The Broken Prince's Love

The time right now wasn't just unpleasant for Cedar. He was still thinking about whether it had been necessary to hurt his mother, and now Lucille received old letters that had come from her mother, who had left years ago. Cedar could understand what she was thinking to some extent.

When his father had acted like he cared about his son while lying on his deathbed, Cedar had only been annoyed with him. But that had been because he hadn't felt any personal connection to that man. If he had cared about him, he would have been much more bitter. He would have been as resentful as he had been as a child while seeing how favored Theodore had been. He knew that bitterness Lucille had to feel well. When a mix of fury, grief and regret burned in your veins, it wasn't a pleasant sensation.

Of course, Cedar didn't say that. He didn't like others telling him that they understood him when he felt bad, so he would let it be. He was just there for Lucille. He let her rest on his lap and carefully allowed her to lean against him.

They sat like that for half an hour before Lucille stirred again. Her eyes were still red and puffy.

This was truly a sight that Cedar hated. So, he tried to cheer her up. Cedar began playing with her hair and twirled some strands around his finger before dropping them again. Then he began to massage her head a bit. It was quite cute how quickly Lucille closed her eyes to enjoy his touch. He liked seeing this relaxed expression much more. He continued to stroke over her scalp as long as she allowed him to do it.

At some point, Lucille let herself fall forward again so that she could rest her forehead on his shoulder. She stayed silent for a while before she spoke up. “I'm sorry for being so emotional. I should just have ignored it, but...” She sounded so uncertain while saying that.

Cedar quickly patted her head again. “Don't apologize. I'm your lover, so it's only natural for you to let down your guard in front of me. Please don't hide what you feel. I am here to help you and support you no matter what. You can vent, or you can have me distract you. Or we can just cuddle in silence. Whatever you prefer.”

Lucille sniffled a bit and lifted her head to rub over her nose. Then she let her head hang forward and nuzzled her face into her lover's shoulder. “Thank you. I want to...sit here a bit. Do you want to talk?” So, she wanted to discuss her feelings now that she was a bit calmer.

Cedar stared at the wall on the other side of the room while running his fingers through his lover's hair. “Of course. What do you want to discuss?” As long as he didn't need to think about breaking his mother's arm, he would be happy with any topic.

Lucille stayed silent for a moment. It seemed like she was either reluctant to speak about this, or she took some time to find the right words. Either way, she relaxed while her lover continued to brush through her hair and finally spoke a few seconds later. “I wish I could be a bit...more like you. I wish I could be stronger.” That was a horrible idea. It seemed like she truly misunderstood what the prince's ‘strength’ really was.

Cedar had to admit that he was a good fighter and that he was able to withstand a lot of mental and physical pressure due to his past. But at the same time, all that had happened only gave him disadvantages. Especially when it came to forming emotional connections with someone. And this was what the conversation would be about.

Cedar quickly told her the truth about that. “I'm not strong. I'm still stuck in the box my mother put me in. I can't show others my weaknesses, or I get scared of them using those against me the next time we meet. I need to force myself to reveal even the slightest bit of discomfort with many things, or I will act like it's fine. And that leads to me doing what I dislike. Even now, I keep eating things I hate just because my mother taught me to hide what others could use to hurt me.”

Lucille tensed when she heard that. Then she lifted her head and leaned back a bit to look at him. She was still as dejected as before. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just...wanted to tell you that I admire how you can deal with so many situations that would overwhelm me. You are very strong. Even if you have a vulnerable side too. That doesn't make you less strong for walking away from everything your mother has done.”

Cedar had to admit that he was doing what he had never believed to be possible. He had turned his back on his mother. But while he might be able to physically push Camille away, she was still in his head. He couldn't even stop himself from feeling bad about hurting her in self-defense. Obviously, he was still emotionally connected to his mother, no matter how hard he tried to fight it. “I am doing my best. But, as I said, I can only do it because you showed me that there was an option. Talking to you made me realize that I could find other people I care about more than my mother. Seeing you get hurt showed me that she wouldn't accept me liking anyone else. That is why I first took action and considered changing my future.” But that hadn't been what they had been talking about in the first place. He brought his hand to her cheek and gently cupped his lover's face while meeting her gaze. “You mentioned wanting to be strong earlier. What makes you feel like you are weak?”

Lucille averted her eyes for a moment before she replied. “Because I reacted so sensitively to this. I mean... You don't feel bad when you talk about your father. You said that you don't care about him, and you don't. But no matter how often I remember that Mama doesn't seem to feel the need to see me, I can't stop wanting to see her. I would like to just forget about her and move on with my life.”

Cedar immediately had a response for her. “You can't compare that. You have been raised by your mother until you were six. I barely talked with my father five times until that age. Cold greetings and nothing else didn't really cause me to see him as my father. Obviously, that means that I wouldn't care about him as a person. And...” He carefully moved away her hair and kept his eyes on her face while tucking a strand behind her ear. “You shouldn't forget that I am not a normal person you can compare yourself with. My emotional stability isn't something I can be proud of. Especially when it comes to caring about others. It wasn't healthy for me not to bat an eye while my father died. I'm not strong for that. I merely wasn't able to develop a normal connection to my own father.”

The prince was a bit dejected when he thought about that. Someone like him wanted to become Lucille's husband. It was almost ridiculous. She deserved much more than this.

But Cedar still wanted to fight for this, so he refused to give in. For that, he needed to be honest though, even if it was unpleasant. “I don't allow others to get close to me. It takes an eternity for me to open up. And when I do reveal a bit of me and care deeply for someone, it might be even worse.” He almost didn't want to admit it to avoid scaring her. He also didn't want to make his lover feel pressured, but he couldn't hold back his words. “Even now, I'm scared of losing you. And I'm scared of you turning away. Because I wouldn't let you go. Now that I care, I won't be able to...” He certainly wouldn't be able to get over her leaving him any time soon. That would scar him much more than anything during the past years had. He almost expected to be met with a skeptical gaze in return because this sounded like he wanted to ensure that Lucille wouldn't try to break up with him.

But his lover just looked at him with a serious expression. “That's normal though. Of course, you would be scared of losing people you care about and don't want them to turn away from you. I also don't want to stop seeing you, and if you told me that it was over, it would hurt me a lot. Because I love you. That is not just because of your difficult past.”

Cedar still adored hearing her promises of love. His heart skipped a beat, and he could swear that his smile became much more genuine as well. But even that didn't keep him from pondering her words.

His past had definitely made him more clingy. There was no denying that. But Cedar wouldn't admit that he could get rather jealous to his lover. For now, he was relieved due to her words and would leave it at that. “If you feel the same, that's good. Because there is no way that I would want to separate. I care for you more than anyone else and want to have you in my life until the very end. I fell for you, so I will stay with you now.”

Lucille almost seemed to be a bit surprised to hear that. She got a bit red, this time because of her embarrassment and not because she was crying. Good. “I love you too.” So, she had heard what he had wanted to tell her.

Cedar lifted his hand to stroke over her head again. His lover was perfect. He couldn't help but fall more for her each time that he saw her. He was truly lucky to have her like him. For a moment, the both of them were silent until Cedar turned his head to the side. He saw the box with the letters from the corner of his eyes and carefully put it into the nightstand so that they wouldn't accidentally lie on it later.

Lucille turned her head as well and quickly saw what he was moving around. She tensed a little bit before quickly burying her face in his chest. Apparently, she still tried to forget about those letters.

Cedar would help her with that in a moment. First, he just needed to confirm what would be best for her. “Do you want to keep them?” Depending on her answer, he could either burn this quickly or put it far away.

A few seconds passed in silence before Lucille replied. She didn't lift her head this time. “I...I don't know.” She paused for a bit before continuing. “I think Father secretly gave them to me. So, it would be best to give them back to him. But...I'm not sure whether he wants them either.” Viscount Valerian's relationship with his ex-wife was difficult as well, wasn't it?

Cedar stared at the box for a moment. “I see. Then I will put it away, and you can decide later.” He carefully placed the box in the drawer of the nightstand, which was difficult to do with one hand. He somehow managed to do it anyway and closed the drawer.

Now Lucille didn't have to see it anymore and could finally calm down a little. She needed a break, so he would help her focus on something else.

Cedar stroked over his lover's head and back while pressing a few small kisses on whatever part of her he could reach. He did his best to keep the conversation far away from anything that could remind her of her mother. He told her all kinds of stories about his past and about what kind of rumors had circulated among noble society at some point.

Lucille mostly listened without saying anything. But the longer they went on, the more she chimed in. By the time she seemed to focus on him completely, it was already late, so he brought her to bed.

The next day, Lucille seemed to feel a bit better, but she still hadn't forgotten about the letters. She still wasn't sure whether to keep the box with the letters or throw it away. She just delayed the decision and left the box in the drawer, which she probably wouldn't open any time soon. Her strategy seemed to be trying to forget that this entirely. If that helped her, her lover would gladly oblige.

During the following days, Cedar did his best to distract his lover a bit. Maybe it was good for him to focus on this matter for now instead of simply pondering the other incident again. After all, preparing for the trial, which probably didn't even deserve to be called such, made him much too tense. He didn't look forward to seeing his mother again. Either she would make him feel guilty or tell him how horrible he was. He wanted to hear neither of that. But he couldn't push away the date of the trial either.

He wanted to get it over with, so he didn't protest when that day arrived. Yet, Cedar did complain quite a bit when he found out that his brother planned to use a lot of symbolism to upset Camille again. Cedar was rather skeptical when it came to this.

During balls, it was fine for the royal couple to dress up lavishly to show that they were much more powerful. During a trial, it was a bit odd. But if the emperor and the empress did it, one could ignore it since they would serve as judges.

However, the prince was rather unhappy about him needing to put on an attire that was much too flashy. He might as well be dressed for a royal wedding, and that wasn't a good sign in any case. Cedar actually felt a bit ridiculous as he wandered through the corridors of the palace with such a ceremonious uniform and a cape that was much longer than what he was used to. At least it seemed like he wasn't the only one confused by this.

Lucille was rather taken aback upon seeing him as well. But to be honest, Cedar was more shocked when he scanned her attire. Without a doubt, Blanche had told her to wear that. Lucille would never choose something so luxurious on her own, and she certainly wouldn't pick something with the royal colors. Her dress was navy with golden and white decorations. She was dressed up like a rather influential member of the royal family, for example, the princess consort. Since her attire perfectly matched Cedar's uniform, that hint had probably been intentional.

Camille would certainly complain about this. Not that this was her biggest problem now.

Cedar refused to think about that when he had no choice anyway. He bowed to his lover and offered her his hand. When she put her hand onto his, he hinted a kiss on her fingers before grinning at her. “It seems like there may be a thief here. She is the most beautiful woman in this nation and, apparently, is able to claim what she desires in an instant. You only took a second to steal my heart, so you must be a natural. I fear that I will have to steal something back to make up for my loss.” He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he had expected after such a stupid comment. Maybe he had hoped for his lover to laugh or to look at him with skepticism. Anything would be fine to distract him from the rising nausea in his stomach.

But Lucille surprised him once again by giving him a smile that made him melt. She replied in a meek voice. “You don't have to steal anything back. You already have my heart.” She should not have looked so sweet while saying that.

Cedar hadn't planned on kissing her before the trial, but by now, he already felt the desire to do so. Nothing held him back, so he came a bit closer to his lover. He didn't touch her cheek to avoid accidentally removing her powder and just brought his face closer to hers. He didn't need to do more than that.

Lucille already lifted herself up to kiss him back. Their lips met, and he automatically put his arms around his lover. When she wrapped hers around him too, this proved to be a bad idea. Now he didn't want to let go, and she didn't show the desire to do so either.

Thus, Cedar allowed himself to enjoy the affection for a moment. He would need to face Camille in a few seconds, so he might as well do this. A kiss would raise his mood, and he needed that before the annoying trial.

The couple slowly parted, and Lucille offered him another smile, this one slightly weaker. She was probably as nervous as he was, and she couldn't even hide it. So, he would need to calm her down a little.

Cedar linked their arms before he led them toward their destination while he spoke. “Theodore will deal with it. We just have to stand there and serve as some sort of decoration. If we speak, we only need to repeat the truth. So, it will be fine.” Not for him. He would be on edge and more tense than ever. He didn't want to face his mother. Not one bit.

Apparently, Lucille noticed that too. She cuddled against him while they walked and gave him a bit of support despite being worried herself.

They walked to the emperor's office without any issues on the way. Merely the staring of the staff members was a bit annoying, but it was likely that those people knew about the trial. Hopefully, they wouldn't misunderstand Cedar's extravagant attire.

When the couple arrived at their destination, the emperor and the empress were already present. Both Theodore and Blanche seemed rather serious before they noticed the other two. Then they immediately smiled and greeted them happily. Blanche even joked. “Oh, my. It's been a while since I saw you dressed up like this. You manage to seem elegant in even the most lavish attires. The both of you look wonderful.”

Theodore immediately added something to that. “It fits you, but... Even if I have to admit that it's odd to see you like this, Cedar. I'm not used to that at all.” He turned to his wife. “I bet you never saw him as dressed up as we were for my coronation though. It's strange how different he looks from seven years ago. He really grew up. It seems like the Madame Charture did a good job.” He talked as if his brother wasn't here.

Cedar would like to be more direct about what he thought about this, but he held back. “I considered ignoring the attire you picked, but I can't go against the emperor's order. Was this really necessary, Theodore? I mean, I like Lucille's attire a lot, but it's rare for us to wear things like this. I feel like we are dressed up for your second coronation or something like that.” And his attire was a bit too flashy for his liking too. It wasn't good that this was on the same level as the emperor's uniform. After all, he needed to point out the difference between his and his brother's power. He didn't want rumors about him still trying to gain influence.

But Theodore didn't care about that. He made a rejecting gesture with his hand. “We need to show that the Estien family is united and as strong as ever. You don't have to wear a crown like we do, so don't complain.” He shouldn't have the right to complain either. He had decided to wear the crown, so it was his problem if his head hurt because of that heavy thing now.

Blanche chimed in before the prince could comment on that. “I am quite content with the attires we picked. Looking at them like this is pleasant. They make a cute couple, don't they?”

The prince didn't even need to check whether Lucille got red at that. She already averted her eyes and hid herself behind her hands. Apparently, she was even more sensitive today than usual. That might just be because the royal couple grinned at them like this. Or because she still cuddled with her lover. But at least Lucille was able to respond despite her bashfulness. “Good day. I hope that we haven't arrived too late. And...about my attire. I...am unsure whether...” She didn't finish that sentence, and she didn't have to.

Only members of the royal family were allowed to wear the royal colors. But suddenly, Lucille showed up in that color scheme and probably expected criticism.

Theodore quickly replied. “You do not have to worry about that. Merely the woman being put on trial today will complain. But of course, you can ignore her. She won't be a part of the royal family for long. So, you can stand next to Cedar with pride and keep your head up high. We will all welcome you into the family.”

Lucille looked like she almost swallowed her tongue when she heard that but gave a nod. She looked down and refused to lift her gaze again.

Cedar gently stroked over her hand and felt how his lover leaned against him. He would have liked to focus on teasing her too, but he needed to prepare for the trial, or he would be stressed when it began. He glanced at the door before scanning the hallway. They were completely alone here with only some guards patrolling around. So, it seemed like everyone was inside already. He looked at his brother again. “Thank you for your nice words. But we can discuss that after this mess is over. For now, we need to deal with this. Will the trial begin when we arrive, or do we need to wait for someone still?”

Blanche replied while shaking her head. “We are the last ones. So, it would be good for us to enter now. We don't want to waste the time of our guests after all.” She put on an encouraging smile. “Please don't worry about anything. We have everything under control. You can relax and watch. And most importantly, only blame the perpetrator and not the victim, alright?” That was directed at Cedar.

He just beamed in return. “Of course. Then let us enter now.” Even though he knew that he wouldn't fool anyone here with that radiant smile. The three people around him could read his mood quite well, so they had to know. Thankfully, they didn't point it out.

Theodore only nodded. “Is everyone ready?” He waited for everyone to agree before he turned to the guards by the door. “Announce our presence.”

One of the men quickly opened the door and spoke. “His and Her Majesty, the emperor and the empress of Artias. His Royal Highness and Lady Valerian.” He had voiced it in a manner that would make it seem like two couples had arrived. No one bothered to correct him.

Cedar almost sighed. If they did it like this, he might as well add to that image. He pulled Lucille even closer to him. He showed her a little smile before leading her into the emperor's office right after the royal couple had entered.