The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille had been upset as soon as she had seen Jenna, who hadn't even hidden that she gazed at the couple's interlocked hands with dismay. But after that one sentence, everything got even worse.

Lucille hated hearing the other woman say Cedar's name. And the fact that he had tightened his hold on her hand proved that he hadn't been very happy about that statement either. Lucille tried to squeeze back his hand to support him, but that probably didn't help much. She stayed quiet until Cedar finally turned around and pulled her away.

She happily followed him while forcing herself to stop glaring at Jenna. She quickly had to focus on walking though. Cedar was quite fast at the moment, so they had to squeeze through some narrow parts and push past groups of people. Lucille barely managed to follow him.

The prince noticed this after a short while and gave her a little smile. “I apologize. We will have to leave quickly. That woman is definitely in contact with my mother. We don't need her to tattle on us. So, we have to hurry a bit, even if it's unpleasant.”

Lucille nodded. “It's fine. Let's go.” Once they sat on the horse again, everything would be good. So, she only had to endure the few steps to the city gate. And she did just that.

Cedar didn't seem to have any problems calming his breathing, but she was panting by the time they had reached their destination. The prince took back the horse and paid the rest of the fee for the stable's work before helping Lucille sit on the saddle again. Then he followed her on top and rode back the same path as they had used to get here. In some way, it was calming to see that he knew what he was doing at all times, and yet, it was also odd that he was so tense while Lucille was more or less relaxed.

Cedar only calmed down a little bit when they had put some distance between them and the city. He spoke up after they had crossed the first hill after the city. “It should be fine now. No one is following us. As long as we keep an eye on the area behind us, there shouldn't be any tricks.” Like on their way here, he steered them toward a small sandy path that led in the same direction as the road but was lined with more trees and bushes. They should be able to move here without being seen.

Lucille glanced over her shoulder but quickly turned around again to avoid falling. “It's dark, so I can barely see anything. Are you sure that it's fine for us to use such a path to go toward the royal palace? Won't the guards find us suspicious?”

Cedar let out a small snort. “That's why I chose this path. They won't see us. And if they do, I just have to show them my face, and they will have to let us in. But I would favor avoiding that because my brother would hear about it. I would like to go without being punished because of a small outing.”

His brother didn't know after all. As expected.

Lucille nodded despite knowing that he kept his eyes on the road and not on her. “Then let's hope that we are lucky. Will we enter through the same passageway?”

“Yes. I have the key with me, so it should work. If it doesn't, we just have to meet some guards. But the secret escape routes are usually made pretty well. We should get in, and then we will just need to sneak back from the storage room.”

Lucille affirmed that, and afterward, it was silent. She wanted to stay quiet for a while longer as well, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. So, she spoke up a moment later. “Cedar. What Lady Peril said just now...” She wanted to ask, but at the same time, she didn't want to overstep her boundaries. She wouldn't address a topic he disliked. So, she just hinted at it and hoped that he would give her a response about what he wanted.

Cedar stayed silent for a few seconds before he explained it to her in a voice that was so calm that he managed to seem unaffected. “As you should know, I'm a walking mix of problems of psychological nature. In the past, I didn't manage to get over that. So, when someone reminded me of one of the things that bothered me, like Theodore being better at basically everything and no one in this family caring about me, I didn't like it. Then I usually blew up.”

It wasn't nice to hear that at all, but it got even worse.

The prince resumed without batting an eye. “If I got angry enough to lose all self-control, it was called a breakdown, and I am lucky to have never killed anyone during one of those. I have to admit that I did end up breaking someone's arm once though. Anyway. I call the things that made me blow up my triggers. Only the people who knew me as a child can know about them since I learned to control my temper and haven't had a breakdown in seven or eight years now. I don't really care about many of those triggers anymore. Of course, my mother still knows most. She was the one who used them against me more often than anyone else did.”

Lucille felt a cold shiver run down her spine. She didn't like where this was going at all. “What did she do?”

Cedar turned around to check the area behind them once more before looking to the front. “She mainly used them to get me to do what she wanted. I was attention-starved as a child. So, she only needed to promise me that she would be proud, and I would do anything. If she said that she was disappointed, that would break me down. Then I would run after her, apologize and swear to do whatever she wanted to make up for it.” There was no emotion in his voice as he said that. As if he had just accepted that fact by now.

For Lucille, it was different. She balled her fists and almost shivered with anger. Camille Estien seemed to be the most disgusting person in this whole world. Lucille leaned her head against Cedar and forced herself to speak in a quiet voice. “Your mother is horrible. I'm glad that you're not with her anymore.”

It wasn't clear what she had expected, but she was relieved when Cedar replied. “Me too. I'm glad that I got over those childish tantrums as well.” One shouldn't call the psychological problems others had purposefully planted into his brain a tantrum, but she didn't dare to interrupt him. “Mother doesn't get that I don't have any breakdowns anymore though. That's good since she doesn't use things that actually hurt me. But it's a bit annoying that she told Lady Peril. After all, that woman will happily use it again and again. I hope she understood that it won't grant her what she wants.”

Lucille was still rather confused about that conversation. She didn't want to say it out loud, but she had an idea about what this might be about. Jenna had mentioned Cedar being rough already. After seeing that woman's infuriating smile and how she kept molesting someone who hated her, Lucille definitely wouldn't hold it against him if he had lost his temper with Lady Peril once. But she also knew that he wouldn't just snap at everyone that annoyed him. “About what she said...” She didn't specify anything and gave him a chance to steer the conversation like this.

Cedar immediately replied, which meant that he wanted to talk about it. “I have to admit that that just now...sounded a bit odd. I would like to inform you that I never intentionally hurt that woman.” That was what he wanted to clarify first? He really didn't want to seem like a bad person in front of her.

Lucille felt her heart clench at that thought. She rested her head against him and hurried to reply. “I know. She said strange things like that a few times now, but I know that you wouldn't do something bad. Did you ever defend yourself against her, or did she just make that up?”

Cedar's response followed after a few seconds of silence. “Unfortunately, I did mess up at one point.” He stayed quiet for a bit before he continued with much more annoyance in his voice than before. He didn't even try to hide how upsetting that event had been to him. “That was during a ball a few weeks after Theodore's coronation. Seven years ago. Lady Peril had once again followed me around as soon as I left the ballroom. I told her to leave me alone multiple times. She didn't listen. That in itself would have been fine. But then she suddenly started touching me. She didn't stop, even after I threatened to put her on trial a few times. Back then, I was pretty...unstable. I didn't manage to keep my cool when she crossed some boundaries. I lashed out. Just once. I put my hand to her throat and slammed her against the wall before telling her to leave me alone.”

Once again, Lucille couldn't claim that she would condemn his reaction. “But that was self-defense. If she doesn't let go of you, you obviously have to get her off you in some way. Did she cause trouble after? I can't imagine it. You were fourteen then, right? So, she couldn't just have admitted that she molested you before you fought back.”

Cedar relaxed a bit when she said that, but he quickly returned to being annoyed when he recounted what had happened. “At first, that worried me most. The option of her telling others and our family's reputation suffering because of me. I let go of her after a few seconds and apologized immediately. But then it got strange. For a second, Lady Peril seemed scared. And to be honest, being met with terror or indignation would have been fine. I could have dealt with that and might even have accepted some unpleasant things to make her stay silent. But she didn't yell at me. Instead, she calmed down quickly.” The prince hesitated for a short moment before he resumed. “She...had a really strange expression. I'm pretty sure that she was still acting the whole time, but she behaved like she enjoyed my outbreak and asked me to do it again. At that point, I thought I might lose my mind and ran away. She came after me. The only reason that I didn't...that she didn't get seriously injured that day was because we met my brother. He could see that I was seconds away from having a breakdown and stepped in. That was one of the few times that I was more than thankful to meet him. He sent that woman away and let me return to my room. The damage had already been done though.”

Lucille turned her head when she heard some rustling but quickly focused on looking up instead. She couldn't see most of Cedar's face, but it was enough to discern that he was beaming as always. He was definitely in a bad mood, but it seemed like he was willing to talk about it right now. She knew how quickly he could withdraw into his shell, so she needed to encourage him. “If you say that, it seems like the story didn't end there. What happened after?”

Cedar replied without looking down. “Lady Peril made it her task to get even closer to me afterward. Sometimes, I was lucky, and Theodore was somewhere around me, or I could hide behind Mother, whom Lady Peril was scared of. But when I wasn't lucky, that woman tried her best to use that incident against me. Sometimes, she acted like she deserved a reward for keeping quiet about it. Then she suddenly blabbered about how I could vent my violent urges on her. The fact that I only lashed out because she cornered me was long forgotten. She tried to provoke me a few times, but I always did my best to ignore that and never made the same mistake twice. As you heard, that doesn't keep her from saying stupid things like her wanting me to do it again. That's why I can't even physically push her away from me when she comes too close. She will end up liking that. She even commented on me speaking in a cold tone once. Which means that I can neither be nice to her nor be harsh. She will always find some way to enjoy it. That woman is insufferable.”

Lucille could only agree. It was ridiculous how horrible Jenna was. Surely, Lucille hated Camille much more, but she had to admit that both were disgusting. “I feel the same about her. I hope that you'll get rid of her soon.”

Cedar was quiet for a short moment. “I hope so too. Maybe I just need to get a fiancée to show her that she has to back off.” He leaned forward and pressed a small kiss on top of Lucille's head. After that, he directed his attention toward the street and didn't add anything.

Lucille could only sit there in shock. He had done it again. She unwillingly pressed her hand against her head while trying to ignore her quickening heartbeat. Cedar only needed one gesture to break her self-control down. This truly wasn't a good idea. She was lucky that he held her in his arms, or she would have fallen off the horse already. By now, she had probably gotten red already, so she was just thankful that it was so dark here.

On the way back to the palace, no one spoke except for some occasional small talk. They brought the horse back to the old man and received some gold coins back in return. Cedar took his bag, and they walked the rest of the way.

To Lucille's surprise, they reached the same small stone structure they had left through without any guards bothering them. Cedar used the key, and the door opened with a clink. Then they went inside before he made sure that the door was tightly closed again. He put the key back onto the holder by the door, and they made their way toward their home.

The dark and narrow hallway felt much shorter now, and they soon reached their destination. But apparently, not everything had progressed as well as it had seemed.

Cedar slowed his pace when they rounded the last corner. “There's light coming from inside.”

Lucille saw that too, but she doubted that a few candles in that room would trouble them. “Is that a problem?”

Cedar let out a low sigh. “That storage room should be empty. There is no way that servants will clean that at two in the morning. I would assume that someone noticed that we disappeared after entering the room. So...we can expect to see my brother now. He will be ecstatic.”

Lucille stayed directly behind him while trying to hide her growing uncertainty. “Will we get in trouble now?” She didn't want to see the emperor angry. She had witnessed how he yelled at others already. Theodore was much scarier than her father. And her father's anger already made her want to faint.

Cedar seemed to hear that in the tone of her voice and turned around to show her a soft smile, which she could barely see in the faint light. “I will get in trouble. You didn't do anything. Just say that I dragged you along with me. Theodore won't question it.”

Lucille hurriedly shook her head. “But that's not true. I forced you to take me along.” She refused to push the punishment on him just because she was scared. She had moved into the palace without giving back anything. The least she should do was to listen to the royal couple, but she had ignored their decisions. It was only right if she suffered from the consequences now.

Cedar paused for a moment before he spoke. “But I agreed to take you with me, so it was my responsibility. And I will get in trouble either way. We don't need you to listen to the same long speech I will have to endure. So, we will say that I was the one making the mistake.” For him, the discussion was over. He walked over to the door and showed her another smile. When she had reached him and stood right behind him, he opened it.

The hallway was flooded with light, which revealed that countless candles had been lit inside the storage room. As the prince had expected, Theodore was already standing there with a group of guards.

The emperor had crossed his arms and met the couple with visible anger. “Cedar.” There was a warning edge in his voice while he spoke and tapped his fingers on his upper arms.

Cedar ignored that and just put on a bright smile. “Good evening, Theodore. It's quite late, or rather early. What led you here?”

Theodore was furious, so it was odd for his brother to be so calm. “Where were you?”

Cedar shrugged and stepped outside to let Lucille in. He closed the passageway behind him while replying. “We visited a festival in the capital. In the northern district near the forest gate. It was nice, and the weather didn't cause any problems either.” How could he be so relaxed when the emperor was fuming? That didn't make any sense.

Lucille was already seconds away from trembling. She would have liked to apologize a hundred times, but she didn't dare open her mouth.

Theodore only narrowed his eyes when he heard that useless excuse. His voice was much sharper than before when he spoke. “We will go to my office. Now.”

Cedar only nodded at that. “Of course.” Why was he so calm? He would end up being punished in some way.

Lucille had wanted to keep herself from doing it, but she was already hiding behind him despite him now being the one to take the blame. As soon as she heard about them leaving, she moved though. She carefully tugged at the back of Cedar's shirt to make him look at her. “I...have to come too...right?” She didn't want to be yelled at. Being called to someone's office awakened bad memories inside of her. Unfortunately, it seemed like she hadn't hidden her fear well.

Cedar showed her an encouraging smile before he held his hand toward her. She put hers in his, and he squeezed her hand. “Everything is fine. You didn't do anything bad. You just have to go to bed after an exhausting evening, and tomorrow, everything will be taken care of for you.”

She shook her head. She refused to push the blame away. So, she forced herself to gaze at the emperor and whispered her response in a barely audible volume. “Your Majesty, I made him take me along, so...please don't...”

Surprisingly, Theodore's eyes landed on her. She almost froze, but his expression quickly softened. “There is no need to be worried, Lady Valerian. Who do you think I am? I won't deal out punishments. Except for my brother having to endure the next two hours of me scolding him, that is. You will get him back tomorrow morning without any delay.”

Cedar showed the brightest smile imaginable. “That sounds like it will enrich my evening incredibly. Thank you, Theodore.”

The emperor ignored that and continued to speak to Lucille. “While I would also like to remind you that your actions today were more than foolish and reckless, there is no need for me to do anything. You are in the palace for your own safety. Please don't forget that and refrain from running away in the future. I will make sure to close off this passageway, and this time, I will confirm whether my brother really told me about all the ones he knows.” His tone got a bit more accusatory near the end.

Cedar didn't seem to bother to react to that. He just met Lucille's gaze. “See? I told you that it's fine. You won't even notice that there was a conflict at all. I will leave now, and we can see each other for breakfast.”

Lucille nodded at that but didn't let go of his clothes. Instead, she lifted her head to make eye contact. She barely managed to voice her response in a whisper. “Can you bring me to my room before going to see him?”

Cedar was quiet before he turned to his brother. “Can I-”

Theodore cut him off. “Bring her back. Then you will immediately come to me though. Immediately.” He sounded like he was still furious, but at least he didn't seem to be boiling with enough anger to hurt anyone anymore.

Lucille was more than relieved to be able to see Cedar alone for a bit longer, so she nodded even though she hadn't been addressed.

The prince still beamed at his brother. “Naturally. I will be there in five minutes. For now, please excuse me and Lucille. You can take this to the office already.” He handed his bag to one of the knights.

The emperor only nodded. A little gesture of his was enough to make two guards follow the couple though.

Cedar seemed a bit annoyed by that, but he didn't point it out. He just squeezed Lucille's hand and led her toward her chambers.

Lucille still couldn't quite calm down. She could only stand there and wonder about whether Cedar would get scolded. His brother probably wouldn't be too happy about this, so the prince might regret it. And once again, she couldn't do anything but wait to hear how the conversation went. She was pretty sure that Theodore wouldn't hurt his brother in any way, but still.

They climbed up the stairs to the third floor, and Lucille was unsure whether she should say something else. But then she forced herself to speak. “I'm sorry if-”

Cedar didn't let her finish. “Don't apologize. It was my stupid idea to go out without permission, and you just came along. It won't get worse than last time, so don't worry.” He spoke a bit faster at that point, probably without noticing it. “Theodore will annoy me for a few minutes, I will tell him that it won't happen again, and he will return to his family soon. I had times during which he was much crueler with me, so you don't have to act like I am going to get hurt. I'm pretty sure that everything is fine.” He showed her a bright smile.

Lucille would have liked to kiss him at that moment but pushed the thought away quickly. “Alright. But...you have to tell me what happened tomorrow.”

“It won't be that interesting. He will tell me how dangerous it was for me to bring you out, and then he'll make me tell him everything we did. I'll manage, even if I might get annoyed.” Cedar squeezed her hand as he slowed his steps. “There we are.”

They might have reached her room, but Lucille was reluctant to leave his side. S he stopped without making any attempts to walk the last steps to her door. Instead, she turned to Cedar and looked up at him. He was as beautiful as always. His short hair was slightly ruffled, and she would have liked to run her fingers through it. But especially his eyes were much more captivating than they should be after she had seen them so often. “Cedar...”

The prince showed her a soft smile. “Yes? I'm right here.”

She paused for a moment while her mind raced to go through all the options she had now. Her first idea was pretty daring. She would never have the confidence to do that. Lucille scanned him for a few seconds longer while her heart beat with more vigor than before.

What was she supposed to say? She couldn't quite tell him that she wanted to cheer him up by doing something special. She couldn't ask what he wanted either. But she knew what he had done for her a few times already. She had always loved it, so maybe he would enjoy it too.

Lucille took a deep breath before she whispered to him. “Can you...lean down to me for a moment?” She was almost certain that he would refuse.

But Cedar followed her lead without hesitation.

Lucille's heart skipped a beat before returning to its original quick pace. Could she really dare to do this? This was the perfect opportunity to show him that she wanted to support him. She slowly moved closer to him and tried to keep herself from being too nervous.

What if he didn't like this? She would have to deal with that later.

Lucille came even closer and brought her lips to his. She barely brushed over his skin, but it was enough to make every fiber of her being scream in joy. At the same time, there was a lot of panic inside her too though. She pulled away much too quickly.

Cedar wasn't angry, luckily. But he also had lost his smile and seemed rather taken aback. For a moment at least. Then she saw the most beautiful smile in the world again, his genuine one. “Is that my goodnight kiss? Then I will have to return the favor. But if we do it like this, shouldn't we do it properly?” He reached for her and moved so slowly that she had all the time in the world to avoid him.

But of course, Lucille didn't do that. She waited for him to cup her cheeks and didn't move when he tilted her head upwards. For a moment, they made eye contact, and it felt like her heart was close to coming out of her mouth thanks to her growing nervousness. It couldn't be healthy that her stomach churned this much.

None of that mattered when Cedar leaned down though. It almost felt natural that they would meet for a kiss. His lips on hers were so soft that Lucille almost forgot what was happening around them. It was like she was drawn into another world that was so tempting that she had no desire to refuse. This was her third real kiss, and still, it felt as strangely wonderful as the first one. All of her veins felt like they were on fire, in an oddly good way. She enjoyed this with every fiber of her being.

There was only one distraction. She needed to do her best to keep herself upright despite her shaky legs.

A few seconds passed before Cedar slowly let go of her. He still looked down at her with something she would interpret as affection in his eyes. “That was a real goodnight kiss. Even if I have to say that I like both very much.”

Lucille felt like she had a fever. He couldn't know what he was doing to her. “I... Me too.” She didn't know what else to say while looking at him. She couldn't even glance at his lips, or she would consider kissing him again. “I...like...liked...” She just stammered and didn't dare to explain how much she had liked it. Not when her head felt like it was steaming because she had to make eye contact with Cedar. So, she resigned. She closed her eyes. “I liked it very much too. I wish you a good night and hope that you will sleep well.” When she opened her eyes, she immediately froze in place again.

Cedar was still holding onto her face, and he was much too close when he showed her this breathtaking smile. “It's good that we are on the same page. Then we can make this a ritual. Goodnight.” He stroked over the side of her face before pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. Then he slowly let go.

Lucille would have liked to say so much, but her burning face had probably already done it for her. So, she just nodded. She didn't dare to even look at Cedar for longer, so she walked to the door and immediately opened it. She waved to him while closing it.

Cedar waved back and showed her a smile that would probably appear in her dreams tonight.

As soon as the door was shut, Lucille leaned her back against it. She was still in a daze, and her legs barely carried her weight. This was what love felt like, right? If so, it was a pretty overwhelming sensation.

Overwhelming and wonderful at the same time.