Chapter 24: A Hazy Mind
It felt like a cloudy veil had been put onto her head.
Lucille could barely feel anything, and her mind was hazy. She heard people talk with faint voices, but she couldn't move or respond. It was so cold, and it only got colder with every second.
At least it had been like this before someone had put her onto something soft. After that, it had gotten warmer again, but she had lost her consciousness a moment later.
When Lucille slowly woke up again, she had to fight to open her eyes. Why was she so tired? It was bright outside, as far as she could tell. She managed to force one of her eyes open just a little bit while struggling to keep her head from rolling to the side.
But even that little motion was enough to alert the young woman next to her. “She's awake!” This woman wore a long, white coat and had her hair tied up in a bun. It was no one whom Lucille had ever seen, but this person seemed to take care of her. The woman crouched down next to the bed as she spoke in a soft tone. “Everything is alright. We finished treatment, and you only need to rest. So, keep sleeping for a bit. Are you in pain?”
Lucille wanted to shake her head, but she barely managed to do that. She wasn't in pain, but her stomach felt numb. What had happened? She only remembered standing in front of Cedar.
It took her a few seconds before she understood the whole situation. She had tried to protect him from an attack. Had she succeeded? She still couldn't think clearly, but she could discern that she wanted to make sure that Cedar was fine.
So, she tried to speak up. “Cedar...” Her voice was barely audible, and her words were slurred. Her tongue didn't seem to work out in her favor, and her eyes threatened to fall shut. But she couldn't fall asleep yet. Was Cedar fine? She needed to know. Lucille heard some muffled voices, and her head rolled to the side. Then she caught a glimpse of the familiar shade of blue in front of her.
There Cedar was. Her sight was slightly blurred now, but she still recognized him. He came closer to the bed and sat down next to her so that the mattress dipped slightly. Then she felt his hand on her forehead. “I'm here. You need to sleep now. You have to recover until you are completely fine again, so you have to rest. It's alright. Only good people are here.”
Why was everyone talking to her as if she was a child? Lucille wanted to say something about that, but her eyes already fell shut. If she was told to sleep, she wouldn't fight against her exhaustion much longer. She just wanted to rest for a bit, and then she would deal with all of this.
The next time Lucille woke up, she was much less hazy. Even if she still felt like her brain was a bit drowsy, she could open her eyes and understood what was going on around her. She had been shot by an arrow after protecting Cedar. And now she was with some doctor. After all, the furniture mostly consisted of white, sterile items. It smelled like disinfectants too, so this had to be a doctor's office. Cedar had probably brought her here.
That thought made Lucille want to look around even more. She tried to sit up, but immediately, a pang of pain flashed through her entire body. She let out a yelp and relaxed all of her muscles while bringing a hand to her stomach. As soon as she realized that there were bandages from her waist up to her chest, she understood that this arrow had probably wounded her quite severely. So, her head felt like she had swallowed countless pills, and her injury still hurt? Wonderful. Lucille gritted her teeth as she tried to withstand the remaining traces of the agony from before. Why did this have to be so painful?
“Lucille?” A voice sounded from the other side of the bed and made her turn her head. Cedar was sitting on the bed next to her and jumped up when they made eye contact. He rushed to her bed and sat down next to her again. “Are you in pain? Do you need water or food or something like that? Should I get the doctor?”
She was a bit overwhelmed by the many questions. Her head still needed more time to process everything than before. “I...” She waited for a moment while focusing on her injury. “It hurts...a bit.” Her voice was hoarse as if she hadn't spoken for a while now. Her throat was sore and dry, but her stomach was much worse than that. She felt a numbing ache the whole time, which was somewhat endurable, but as soon as she moved the slightest bit, it got horrible in an instant.
Cedar didn't seem surprised at that. “Then I will tell the doctor to give you a bit more medicine. Do you want to drink something?” He leaned forward and lifted a glass from the nightstand so that she could see the clear liquid inside it. Water. That sounded good right now.
Lucille nodded weakly before waiting for him to hand the glass to her.
But he didn't do that. Instead, Cedar brought one hand to her head and gently guided her up before moving the glass to her lips. He tilted the glass so slowly that she could drink a little sip before pulling away again.
At first, Lucille had wanted to complain about wanting more, but her stomach already hurt when she swallowed such a small portion. It felt like her whole body convulsed in an attempt to keep the muscles in her torso from moving. It was extremely painful for a short moment before it slowly got better again.
Cedar only allowed her to take another sip when she felt alright again.
She was more careful this time, but it still hurt. So, she waited longer before drinking a bit again. It took a few minutes until she had finished half of the glass.
Then Cedar put it away and made eye contact with her. “It would be best if you move around as little as possible. I will get the doctor so that he can take care of you.”
Lucille quickly shook her head, only to wince at the faint aching of her neck. Apparently, none of her muscles had been moved for a while, which made her more than stiff now. “No...doctor yet.” She let out a deep breath and frowned when her stomach complained again. “What day is it?”
The prince glanced at the door at the end of the room before replying. “It's been two days since the attack. We're in the royal palace right now. I brought you to some guards after you got hurt, and they had to bring us here.”
Lucille didn't remember any of that. She knew that Cedar had picked her up at some point and that he had moved around a lot, but she hadn't seen or heard much of what had happened. The fact that they were in the palace shocked her a bit. “The palace? Why are we here? It's really bad if His Majesty sees you. What if you get arrested?” That earned her a short look of disdain.
Cedar, the man who always seemed happy, seriously narrowed his eyes at her and pointed at her. “You really should worry about yourself first. You're the most reckless woman I ever met, you know? What made you think that jumping in front of an arrow was a good idea? Of course, it wouldn't magically stop. You almost killed yourself. Why did you do that?” He wasn't smiling? Was this really so important to him?
Lucille slowly moved her fingers and grasped the blanket as she struggled to voice her reply. The reason why she had done this was simple. Even if she didn't deny that it had been stupid, she didn't regret doing it. “It's because I wanted to make sure that you didn't get hurt. It was an impulse. I saw that that man was aiming at you, and I couldn't help it. I didn't want you to get hit.”
Cedar's expression only got more grim at that. He stared at her for a moment before sighing. Then he relaxed a bit and lifted his hand to poke her cheek. “You're the most naive person I interacted with for a long time. You do know that I would have taken that injury better than you? And that the assassin didn't mean to kill me? He wanted to hit my shoulder and not my internal organs. You standing by idly would have made all of this much easier.”
She hadn't known the part about Cedar's life not being targeted, and she wasn't sure whether that was actually true. But even if it was, she couldn't have known back then, so she didn't regret her decision anyway. Lucille gave him a little smile, which probably looked miserable. “At least I did protect you, right? I was scared back then, so I panicked. I did my best. I know that it wasn't clever, but it's what I chose.” Her voice sounded a bit odd, didn't it? That might have been connected to her feeling like her tongue was limply lying in her mouth.
Cedar sighed again and gave her a small smile back. For the first time, she felt like it was sincere and not one of his typical fake ones. He was genuinely trying to cheer her up. That was enough to make his handsome face even more beautiful.
“You're gorgeous. Your smile is so pretty.” Lucille hadn't meant to say that out loud. But now she had done it, and she couldn't take it back. Her eyes widened as she stared at the prince. She felt warmth rushing to her face as she waited for the reaction.
Cedar blinked at her before he averted his eyes. “That medicine probably made you a bit hazy. Don't move around too much, or you will be in more pain again.” He glanced at her and lifted his hand to pat her head. “I'm happy to see that you're blushing again. That means that your body has enough blood to keep you up. You were extremely pale before, so I was worried.” He said that, and immediately, his smile dropped again as he got serious. “I'm really glad that you are alright now. I could barely sleep while you were unconscious. The doctor had told me that you would be fine, but I was still unable to calm down. It's a blessing that you're up again. You need to focus on recovering now. You won't leave the bed for the next few days, and after that, you will have to follow the doctor's instructions without hesitation. Alright?”
Lucille barely dared to make eye contact after her embarrassing comment, so she looked down while replying. “I understand. I will listen to him.” But then, her curiosity won, and she glanced up at Cedar and couldn't help her heart from jumping with joy.
The prince wasn't smiling the whole time anymore. That meant that he wasn't as tense in front of her as before. Maybe he trusted her now after she had jumped in front of him to keep him from getting injured. Maybe he didn't expect an injured person to attack his weakness. Or he knew that she might not remember much of this because of her drugged state.
She didn't know, and she didn't care. Lucille was just happy as long as he showed her a bit of his true personality. Then this wound might have been worth it, even if it hurt more than anything she had ever felt. It would take a long time until this fully recovered, and even then, she had no guarantee that everything would heal. She froze at that thought and slowly turned to Cedar. She was almost a bit scared to ask and actually didn't want to speak up. But her mouth opened almost without her doing. “Cedar, I know you're not a doctor, but I have a question. Will it scar? The wound, I mean.” Was her speech even more slurred now, or was she just imagining it?
Cedar's fake smile returned, which probably meant that he was a little upset. “Why is that the first thing you ask? You almost died. It would not be odd if you got a little scar on your stomach. But it surely won't hurt or itch as long as you listen to the doctor. I don't get what about that is important enough for you to know it now.”
Lucille hadn't meant to speak up about this. But apparently, the medicine made her brain more hazy than normal. She didn't stay quiet this time either, even though her reasoning was embarrassing. “Well...it's about...my future. Men don't really like women with scars, right? So, I shouldn't have any if I want to marry.”
Of course, one of her father's stupid comments was the root of her problems once again. Lucille hated the fact that she couldn't help but worry about something her father had said years ago. But what she hated more than that was that she was tenser than before while waiting for the prince to respond. What should he say to her? She obviously wanted him to reassure her, but she had no guarantee that this would be the answer she would receive. So, she almost didn't dare to look into his face. But in the end, she couldn't tear her eyes away and stared at him.
And once again, Cedar reacted exactly like the white knight in a fairy tale by saying the exact things she had wanted to hear. “What a foolish question. That's not what you should worry about at all. No one would push a wonderful woman like you away because you have an old injury. If they do, they don't deserve you. You survived an assassination attack. This is not something anyone can look down on without making themselves look ridiculous.”
Lucille felt her heart clench in her chest, but that might just have been because her wound complained. She wanted to stop again, but she couldn't keep herself from speaking up about her worries even more. “So, you wouldn't mind it either?” Why was she saying something this embarrassing? This was ridiculous. Lucille would have liked to sink into the floor, but of course, this remained impossible.
Cedar gave her a strange look, but he carefully ruffled through her hair before responding in a soft voice. “Of course, I wouldn't mind. I know you're still a bit drowsy, but I can easily tell you why no one would care. Because you are a beautiful and clever young lady that will attract the eyes of many. And even if no one is willing to accept such a perfect wife at their side, it doesn't matter. Your worth isn't determined by you getting a wealthy husband. You are so much more than that.”
Maybe it was because Cedar had said it. Maybe it was because Lucille had always wanted to hear something like this instead of her father telling her to do well for her family. Or maybe she was just happy that the man she liked thought that she was a wonderful person too. Maybe the medicine made her extremely sentimental too, especially as memories of that horrible attack rose in her again. She wasn't sure which one of these reasons was at fault, or whether all of them were, but she began crying just a second later. Tears gathered in her eyes, and she felt as if she would sob any second.
Cedar quickly realized what was about to happen. “Don't cry. That will hurt your stomach.” He brought his hand to her face and carefully stroked over her cheek.
Lucille forced herself to swallow the sob that had threatened to escape her throat and pressed her lips into a thin line upon realizing that it would hurt if she started crying now. Just tensing made her stomach ache again already. So, she tried her best to stop, but that was hard when Cedar was sitting directly next to her and reminded her that he was by her side.
This stupid medicine was really making her much more emotional, right? That had to be it. But then again, the bloodbath in the mansion was bad enough. For a few seconds, she managed to keep it in before she sniffled once, and from then on, it got worse.
Cedar seemed like he was completely unsure of what to do, but he found a solution soon. He was as careful as ever while slowly climbing onto the bed and lying down next to her to put his arm around her. “Don't cry. There, there. Everything is fine. You will recover, and then you can forget about all of this.” He barely dared to touch her and stayed away from her stomach, but him gently hugging her was already enough. Then he also allowed her to lean against him, and she felt like she was in paradise.
Cedar was so warm, and being close to him made her feel much more comfortable.
So, Lucille happily leaned into him. “Thank you...” She muttered her response and closed her eyes while relaxing. By now, she was well aware that the cloudy veil in her mind had to have been the result of the medicine, but she didn't care. She might act strangely right now, but she could justify everything by blaming the medicine afterward. So, she might as well use this opportunity to cuddle a bit with a man, who theoretically didn't have a reason to sit on her bed. But she was just happy to listen to his heartbeat while nuzzling her cheek against him, letting that push away the memories of Mathilda's screams and the icy floor beneath her bare feet.
Cedar was silent for a moment before he spoke up. “Your mind really is a bit confused right now, isn't it? You shouldn't be so trusting when someone sits on your bed after you woke up in an unknown location. You should push them away or call for help, you know?”
Lucille wasn't sure if she just imagined it, but he might have wanted to distract her from the fact that they were obviously cuddling by saying this. It didn't work well on her. “But you're not just anyone. You're the only one that can hug me all of a sudden. No one else can do that, alright? I like you a lot.” Saying that was a horrible idea. She didn't know why she had done that. But since she was drugged, he couldn't blame her later. Still, she hurried to change the topic. “How is my wound? Are my organs fine?” By now, her voice was so unsteady that it was impressive that the prince understood what she was saying.
Cedar carefully put one of his hands on her head and ran his fingers through her hair while seeming as if he was searching for something. “The doctor said that it was a miracle. Apparently, the arrow wrenched itself in between your organs without hurting anything important. Of course, you were bleeding a lot, but he managed to take care of everything. You will recover in a few weeks. But until then, you need to sit around here without moving. It's just good that they washed you already. There is no trace left.” He slowly let go of her hair, and that was enough to make her melt.
She liked it when he patted her head or played with her hair. Lucille couldn't bring herself to care that this might be a bit inappropriate. “Then I can move around in a few weeks again? That's good. I was scared. I'm still scared... I want to have children later, you know? Of course, I can only do that when I have a...nice husband. I don't want a power-hungry prick my father chose. I want someone nice.” Saying that was probably even worse. Deep inside, Lucille felt shame, but she knew well that she wouldn't be able to control herself. With every second that she was awake, she felt more drowsy. So, she said even more strange things. “You really would be a perfect husband, you know? You're great at hugging people.”
Cedar let out a chuckle, which he hid behind a cough. “I see. I feel honored to hear that. I think it would be good if you drank a bit more water before sleeping again. Your speech is getting more slurred. You definitely took too much medicine. I will have the doctor give you a different one that lets you stay awake. But for now, you can just sleep. Close your eyes and relax.”
Lucille complied with that immediately. She put her head onto the pillow directly next to Cedar's chest again and listened to his breathing, even though he certainly hadn't wanted her to do that. She just enjoyed the presence of another person here. It was so calming that she wasn't alone anymore, not like back when she had felt cold and isolated Finally.
She was already about to fall asleep when she heard the door opening slowly. Whoever came inside was almost silent, but the door creaked, so she opened her eyes again.
The person who had entered was a man in a uniform with a short cape on his back. The man looked at the couple on the bed and was quiet for a moment before he spoke up. “It seems like I should have knocked. I apologize.”
Cedar tensed when he saw the other man. He let out a low sigh before replying. “It's not...a problem. But this may look a bit strange to you right now. I can explain. We just... That doesn't really matter though. Why are you here?”
Lucille knew that person, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Her eyelids became heavier, and she let her head sink onto the pillow again. “Who's that?” She barely understood herself this time. Her tongue didn't go along with what she wanted to say.
For some reason, Cedar had been able to decipher what she said though. “That's my brother. The emperor. We're in his palace, remember? Do you-”
She didn't let him finish. “Your brother? But...he can't see you...” Wouldn't the brother arrest Cedar otherwise? She wasn't even sure whether she was thinking logically right now. Her brain didn't help her much when her thoughts were whirling around in her mind. She only wanted to sleep, but she couldn't do that with this person here. So, she wanted to glare at the intruder by the door, but she probably wasn't able to control her expression.
The unknown man spoke up a moment later. “I came here to discuss the situation with you. But it looks like this is a bit unfitting at this point in time.”
Cedar brought one of his hands to his head and ran his fingers through his hair before he replied. “Yes, you're right. It's no good now. I would recommend talking about all of this in the afternoon. Right now, Lucille is a bit...drowsy thanks to the medicine. She can barely keep her eyes open.”
The unknown man still stood in the doorway and scanned the situation in front of him with skepticism. “I understand. Then we will do that. Let her sleep before that though. Tell the doctor to give her less medicine next time. We don't want him to give her too much. And if you plan on staying here, you should probably be careful about her wound. It can open easily again.”
Cedar glanced at the woman clinging to him before nodded. “You're right. I'll get a chair to sit next to her. Lucille, I think I will have to let go. I will-” He had barely begun to move away, only to be stopped immediately.
Lucille protested and grasped his clothes with her hands. “No...” She was whining like a child, and she even noticed that in her hazy state, but she couldn't help it. Lucille didn't want Cedar to go away. She felt much safer in his presence. She wouldn't let go of his warmth.
Surprisingly, her weak complaint seemed to help.
Cedar froze in his motion and gazed at her with worry. “Lucille, isn't...” He cut himself off when she hummed at him. That made him sigh. “It can't be helped then. I will have to lie here like a statue.” He lifted his head and turned to the man in the doorway. “Theodore, could you ask the servants to prepare something she can eat in her state? She will be hungry when she wakes up.” As he spoke, he ran his fingers through her hair, and her indignation quickly turned to satisfaction.
Lucille allowed herself to relax again and let her head rest on the pillow. After that, everything happened quickly. She realized how exhausted she was, so she was looking forward to falling asleep, and her wish was granted soon. Her eyes fell shut, and her head rolled to the side.
Within seconds, her consciousness faded away.