The Butcher of Gadobhra

The Baron of Gadobhra dismissed the system message then stood and looked at the Knight. "Well, I can see that the day just got more interesting, and I do love a business deal that comes with a nice advance of profits. Got a contract on you? Not that I don't trust you, I don't trust anyone. And which one of you is a lawyer? We have strict rules about lawyers in Gadobhra. You have to divulge your legal team when you come visiting so we can put them on the 'Don't Shoot' list. Otherwise, they can be legally hunted out of season."

The mages looked confused and the knight bristled, "We have come with an offer of alliance. We deal in ice and cold steel, not in words on paper."

The Baron stared down his nose at them, "Nice speech. How long did you practice that in the mirror? What do you take us for, a bunch of rubes? This is Gadobhra, bunky, and you're dealing with the ACME corporation. We've crushed entire governments with 'words on paper'. Words are important. Like the claim about your 'Esteemed Allies'?"

"We have the support of the Maple Priests?"

Billy sneered, "Support? Esteemed allies? What the hell do those words mean? Do they sell you syrup for your pancakes or do they have ten thousand squads of warrior-priests riding MegaMoose bigger than elephants? Small details like that make a difference. Your offer sucks. Winter here would be bad for business. Hard to grow crops with snow on the ground. Also hard with the Emperor's Legions at my doorstep. Conversely, Winter elsewhere is good for business. This war is going to make me a ton of money supplying food and weapons of war to the Empire. All those 'words on paper' add up to a difference in a lot of dollars. If I get to command an army of giant moose cavalry and sweep across the Empire with Ice, Steel, and Syrup Magic, that's worth all the trouble that comes from pissing off the Emperor and losing some key places to sell sausage. Do you even have a glossy flyer with the bullet points?"

The mages were speaking rapidly to each other in worried tones, utterly confused by the arcane wording of the Baron's speech.

Billy picked up a glossy pamphlet, "Speaking of which, take a pamphlet. I sell to anyone. That's part of my new religion as an arms merchant. If you see something you like, we can take that pile of gold as a down payment. No terms for first-time customers, but buy twelve catapults and get a free onager as a bonus."

The knight took the pamphlet, glanced at it, and tossed it behind him. The Ogre grabbed it from the air, exclaiming, "Bronk like pretty pictures!" The chest of gold clattered as he accidentally knocked it over in his haste to snatch the pamphlet. Billy noted that the bottom of the chest was only six inches from the top. The Ogre sat on the floor, happily looking at the various War Machines, ignoring all else.

The knight's face became ugly. "You reject the treaty of Winter?"

Billy casually lit a cigar, and while doing so, loosened his sword in its scabbard. "Yes, I sure do. Not that you brought an actual offer. Vague allies. Short on your gold, and lacking information on this so-called army. And those little wooden caskets held either a crap magical artifact, a fake religious icon, or something you want to use to kill me and pull off a coup."

The knight drew his sword and the room grew cold. Reacting to that signal, the mages reached into the boxes, pulling out...an apple and a chipped coffee mug that said "World's Greatest Thief."

Vandalis and McTeeth waved from the back of the room, each holding up a glowing white ball. "Sorry, we were curious about what you had in the boxes."

Billy looked at the knight, "You thought you could just walk into my throne room with Weapons of Magical Destruction and sneak them in? What sort of half-assed war are you trying to fight?"

The knight took a moment to glare at his mages before turning back to Billy. "Laugh now, but Winter is here, with or without your permission or an agreement." He snapped his fingers. "Your village pays for your hubris. We will leave it a frozen ruin and claim the dungeon beneath. Hundreds will die. And you will be the first to fall."

Mocking laughter came from the Baroness as she entered the room with three hulking automatons behind her.

In the tavern, Suzette had served another round of chilled white wine to the odd group in the back. The atmosphere in the bar had become quiet, and then silent. All the travelers and workers had left as the room chilled, seeking warm beds. The fire still crackled, but frost had spread everywhere in the room. The barmaid had continued to smile and seemed not to notice. When the last of her regular customers had left, she approached the back table.

"Anything else I can get for you folks? Hot mulled wine? Chicken soup fresh from the stove? Pickled snails so hot they'll melt your tongue? And I've got a special tonight on Burney Bacon. It'll warm you up on a cold winter night."

The men grumbled and sneered at her offerings, and then the agents of Winter stood and revealed themselves. They were tall men with pale faces and paler shadows dressed in white leather armor and silvered chainmail. Their hair was white as hoarfrost and no hint of humor could be seen in their faces.

Suzette beamed a smile at them, "Speaking of Cold Winter Knights, I'll ask you gentlemen not to start a fight. It's very hard on the furniture."

Their leader drew his sword, a fell blade with blazing blue runes on the blade. The room became even colder. "You have a choice, woman. Kneel to Winter, accept our authority, and surrender the dungeon. Or choose death. I don't care. But know that your walk to the shadowlands will not happen for seven years. Your soul will stay in your frozen corpse as you shiver in the grave."

Suzette's eyes grew wide, "Winter? Oh my, your clever disguises completely fooled me." She took a frightened step backward as if to run. Then stopped and giggled, "Sorry, sorry. I couldn't keep a straight face. You thought this was subtle? I knew who you were as soon as you stepped foot into my domain."

"This is your last chance woman, choose Winter or Death!"

Suzette looked from one pale unsmiling face to the next. These guys were no fun at all.

"Fine, I choose death."

Every man in the group spasmed and fell to the ground. Their muscles knotted and bones cracked as the poison took effect. Suzette knelt and looked into the eyes of the leader.

"If you walk back from death, tell Winter to stay the hell out of my lands." Her face was pale, and her eyes cruel and cold, matching anything the knight had ever seen in Winter. And then they all died, melting away to slush which dried on the wooden floor as the fire roared to life. They left behind sets of enchanted Winter Warg armor and Silver Chain Mail. She put a set of each on the wall of the tavern and offered them for sale. The sword she'd keep as a trophy. It whined pitifully as she put it above the hearth.

After cleaning off the table and mopping up the slush on the floor, Suzette went to the bar and dumped a leather sack on the counter. Pale gems and bright gold coins scattered. "At least the assholes paid their bar tab before they left."

Back in the throne room, two Frost Wizards and a Rime Knight found themselves outnumbered and outgunned. Without their bound Frost Elementals, they had no chance of winning this fight. Vandalis relieved one of the Frost Wizards of his fingers, tongue, and kidneys. Layla gave the other no chance to cast a spell as she slashed at him repeatedly until his head toppled to the ground. One of the Automatons grabbed the Knight and pummeled him until he melted into a puddle, then pounded the puddle until it dried up.

To everyone's surprise, the Ogre sat quietly, reading the pamphlet. As people circled him, he smiled at the Baron and Baroness. "My most sincere apologies for that clumsy attempt at extortion. I warned them that any ally worth having wouldn't be impressed and would have sufficient defenses or security to deal with what they brought." He spread the pamphlet on the floor and pointed to the catapults. "I believe I will take you up on your offer of a free Onager. As you stated, please keep the gold as a down payment, and if there is minor damage to your village, please add that to my bill. I will send an emissary under a flag of truce to arrange for transport."

He stood, straightening his back, and extended a meaty hand. "Winter looks forward to doing business with you, William of Gadobhra."

Billy shook the hand, and then Bronk disappeared, collapsing into a pile of snowflakes. Vandalis and the rest of his guild came up to the throne. "About that building we were talking about?"

Billy swept his hand around to indicate most of Gadobhra. "Grab one of the ruins, on the house. If you want it fixed up, that's extra. And permanent residents get a 10% discount on dungeon fees."

"Quite acceptable, and don't worry about any 'fixing up'. The Order of Heracles has been saving up Building Points for a few decades in preparation for a new Guild Headquarters." He looked at the icy orb in his gloved hand. "Nice of Winter to drop these off. Good for keeping the beer cold."

Granya commented on Delbert's new look when she brought down his dinner and stayed to eat with him. "What brought about the change? And I do like it. You look very professional."

Delbert twirled, showing off his new white robe with ice-blue trim and glowing blue staff. A huge book of spells sat on a nearby table where he had been reading. "I decided that if I wanted to be a Wizard, it was time I started acting and dressing like one."