LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 99
Eliya looked down at the sleeping Judas.
Her expression was stoic, but her inner thoughts were complicated.
While her reason constantly checked her current self, her emotions were dim-witted and simple.
She just wanted to be held in those wide arms.
As she always did.
She wanted to sneak in and rest her head on his arm.
And then Judas, half-asleep, would notice her arrival and embrace her without a word.
That was all she needed.
But Eliya didn’t do that.
She couldn’t.
She felt a sense of awareness that she shouldn’t.
What used to be taken for granted was no longer so.
Now, she couldn’t enjoy it as part of her daily life.
The fact that it wasn’t normal meant it was special.
Special.
Eliya quietly pronounced that word with her tongue.
Special. It’s special.
Judas had, without her realizing, become special to her.
How special?
Everything is a matter of degree.
Even the venom that could kill someone becomes a medicine if managed correctly.
How special was Judas?
What does “special” even mean in the first place?
Something that distinguishes itself from the ordinary.
That range is too broad and ambiguous.
In a broad sense, Balak and Narcissi are also special.
Because they are targets of revenge that must be killed.
Feelings that are clearly distinct from the ordinary.
Hatred.
So, how can the specialness that she feels toward Judas be defined?
Looking back, he had belonged to the ‘special’ category for quite a long time.
From the first time they met.
When he brought her a silly birthday gift.
When he killed Sardis on her behalf.
When he risked his life to confront Balak and Narcissi.
When he protected her against an assassin.
When he embraced her, surprised by her.
And even after that, often. No, frequently.
The only child in this world with color.
He reminded her of her mother’s warmth and memories; he was an existence that could only be special.
Eliya wanted to name this specialness.
But it wasn’t easy.
There were no words in her vocabulary to define this situation.
She wandered without a suitable answer.
Wandering and wandering, she realized.
That she had grown weak.
She was engulfed by Judas.
There was no need to define that specialness, yet she was desperately trying to.
Whatever that specialness is, one thing is certain.
It doesn’t help her accomplish what she intends to do.
Her objective expectation of Judas is one.
To be her sword.
To protect her.
And to have the power to kill others on her behalf.
That was enough.
“I can’t let myself weaken…”
It’s special.
She would admit that.
But, it isn’t deep.
No, it shouldn’t be deep.
She had to withdraw.
If it’s special, it leads to dependency.
Dependency is a symbol of weakness.
If she weakens, she loses.
She cannot lose.
All she hopes for is victory.
A perfect victory with no trace of mercy.
Weakness is a disgusting luxury.
She recalled a saying she had long cherished.
“Use others, but don’t be used; be dependent, but don’t depend.”
Grant trust, but trust no one.
She recalled her goal.
The Bevel Family centered around Balak.
The Royal Palace and Molsin Church that cooperated with them.
They all had to be destroyed at once.
And the Assassin Guild that killed her mother.
Even though it was a commissioned task, she couldn’t leave a group like that alive.
There were too many enemies.
The Helios Empire and the Bevel Principality that divided the continent.
Saying the whole world is her enemy wouldn’t be wrong.
Even the foundation day is a very important turning point.
To effectively bring down the Empire, she has to gather the anti-Empire faction.
Those who hide their ambitions in her embrace.
She cannot get caught up in personal matters.
In such a situation, if she grows weak, she will be devoured.
Her gaze, steadied, became colder than before.
Her red eyes quietly gazed at Judas.
“If it’s better to let me grow weak…”
She shook her head.
Objectively, he was an excellent asset.
She looked quietly at his hands.
Larger and thicker than hers.
His palms and the backs of his hands were covered in calluses.
Proof of having repeated grueling training constantly.
Evidence of his dedication to her.
She held his fingertips.
A familiar chill flowed through her.
Slowly, she pulled away her hand.
That was enough.
She would only receive.
Eliya returned to the room and lay down on the bed.
Usually, just holding fingertips would help her sleep well.
But today, it didn’t work.
*
On the day of the foundation.
I rode with Eliya in a carriage.
The eleven members of the escort rode the following carriage behind us.
Inside the carriage, Eliya and I sat side by side.
And across from us was her personal maid, Ria.
Eliya explained to me.
“I finished repairing the armor and while doing the enchanting work, I added functions that are easy to use. You have that necklace, right?”
“Yes. I’m wearing it now.”
“Right. That’s linked to give and receive real-time coordinates. Just like my ring. The effects are similar. You can summon that armor whenever you want.”
I’m not exactly well-versed in magic academically or theoretically.
Nevertheless, I know a good deal about magic as I’ve been in this world for a while.
But the longer I spend with Eliya, the more that knowledge turns to waste.
“It’s also possible to send it back. The coordinates are set on the shelf in your bedroom. The place where you always put the armor, right across the bed. The arrangement is the same as usual. I just set it to face forward since you always put it roughly.”
“…”
“It won’t put itself on automatically. You have to take it and wear it yourself.”
I didn’t expect even that.
It was already useful enough.
“Is there anything you don’t understand?”
“I understood perfectly.”
“Hmm.”
Eliya stared at me, trying to confirm if I truly understood.
‘I’m not that foolish…’
Finally, Eliya nodded.
“It seems like it.”
“…”
“We can check later. I’m going to sleep until we arrive.”
With that, she rubbed her tired eyes.
She certainly seemed to have a lot on her plate these days.
She hadn’t come at night for several days.
‘…No, it’s not like I expected that, but according to the pattern, she should come at least once, and since she hasn’t, it’s weirdly on my mind… There’s no reason to be concerned, but still.’
Sighing lightly, Eliya leaned against my shoulder.
As if trying to sleep right there.
So naturally.
…I found it hard to be natural.
Even after years, I could never get used to it.
In many ways.
It was a bit silly to feel awkward about resting her shoulder while worrying about her not coming to sleep.
‘Now that I think about it, I’d like to try summoning the armor…’
My body itched with anticipation.
I wanted to know how it differed from the signals I usually send to Eliya.
‘Maybe I could summon something small like a helmet or gloves. I can always send them back…’
I tried to use my magic to sneak a trial run.
Just after that, Eliya suddenly whipped her head up.
Narrowed eyes glared at me.
“I told you to do it later.”
“…”
“A signal just came to me.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“If you do it one more time, I’ll scold you. Just stay quiet since I’m going to sleep.”
She warned me and rested her head back on my shoulder.
Crossing her arms as if to say ‘stay still’, she pulled my one arm around her.
I had to stay still as she said.
I had to.
In this close proximity, I couldn’t move at all.
The carriage moved at a constant speed.
In the silence, only the sound of the rolling wheels could be heard.
So, only Ria and I were fully awake.
“…”
An awkward silence enveloped us.
Ria had also known Eliya for a long time, just as I had.
But I had never conversed with Ria privately.
I barely remembered even exchanging a word for official reasons.
In other words, it was painfully awkward.
It would be easier if Ria was busy with something else or gazing out the window.
But she was watching me.
With a quiet, scrutinizing gaze.
‘Is there something she wants to say?’
I wanted to ask, but the atmosphere made it seem difficult.
Ria was quite a cold and sharp maid.
Except for Eliya, that is.
Eliya’s breathing gradually slowed.
Softly and regularly.
This was how Eliya looked when she fell into a deep sleep.
I learned little things like this from sleeping next to her.
She slept so soundly.
“You.”
Suddenly, Ria spoke.
In a small, low voice.
Seemingly careful not to wake Eliya.
“Can you die for the young lady?”
The topic was unexpectedly bleak for our first conversation.
The momentum was quite serious.
“Why are you asking something so obvious…”
I paused mid-answer.
I was a guard. Eliya’s guard.
So, if a situation arises where I have to die for Eliya, then I should.
I know that.
I always kept that mindset.
I didn’t want to shrug off my responsibilities.
At the same time, I sometimes thought that Eliya might try to kill me.
Perhaps the first tragedy I narrowly avoided.
And the second one that still awaits.
If I can’t escape this time either, I might have to run from her to survive.
At the same time, I could die for Eliya.
What if the two contradict?
What if I have to die for Eliya after all?
Could I truly give my life for her?
I glanced down at sleeping Eliya.
She who had been carrying the red blanket and cat doll I gave her for five years without fail.
‘You… no, I… what about you…?’
A small sigh from Ria snapped me from my thoughts.
It seemed more like a relief than a lament.
“That’s enough.”
“…What?”
“It’s not simply a matter of duty; you also care for her as a person, don’t you?”
That hit home.
“Then, that’s enough for me…”
Ria’s eyes glistened with unshed tears.
Her black eyes quietly watched the sleeping Eliya.
A warm yet sorrowful gaze.
Today, she seemed to look older than usual; was it just my mood?
“May I ask you one thing?”
“As you wish.”
“How long have you known the young lady?”
In my knowledge of the future, there was no maid named Ria.
Ria looked as if she had served Eliya for a long time even five years ago.
Who exactly was she?
I was genuinely curious.
Ria looked like she was pondering, then shook her head.
“It’s a secret.”
“…What?”
“I told you to ask freely, but I didn’t say I would answer.”
“…”
It was frustrating but true.
But that’s frustrating…!
Though we hardly exchanged a few words, she was surprisingly playful.
She seemed to find amusement in teasing me with wordplay, giving a faint smile.
That face somewhat resembled Eliya…
“Ugh…”
Eliya stirred in her sleep.
Mumbling, she cuddled closer to me.
It seemed I had been too loud.
I hurriedly silenced myself, but Ria was looking at Eliya with a fond expression.
Her kind smile turned icy as she glanced at me.
‘What did I do to deserve this…’