LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 10: Speeding Tickets and Suspiciously Perfect People
Chapter 10: Speeding Tickets and Suspiciously Perfect People
Hi, it’s me again, Sierra Fox. Everyone’s favorite ex-space tyrant who just did the unthinkable: I sparked my dad’s midlife crisis. Yep, I bought him a shiny red electric ground vehicle—because apparently, that’s what boosts Earthling confidence.
Now, I wonder what would happen if I gave them a red flying car instead? You know, for science.
Anyway, with his newfound confidence, Dad seems to have grown a backbone and didn’t immediately fold under Mom’s scream. On the contrary, he began to talk back.
“You spent how much on this thing?!” Mom screeched, holding onto the dashboard for dear life as Dad pressed the pedal to the floor.
“Relax, Karen, it’s an investment!” Dad shouted over the whir of the acceleration.
“An investment in what? Our funeral?!”
I leaned back, crossing my arms, enjoying the show. “Technically, Mom, the car’s already paid for. That old car was almost disintegrating. So, it’s more like an… upgrade expense.”
Mom shot me a glare. “You’re the cause of this?!”
Whoops, I shouldn’t have said anything.
Lily, sitting next to me, furiously typed on her phone. “I’m Googling midlife crisis therapy. There has to be a hotline for this.”
I don’t really get why Mom and Lily are so scared of Dad’s driving. Even if he crashes, I could just destroy whatever he's about to hit with my mind. Problem solved, right?
I mean, who needs airbags when you have an ex-tyrant with mind powers in the car? It’s like having the ultimate security system—nothing’s getting past me.
Now, about Dad’s old SUV? My mind-based security system can only do so much. Holding that rust bucket together wasn’t exactly in my skill set.
But, by some miracle—or, more like an inevitable disaster—the familiar flash of red and blue lights appeared in the rearview mirror.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Mom groaned, rubbing her temples.
Dad sighed, pulling over to the side of the road. "I wasn’t even speeding that much... right?"
“Grams, can you do something?” I asked my ex-AI overlord.
“Orbital cannon is deployed and ready as usual. Estimated destruction radius: 25 to 100 kilometers,” Grams replied shortly through the nanomachine link.
“No! Not the usual! I meant something subtle, like hacking the police speedometer!” I shot back mentally.
Grams paused before delivering her trademark sarcasm. “Subtle? How quaint. But hacking the speedometer after they’ve already clocked you on radar? Should I pretend that they will eventually forget what they saw and hack it anyway?”
As I was still arguing with Grams, the male officer approached our car, and as Dad rolled down the window, recognition flashed across the officer's face.
"Well, well, if it isn't our friends from the WcDonald's incident," he said with a smirk.
Dad forced a chuckle. "Officer! Fancy seeing you again."
I slumped in my seat. Of all the cops in the city, it had to be them. The same duo Dad told about my so-called “full body makeover.”
The female officer walked up to the passenger side and looked directly at me, then at Lily. She knocked on the window.
Lily rolled it down. “Yes, officer?”
“Miss, could you step out of the car for a moment? I’d like to ask you a few questions about your family circumstances,” the officer said, her tone firm but neutral.
Lily glanced at me, confused, but opened the door and stepped out.
Mom closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "This is just... perfect."
Everything happened too quickly, and I had a bad feeling about this. I mentally told Grams to stand by with the evidence-erasing cannon, just in case.
"Sir," the male officer addressed Dad, "do you know why I pulled you over?"
Dad swallowed. "Honestly, Officer, I might’ve been going a tad over the speed limit."
"A tad?" The officer raised an eyebrow. "Try twenty miles over. In a bright red sports car. Kind of hard to miss. License, registration, and insurance, please."
Dad handed him the documents quickly—he’d just bought the car, so everything was still fresh.
“And where are you headed?” the male officer asked, pointing his flashlight at the documents.
Before Dad could answer, Lily came running back.
“Dad! Mom! Please tell her that I didn’t go to Thailand with James! What is this even about?!”
We all facepalmed in unison.
The female officer raised an eyebrow, then sighed. “I’m going to need everyone to step out of the vehicle right now.”
After running all of our documents through the system again—which, thanks to Grams, came back clean—Dad launched into yet another explanation. He told the officers and Lily that Lily was born female, and he didn’t tell her about me or the "Thailand trip" because it wasn’t “appropriate to discuss such things with a lady.”
The excuse sounded almost reasonable—at least enough to get by—so the cops just gave him a sobriety check and a drug test for good measure.
How did Lily react? She nearly blurted out something about the spaceship, but I stepped on her foot just in time.
So, the cops left, leaving us with Dad’s warning, speeding ticket, and the crushing weight of our questionable life choices.
After we explained the whole situation to Lily, we rode the rest of the way home in silence, the once shiny-red sports car now feeling more like a monument to Dad’s midlife crisis.
And, of course, dinner at the mall was officially canceled. With everything that had happened, the restaurant would have closed by the time we got there anyway.
So, there we are, piling out of a red sports car in our home garage.
Mom and Lily headed into the house to prepare a simple dinner, leaving me and Dad alone in the garage with the new car.
“Well, this is awkward.” Even though they didn’t say it, somehow, it felt like Mom and Lily blamed everything that happened this evening on me. Aren’t they being unreasonable?
“Don’t worry, they’ll come around soon enough,” Dad said, then added excitedly, “Look! The car only used 5% of the battery.”
Seeing Dad have fun with this primitive tech made me smile. Maybe buying the car for Dad wasn’t such a bad decision after all. At least not everything went wrong today.
“Ah! Found it!” Dad declared triumphantly, grabbing the cable from the trunk and plugging it into the car without hesitation. He headed straight for the ancient yellowing power socket and jammed it in.
BAM!
Everything went dark.
Alright, in every silver lining, there is a cloud. A very dark cloud indeed.
“SIERRA! WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Mom’s voice came yelling from inside the house.
“NOTHING, MOM! THIS TIME IT WAS DAD!!” I yelled back.
“Don’t worry, dear! I just popped the breaker!” Dad shouted, far too casually for someone who had just plunged the entire house into darkness.
“Sierra! Stay right there! Don’t do anything! I’ll reset the breaker!” Lily called out.
A moment later, the lights flickered back on. But seriously, why does she tell me not to do anything? I could’ve made myself glow a little to light the way. So unreasonable.
Dinner was simple, nothing fancy. Just some leftovers Mom whipped up quickly, probably too tired to deal with anything elaborate after the whole car and cops debacle. The tension from earlier had mostly died down, and we sat around the table like nothing had happened.
Except, of course, the whole house going dark thanks to Dad’s little "plugging third time’s the charm" moment.
“Pass the salt, please,” Lily asked, still eyeing Dad who had just come in, deflated, and talking about looking up a supercharging station.
Mom, still fuming from earlier, gave him a long side-eye.
I sat quietly, picking at my food, already planning how I’d spend the rest of the evening gaming. The space sims game I used to play before I went to another universe had canceled its service. So, maybe tonight I’ll try that Elder-Ring game that seems to have a good review.
Dinner ended without further incident, and I headed back to our shared room in Lily’s spatially expanded closet. It was spacious now, thanks to a little dimensional physics—enough to fit everything we both needed without feeling cramped. I immediately jumped into my gaming setup, already purchasing Elder-Ring while Lily flopped onto her bed, scrolling through her enchanted oPad.
The download bar quickly filled up, and as I was going to start the game, Lily broke the silence.
“Hey, Sierra?”
“Hmm?” I grunted, half-focused on the opening scene.
“Did you ever… you know, meet anyone handsome in another universe?” Her tone was casual, but I could tell she was digging for something.
I raised an eyebrow, exiting the game to give her a look. “Handsome? Like, romantically or just someone who looks good?”
Lily sat up, leaning against her pillows. “I dunno, maybe both? I mean, with all the dimensions you’ve been through, surely you met someone?”
“Hey, what do you think? I used to be a man. Do you think I suddenly flipped a switch and decided, ‘Oh, I’m a woman now, guess I’m ready to let someone in?’” I rolled my eyes at her.
“Even so, you must’ve met at least one person who you thought was handsome, right?” Lily persisted.
I shrugged, thinking back to the myriad of faces I’d seen throughout my travels. “Well, there was one guy. Handsome, loved by everyone. Effective worker, super efficient, and nailed every mission I sent him on.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “Oh, really? What happened?”
I smirked and sat next to her. “I fired him.”
“WHAT?!” Lily jerked upright, nearly knocking her pillow off the bed. “Why would you fire him?!”
“Well, he was suspiciously too good at his job,” I said, leaning back. “You know how it is. Too perfect. Always gets everything done flawlessly. Everyone loved him. Too good to be true, right? So naturally, I figured—spy.”
Lily gaped at me, utterly bewildered. “And was he really a spy?”
I rubbed the back of my neck, glancing away sheepishly. “Well… turns out the guy I promoted after firing him—the second-best guy—was the actual spy.”
Lily stared at me in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“Turns out my movements were still being leaked, and my starship landed right in the middle of a trap. Yep, almost a close call.”
“Then what happened?” Lily asked, her curiosity now fully piqued.
I glanced at the clock. “I could continue the story, but are you sure? It’s already late, and don’t you have university tomorrow morning?”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Hey! I can’t sleep without knowing the ending!”
“Alright, fine,” I said with an exaggerated sigh. “Long story short, in the critical moment, the guy I fired came back to destroy the ships that attacked me.”
“Oh? Really? And?” Lily giggled, snuggling deeper into her blanket.
“And what? I reluctantly shared the spoils of war with him. You know, the standard galactic method. Then we split the way.” I explained it to her matter-of-factly.
“YOU WHAT?!” Lily yelled, her eyes wide with disbelief.
“What do you mean, I what?” I tilted my head. “You see, the galactic convention about splitting the spoils of war states clearly. The owner of the loot falls upon the one who destroys the ship. You see, I already drained their shield and reduced their armor to pulp. But that guy suddenly swoops in and steals my kill.” I explained the galactic law to her, and thinking about it again made me fume a little.
As I was trying to point out that the guy's behavior should be frowned upon, Lily’s eyelids were growing heavier by the second, but she managed to mumble, “I mean, why did you split the way, dummy.”
I leaned over, pulling her blanket up and tucking it in as she sighed softly. “I could show you the footage tomorrow. But tonight, you really need to sleep.”
Lily gave a tiny groan of protest but quickly surrendered, her breathing slowing as she drifted off into slumber. I smiled, watching her for a moment. Since I came back to Earth, my life has become absurd, but a moment like this, I won't trade for anything.
Once Lily was sound asleep, I carefully stood up and stretched. The house was silent, save for the hum of the air conditioning from Mom and Dad's room. It was finally time for me to get to work.
I padded quietly out of the closet-turned-bedroom and into the garage. Dad’s shiny new red car sat there, taunting me with its primitive technology.
“Alright, let’s see what I can do.”