The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille wasn't sure whether she should be happy about the things that had happened during the past few weeks. On the one hand, she was content upon having made up with Cedar, living in a room with him and celebrating her birthday, after which she had even received a painting of her and her lover. Seeing the picture on the wall in their room was always satisfying, much like sleeping in Cedar's arms was.

But at the same time, the letters from her mother had soured her mood completely.

Lucille knew that it was stupid to focus on that when she had had such pleasant days, but she couldn't help it. Whenever it was quiet, she began thinking about this matter again, even when she didn't want to focus on that. She tried to ban thoughts of these letters and her mother to the back of her mind. But no matter what she did, she couldn't suppress her conflicting feelings whenever she remembered.

Thankfully, Cedar was there to cheer her up. He hugged her, kissed her and teased her so that she was distracted whenever she got upset again. But she still didn't get over her mother's hypocrisy.

Lucille kept glancing at the letters that were hidden in her drawer. Not once had she had the strength to check on them again. She had considered burning them, but for some reason, she didn't want to throw them away even though she had no desire to read them. On the other hand, she didn't want to have them near her either. Whenever she remembered what kind of box sat in her drawer, she couldn't help but think about her mother.

She thought back to Emily sitting beside her as she hummed a lullaby for her daughter. She remembered how warm her mother's hug had felt. And she remembered the aching in her chest upon finding out that Emily wouldn't come back after Raymond had told his daughter the truth with tears in his eyes.

All of that was a hurtful reminder of her past, and Lucille could go without that. So, she couldn't keep the letters nor could she get rid of them. She had considered placing that box in some random room in the palace, but for some reason, that still felt too close. She wanted to put that box far away. And for that, she would have to go to some other place. One that wasn't so close to the palace. Lucille had a vague idea of where this could be, but she didn't dare bring it up.

She forced herself to accept it for almost a week before she gave in.

She wanted to bring the letters to the Valerian mansion and leave them there. Of course, she doubted that she would receive permission, but she was desperate enough to ask her lover after she couldn't stop getting sad whenever she saw the nightstand next to her. She had expected him to deny this without any chance for her to argue back.

But Cedar had been convinced that it would be fine rather quickly. He even said that he would come with her. He only insisted on taking guards with them, traveling with hidden identities and asking for Theodore's permission.

That was why Lucille visited the emperor's office with her lover. She barely dared to voice her wish and only managed to describe her general idea after she had been told that it would be fine multiple times.

Theodore wasn't very happy about that idea, but at least he didn't get angry. “You want to visit the Valerian mansion?” He looked down at his desk and stayed silent for a moment. When he lifted his head, there was still a deep frown on his face. “You are here so that you are safe. The former dowager empress may have lost her title, but she is still alive. And now she might be even more desperate than before. So, I don't think that you can just...slip out without any issues.”

Cedar quickly replied to that. “But officially, it doesn't have to be us who leave. The Valerian estate is near the Northern Market, remember? If Lucille and I dress up like servants and sit in one of the staff's coaches while acting like we belong to the kitchen personnel, it should be fine. No one will question it when we visit the Valerian mansion since it's known that Lucille is your wife's lady-in-waiting. We can just take some suitcases and act like we need to transport her clothes. That will be good as long as we cover our faces when we meet nobles. We will go to Lucille's home and return before the servants are done at the market. This plan is foolproof.”

Lucille held her breath while waiting for a response.

Theodore skeptically looked from her to his brother before he spoke up in a dejected tone. “And why exactly do you wish to do this now? You certainly have a reason, right? You didn't go home for at least nine months, and now you suddenly want to leave.”

Lucille pressed her lips into a line. If she said that this was because she wanted to have some letters far away from her, she would seem a bit odd, right? “I...have to bring something home. It's a personal object. It can't stay here, so...” She expected a rejection. She was almost sure that she would need to send away a servant with the letters now, even if she hated the thought of handing that box to anyone else.

Then Theodore sighed. He rested his face in his hands for a moment before he looked at them again. “I presume that this is important to you, so I will agree. But-” He continued without letting anyone interject. “You need to do that act of pretending to be servants. Leon sometimes did that too, and it went well. You can't move around freely and will immediately go to the Valerian mansion. You will not meet with any strange people and just do what you went out for before returning. And you will take Noah with you.” Noah seemed to be one of the guards of the royal couple, so he was definitely very strong. But even this wasn't enough for Theodore. “In addition, you have to write Lord Valerian first and inform him of the fact that you will visit. Leon will hand over the letter in person so that no word gets out, and no one else will be informed beforehand. You need to promise all of that. In return, I will make sure that...that woman will be too busy to notice that anything is going on. She will be focused on her own problems.” He said that with something in his voice that made him sound like he would do something rather unpleasant to Camille.

And yet, Cedar just accepted it with a bright smile. “Thank you very much. As long as no one tells her that Lucille and I are out, there shouldn't be any issues. So, you don't have to worry about the men Mother usually sends either.”

Theodore definitely wasn't happy with that result. He looked somewhat pained when he met his brother's gaze. “Don't be too sure. I will just give you my permission because this seems important to Lucille. I don't need you to start discussing with me until I give in, so I surrender today. You haven't left the palace in a while, so we need to let you breathe soon again. I am unhappy about you ignoring the fact that you have almost been locked in for the last few months to ensure your safety, which should happen until we defeat every last one of our enemies. By now it should be rather safe in comparison to before, so I will allow you out one single time. I will send a few people to make sure that you are safe, so it could be quite...interesting.”

Lucille didn't need much more than that. She smiled at the emperor. “Thank you very much. We will be careful so that nothing can happen.”

Since they planned on being careful, they should be safe.

Lucille had said that two days ago, and yet, she was awfully nervous when they finally did enter the carriage. It was the first time that she had ever worn a dress that resembled one that a maid of the palace would put on in her free time, and she hadn't traveled in the staff's carriage before either. It was an interesting experience.

But the fact that at least twenty guards who pretended to be servants and another twenty knights on their horses accompanied the group made this rather different from what a normal maid would experience. In fact, their presence just made this so much more nerve-wracking. Thanks to this and them being outside the palace walls, Lucille became uncertain quickly.

Cedar, on the other hand, was as confident as always. He had insisted on carrying a sword as well, and yet, he sat there while beaming at her like an angel. No one would expect him to be able to wield a deadly weapon while he smiled like that, which might be an advantage. Luckily, he didn't have to take anyone by surprise though and could just chat with his lover. His jokes were what kept Lucille from getting too worried on the way to her former home.

When they arrived at the Northern Market, the couple quietly separated from the rest of the group, with most guards following them while being more or less conspicuous.

Cedar saw that and let out a sigh. He tightened his hold on Lucille's hand as he guided her through the masses of people that ran around on the plaza here. “It seems like our guards don't know how to blend in with the citizens. If they look so grim, someone may think that they are the criminals. We are lucky that there are so many people here. If that wasn't the case, our knights would have given themselves away already. Well. At least it seems like no one here cares about the strange men whispering with each other while they follow a couple around.” He carefully pushed past a vendor's stand and led his lover toward the Valerian mansion. He didn't bump into anyone and seemed to know exactly how to move to avoid a collision.

Lucille had to say that she was impressed. But at the same time, she was too nervous to even focus on that. She looked over her shoulder every few seconds and almost expected to see some men with dark clothes circle them. Obviously, that didn't happen. The only thing she did with her actions was make Cedar worry.

The prince looked around too after she had begun, but he didn't find anyone suspicious. So, he focused on the area in front of them again. Cedar led her away from the masses on the marketplace and brought her to a long sandy street. He interlocked their fingers as he checked whether their knights were still there before he turned to his lover again. “I fear that we have to walk the few steps to the entrance of your mansion. You should know since you lived here, but it's just down the street. That isn't too far.”

Lucille nodded. “I'm perfectly fine. Let us go so that we arrive soon.” Even if she was still a bit worried about returning home. After all, she was wearing servant clothing and wasn't sure whether her father would be fine with that.

She and Cedar followed the street in silence for three minutes. The only noises that joined them were the typical background sounds like the rustling trees, the chirping birds and the crushing of the sand under the knights' boots.

Cedar groaned when he turned around once in between. “They aren't even trying to hide that they are following us. I'm glad that no one else is here, or this would be rather unpleasant.” He looked forward again and smiled in a way that made it seem like he actually wanted to roll his eyes.

Lucille wanted to give a reply to that, but the words were stuck in her throat when she glanced at the street in front of them. Her memories were vague, but... “This is where...” She looked down and was almost a bit surprised to find no blood.

Even if she hadn't specified anything, Cedar seemed to figure out what she was referring to quickly. He showed her a soft smile and spoke in a gentle tone while he squeezed her hand. “Unfortunately, yes. You got hit with an arrow here. But nothing like that will happen again. You don't have to worry. Trust me.”

Lucille quickly nodded. She knew that nothing would happen today. But still, she had to think back to that day nine months ago. She didn't want to look. But her eyes wandered to the balcony of the annex. She could easily imagine that assassin standing up there.

That man had pulled back the string, and then he had let go of the arrow.

Lucille unwillingly brought her hand in front of her stomach. She only had a small scar at that very spot, but that was enough to make her remember the wound whenever she saw it. By now, the scar didn't bother her anymore at all. What bothered her was that she imagined the faces of the people who hadn't lived to have one. It seemed like there was a memory worse than the topic connected with her letters here. Lucille moved a bit closer to her lover, almost as if she wanted to hide behind him.

Cedar noticed that immediately. He put an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. “Everything is fine. My mother's men aren't here this time. We're safe. Is it alright if we continue to walk, or do you want to take a break?”

Staying here would be worse than just passing by, so Lucille quickly shook her head. “No. I'm fine. Let's move on. I just... I remember the feeling of that arrow in...” Lucille couldn't finish that sentence. She was almost gagging when she thought about that foreign object piercing her skin and muscles. It made Mathilda's yells echo in her ears. She turned her head to the side and wiped over her mouth before continuing. “It's really fine. Let's just...hurry up a bit.”

Cedar complied immediately. He quickened his pace just enough for her to still be able to keep up with him. Like this, they reached their destination sooner than she had expected. They rounded the estate once and then arrived at the entrance.

The guards, whom Raymond had probably hired after that attack nine months ago, had been informed. They calmly stepped aside as soon as they recognized the young lady of the house. Still, they stared at Cedar with curiosity, most likely because they were unsure of who he was. Or maybe they stared at him because Raymond had told him that the second prince of Artias might visit.

Lucille wasn't sure, and she didn't care. She was already busy looking around when they entered the estate. She couldn't help but feel a bit strange now that she returned to her home after staying away for a few months. She wasn't sure whether she could even call this her home still. So much had changed from when she had lived here. Now she felt like it might be more fitting to say that she was living in the palace, even if that was a bit audacious.

While they walked through the garden, Lucille found an additional reason why it might be good that she didn't live here anymore aside from her sudden emotional distance from this place. She tried to ignore it, but no matter where she looked, she was reminded of the attack. She only needed to catch a glimpse of the grass and the soil, and she remembered how her naked feet had hurt after she had run in fear for her life. When she saw the walls, she remembered jumping off those and almost spraining her ankle while doing so. When she saw the annex, she remembered the archer up there, and when she saw the main building, the blood that had pooled on the floor came back to her mind. It was horrible.

Lucille had been convinced that she had forgotten about what had happened back then. And she truly wasn't quite scared anymore when she saw her former home. But it still left a bitter taste in her mouth when she thought about the people who had died. So, Lucille averted her eyes and focused on the door in front of them.

Her father's butler bowed as they approached him and remained in that position. He would normally have greeted Lucille already, so he seemed to know who the man next to the young lady was.

Cedar glanced to the side to confirm how many people were watching them, which happened to be quite a few servants, before he spoke up. “I wish you a wonderful afternoon. Is Lord Valerian present today?”

The butler slowly raised his head before he nodded. “Indeed. I sincerely apologize, Your Royal Highness, but it seems like Lord Valerian had to leave on short notice. That is why he could not welcome you. We are deeply regretful that we had to be so inhospitable. Lord Valerian will arrive in a few minutes. He asked me to bring you inside already.”

As soon as the title had been named, someone gasped a few steps away from them. The group of servants there tried to hide their shock, but they began murmuring immediately. They didn't manage to conceal the way they scanned Cedar, who had been revealed to be the second prince, very much though. They probably already gossiped about how Lucille was holding the prince's hand too.

Lucille did her best to ignore that, but she felt how her cheeks got slightly red. She tried to distract herself by speaking with the butler. “I understand. Then please lead us inside. I wish you a wonderful day.”

The butler bowed to her again. “I wish you a beautiful day as well, Young Lady. It is a great pleasure to have you come back after such a long time. This certainly brings joy to every member of the staff. But I will not waste your time with sentimentalities. I will lead you to the master's office now.” He turned around after bowing once more before he walked into the building.

Lucille followed him while Cedar still held her hand. She tried to keep her eyes on the hallways to not accidentally make eye contact with anyone else, but she messed up a few times. So many people were staring at her. That was unpleasant, but there were much fewer servants here in the palace, so she was fine with it. The whispering was worse. Lucille kept quiet for a moment before she couldn't hold back anymore. She needed to distract herself, and her lover was the only one who could help her. She leaned against him and whispered so that only he could hear it. “I understand that they are excited if they hear that the prince is here. But why are they so...” She didn't find the right words.

Cedar was much more direct than she would have been. “Nosy? I don't know. Humans seem to be like that in general. I am used to it, so I don't mind much. But I think my presence here is only part of the reason that makes them stare.”

Lucille carefully looked around again. They still hadn't reached the office, and yet, so many people watched them. “Do you mean it's because of me too? I was gone for a while, and now I'm suddenly back. Maybe that is it.”

“That is a reason too. But I think that both of us came together makes it worse. If a man of another noble family comes home with the lady to visit the father, one would assume that he wishes to propose or something like that. Maybe they expect me to try to talk your father into signing an engagement contract now.”

To be honest, it wouldn't be surprising. By now, their relationship was at that level. Lucille wanted to be with Cedar, so she wouldn't mind it if he proposed or asked her father for approval. Certainly, that wouldn't be needed since they already came so far, but it would add the traditional courting touch. Lucille would be happy to marry her lover either way.

That thought was enough to make Lucille avert her eyes. “I see. But it's not like this matters now. I think we...did worse things already. Like kissing at the empress' birthday ball.” In hindsight, she was a bit embarrassed, but she wouldn't change anything about that day even if she could.

Cedar seemed to share that opinion. He showed her his soft smile, which made her heart beat faster, before he squeezed her hand. “I remember that. That was a nice day. The many people watching us could have been avoided, but I would like to kiss you like that again soon. Even if we may have kissed just this morning.” He smirked at her and seemed like he wanted to add something a little more embarrassing, but then they reached the office.

The butler had patiently waited for them. Now he spoke while trying to sound as polite as possible. “Lord Valerian said that he would like the Young Lady to take a look at a document he prepared for you. Apparently, it is connected to a topic that he has discussed with you. He allows you to enter his office for that. You may take your time. I will wait here and inform you when Lord Valerian comes home.”

That was odd. Her father never let anyone into his office, so what was this supposed to be now?