LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 026: The Morning After
I wake up confused and surrounded by a smell that is not my own, feeling sore. I become agitated initially, but then I notice Nugund beside me – and I remember everything. I blush fiercely, as more and more memories flood my mind. Then I see that we are still near the hot springs, and – more importantly – it’s way past morning!
“Wake up!” I shake Volkhlun violently, panicked. “We were supposed to start our journey to Boromir today!” My last night partner reluctantly opens his eyes – and chuckles. “Why are you…! We are late! They will… Pola and Olka” I fumble my words, worried about failing my only other friends in this world. “They must worry about us!” That results in even more of the laughter – to my unending confusion.
“I see why you may think that way” Wolfman says when he calms down enough to speak. “You forgot about this” he taps his nose – and while I don’t initially understand what he means by that, the realisation dawns on me, and an even greater embarrassment deepens my blush. It’s obvious to me now that they were able to smell we went somewhere together – and it’s not a rocket science to figure out what we might have done. Nugund – of course – bursts into laughter once again, seeing how easily I get flustered. “You will get used to it” he waves his hand dismissively. “There are more pressing matters for now; how do you feel?”
“Wha…?” The question catches me off-guard. “I’m… fine? I guess” I shake my head, trying to catch my focus again. “I would even say I feel fantastic! Why do you ask?”
“Really? No soreness, no pain? You fell asleep in the hot spring, after all; not to mention it was your first time with a man” my confusion immediately turns into even more embarrassment when I finally understand what I was asked about. I look away and cover my face, ashamed; I must look like some empty-headed bimbo!
“It’s alright” suddenly, Nugund embraces me from behind. “You don’t need to always put on the strong face” his voice is softer, more soothing; it actually helps me relax. “It will be better if you – how did you say it? – let it go and be free of your burden!” It takes me a while to understand what he’s referring to.
“You are quoting me?!” I look at him in incredulity. “How does that…” I stop mid-sentence, when I realise what he is trying to say, I think. “You think I’m in pain or something?” I lean on him, positioning myself in a way I can say what I am about to say to his face. “Last night was fantastic – even better than I imagined. And I really feel great today” I smile, a bit crookedly. “Well… I am a bit sore – though to be fair, a lot less than when we were here last time” we both chuckle at that – but my smile fades soon. “No, what makes me uncomfortable, what I am anxious about, is not physical.”
“What is it then?” Asks Volkhlun, caressing my head. “I cannot think of anything you could be ashamed of.”
I look at him with bewilderment – but his question seems genuine, judging by his bewilderment. “You really can’t?” He shakes his head; I click my tongue. “It’s Pola and Olka. They will know what we did!”
“And how is that a bad thing?” His question catches me off-guard. Isn’t it obvious? I open my mouth to say something, but I’m speechless. I close my mouth and open it again. And again. I am at the loss of words. It should be obvious, but… why, indeed?
I’ve never thought about it, really. The obvious answer would be to talk about my reputation, but… it’s nonsense. Beastkin don’t value purity and abstinence. From what little of their culture I know, it is clear that sex is treated very casually by them. Not to mention that monogamy seems to be a rarity. Nugund said it himself – he is different; I thought I understood, but it seems that only now I have begun to fully grasp what it really means.
I think back to my talks with Pola. How openly she described her various lovers and flings. How casually she spoke of their love-making skills and their physical attributes – including how they feel. All of that in front of Olka – who is still a minor. And nobody batted an eye! Is that… is that openness… the norm? Then why do I feel I should be ashamed?
“Umm…” I begin eloquently, still searching for the right words. “You know, ever since I was reborn, I’ve been having dreams” my dear DILF hunter quirks his brow slightly. “In one of them – before we even met – I wasn’t alone… well, I wasn’t alone in most of them, but that’s irrelevant” I smile wryly. “In this particular… moment, I was with 2 Beastkin – a Volkhrod, built similarily to me but a man, and a Lisitha, like Pola with red fur” as I recall the details of my – well, daydream, if I even can call it that – I start blushing. “We… I was involved sexually with both of them” I look him straight in the eye. “Is it… normal? Is it normal to feel attracted to so many, so different people?”
There is silence, as Nugund’s face turns serious; there’s a plethora of emotions I can see there, awakened by my question. Did I… did I accidentally strike a nerve?
“I was always told that” he finally speaks; his tone is quiet – and there is some tension in it. “Feeling attraction to one another is normal. Acting on it is normal. Being with many Kin is normal“ the way he says ‘normal’ makes it clear something about it rubs him the wrong way. “So yes, what you feel is normal” he ends with a heavy sigh – and I say nothing, waiting for him to open up; it’s clear to me that something upset him, judging by the way he spoke. I need to know what and why– I didn’t want to hurt him. But he says nothing more, sitting there, lost in his thoughts. I need him to understand me. And I need to understand him.
“I’m sorry” I say, breaking the silence. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just” I take a deep breath. “I was raised in a culture, where what I did with you – and especially what I did with Pola – would be considered devious. Bad. Dirty. Shameful” I feel a tear fall down my cheek. “Even the fantasies I’ve had would be called disgusting. I just… I had to know I’m a good person – but I phrased it wrongly, it seems” his ears perk up and he looks back at me, listening carefully. “I know you have the opposite problem. It seems I’ve had trouble truly comprehending it. Until now” I look him deep in the eyes, trying to convince him of my honesty. “I’m sorry; I was sure I thought everything through and I had it all in order; but I was gravely mistaken.”
Suddenly, his arms wrap around me. “Don’t be” he says and sighs heavily again. “I, too, have forgotten some things – or rather I couldn’t really believe them” I look at him confused. “It’s about you; I was sure I understood your story and what that means for you – but I was wrong” his voice is full of disappointment. “Olka of clan Karas was right – I didn’t really listen to you, did I?” He smiles wryly. “You told us about your old world, but I didn’t take it seriously enough; worse, I had no idea just how different your life had been and what you went through. I just… I ignored what I could not comprehend, filling in the gaps with my own misconceptions. I heard what you said – but I didn’t listen. For that I am sorry” he looks me deep in the eyes. “I am sincerely sorry.”
“I am sorry too” I whisper into his ear as I hug him. “What I did is not that different – I also heard what you said without listening, filling the gaps with my own prejudices and beliefs. I should have known that being different is a painful experience – even if others are not mean to you for it.”
“Well, we are not that different from each other, it turns out” says Nugund with a chuckle, hugging me tighter. “We both have preferences different from our peers; we just need to remember to keep an open mind all the time from now on” we cuddle for some time, enjoying each other company and closeness… until our stomachs grumble in unison, turning moment of serious introspection into a comedy, causing us to burst into laughter. “I think we should go; we are late either way, but let’s not annoy the other two any more.”
“Oh, you know that only Olka will be angry – Pola will have a lot of fun from the situation and won’t stop teasing us at least until we reach Boromir” we both laugh at the prospect, suddenly looking forward to some banter between the Lisitha and the Risitha; I’m still a little bit afraid of being teased, but I know it’s just how my Foxy lover expresses her attachment – and I even somehow long for it.
Finally, as we take our belongings and are about to go into the cave together, I notice something that escaped my thoughts until now; something that makes all my insecurities and shame hit back twice as strong. “W-wait! I... we only have your pants between us – are we going back practically naked!” What a blunder!
