The Bounty Hunter

September, 28th, 2089

Dante’s POV

“We end our tour of the remarkable Petrie Museum of Egyptian Archaeology with a look at its newest addition:  the Was-sceptre of the Pharoah Khufu!  King Khufu reigned during the 4th dynasty, during the time of the mythical Egyptian magician Dedi.  The completed Westcar Papyrus claims that King Khufu’s sceptre was blessed by Dedi to have miraculous abilities.  And-”  I tuned out the rest of the tour guide’s speech as I examined the staff myself.  It was 5 feet long, with a stylized animal head of the mythical Sha on one end and a fork on the other end.  The Sha is the totem animal of Set, the ancient Egyptian god of desert, storms, disorder, and violence.  He sounds like the kind of guy I would want to have a beach party with, but I digress.

I am here at this museum in London, along with Sparky and Jumbo, because this Was-sceptre was one of the few relics reactivated by the mana calamity that resulted in my birth.  Normally I’d send a minion to retrieve it when it was discovered, but I needed to do this personally.  The Council of Nine failed to organize a coherent response to Pandemonium’s rapid expansion across the world, but the Kingdom of England has still managed to become a nuisance.

This task force of theirs has actually been making some headway in being a pain up my ass.  Arresting criminal affiliates, interfering with recruitment, putting a bounty on my head, the list goes on and on.  The fuckers have also been conducting annoying cyber attacks targeting our financials.  Shockingly enough, demons are not very good with computers so I haven’t been able to stop them.  It hasn’t crippled us by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s irritating.

I’m here to send a message to King William that their efforts are futile.  It is the first step in my plan to torment the fool.  I hear he dotes on his eldest daughter, fufufu she also happens to be the one leading the task force.  She’ll come running after this heist.  Mwhahaha!  Come to my web, little butterfly, come to my web.  The girl is supposedly quite the beauty too… NO!  I must remain faithful to my darling!

It’s only been a month since I met my future waifu yet I can’t help but think of her wherever I go.  Food has lost its taste, color is less vibrant, and the screams of the people I torture are muted compared to before I met Rin.  *Sigh*  That little minx has stolen my black heart and made me heartless!  I cannot be tempted by another!  But… this is another world, so doesn’t that automatically mean a harem situation?  Rin will be my bottom bitch, so adding another plaything or too should be fine, right?

“Uh, boss?  Are you okay?”  Jumbo asked me from his new guise possessing a 9 year old boy.  His old body was destroyed a week ago by my sweetheart.  His terrified demeanor as he recounted his encounter with my darling made me feel a warming sensation of happiness and pride.  Clearly, she’s the perfect woman for me.  My joy caused me to lessen Jumbo’s punishment for failing to find the Fountain of Youth.  I only had him be a chew toy for Cerberus for 2 hours instead of 3.  Which reminds me, I should talk to Cerberus and address his fetish for behaving like a dog.  We’re demons true, and we are influenced by our true forms to varying extents, but Cerberus is pushing full-fledged furry fandom here.

“I’m fine!  It’s time to make our move.  Sparky, it’s all you!  Dazzle me.”  I waved to Sparky, who was possessing an ordinary looking middle-aged Englishman.  “Yes, yes, yes, yes!  I, I, I, I got, got, got, got, this, this, this, this!”  Sparky responded with his trademark rapid fire staccato broken record-like speech.  The storm demon released his possession, resulting in dark grey clouds suddenly filling the entire museum.  Cries of confusion and shock echoed in the building as everyone’s senses were obstructed.  There was a short *bzzzt*, followed by an amusing display of bodies dropping and shaking on the floor from being electrocuted.

Just as quickly as the clouds appeared they vanished, getting sucked back into Sparky’s body.  Jumbo and I were laughing at the corpses as they twitched.  “Such a shocking display, Sparky!”  Jumbo called out with a chuckle.  That chuckle was interrupted as I punted my subordinate into the distance.  “WHYYYY???”  Jumbo cried out pitifully as he crashed into some Pharaoh’s statue, causing it to crumble around him.  “HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY PUN!!!”  I roared!  “DO THAT AGAIN AND I’LL HAVE YOU PLAYING FETCH WITH CERBERUS FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR!!  I DON’T CARE IF I AM ENABLING HIS FETISH!!!”

I collected myself after my outburst and quickly came up with a different pun to preserve my reputation as the wittiest demon in Pandemonium.  “That was an electrifying performance, Sparky.”  “Thank, thank, thank, thank, you, you, you, you, sir, sir, sir, sir!!!”  Sparky gave a chipper salute in response to my praise.  Jumbo dragged himself out of the rubble and came over to my side, only to get punted again.  I eclipsed my previous distance by a fair bit.  “Go destroy the cameras.  Sparky probably got them all, but I don’t want any surprises.”  I ordered as I approached Khufu’s Was-sceptre of Set.  Damn, that’s a mouthful.

I picked up the staff (after breaking through the bulletproof glass display) and gave it a twirl, noting how the pressure it emanated caused cracks to appear throughout the room.  I wasn’t even trying to do anything.  Ooooh, this one is definitely a keeper.  Dedi was certainly a fearsome magician if he was able to craft this.  A lot of slaves were probably sacrificed in the process, but nevertheless it is impressive.

My research into these relics and their origins has shown me that this world has a strange relationship with magic.  Even before its widespread extinction, magic users were uncommon and their abilities were mostly unremarkable.  However, every so often there would appear a practitioner with such power that it was ridiculous.  Dedi, Abe no Seimei, Merlin, Baba Yaga, Morgan le Fay, Sun Wukong, Medea, etc. the list of these individuals is embedded in the history and legends of humanity. 

However, these people were few and far between and they became even rarer as magic died out.  It was a vicious cycle where fewer people with potential for magic appeared and those that did appear never realized their potential since magic was no longer used.  The genes for magic got filtered out of the gene pool due to the joys of natural selection and evolution, leading us to the modern day where the only people with the potential for magic are either de novo mutants or directly descended from one of the legends of the past.  And of these one in a million people, most die in ignorance of their abilities.

There are a few amongst the few who discover magic in one way or another, but their abilities are meager.  These “Remnants” are all that remain from the era of magic, shadows of their predecessors’ former glory who are at best on the level of petty conjurers.  The chances of a Remnant having the power to match me is infinitesimally small, yet my darling Rin shows it is possible.  Even more unlikely is that a minion of mine mentioned encountering another Remnant at that very same concert.  This Abyssal Vortex Champion sounds like a potential threat, if the name is anything to go by.  Good thing I sent Ibaraki-doji and Susan to track down and eliminate him.  The two should be more than enough for the assignment, since Ori was able to survive her encounter with the Champion.

“Boss!  I got incoming police!  Some passersby probably heard the screams and called it in!”  Jumbo reported as he returned from his assignment.  Normally at this point the team and I would skedaddle, but I happen to have a Khufu’s Was-sceptre of Set that I’m just dying to try out.  Although I won’t be the one “dying” per say.  “Sparky, ditch the body.  I want you in the electrical grid in case we need some widespread devastation.  Jumbo, you’re in charge of the cover-up.”  I ordered as I did some light calisthenics to loosen up.  I don’t want to pull a muscle after all.

Sparky nodded before once again canceling his possession, although this time he consumed his host before he became an electrical blur that vanished into the wiring.  Jumbo faded away as he cast illusion magic and hid himself.  I strolled over to an impressive looking throne and plopped my fine behind on top of it.  The sounds of the doors being broken down reached my ears, and I saw a full tactical team storm the room.  A wicked grin adorned my face as I readied myself for a slaughter.  Time to have some fun.