LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 1 Death and meating ROB (yes, I know I misspelt meeting, it’s meant to be a pun.. or rather, a bun.)
There is a normal guy. His name is Daniel. He’s slightly fat and slightly ugly. Not too ugly though, he would look like an average 5/10 if he didn’t have any fat, but he is fat so let’s move on.
He’s currently walking down the street at night eating a meat bun. What is he doing? No fucking clue. He doesn’t have any idea either. In fact, he’s wondering that right this moment.
It’s completely uncharacteristic of him to actually leave the house after all. He just sits in front of his laptop all day reading fanfictions and such.
Who knew
Anyway, he’s walking down the street when all of a sudden, he sees a truck. Now, normally, that’s nothing to cause an alarm over. But if this specific truck is parked right in the middle of the street when there’s usually a lot of traffic on this specific road, then there is definitely something going on. Especially if said traffic is now nowhere to be seen.
Our guy here sees this truck, feels something is off and stops walking. He even stops chewing.
And he just stares at it. This truck is also staring right back at him. The engines rev up before the truck starts speeding right towards our guy. He panics. A fail on his part because he should know that to die by truck-kun is an honour.
Well, you can’t exactly blame him. He can't see inside so he doesn’t know if the truck has no driver or if it’s just a random psychopathic killer.
Our guy here lowers his body and gets ready to leap out of the way before he gets hit.
*Cough*
He coughs. He grabs his throat, his eyes bulge before he falls flat on his face. The truck that was speeding right to him stops in its tracks, as if dumbfounded, and then turns around and drives off to its next victim.
*Freeze frame*
*Record scratch sound effects*
Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.
*Music starts playing in the background*
Well, it all started about 5 minutes ago. I was struck by the sudden urge to go on a walk, at night at that. And so I did after grabbing a meat bun from the microwave on the way. Gotta have my meat bun.
…
And yeah, that’s it. No big backstory or anything… I’ll let time do its thing again.
Dio, if you would?
Dio- “One more second… Zero.”
*Time continues*
And yeah, I died. Not at the hands- or is it bumper?- of truck kun, nor did I get stabbed. And I definitely, under no circumstances, went out in a blazing ball of fire, but I died because I choked on a fucking meat bun. I have no words. And like that, I black out… before instantly waking up again.
…
Wow. Like, wow. That was anticlimactic. I didn’t even get to finish off my fucking meat bun. I mean there are a ton of other regrets in my life, but like… damn… my meat bun…
And so, I start looking around, trying to gauge my situation. Hmm, this is the void? Or do you call it limbo? Maybe some sort of gods realm? And looking at myself, I can confirm I'm just a blob of ethereal… stuff. I'm not sure if I like the white colour though…
Daniel- “What next? Am I gonna get reincarnated? I hope so, but I didn’t exactly die by Truck-kun so I don’t know if I can get a reincarnation coupon or something.”
While I was thinking of such things, a fucking meat bun appears out of nowhere ‘omae wa mou shinderu’ style.
???- “You can.”
Daniel- “Woah, please don’t do that.”
That scared the shit out of me. I nearly had a heart attack… Do I even have a heart? I assume not, I'm sure I'm in what is called a “soul state” or something. Now that I think about it, how am I even talking…?
???- “S-sorry! It's my first time doing this after all…”
Daniel- “No no, take your time. I assume you’re my ROB?”
ROB- “Yes! I’ll be reincarnating you.”
This ROB, as I mentioned before, looks like a giant meat bun. Its voice is a mix of both a male and a female, so I'm not sure of its gender, not that I'm sure meat buns even have a gender. But it looks like I'll be reincarnating eh? I gotta admit, I'm pretty excited.
Daniel- “Wait, you said it’s your first time? Am I going to be ok?”
ROB- “Yes, you should be completely fine! I've already read the ‘How 2 ROB 4 Dummies’ guide book.”
…
Am I going to be ok!? Can I ask for a personnel change, please!?
ROB- “Don’t look at me like that! It’s written by Truck-senpai, and he’s a reincarnating pro!”
I'm a fucking blob how do you know what I look like!? Right, calm down. Truck-kun is famous enough that even mortals like me know about him. I should be fine… hopefully?
ROB- “Well, it’s just that it’s the first time a reincarnation candidate died from choking on a meat bun, so this is the first time I'm doing this…”
So I would be meeting with Truck-kun if I died because of him? Damn, talk about a wasted opportunity.
Daniel- “Riiiiight… so what’s the deal? Reincarnation into a world of my choice and 3 wishes?”
I mean, that’s the default reincarnation package. I already have a general idea of my wishes and the world I want to go to, so this should be easy!
ROB- “No.”
*Crack*
ARGH! MY HOPES AND DREAMS! WHY MUST YOU DO ME LIKE THAT, ROB!?
ROB- “Well, not exactly. We have an ‘Isekai Reincarnation’ package deal that we all started doing recently. You have to spend a wish, but you get to choose your reincarnation destination while also keeping your memories.”
Daniel- “Oh… well, how many wishes do I have?”
ROB- “5. If you wish for the Reincarnation Package, you’ll be left with 4 wishes.”
Well, it’s better than the 3 wishes I was expecting, so it’s no loss on my end!
Daniel- “Deal!”
ROB- “Excellent choice! Before we get started, however, you should choose which world you want to get reincarnated into. It helps with choosing what skills you want to take.”
Daniel- “Then… I want to go to the world of ‘That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime’!”
