The Bounty Hunter

September 28th, 2089

Irene’s POV

*Ratatatata*  My Mark IV Lancer LMG let out the most beautiful sound as it tore through the annoying fucking flies that were interfering with my battle.  “GET OUT THE WAY, YA LIMP DICKS!!!”  I roared as I shot through the crowd to hit that jumpy demon.  “What, what, what, what, is, is, is, is, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, with, with, with, with, you, you, you, you?”  The storm demon demanded as it jumped around.  Even with my optimized targeting systems he was managing to dodge my attacks.  I stabbed my LMG through the head of one policeman and moved the corpse just in time to block several bolts of lightning my way.  The charred flesh registered on my olfactory sensors as I pulled the trigger of my gun.  “EAT THIS YOU TWITCHY FUCK!!”

*Ratatata* The storm demon let out a yelp as I finally got a hit on the ass.  Literally and metaphorically.  “You, you, you, you, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!”  He cried out.  I just responded with a mocking smirk, which then vanished as the demon let loose a blast of electricity that fried everyone in there except me, my gender-bent boss, and her demon lord wanna-be lover.  The amount of shit I gave the boss when he first showed me his alternate persona was enormous.  I nearly popped a gear from laughing so hard.

Anyways, my boss and the demon lord brushed off that lethal attack like it was static shock, I however, am not a monster like those two.  *Bzzzt*  The electricity ran throughout my body and blew me through a wall.  Fuck, that hurt.  Good thing I’m a clockwork automaton else my circuits would have shorted out.  My gun’s barrel was melted from the attack, no longer being operational.  The boss should be able to fix it, but he’s a little occupied at the moment.  “FUCK!”  I swore as I drew my two sawed-off shotguns.  Optimization program activated.  Target parameter:  Stopping Power.  Initializing…  In progress… In progress…  Optimization complete.

“Damn it, Sparky!  Friendly fire!  Friendly fire!”  The blackened corpse of a child exuded a foul miasma that coalesced into an ugly, fat imp.  Before the imp could say anything else, *BOOM* he went flying through another wall.  I walked back into the main room with my twin Punishers in hand.  Sparky (such a fucking unimaginative name), was rubbing his ass in hurt.  My boss and Dante were still doing their god damn kung-fu fighting bullshit, every blow causing the air to reverberate and the ground to quiver.

Sparky noticed me and charged in a zig-zagging motion.  Which was pointless in the face of my weapons’ bullet spread.  *BOOM x 2* Sparky was blown back, and I decided to press my advantage, only to have to dive for cover from a series of fireballs.  “You owe me for this Sparky!”  The imp called out as the two congregated on my position.  I reloaded, and readied myself.  Despite my predicament, I couldn’t help the smile on my face.  I am having so much fuckin’ fun right now!

Terra’s POV

“You know darling, I pictured our reunion differently.  I was thinking a sunset on a beach with a bottle of wine and-” Dante’s speech was interrupted as he raised his staff to block my axe kick.  I used the opening to fire with my Wristbreakers into his torso, but that damned staff hummed and caused my bullets to disintegrate.  We disengaged and had another staredown as his two minions (I think he called them Jumbo and Sparky?) were trying to deal with Irene.  My battle junkie automaton was cackling ecstatically as she was firing away at the two.  It’s unfortunate that Rin wasn’t around when I got the signal, her help would have been invaluable.

The bodies of the unfortunate law enforcement and military lied around us, making a grizzly sight.  No more troops have entered since Sparky’s AOE attack.  Seriously, I question whether Dante even cares about keeping the truth a secret anymore.  The sooner I put him down the better, although his newfound relic is making things trickier.  It’s been bridging the minor power advantage I’ve had.  It looks Egyptian in origin, and the animal on the staff looks like a Sha.  I know it’s supposed to be the totem animal of a notable Egyptian god, but I don’t know which one.

Dante noticed where my gaze was.  He twirled the staff casually as he commented “Do you like my rod, darling?  If you think that one is good, I have another I plan to show you.”  Is it sad that I’ve gotten used to these come-ons to the point where I don’t even react violently anymore?  Suddenly, both of us got distracted as we sensed something incoming.  Shit, is that what I think it is?

“Time to go, boys.”  Dante cheerfully called out as he appeared near his demonic brethren.  “Thank goodness, boss!  I have had it up to here with psychotic women!”  Jumbo breathily complained.  “I, I, I, I concur, concur, concur, concur.  Gearhead, Gearhead, Gearhead, Gearhead is, is, is, is, scary, scary, scary, scary!”  Sparky exclaimed.  “ ‘DA FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?!”  Irene yelled.  She moved to shoot, but Dante waved his staff and sent her sprawling. 

“It’s been a blast, darling.  Dancing through a battlefield of corpses stained in blood with you was simply marvelous.  I want to do it again.  Next time though, I’ll find you.”  A magic circle appeared beneath the three demons as they prepared to exit.  Even though I know there’s a missile strike from a drone inbound, I’m debating whether or not to let them go.  “Oh, right.  I forgot to mention that the gents here all are wearing body cams.  If you don’t want the secret out, you better get on that.  Good luck!”  Dante and co. vanished as I grabbed Irene, and jumped through the one window that wasn’t yet broken.

The missile strike that decimated the strip club did not have a wide blast radius.  It seems to be one of those smart missiles that are tailored for urban warfare.  That makes sense considering the building is still within the city limits of London.  The buildings around the blast had all been evacuated beforehand, which led to an impressive crowd that witnessed myself and Irene exiting the building.  I didn’t hesitate and immediately bewitched everyone in the vicinity.  They fell into a trance, and won’t remember us nor the time that passed when I release them.

I rushed over to the impromptu command center, and plopped the automaton in front of the computer.  “Oh, sure, let’s have the automaton do the hacking because we all know that they’re part computer anyway!  THIS IS A FUCKING STEREOTYPE, GODDAMNIT!  “Do this right, and I’ll give you a bonus.”  “Command order acknowledged by CPU Irene, sir!  She immediately went to work, her previous outrage completely forgotten.

While she furiously typed away on the keyboard, I let out a sigh as I reviewed our recent skirmish.  It was fortunate timing that Irene was about to investigate the Petrie Museum when the attack happened.  She successfully followed them back to the club, although she failed to maintain composure upon contact.  Irene was also able to hold her own against Dante’s demon sidekicks, although there wasn’t a clear outcome.  What’s far more concerning is that relic.  If Dante has several more of those, his fighting prowess will increase and our clashes will start to favor him.

“Fuck, yeah! I’m in, boss!  Deleting footage now!”  Irene exclaimed as the various videos of our fight flashed across the screen.  Soon it was over, and the evidence was gone.  I removed the memories of the video from the officers in the tent and prepared to leave.  There’s no time to search everyone’s memories for the video, it should be fine the way it is.  Even if I missed one or two people, they’ll have no proof and won’t be able to do anything about it.  Phew, it’s time to go home at last.