The Cycle of Hatred: A Naruto Insert

The exams continued long into the afternoon, with the physical section being some kind of assault course, followed by a twenty-minute break, marksmanship using either shuriken or kunai, and now: shinobi kumite.

As we had throughout this past year, we were all standing around Iruka but, unlike the usual relaxed buzz, there was a hanging silence. The sort where you wait for it to drop and put an end to the stomach-clenching nerves, except it doesn’t. Mizuki was also present under the shade of a tree with a clipboard. More so than with anyone else, I was carefully neutral in all my interactions with him, whether or not I perceived any animosity.

I was the most nervous around him, but he didn't do much else beyond the occasional sneer when he thought I wasn’t looking. While I knew he was going to betray the Leaf and run to Orochimaru, I didn’t see how he’d achieve it besides doing something monumentally stupid. His way in would have been me – probably relying on my relationship with Lord Third to get me into the Hokage’s Office – but since I wasn’t failing the Academy, I was left scratching my head.

There was also the distant possibility of him banding up with Kabuto (and God knows what he was doing besides spamming the Chunin Exams twice a year). I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he scribbled something onto the clipboard. At least, I did, until someone snapped their fingers in front of my face.

I blinked and swatted the hand away.

“Are you back with us?” Iruka raised an eyebrow.

I pulled my lips into a tight line. “My focus slipped. Sorry, sir.”

“I know that it’s been a busy day, but keep your wits for this last test and then you’ll be on vacation for three months. Just because you’ve been doing well all year, doesn’t mean you can slack off.” He looked around the class. “That goes for all of you, alright?”

The class slipped some energy into their reply, causing Iruka to smile. He called up the first pair to spar, drawing a bigger-than-normal circle around them. A girl from one of the minor clans – Fumi was her name… I think – and a guy called Taro. Their fight wasn’t pretty, nor was it quick. They threw mostly telegraphed punches and had the poor habit of letting each other get up after being sent to the ground.

Eventually, Taro stepped outside the ring and, whether intentional or not, Fumi won the fight. The second fight was identical to the first, and it was the same for the fourth and fifth fights. The sixth was a bit more interesting since Sabo was fighting. He was a repeater from the year before. While all his classmates went up to the second year, he was forced to redo the year because – in his words – he’d goofed.

With another year to polish practically everything about him, Sabo was pretty great at taijutsu. Not as good as Sasuke or Hinata, but he often fought Kiba to a standstill. Looking at this understanding of the Academy’s basic taijutsu style, he knew it in and out. It was all muscle memory for him, which the vast majority of our class lacked.

Of course, I was ignoring the obvious fact that Sabo was a year older, taller, and stronger than Ino. She didn’t look too thrilled to be up against him. As the head of what I’d taken to calling the Sasuke Fan Club, Ino didn’t care very much about anything at school besides socialising and trying to win Sasuke’s heart so Sabo had a pretty distinct advantage over her.

But before Iruka could start the match, she raised her hand.

“What’s wrong Ino?” Iruka asked. “Are you giving up?”

“No. I wanted to ask if we can use jutsu?”

“Jutsu?” Iruka frowned and glanced at Mizuki, who shrugged back. “I… while there’s no rule explicitly forbidding it, none of you know – or should know – any jutsu at this point. We’ve been working on your chakra control and teaching you hand signs, but you won’t learn jutsu until next year. Though… I suppose we can’t stop your parents from teaching you.”

The worry melted off her face and she danced on the balls of her feet.

“What!” Sabo threw up his hands. “How is that fair?”

“If you had passed with the rest of your class last year, Sabo, you wouldn’t be here,” Iruka replied, his voice dry. “You also have an advantage over everyone because you got to cover everything twice.”

Seeing the blood in the water, Ino clasped her hands together. “Please, sir? If this is my graduation exam, I want to do my best and that means leaving it all in here.”

Iruka wrangled with his thoughts for a minute, his face set in deep thought. He nodded slowly and began the match. That being said, he inched towards the ring, worry clear on his face.

I wanted to scream as I watched Sabo stand there and stare at Ino. This was his final exam, not a sparring session! And even if it wasn’t, no one in the right mind would let someone prepare a jutsu to use against them and just watch.

As she finished the hand seals, I began to understand why exactly it was Sabo didn’t graduate.

“Mind Transfer Jutsu!”

Since Sabo hadn’t moved at all, he got caught in Ino’s jutsu, stiffening up before going completely slack and walking out of the ring.

“...Shinobi kumite is now over. Make the unison seal and leave the ring.” Iruka shook his head wryly, looking down at the clipboard to see who was next. “Iori and Matsuda.”

“Shikamaru?” I asked.

He pulled his gaze away from the ring. “What is it?”

“Since Ino can use her clan’s jutsu, am I right in assuming you can do the same with yours?”

“Man,” His lips tugged up in a smirk, “I dunno. Me telling you would be a damn stupid thing to do.”

Choji was too absorbed in both his nerves and the current match to hear him, but Hinata did.

She sighed and fixed him with a withering stare. “You might not be paired with him.”

“I don’t know that yet,” he replied. “Unlike you two, I’m not great at taijutsu so I need as many cards stacked in my favour as possible.”

By the time we were done, the match was over; I didn’t see if it was won through submission or ring-out but it was probably submission based on how dirty the two’s clothes were.

“Choji.”

He yelped.

Iruka looked square in his direction as a few people laughed. “...and Naruto.”

Horrified, Choji twisted his neck to look at me. All the blood drained from his face when I gave him a small smile. Shikamaru’s laughter didn’t help much but Hinata quickly shut him up.

We walked into the ring; Choji was in front of me, shoulders hunched and neck bent. He was never the most confident of people and Iruka putting him up against the best taijutsu user in his class wasn’t doing him any favours.

Whether or not I was the best taijutsu user in our class was pretty debatable but nobody could claim to have even half the endurance and stamina I possessed. Even my recovery time was far shorter than the other kids; it was probably the most important factor in my current progress because being able to consistently push out more training per day meant more progress.

Iruka walked into the centre of the ring, standing directly between us. I shot him a quizzical look but he stayed stone-faced.

“Make the seal of confrontation.”

We did, though Choji’s hand was visibly shaking.

“Begin!”

To his credit, Choji moved towards me. His punch was stiff, and so telegraphed that I stopped, caught it and pulled him in by the arm. He was hyperventilating in my ear and I squeezed his shoulder.

“Listen,” I hissed. “We don’t have time to have a conversation. Choji? Calm down. This is a spar and you’re still my friend. I won’t beat the hell out of you just because you’ve been matched against me.”

“H-How the hell am I supposed to w-win?”

“You’re not, but as a shinobi, there’ll be plenty of fights we can’t win!”

Choji teeth ground together. “Then what do I do, Naruto!”

“Don’t go down easy and make it clear to Iruka you did your best.”

With nothing more to say, I shoved Choji away and took my stance. Choji did the same, looking a great deal less nervous than before.

This time, I made the first move and edged in until I was tentatively in range. I was a short kid, so there weren’t many people I was taller than – practically all the girls were taller than me and so were the vast majority of boys – so Choji had the physical advantage here.

All I could hope was that he didn’t recognise it and push the pace.

I shifted angles, letting my fist fly and slip between Choji’s guard. He took the hits and winced, shuffling around to keep me in view. I watched him tighten his back hand, but he didn’t move it. Instead, I was forced to slip away from his lead hand – it was so close to hitting my nose that I felt a heaviness on my brow.

Good. That was good. If Choji was calm enough to plan like that, I didn’t have to worry about him giving the teachers a poor showing – and I also didn’t have to worry about him not making it to the second year.

After that, the fight was relatively straightforward. It wasn’t the most exhilarating fight, but I made sure not to hold back too much. Choji being my friend was one thing, and I was certain that Iruka knew I was holding back a little, but if I made it too blatant, he would have to do something about it. So, I let the fight go on until I was sure Choji was able to show a decent amount and then went in for the finish.

Over the handful of exchanges, his confidence grew so much that when he stepped in for the last time, he did so pretty carelessly. I darted in to meet him, grabbing his lead arm and positioning my feet to throw him over my hip. He thudded into the dirt and I locked his arm with my knee on his hip to make sure he couldn’t escape.

“Surrender, Choji. It’s over.”

He gritted his teeth.

“I-I w-won’t—”

I tightened the lock and he whimpered.

“A-Alright, I surrender!”

Iruka called at the end of the match and we left the ring as the next pair walked past us. The rest of the matches flew by. Sasuke beat Kiba in under two minutes, Hinata beat someone else even faster, and Shikamaru won his match by also having his opponent walk out of the ring.

Iruka was pretty ticked off that he couldn’t judge either’s performance, but since he’d allowed Ino to use the Mind Transfer Jutsu, he couldn’t stop Shikamaru from using the Shadow Bind Jutsu either.

A crowd of worried parents stood at the gate when school was over. Hinata and Shikamaru wished me goodbye with the promise that we’d do something during the holiday. Choji did the same, but before he could go, I grabbed his shoulder.

“What is it?” he asked.

I let go of his shoulder. “I was wondering: since Ino and Shikamaru could use their clan’s jutsu, can you? And if so, why didn’t you use it when you fought me?”

“U-Um…” He scratched his cheek, turning away from me. “I don’t have enough chakra yet.”

“It’s good for me that you don’t. Cause if you could use it, I probably would have lost.”

Choji snorted.

“I’m serious!” I pushed him a little. “I don’t know any jutsu – at all. Could you imagine me trying to dodge a massive fist?”

He started to laugh, which was great because I could see that the exams were still bothering him.

“Go on,” I said. “Your parents are waiting for you.”

“Okay. And Naruto?”

“What is it?”

He turned around and gave me an awkward hug. I didn’t stop him or anything, but it was still a little awkward.

“Thank you.”

I patted his back a few times. “No worries. I’ll see you soon. Have a great summer, alright?”

He ran down the steps and joined his parents. A man who looked like his father scooped him up and roared in laughter. All around me, I watched happy parents embrace their children. As much of a bad idea as it was, I began to wonder what it would’ve been like if my parents were here.

Someone put a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t need to see who it was because their next words said it all.

“Don’t dwell. It makes it worse, trust me.”

“Sensei, does it get better?”

He sighed and patted my shoulder.

“Seeing all this? No, not really. But having friends does help.”

I nodded. We stayed like this for a while; both of us watching the happy families wander home. Once everyone was gone, I turned around and gave Iruka a sincere bow. We might not have got off to a very good start, but he’d proven that he wasn’t out to get me.

“Thanks for teaching me.”

He smiled and the scar on his face wrinkled.

“Don’t worry about it. Have a good holiday.”

When I got home, I was surprised to find an envelope on my welcome mat. I rarely got any letters, besides random restaurant brochures. Everything to do with my housing situation was managed by whatever institution in the village’s management dealt with orphans.

I picked it up and left my shoes on the mat behind me. The fact that I‘d got a letter at all made me curious enough to disregard doing much else so I sat on the only couch I owned and ripped it open.

– – –

Dear Naruto,

I’ve sat on this letter for a while, trying to figure out the best way to communicate this to you. You have no parents I can come to so I decided to put it off until the end of the year. I’ve asked the people you’re close with and am writing this letter because of what I learned from them: that you are much smarter than you let on.

I allowed my personal feelings to overcome my responsibilities as your teacher. As of this letter reaching you, I have resigned as a teacher at the Academy and surrendered myself to Lord Third’s judgement.

While he was certainly more merciful than he should have been, I have returned to active service with a fine and a year of border patrol as punishment. I deserve far worse and was more than ready to accept imprisonment. There is so much I wish I could tell you to rid myself of this guilt, but I cannot.

Despite what everyone says, you are a child. I’m writing this to apologise in the only way I’m able to. Doing so in person – were it not forbidden by Lord Third – isn’t something I think I’m up to right now. Looking you in your eyes and admitting exactly what it is I did makes me sick to my stomach.

I know I do not deserve your forgiveness but I ask for it anyway.

Regards,

Fujino Shimizu

– – –

I read the letter twice before I set it down. It had been so long since that fiasco that I’d cast her from my mind – she made it easy to do by pretty much ignoring my existence. Reading the letter, I expected myself to feel something – anger, hatred, pity, anything.

But I didn’t.

The only thing I left, as I sat there on my couch, was the exhaustion – mental and physical – from the day’s events. Maybe it was strange of me, but I didn’t care what Fujino experienced to make her hate me in the same way I could care less if a shop barred me from entering.

I was curious as to why Lord Third never said anything about her. He had come to give me my stipend last week but hadn’t mentioned a thing. Though he did ask how I was finding school, that was part of our usual routine.

Scanning the letter one more time, I swallowed at the strange sense of detachment. I wouldn’t be seeing Fujino after this year, and while she did admit her guilt to the Hokage, I didn’t care. I expected to feel some kind of vindication or contentment that she was at least being punished but… I didn’t.

Fujino was just a speed bump in the grand scheme of things. I probably wouldn’t see her again and even if I did, that would still be true. Allowing her actions, or anyone else’s, to dictate my thoughts was exhausting. Sure, I’d never experienced something as direct as what she did, but I’d had more than half a dozen months to sit on it.

I walked over to the bin in the open-plan kitchen and tore up the letter, balling it up between my hands. 

“Apology accepted.”