The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille shouldn't have been surprised. The whole evening had been so exhausting that she had hoped that she would fall asleep as soon as she fell onto her bed. But so many things had happened that she could barely decide what she should remember in which order. Of course, everything filled her mind, but the thing that bothered her most was the kiss.

Whenever Lucille closed her eyes, she saw Cedar in front of her and felt a slight tingle on her lips. She remembered how he had kissed her and how wonderful it had felt when he had done that. And then her face burned up, and she pressed her hands to her cheeks, even though she was all alone in her room.

This made it impossible to sleep. She could only roll around and hide herself under the covers without a chance of becoming even a tiny bit drowsy.

At some point, Lucille gave in. She stood up and drank water while walking around in her room. She forced herself to think about everything that had happened in hopes of processing it, but it honestly wasn't too easy.

Cedar had kissed her. It hadn't just been a little peck but a real kiss on her lips. They hadn't separated after a few seconds either but had stood there for a while. And he had told her that he liked her and wanted to let their relationship move forward slowly.

Lucille began speeding up her pace to distract herself. She wouldn't be able to sleep now. She needed to use up some of her energy, or she wouldn't get any rest at all.

Cedar had told her that he saw her in a romantic light. And then he had kissed her. He had captured her lips and then inevitably signed the deal.

Lucille was completely lost now. She was smitten with him, and she couldn't even deny it anymore. There was no reason for her to do so when Cedar had said that he liked her back either. She couldn't believe her luck.

There was only one issue. Camille Estien. She had appeared right after the kiss and had probably seen it. She hadn't been happy.

Lucille was used to her father's wrath, but this had been something completely different. She hated the dowager empress, but she still couldn't help being scared of the other woman. And seemingly, she was right to feel like this.

Even Cedar had been very unhappy seeing his mother like that. He had immediately prepared for the worst. It was disgusting that he had to worry about his own mother losing her mind because he kissed someone.

It truly did seem like Camille hated Lucille. She had made that much clear during the conversation after the emperor's birthday. Only two months had passed since then, and the dowager empress had just gathered more resentment in that time. Yesterday, she had looked like the personification of wrath.

Lucille still didn't see why she should act differently from before though. Surely, she had no justification to be with Cedar despite the great difference between their ranks. But she liked him, and he liked her. If he was happy spending time with her, no one had the right to take that away from him. Lucille spun around again before she moved over to her bed and collapsed on it.

The whole situation was complicated and way too confusing. But for now, there was no need for her to decide what to do. It wouldn't be a problem if she indulged in this for a while longer. After all, she really did like Cedar. The question of whether this could be serious in terms of an actual marriage wasn't something she needed to answer now. It would be fine if she just moved forward without worrying about that.

What she did need to worry about was how she would explain that she might or might not have fallen in love with the man she had been warned about multiple times to Fiona. But even that could wait a bit. After all, she would only see Fiona after she had invited her friend and thus had the chance to stall for time until she decided that she was ready to tell the other woman.

And that extra time would be necessary. Lucille would need good arguments during that discussion.

That night, Lucille stirred for a long time until she finally fell asleep. She didn't get much rest and considered staying in bed longer the next day. But she usually visited Blanche before noon so that she could meet Cedar as soon as he was done in the office. She didn't want to delay that, so she forced herself to stand up and get dressed before walking downstairs to order some tea before seeing the empress.

She quickly suspected that she had used up all her good luck yesterday. After all, it seemed like fate wasn't on her side today. She had only entered the second floor before intending to go downstairs, and immediately, she ran into someone she didn't want to see. Why did she have to meet that woman now?

Yesterday, only one special event had occurred. That had been Lord Peril asking for permission to stay the night because his carriage had been damaged. Cedar had guessed that someone had tampered with it purposefully afterward, but he had allowed the family to sleep in the guest rooms.

Of course, that shouldn't have been an issue since Lucille hadn't expected to meet anyone. But for some reason, she saw Jenna as soon as she left her room. It was hard not to grimace and to suppress the urge to run away.

But Lady Peril had already spotted the other woman and showed her a wide grin. She only took a few steps to reach Lucille and immediately began talking. “Lady Valerian, what a surprise. How have you been? The ball yesterday was breathtaking, but it was exhausting too, was it not?”

Lucille would have liked to end the conversation by just agreeing, but Jenna probably wouldn't allow that. Leonard had said that Lady Peril had seen the kiss, so Lucille could expect some underhanded comment about that. The memory was enough to make her avert her eyes while she did her best not to get red. “Good...day, Lady Peril. It's a pleasure to meet you.” Lucille hid her hands behind her back while she prayed that the other woman wouldn't address the kiss. “The ball was truly overwhelmingly beautiful.” It had been breathtaking too, but that had mostly been because of Cedar. “As with every event, it was a bit draining, even though I enjoyed it fully. But since we can rest before the next ball, it will be fine.”

Jenna nodded at that and drew her fan, apparently a different one from yesterday, through her hand while she smirked at the younger woman. “Of course. I can only suggest you rest properly until then. One can easily see that you are a bit... Never mind. Lady Valerian, do you perhaps wish to borrow some powder from me? I used it rather often when I was tired, so you do not have to feel bad about lending some.”

Lucille wouldn't put anything that that woman gave her anywhere near her skin. Especially not since she suspected that this might just have been a hidden insult. She fiddled with her fingers while forcing herself to meet the others' gaze. “Thank you very much. But...I...do not need powder. I have some in my room.”

Jenna's smile didn't falter as she tilted her head to the side and tapped on her fan. “Of course, you would. Any young noble lady should own powder. After all, it is meant to cover up small flaws on your skin. Some might have more, and others may have less. But there is no need to become self-conscious because of things like that. Don't you agree?” Once again, she looked at Lucille with those piercing eyes that made it seem like she was inwardly listing all of the other's weaknesses and flaws.

Lucille tried to keep her shoulders upright, but she sank a bit in herself. “Well... People usually have some-” She wasn't able to finish.

Lady Peril already spoke up again. “Naturally. I never said that this wasn't the case. But if one wasn't blessed with exceptional beauty by the gods, which few people truly possess, one can make do with make-up. It would be good if some younger girls learned how to use it properly. Oh, well.” She put her hand onto her cheek and eyed Lucille for a moment before her smile became even wider. “Of course, there is no need to talk about such a topic when you aren't as passionate about it as I am. There might be a subject the both of us are fonder of.” She slowly brought her fan to her face and leaned the tip against her lips. “I saw that you had the honor of being allowed to accompany His Royal Highness. Again. You must feel wonderful about yourself.”

Lucille unwillingly tensed a bit when the other woman mentioned Cedar. This was the one topic that she wanted to avoid. She cared for him too much to be able to listen when others slandered him. But if it was Jenna, even kind words would probably sound revolting.

Lucille pressed her lips together for a moment before she forced herself to reply. “Yes. It is an honor to be allowed to accompany him. That is why I was overjoyed.” That was all she needed and wanted to say. Maybe it would be good to change the topic now. Lucille wasn't good at steering conversations, but she gave her best. “The ball was wonderful, was it not? I would like to see some fireworks again in the near future. It was touching to see that His Majesty got such rare items for his wife. I mean...they're from Travuan, and...”

Jenna let out a low chuckle while she seemed to take apart Lucille's soul with her eyes. “It was truly impressive. I could not avert my eyes the entire time. But it almost seemed like you were rather distracted by something else.” Her voice held an almost accusatory tone when she said that. “Maybe because His Royal Highness stood next to you. I would have stared at him too if I had had the chance.”

Lucille balled her fist behind her back and quickly pushed the thoughts of Cedar's lips on hers away. “Well...I...” She sounded much too nervous, so she cut herself off and began playing with her fingernails. “I have to admit that he is very...charming.” That was an understatement. But even saying that much in Jenna's presence felt unpleasant.

As expected, Lady Peril immediately used that chance to turn the conversation around. She unfolded her fan and slowly moved it through the air while she stared into the distance with a dreamy smile. “Of course. He is not only handsome and polite, he also has the kind of mysterious aura that anyone would love. Along with his rank, that is enough to charm anyone. I could spend hours praising him, but I doubt that you would wish to hear that. In any case, we both have to agree that he is exceptional on every level. He is the perfect bachelor. Not many women here would refuse him. That is why he will have to choose someone worthy to be his company of all of those.” Was she trying to insult the other woman again?

Lucille vaguely remembered the last conversation. She didn't want to be told that she didn't deserve to be with Cedar again. Not now that she had finally heard an affirmative answer. So, she wanted to chime in.

But she barely opened her mouth before Lady Peril took over. “But that is quite obvious, is it not? I feel like there is something else I need to tell you. You seem to like him a lot. So do I, but you haven't known him as long. That is why I wanted to warn you. He may be wonderful, but he also has a side that you will not like, even while I adore it.” Her smirk showed a hint of mockery, which was enough to prove that this would not be pleasant.

Lucille braced herself for the worst. Still, she wanted to defend Cedar. “I...may not have been with him for long. But I think I know him well enough to be certain that I like all of him.”

Jenna brushed that off with a rejecting motion of her hand. “Surely, you won't like this. You are much too...sensitive. Let me tell you a secret about His Royal Highness.” Her smile widened as she lowered her voice and covered the side of her mouth with her fan, as if she wanted to keep others from reading her lips. “He can get...rough when he is in the mood. You need to prepare for that if you want to stay close to him. After all, it's only natural for a person to show their gratitude for being able to even spend time with His Royal Highness. You will need to pay him back by accepting everything he likes. I know that I can take it, but can you?” It felt like a sacrilege when she spoke about Cedar. Especially when she did it with that look in her eyes.

Lucille felt shivers run down her spine. She almost took a step back but settled for hugging herself instead. It would be better to stay quiet, but she couldn't keep herself from defending Cedar. “I don't know what happened, but I can assure you that Cedar doesn't hurt others just like that.” Not without a good reason at least. “He never treated me badly nor does he have any sadistic tendencies.” She wasn't sure whether she had over-interpreted the other's words, but this was what it had sounded like.

Jenna wasn't taken aback by that, which proved that she had been referring to that. Instead, she quickly voiced her response. “You mean that he never showed you. That can either mean that he holds back at the moment or that he just doesn't...desire you.” She sounded much too satisfied while mouthing the last part.

Lucille gritted her teeth, but she didn't get a chance to speak.

Jenna continued in a voice that was a bit louder and full of confidence. “You can believe me. Are you perhaps still not aware? I fear that I must remind you. I do not want to crush your young, inexperienced heart, but I know better. As you may know, my household used to be quite close to the faction of Her Majesty, the dowager empress. Unfortunately, our friendship broke apart after some unpleasant incidents, and later, all of the events of last year happened. Sadly, Her Majesty the dowager empress proved that she may not be thinking clearly at all times and may have done some rather problematic things. So, it is better that we parted ways, but that doesn't erase the years we spent together. Of course, I got to know His Royal Highness during that time too. We were rather close.” Did she mean while she had tried to approach a boy who was still half a child?

Lucille could barely hold back her disgust when she heard that. Her expression might have shown that, but she did her best not to seem too revolted. It took some effort, but at least she managed to swallow all the insults her mind came up with.

Jenna either didn't notice or didn't care. She just continued while putting her fingertips on her chest. “I can assure you that I know much more about him than you do. After all, I had many more chances to interact with him. I am also one of the few people who already met his...more hidden side. That is why I can assure you that I would be able to deal with it while you might...” She paused as if she was searching for the right word while averting her eyes to look at the ceiling. “Break? Well, that isn't the point. I know him, and I know his mother. So, I easily explain what the main issue here is.” She stared into the distance for a while before her eyes snapped back to the other woman. Her smile became brighter than before when she resumed. “You had the honor of meeting his mother already. So, you should know it too. His Royal Highness was raised to hate and steal everything from his brother. What makes you think that he could ever love someone? For him, it is normal to be greedy. He will always want more and-”

Jenna continued, but Lucille didn't listen anymore. She couldn't even bring herself to hide her dismay anymore. Why was everyone so keen on insulting Cedar? He didn't deserve that. He was a wonderful person. Cedar was kind and compassionate despite his horrible mother. He didn't just do what Camille told him. Why could no one see that?

Lucille balled her fists while trying to find the words to refute this. She quickly realized that there was one thing that proved that she was right here. Jenna had rambled on for a bit, but Lucille cut her off. “His actions.”

Lady Peril seemed to be taken aback by that and stopped. “What?” She restored her smile after just a few seconds, but the gaze in her eyes was a bit too cool to seem kind.

Lucille already felt intimidated when the other woman looked at her like that, so she averted her eyes while replying. “You asked what makes me think that he can love. I said that his actions make me believe that he is very much capable of caring for others. You don't just judge whether a person feels a specific way because of their past. You'd actually need to spend time with them to be sure. And I spent enough time with Cedar to know that he cares about me.” She could go on about how he had carried her all the way to the royal guards to get her to safety, but she choked that down.

Jenna almost looked like she gritted her teeth before she returned to showing a sweet smile. That made it seem like she was voicing all kinds of derogatory things about Lucille in her mind. But she didn't say that out loud. Instead, she spoke in a far too confident voice. “Sure. But the question is why. Why would he like you?” She grinned at Lucille before raising her shoulders. “You have to agree with me about one thing. There is nothing special about you. Your appearance is not bad, but it's mediocre and not much more. You are the daughter of a viscount. Your family is rich, but that was it. You don't have any special qualities nor are you more interesting than anyone else. You are completely normal. Now I'm asking you again. Why would someone exceptional like His Royal Highness like you?” Then she was quiet as if she was waiting for a response.

Lucille would have liked to say that she didn't care, but that comment made her heart clench painfully. Still, she tried to stay calm when she replied. “Well, I like him because of his personality. So, he likes me because he enjoys spending time with me too.” At least she hoped that.

Jenna let out a laugh that was a bit too sweet to sound real. She watched the other woman with a mocking smile before quickly giving her version. “No, silly. You aren't so special that you would suddenly melt his heart. It's only because you were nice to him. He didn't have many people who cared for him in his childhood. So, he is used to running after the smallest traces of kindness that anyone can offer to him. If you are nice, he will mistake enjoying that for liking you.”

At first, that sounded logical, but in the end, it didn't make sense. Shouldn't Cedar have tried to get on Jenna's good side then too? After all, she had definitely shown him affection in an attempt to win him over.

Cedar hadn't enjoyed that. He had been revolted and kept his distance now. He had realized that he didn't want this kind of fake affection even when he had been a child. He wouldn't suddenly fall for the same tricks he had seen already known before. Cedar knew well which people were really nice and which only wanted to use him. Besides, he had to have already felt some kind of affection. Cedar was good at consoling Lucille, so someone had definitely calmed him down at some point too, and he didn't seem to cling to them.

Because of this, Lucille was unaffected by that statement, even when Jenna seemed to wait for a response. She shifted her weight under the other woman's gaze before she forced herself to speak. “We have differing opinions here. I don't think that it's true. And in the end...that's only my problem. I like Cedar a lot, so I won't just stop talking to him because you said a few strange things.” She had been much more direct than she had intended to be and quickly averted her eyes again. She barely dared to glance up at Jenna after that.

Lady Peril held her fan in both hands, and it looked like she grasped onto it with a bit more force than before. But she still kept smiling as she spoke up in a tone that was dripping with fake friendliness. “That is good to hear. After all, you should at least offer him loyalty if you plan on staying with him. But he offers so much so he has the right to get back a bit more than that, right? If you understand that, you should be prepared to share him.” That comment was much worse than the other had been.

Lucille balled her fists again without daring to say anything. A deep frown had already shown on her face, and she only waited for a mocking response.

Jenna was happy to resume while scanning the other's expression. Now that she had received a reaction, she was much more joyful again. “My, my. Don't seem so dejected. There is nothing wrong with saying that he may like you. After all, you are a bright young lady and seemingly what he needs to relax for the time being.” She stressed the last words with a lot of emphasis. “So, you have his favor. That qualifies you to become his mistress. Congratulations. That doesn't mean that his lawful wife will quietly accept your presence though. If she manages to win him over and proves that he doesn't need anyone else, a mistress wouldn't be required to stay here either, correct? Your position is unstable. It is obvious that he will marry some influential woman at some point, right? You can't take that spot since you don't possess some of the most important qualifications. But at least you could become his concubine for a few years. He is the prince of Artias, so that is an honor.”

Lucille didn't want that. The thought of seeing Cedar with another woman was unpleasant already. She didn't want to be someone's mistress and watch how the man she loved met another person, who was his lawful spouse. It had probably shown on her face.

Jenna let out a little laugh. By now, she felt way too smug about this. She just grinned at the other woman while hiding her mouth behind her fan. “What's with that expression? Did you have more ambitious goals?” She spoke in an almost mocking tone now. “Did you want to become empress?”

Lucille froze at that. That statement didn't make sense. “What are you talking about? There is no way for anyone to become empress when Her Majesty will reign for the next years. Even if...” She barely dared to say it. “Even if I were to wed Cedar, I wouldn't be empress. I would be princess consort. That much is obvious.” Her voice was so uncertain that she hated it herself.

Lady Peril just beamed at that though. “Do you really think His Royal Highness would be content with that?” She laughed again before continuing. “He is much more ambitious than that. He was raised to become the next emperor who would outshine his brother. Don't you see? He won't be content sitting here without any political influence. He spent years preparing to rule the nation. He mastered politics, economy and history as well as sword-fighting and everything else you can imagine. You cannot understand how much effort Her Majesty, the dowager empress put into making sure that he would be willing to learn about all of this on his own accord. Now. Do you really think he would leave all of his skills to decay?” Was she proposing that Cedar would still try to overthrow his brother? That was dangerous for him and for her. But in the end, her words had missed the intended goal.

Lucille hadn't believed that Cedar would want to become emperor. But for a moment, she had been uncertain about whether he would really be content having no political position when he had prepared for so long.

Until she heard the last sentence. That had made her understand.

All of this time, Jenna had spoken as if she knew a lot about Cedar, but in the end, she knew nothing.

Lucille scolded herself for even considering that that woman could tell the truth. Cedar was currently involved in politics. He was writing contracts for his brother, wasn't he? He had even complained about Theodore making him do too much.

If Jenna didn't even know that much, she had no right to judge. It should have been clear that she didn't have it. She was just the woman who had molested Cedar for years. He had never spoken to her for longer than necessary. How would she know about his motives?

Lucille knew much more about him. She wasn't sure where that sudden surge of confidence came from, but she dared to reply in a normal volume. “You have no idea. You don't have the slightest clue what Cedar is feeling. I spent the last months with him. Don't you think that I know him better than you? You have no right to speak about him.” She only realized what she had said after she was done, and immediately, her confidence vanished again. She took a step back and felt how the blood drained from her face.

Surely, Jenna would be angry now. And when that happened, it wouldn't be nice. But Lucille wouldn't apologize either. She meant every word she had said. So-

“Lucille?” A voice cut through the air, and Lucille relaxed almost automatically. She knew that voice far too well. Turning her head, she spotted Cedar, who came out of one of the corridors next to them. He only needed one glance to identify the people here and walked toward them.

Lucille couldn't help but breathe out in relief. Everything would be fine now.

And Cedar just proved her right as he came directly to her and put his arms around her. He didn't even give her a chance to pull away before he already had her cuddled against him.

Lucille's cheeks were colored red immediately. Her body didn't listen to her anymore and it felt like every fiber of her being was filled with overwhelming feelings all of a sudden. She should probably not feel content knowing that Jenna would have to watch them be so intimate, but she did. Lucille leaned against Cedar and tried to ignore the rapid beating of her heart while she put her arms around him, making the motion so obvious that anyone could tell.

Was this what love felt like? If so, she might forgive her luck for making her meet Lady Peril.