The Broken Prince's Love

Normally, Cedar had no issue sitting there unmoving for a while. He also didn't mind hiding in a dark wardrobe for an hour. But the fact that his wound kept pressing against the items within the wardrobe made him curse the gods every few seconds.

To be honest, he had only waited for Leonard to come here, but today had been an exceptionally unfitting date. After all, Cedar had just overdone it with his training, and now he was forced to sit around without having a chance to do anything. He was more than happy when Lucille finally came back and called for him, which proved that the annoying bastard had disappeared.

Cedar pushed open the doors and climbed out of the wardrobe before giving himself a moment to get used to the light in the room again. The sun was already setting, but in comparison to the dark closet, this felt much brighter than it actually was. So, he took a few seconds before meeting Lucille's gaze. “Well, that was annoying.” After all, he had hidden in that stupid, cramped wardrobe for long enough that his whole body hurt. He stretched himself while trying to ignore how shocked the young woman in front of him looked.

Lucille stared at him for a moment before speaking up. “You hid in there? And he really didn't check the wardrobe? Is that not the most obvious spot?”

Cedar beamed at that while he blew out one of the many candles he had wasted for this play. “Exactly. He knew that I was here. Or rather, he knew that someone was here while guessing that it could never be me. I would have avoided this if possible, but Leon is good at finding others. Even if I had tried to hide, he would have known that you weren't alone in this room. Since I assumed that you would be nervous anyway, it would have been hard to fool him. So, I thought that it was better to make up a more logical story than you taking in a traitor. It may be a bit uncomfortable for you, but I promise that Leon is tight-lipped.”

Lucille looked at him for a moment before replying. “So, you really did this on purpose. The candles, the bed, the roses. Where did you even get the flowers from?”

He couldn't quite explain that he had waited for Leon and prepared some roses in case he ever needed to distract someone a bit. So, he ignored that question. “Of course, I did this on purpose. No one would leave behind such a room without a reason. I apologize, but Lord Astame now believes that you have a lover, which should keep him from suspecting you. He just thinks that you were worried about your father finding the one you are meeting with. That gives us a perfect reason to explain why you were nervous, and it also keeps him from asking why another person was here.” The fact that the young Lady Valerian had been completely flustered upon meeting Leon would also be justified by that story.

Lucille crossed her arms and looked around before she responded. “That's not an issue as long as my father doesn't believe it. But that was still a reckless plan. What if he had opened that wardrobe?”

To be honest, it had been a gamble, but the odds of this succeeding had been higher than the ones of Cedar trying to run away from a dozen royal guards in his current state. He had feared that Leonard would insist on finding out the imaginary lover's identity, but apparently, the man didn't care enough. Leon knew that there was no way that the prince would develop romantic feelings for someone and waste his time by visiting a noble lady. So, Leon wouldn't need to learn anything about Lucille's life.

Cedar smiled at Lucille before admitting the truth. “It was the safest option. If it had gone wrong in any way, I would have lost. At least if Lord Astame is still as capable as in the past. If not...” He walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out the sword he had hidden there to show it to her. “I would have made sure that he wouldn't be able to follow him when I flee. It would just have been a small cut, obviously, but it could have bought me a few minutes.” Thankfully, he hadn't needed to do that. If he ever hurt Theodore's friends, even if it was just a little bit, his brother would probably want to massacre him. Since Cedar didn't have any plans of evoking the emperor's anger within the next few months, he was actually really relieved that Leonard had minded his own business.

Lucille folded her hands and gazed at the sword with slight worry in her eyes. She was probably thinking about him hurting others now. At least the prince guessed that, but she said something completely different. “You shouldn't try to solve your problems with fighting when you are still injured. You can't train, so you definitely can't fight a group of knights either. It would be better for you to hide at a safer place if something like this happens again.”

The prince put the sword back into its sheath and laid it on the table before sitting down on the bed. It was a luxury to think that one's problems would wait until one recovered. He had always been used to moving forward no matter how much it hurt. That was one of the only good things he had picked up from his mother. But he wouldn't talk to Lucille about that now.

Cedar needed to address the more important issue. “It's good that you mention it. We may have been able to hide me this time, but I have no idea whether Leon wants to meet your mysterious lover in the future. If so, using servant clothes and a wig probably won't keep him from recognizing me. So, I can't risk being here when he comes again. We will have to reconfirm whether he still distrusts you. Because if he does, I will have to leave as quickly as possible.” He didn't want Leonard to find him here, or all of his plans would be ruined.

Lucille hesitated for a bit before she walked toward the bed and stopped in front of him. “Where would you go then? If you had to leave, I mean.”

Cedar couldn't really answer that question. He wasn't sure himself. He had two options. One would be the way more dangerous one that included him traveling to his destination no matter the damages, but he probably shouldn't tell Lucille about that. So, only the second option remained. “I assume that I would have to go back then. There is a huge difference between me coming back on my own and Leonard dragging me back, you know? So, I would rather use my own legs if I'm capable of doing so.” Even if he really didn't have any motivation to return now.

Lucille was silent for a few seconds and fiddled with her hands before she spoke up. “But you don't want to go back, do you?”

That was so true that Cedar almost let out a laugh. “Indeed. I have no desire to do that. I'm in the middle of trying to change something, so going back would be like giving up. At least it would be giving up on doing it my way. And I don't really want to do that.” If he returned now, his discussions with his mother would be worse than ever. He wasn't sure whether he would stand that then.

“If you don't want to, don't go back.” Lucille spoke in an unusually confident tone as she said that. “It won't do you any good if you give up like this. You managed to hide yourself for so long, you will be able to do it for a few more months too. When everything has calmed down, there is no way that Lord Astame will show up here. I'm pretty sure that he won't come back in general, and if he does, we can hide you in the cellar. They most likely didn't go there since it's not being used by anyone. We will definitely find a way for you to stay here. In the worst case, we will just get you an apartment somewhere outside the capital. But for now, you can live here for as long as you want to.”

Cedar was almost surprised at her proposal but more at the fact that she seemed so certain. He had expected that she wouldn't want to send him back, which no one with a similar childhood would want, but he had believed that she would be hesitant and shy while explaining that she wanted him to stay. He gave her a smile. “Thank you. I hope that this will be possible. It would be better if everything goes smoothly, but you know how the world is.”

He just wasn't lucky after all.

Even though his side had gotten better during their walk, it hurt much more now that he had applied pressure on it. Sitting down was way more painful than it should be. He considered taking a pill for now but chose to delay that until he was ready to sleep. For now, he would have to distract himself a bit. Cedar stood up and used the first excuse that came to his mind. “Do you think the annex is safe now? I would like to search for another hiding spot I can use in the future. Would you mind showing me around the rest of the building?”

Lucille wasn't happy about that idea, and it was rather obvious. She didn't bother hiding her dismay and just looked at him with a slightly furrowed brow. “I don't know. You're still hurt. And the servants may run around now because they are curious. And-” She cut herself off when she watched his expression. “You won't listen to me, will you?” At least she had understood it now.

The prince walked to the entrance and opened the door for her. “I can't help being stubborn. It runs in my blood. After you.” He waited for the woman to sigh and then followed her out of the room.

For the first few steps, the both of them were silent before Lucille spoke up. “Say...” Her voice sounded much less confident again, and she seemed almost reluctant to address this. But in the end, her curiosity won. “I would like to ask you something. You don't have to answer me if you don't want to. So, feel free to interrupt me. But...I wanted to ask about...your relationship with your mother.” She was silent after that as if she expected him to lash out.

Cedar gave her a little smile and checked the hallways again before training his eyes on her face. “You don't have to feel bad about asking that. I don't mind replying honestly. My mother has...a strong personality. That can make it hard for people to get along with her. So, of course, we also have our problems when our opinions differ. She doesn't like being told that she is in the wrong. And if she is serious, the conversation ends with her simply telling me what to do. I have to admit that I usually choose the easier option, which is just going along with what she says. Because the consequences of that are usually way more bearable than the ones of refusing. I'm not proud of it, but that's the truth.” He would never usually say this much, and everyone that knew him was aware of that.

Lucille didn't. Her eyes widened for a little moment. She seemed to be taken aback but caught herself quickly. “Really? That's...almost like my father.” She only breathed that out, but half of the words were enough to understand. She seemed to be easily impressed if even that oversimplified narration made her react like that. Somehow, that wasn't surprising.

Cedar had way worse stories, but there was no need to bring those up. He also didn't mention Lucille's father since she didn't seem to be too eager to talk about that. So, he just continued to tell her exactly what she wanted to hear. “Sometimes, it got pretty harsh. I've seen Mother at her worst. But of course, I've also seen her at her best. She isn't truly vile, even if it may seem like it to outsiders. She was raised to be like this to some extent. She is a very prideful person, and the fact that my father favored another woman even though she only wanted his affection hit her hard. Then Father also took her firstborn child away and gave it to that concubine. Of course, the other woman wasn't at fault, but I guess it's understandable why Mother became upset. And then her son even chose that woman above her despite knowing that she was his biological mother. That must have scarred her quite a bit.”

Lucille began fiddling with her hands again, and a slight frown came onto her features. She hesitated to speak up but eventually opened her mouth. “But...wanting to kill her own son because of that is...”

The prince quickly finished for her. “I know. Her circumstances don't justify a single one of the things she has done. Because Theodore isn't at fault here either. He only stuck to the woman that raised him, which is natural. As the firstborn, he is obviously the rightful ruler, and there should be no discussion. I'm sure that Mother is only reluctant to accept that because she didn't stomach Father's death yet. I don't know what exactly is going on inside her head, but there isn't much I can do about it. I can only try to understand her and be at her side. In the end, she is still my mother, no matter what she does. Of course, I care for her despite all of her faults.” And again, he had said the right thing.

Lucille averted her eyes at that. Without a doubt, she was pondering his words and tried to sort her thoughts. To her, all of these stories had to be contradicting. She had only heard about the prince as the bad one and actually talking to him had to make her feel odd. She had admitted to sympathizing with him because of her parents, and it was easy to see why. Her father was as overwhelming as the dowager empress herself, and her mother had disappeared and thus, left behind no presence, much like the previous emperor.

Cedar didn't know the details that stayed hidden from the public, but he had enough to piece the story together. To Lucille, their pasts probably seemed extremely similar. But she didn't have any clue about what he had truly experienced as a child. It was both sweet and naive of her to try to understand what he had to feel. Especially when she should know what he had done. But he wouldn't remind her of that now. It was good if she wasn't scared of him. Instead of making her worry again, he would rather stay quiet to allow her to ask another question.

And sure enough, Lucille's question came quickly. “The attacks on His Majesty seven years ago... The one you first came into confinement for. Did your mother plan that? And...did you...help her?” Lucille sounded even more uncertain now, but she still voiced even the more dangerous question, even though she looked at him like she expected him to threaten her in a moment.

The prince just gave her a smile. “I'm not innocent if that's what you want to ask. I was fourteen. I knew what she was doing. I met the assassins she hired, and I even had a short conversation with some of them.” He had been acquainted with some too. “I didn't decide anything, but I had known about the plan in advance. I could have intervened and warned Theodore, but I didn't do that.”

Lucille pressed her mouth into a thin line before she spoke up. “You make it seem like fourteen is old. You were a child. There is no way that you would have questioned your mother's words. Even if...” She was quiet for a moment. “Even if you did understand that what she was doing was wrong. You aren't really innocent, but you are definitely not guilty either.” She closed her mouth and seemed like she wanted to end it here, but she added something. “Would you act differently now?” That was a foolish question.

Cedar directed his eyes onto the hallway in front of him as they rounded a corner. His smile widened. “Of course. I would pretend to plot with her and tell Theodore about it immediately. Then he would be able to prepare, and it could end without any deaths. Even though I didn't do that three months ago during the revolt either. Still, he didn't have any problems protecting his men. I feel like my brother is being favored by the gods. And sometimes, it seems like he can look into the future. It's scary, but if he uses it to help Artias, it can only be good.”

He gazed to the side and caught a glimpse of Lucille's reaction. She seemed to be satisfied with his reply. Did she really believe in him and wanted him to become a better person? That was naive. He normally got annoyed when people acted like this, but if it was Lucille, he might be alright with it. After all, he was trying to live up to her standards right now. He hadn't forgotten about that riverbed metaphor, and changing his life by altering the flow of the water seemed like a good idea at the moment. Gaining others' trust was good for that and even necessary.

Lucille fell for such meaningless words quickly. She was silent for a bit and got lost in her thoughts before she seemed to snap out of it. She slowed down her pace and stared at one of the walls before balling her fists. “This...isn't where we need to run around. There aren't any hiding spots here. Let's leave.”

Cedar followed her gaze and scanned the painting that adorned the wall there. It was a portrait of a woman that might be around her mid-twenties. She had long red hair that framed her pale face and gave the viewer a soft smile. It was easy to tell who this was. Cedar glanced to the side and compared the two women before speaking up. “May I ask who that woman is?” Even if the dark red hair already revealed it when a person with the exact same hair color stood next to it.

Lucille hugged herself and did her best to keep her eyes on the floor. “This is my...mother. She left a couple of years ago, and we haven't had contact ever since. This annex was her favorite spot, so...” She cut herself off, and for a moment, silence filled the air. Then she spoke up again. “I would like to leave now.”

This time, Cedar followed her immediately. While walking, he glanced over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of the painting again. This was the rumored Emily Valerian, who had divorced her husband twelve years ago? The picture didn't differ from her appearance when Cedar had last seen her during a ball. Her daughter looked just like her. Apparently, this woman played a big role in Lucille's life, but still, the daughter didn't like to mention her mother. In some way, Cedar could understand that. After all, Emily seemed to have left overnight without bothering to contact her child again. That might be worse than a father, who had ignored his second son for years, dying. But in any case, both had just disappeared from their child's life, so he could see how Lucille compared that.

The prince trailed after the young woman and waited for her to speak up, but she took her time. He was almost sure that a few minutes had passed before he began by clearing his throat. “Since you asked me a few questions earlier, can I also ask something now?” He only waited for a short moment before resuming so that she couldn't even reply. “It's not about a topic that you dislike, don't worry. This is more of a...little test. I would like to know what the public heard about the revolt three months ago. Of course, I know more than everyone else, but that also means that I have no idea what the official statement was. Would you mind telling me about that?”

Lucille was visibly relieved when she heard that this wasn't about her mother. Then she replied gladly despite knowing that she had to be careful here too. “There wasn't too much. We only heard that you came to the palace with a group of armed mercenaries. Then the royal guards and His Majesty defeated you, and the evidence was unambiguous this time. So, it was easy to judge you and your mother without a trial. Some mercenaries were left alive and will probably be sent to work in the mines in the south. Others, well...”

So, Theodore had truly allowed some of those people to live on, even though they had committed treason. That was more than reckless. Only the perfect emperor could allow himself to be so lenient.

Cedar held back a small laugh and added another question. “And the reasons? Of course, Theodore won't have revealed anything like that. But what do the rumors say about that incident? Why did we attack?” Lucille was quiet, so he resumed immediately. “Please be completely honest. I want to hear everything.”

She hesitated for another second before nodding. “Well, there were a few discussions before that attack. You remember Her Majesty's birthday ball and the reveal of His Majesty's engagement, right? Your mother... I mean...Her Majesty, the dowager empress voiced a lot of derogatory things about His and Her Majesty. And he rebuked her in public. Then she had something like...a hysteric fit. She had that twice in a row during an event, so many people doubt her sanity. And they believe that she planned this sudden attack because of her hurt pride.” Of course, people would see it like that. It wasn't entirely wrong after all. But an important part was missing. Good.

Cedar responded with hidden satisfaction. “You can address her without a title as long as she isn't here to get angry about it. What you said sums it up well. She can truly overreact a bit when she isn't content with the results she receives. She was quite unhappy when a commoner became empress. Maybe because a concubine becoming the wife reminded her of her archrival, the woman that raised Theodore. So, Mother was even more upset than normal, and when no one took her side, she blew up a bit. Those balls were both rather...uncomfortable.”

He remembered wanting to sink into the floor while his mother had put on her show. He wasn't as embarrassed as many other people would be since he was used to this kind of behavior though. Cedar had been more concerned about Camille messing up and insulting Theodore's lover, which would definitely make the emperor angrier than they could deal with. The prince was actually relieved that those had been the last events his mother had attended, and it seemed like she wouldn't step back into the eye of the public any time soon. Which was for the better.

Cedar pushed those thoughts away and asked another question. “And what was the public's reaction to the revolt? Did anyone condemn it openly?” Most nobles should have, just to prove that they were on the emperor's side.

As expected, Lucille nodded. “Indeed. Almost all households in the capital voiced their dismay. You can imagine what they said. They talked about how someone could dare to attack His Majesty.” Of course. That was the easiest way to act friendly while sharpening a knife behind someone's back. “Some even demanded that your mother should be stripped of her title.” That was more of an issue. If that ever happened, Camille would lose her mind.

Cedar could just hope that he wasn't there to witness it if it came that far. “I see. Thank you for telling me about that.” He was quiet for a moment before ending this conversation. “I think we looked around enough for today. Shall we go back to the room then?” Right now, it seemed like his side didn't hurt too much anymore. Maybe he would be able to sit down again without being in constant pain. And aside from that, he had heard everything he needed to hear.

The situation in the capital was exactly as he had predicted it. No one opposed the emperor, and everyone stood on Theodore's side. It was extremely peaceful, and the nobles were content with the responsible ones for the revolt being confined. This should be perfect for Cedar to work with. If he waited long enough, maybe the guards would stop searching for him with this much vigor.

Previously, he had planned on delaying his return for a month after he arrived, but he might need to delay that to make sure. Right now, he actually considered doing it later. Maybe even a few months later. That idea wasn't too bad either. He just needed to find a way to justify him straying away from the original plan. But since that would increase the odds of success, it should be fine.