The Disastrous Life of Saiki

Saiki (thinking): *Good grief, another day ruined by Yuuta. Can't even get a quiet Saturday. And of course, my parents are already involved. Why did I even bother staying home? Should've teleported to a deserted island.*

(There's a knock at the door. Yuuta's cheerful voice comes from outside.)

Yuuta: "Cyborg Cider Man, it's me!"

Saiki (thinking): *Cyborg Cider Man... again? Why did he have to latch onto that ridiculous name?*

Saiki (opens the door, slightly annoyed): "What is it, Yuuta?"

Yuuta (grinning widely): "Let's play heroes! You're Cyborg Cider Man, and I'll be Super Kid! Together, we can defeat the evil Dr. Boring and save the playground!"

Saiki (thinking): *This kid's imagination is way too intense for my taste. But if I say no, he'll just keep shouting until the whole neighborhood knows I'm here.*

(Saiki reluctantly steps outside, only to see his parents watching from the window.)

Kurumi: "Oh, look! Kusuo's playing with Yuuta. Isn't that cute?"

Kuniharu: "That's our boy! Maybe one day he'll be a superhero for real!"

Saiki (thinking): *I don't need powers of telepathy to know they're embarrassing me right now.*

Yuuta (pointing dramatically): "There he is! Dr. Boring is trying to steal all the fun from the park! Quick, Cyborg Cider Man, use your super powers!"

Saiki (thinking): *This is absurd... Well, better get this over with.*

(Saiki uses his telekinesis to make leaves float around dramatically, creating the illusion of a battle.)

Yuuta (eyes wide): "Whoa! That's so cool, Cyborg Cider Man! You're amazing!"

Saiki (thinking): *Yeah, sure. Amazing. The sooner we finish, the sooner I can go back inside and pretend this never happened.*

(Kurumi and Kuniharu walk outside, grinning at the scene.)

Kurumi: "What's going on here?"

Yuuta (proudly): "Cyborg Cider Man and I are saving the world from Dr. Boring!"

Kuniharu: "Can I be the sidekick?"

Saiki (thinking): *Here we go again... Can't anyone just let me have peace?*

(They start mimicking Yuuta's wild movements, pretending to fight imaginary enemies.)

Yuuta: "Together we're unstoppable! Cyborg Cider Man, use your Cider Beam!"

Saiki (thinking): *I'm really doing this, huh? Using my psychic powers to play hero with a five-year-old and my parents. This might be my new low.*

(Kurumi "faints" dramatically, and Kuniharu pretends to defeat the villain.)

Kurumi: "Oh no! Dr. Boring is too strong! Save me, Cyborg Cider Man!"

Saiki (thinking): *At this point, I should just teleport to the moon and stay there.*

(After a few more minutes of chaos, Yuuta's mother calls him from their house.)

Yuuta: "I gotta go! But can we play again tomorrow, Cyborg Cider Man?"

Saiki (thinking): *Please don't.* "Yeah, sure, Yuuta."

(Yuuta runs off, waving. Saiki turns to leave.)

Saiki (thinking): *Finally. I'm done with this nonsense.*

Kurumi: "You were so good with him, Kusuo! Maybe you should play with Yuuta more often."

Saiki (thinking): *That's it. I'm teleporting to the roof.*

Kuniharu: "Come on, Cyborg Cider Man, let's head inside and have some snacks! Saving the world takes a lot out of you!"

Saiki (thinking): *Good grief... This family really knows how to test my patience. I knew I should've stayed inside.*