain you to her."
She shrugs. "Now, as for why I'm here. It took you long enough to admit that you're transgender. I'm glad you finally did. Although I don't believe you ever would have if your father was still here."
I snap, "Don't talk about him!" and glare at her.
"Calm down, Andie."
"Calm down?! After what he did to me?! Come to think of it, why didn't you stop him? I thought you were looking out for me?"
"Andie, this is going to sound horrible, but I am looking out for you. If..."
I cut her off when I hold up my arm and yell, "You call this looking out for me?! He almost killed me! You know damn well how badly he hurt me!"
She nods. "Andie, listen, I know what you're thinking, but I didn't interfere for good reasons. I know you don't understand, but even I have rules I have to follow." She leans forward in the seat and continues, "I wasn't allowed to remove him from your life. He, you or your mother had to do something about that. Andie, I would never have allowed you to die. In fact, I didn't. Your brain hemorrhaged that first night in the hospital. You would have died if I hadn't stopped it."
I stared at her stunned for a few moments. "Y-you saved me?" She nods. "Why?"
She smiles lovingly at me and says, "Do you believe for a single moment that I'd let my daughter die?"
Again, I'm stunned for a few moments. "D-d-daughter?"
She nods again and continues, "Of course. I made that body for you, so by any reasonable standard you're my daughter."
I blow out my breath and smile as I think, 'So, I'm the daughter of a Goddess. Does that make me a demi-Goddess?'
Eris chuckles and says, "Yes, it does, although you don't have any powers."
I know I should be upset that she read my mind again, but somehow I just can't be angry, so I stick out my tongue at her and grin. "Who needs powers? I don't think I do."
She chuckles for a moment and then continues, "Andie, the stories have it all wrong anyway. Very few demi-Gods or Goddesses have ever had any powers, unless their parent gave them to them and I agree, you don't need them. They'd probably cause you endless problems. Regardless, you still have two wishes that I'll grant, remember?" I nod. "Anyway, back to why I'm here. As I said, I'm happy that you admitted that you're transgender. It's confusing in the best of circumstances, but add 'that person' into the mix and it had to be downright unbearable... Now, about Dan and Alla. Are you prepared for that?"
Confused, I ask, "What do you mean?"
"Andie, you're a very smart girl, so you already know. You'll be burning both ends of the candle if you try to keep them both."
"I'm not sure how I feel about Dan, so I'm not even sure if that's going to go anywhere."
She chuckles softly. "Oh, really? Andie, you're quite adept at lying to yourself, but your heart doesn't lie. You lead with your heart all the time and then think about things afterwards."
Sighing internally, I think, 'I should have known better than to try to fool her.' I ask, "So, I can't have both of them?"
"I didn't say that. I said that you'd be burning both ends of the candle. Do you believe for one second that he won't find out about your relationship with Alla at some point? Or, are you going to tell him?"
"I dunno. I haven't even thought about it."
"You need to. Andie, I won't tell you that you can't try to have both, but if you do, you could very well lose both of them. You might want to think about that as well."
"Then what should I do? I like Alla, I like the way she makes me feel and I'm comfortable with her."
"What you do is up to you, but you need to consider their feelings too. I will tell you this: Brian loves her. In his mind, their relationship isn't in name only. He hates that he's so busy and can't see Alla more."
"What about Alla? How does she really feel about him?"
"Andie, you saw them last night. You already know."
I nod and look at Alla. As much as I hate to admit it, I do know. They were in their own little world when they were together. Alla may say that he's her boyfriend in name only, but I saw the way she was looking at him last night and I have to say, he's very nice and it's obvious how much he cares about her.
Eris calling out, "Andie," breaks me out of my introspective thoughts and I look at her again. My vision blurs and my voice cracks as I ask, "What should I do? She's my best friend and I don't want to lose her."
Eris gets up, walks over to me and gathers me in her arms to hold me. "That's totally up to you, but I'll tell you one more thing and say no more about it. Alla really meant it when she said that no matter what she'd always be your best friend. Even if you break off your sexual relationship with her, she'll stick by you. In that respect, she loves you."
I murmur, "I love her too."
"I know you do, but you have to think about what's best for everyone."
I murmur, "Mom?"
"Hmm?"
"She's not really a lesbian, is she?"
I feel her shrug. "No, not really."
"And neither am I?"
"No, but you already know that."
I look up at her and ask, "Then, why didn't you tell me I wasn't?"
She caresses my cheek while smiling. "Sometimes, it's best to let your children learn things on their own. Finding out who and what you are is a large part of growing up."
I blow out my breath, cuddle back against her and say, "Alright, I suppose that makes sense. I think I want to make another wish now."
She continues to stroke my hair and gently says, "Alright."
"I wish that Alla's and my relationship is just that of best friends and that no one will know that we were ever together." She nods. "Can you move her and her things into the room across the hall?" She nods again. "Can you also make it where Brian has more time for her?"
"I can do all of that."
"I don't want to be able to remember it either."
"Are you sure?"
"Mhmm. I think it would just hurt me to be able to remember."
"Okay."
...Waking up, I stretch and smile as I remember last night's date with Dan.