LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 8: Paths Divergent
Days passed and the cold, recycled air of the orphanage felt heavier than usual as Lilith sat cross-legged on her cot, her small hands clasped tightly in her lap. The orphanage was quiet, most of the other children already asleep, but Lilith's mind was far too active for rest. Sister Victorine's offer hung over her like a storm cloud, promising both opportunity and danger in equal measure.
Lilith closed her eyes, trying to sort out the tangled web of thoughts and emotions that had plagued her since the Battle Sister's visit. On the surface, the offer was tempting - a chance to rise above the squalor of hive life, to access knowledge and power beyond her wildest dreams. The little girl she appeared to be should have been overjoyed at such an opportunity. But Lilith was not just a little girl. The mind behind those young eyes carried knowledge and experience from another life, another world entirely. And it was that knowledge that gave her pause.
"The Sisters of Battle," Lilith whispered to herself, her voice barely audible even in the quiet of the orphanage. "The militant arm of the Ecclesiarchy. Faithful beyond measure, unwavering in their devotion to the Emperor."
She shuddered slightly, remembering the burning zealotry she had seen in Sister Victorine's eyes. It was a faith that brooked no doubt, no questioning. And Lilith... Lilith knew too much to ever truly embrace that level of blind devotion. Her mind drifted back to her past life, to the lore of Warhammer 40,000 that had been nothing more than entertainment then. She remembered the truth about the Emperor - not a god, but a withered corpse on a golden throne, kept alive by arcane technology and the daily sacrifice of thousands of psykers. A being of immense power, yes, but ultimately as fallible and mortal as any man. Lilith's hands clenched into fists. If the Sisters ever discovered the thoughts in her head, the doubts that plagued her... she shuddered to think of the consequences. Heresy was not treated lightly in the Imperium, and the Adepta Sororitas were among its most zealous prosecutors.
"I'd be surrounded by true believers," Lilith murmured, her brow furrowing. "Every day, every hour, expected to show the same unwavering faith. One slip, one moment of doubt, and..."
She left the thought unfinished, but her imagination filled in the blanks. Torture, execution, or worse - being declared a heretic and handed over to the Inquisition. The very thought made her blood run cold. But it wasn't just the risk of discovery that gave Lilith pause. As she considered the path Sister Victorine offered, she found herself grappling with a more fundamental question: Did she want to dedicate her life to fighting for the Emperor?
The answer, she realized with a mix of shame and defiance, was no.
Lilith understood the necessity of the Imperium. In a galaxy beset by aliens, daemons, and worse, humanity needed unity to survive. But she couldn't bring herself to fight for a lie, to kill and die in the name of a false god.
"There has to be another way," Lilith whispered, her young voice filled with a determination that belied her apparent age. "Sooner or later, I will be forced to join or who knows what. I need to make the safest option"
As she pondered her options, Lilith's gaze fell on the sleeping form of Sister Mercy in the adjacent room. The older woman's face was peaceful in sleep, the lines of worry that often creased her brow smoothed away. A lump formed in Lilith's throat as she realized what accepting Sister Victorine's offer would mean.
"I'd never see her again," Lilith thought, her chest tightening with an unexpected pang of emotion. In the months since her arrival at the orphanage, Sister Mercy had become more than just a caretaker. She was a mentor, a confidante, and the closest thing to family Lilith had in this harsh new world.
The thought of leaving Sister Mercy behind, of never again seeing her kind smile or feeling the warmth of her embrace, made Lilith's heart ache in a way she hadn't expected. It was a stark reminder of just how much she had come to rely on the older woman's presence and guidance.
"But I can't stay here forever," Lilith reminded herself, wiping away a tear that had escaped despite her best efforts. "Sooner or later, I'll have to leave the orphanage. At least with the Sororitas, I'd have a purpose, a direction..."
But even as she thought it, Lilith knew it wasn't true. The path of the Sisters of Battle wasn't for her. It would require her to bury her true self so deeply that she might never find it again.
As the night wore on, Lilith's mind raced through possibilities and consequences. She considered every angle, every potential outcome, weighing the risks and rewards with a thoroughness that would have impressed even the most meticulous Administratum adept.
Finally, as the first hints of dawn began to lighten the perpetual gloom of the hive, Lilith came to a decision. It wasn't perfect, and it carried its own risks, but it was the best compromise she could see between her need for safety, her desire to help others, and her determination to remain true to herself.
When Sister Mercy came to wake the children for morning prayers, she found Lilith already awake, sitting on the edge of her cot with an expression of calm determination that seemed out of place on such a young face.
"Lilith?" Sister Mercy asked, concern evident in her voice. "Are you alright, child? Did you sleep at all?"
Lilith looked up at Sister Mercy, her heart swelling with affection for the older woman. "I'm fine, Sister Mercy. I've just been thinking. About Sister Victorine's offer, and about my future."
Sister Mercy sat down beside Lilith, placing a gentle hand on the child's shoulder. "And what have you decided, my dear?"
Lilith took a deep breath, steeling herself for the words she was about to say. "I'm honored by Sister Victorine's offer, truly. But... I don't think the path of the Adepta Sororitas is right for me."
Sister Mercy's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Are you sure, Lilith? It's an incredible opportunity. The chance to serve the Emperor directly, to make a real difference in the Imperium..."
"I know" Lilith said, choosing her words carefully. "And I do want to serve, to help people. But I've been thinking about what you told me before, about the different ways we can serve the Emperor. And I think... I think I'd like to join the Steel Legion instead."
The words hung in the air between them, heavy with implication. Sister Mercy's eyes widened, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled to find a response.
"The Steel Legion?" she finally managed, her voice barely above a whisper. "Lilith, that's... Why would you choose that over the Sororitas?"
Lilith had prepared for this question, had rehearsed her answer over and over in her mind. "Because I… don’t think that I am fit to become one and I rather serve the emperor on what I know that I can do" she hesitated for a moment before pressing on, "and I think it's what I can do the most good."
Sister Mercy was silent for a long moment, her face a mask of conflicting emotions. Lilith could see the worry there, the fear for her safety, but also a glimmer of pride.
"Are you certain this is what you want, Lilith?" Sister Mercy asked, her voice gentle but probing. "The life of a Guardsman is not an easy one. Perhaps the most dangerous. You'll face dangers beyond imagining, hardships that would break lesser souls…"
Lilith nodded, her expression solemn. "I know, Sister Mercy. But I've thought about it long and hard. The Steel Legion needs people who are willing to stand against the darkness, to fight for those who can't fight for themselves. I want to be one of those people."
Sister Mercy's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Oh, my dear child," she said, pulling Lilith into a tight embrace. "You have such a brave heart. The Emperor must have great plans for you."
Lilith returned the hug, burying her face in Sister Mercy's habit to hide the flicker of guilt that passed across her features. She hated deceiving Sister Mercy, hated using the woman's faith as a shield for her true motivations. But it was necessary.
The truth was, Lilith's decision to join the Steel Legion was as much about self-preservation as it was about helping others. In the ranks of the Imperial Guard, she would be just another soldier, expected to follow orders and fight bravely but not to display the unwavering faith required of a Sister of Battle. It would be easier to hide her doubts, to keep her true nature concealed. But, there is no doubt that death lurks in every corner regardless of where she joins or stays. As a Guardswoman, Lilith would have access to military training, to weapons and tactics that could help her survive in this brutal universe. And while the life expectancy of a Guardsman was notoriously short, Lilith was confident that her unique perspective and knowledge would give her an edge.
As the day progressed, Lilith found herself acutely aware of every detail of life in the orphanage. The droning prayers that had once seemed so tedious now took on a bittersweet quality, knowing that her time here was limited. She watched the other children with a new perspective, wondering how many of them would end up in the Guard alongside her, how many might fall to the countless dangers that plagued the Imperium.
During their afternoon lessons, Sister Prudence droned on about the glories of the Emperor and the righteousness of the Imperium's cause. Lilith listened with half an ear, her mind already racing ahead to the challenges that awaited her in the Steel Legion.
"Lilith," Sister Prudence's sharp voice cut through her reverie. "Perhaps you'd like to share with the class what's so much more interesting than the Emperor's holy word?"
Lilith blinked, realizing she'd been caught daydreaming. For a moment, panic fluttered in her chest. Then, drawing on the conviction that had led to her decision, she stood.
"I apologize, Sister Prudence," Lilith said, her voice clear and steady. "I was just thinking about how best to serve the Emperor. About the different paths available to us."
Sister Prudence's augmetic eyes whirred as they focused on Lilith, her expression a mix of surprise and suspicion. "Oh? And what conclusions have you drawn, child?"
Lilith took a deep breath, aware that every eye in the classroom was now fixed on her. "I've decided that I want to join the Steel Legion when I'm qualified to do so. To protect Armageddon and its people from the enemies of the Imperium."
A ripple of whispers ran through the classroom. Sister Prudence's eyebrows rose so high they nearly disappeared into her habit. "The Steel Legion? That's... an ambitious goal, Lilith. And a dangerous one."
"I know," Lilith replied, her chin raised defiantly. "But isn't that what the Emperor asks of us? To be brave in the face of danger, to stand against the darkness no matter the cost?"
Sister Prudence was silent for a long moment, her augmetic eyes scanning Lilith's face as if searching for some hidden motive. Finally, she nodded. "Well said, child. It seems you've been paying more attention in our lessons than I gave you credit for. Take your seat, and let us continue with today's lesson."
As Lilith sat down, she could feel the weight of her classmates' stares. Some looked at her with awe, others with confusion or even fear. She ignored them all, focusing instead on the path ahead.
The rest of the day passed in a blur of activity. News of Lilith's decision spread quickly through the orphanage, eliciting a range of reactions from the staff and children alike. Some, like Sister Marian, looked at her with a new respect. Others, particularly the younger children, seemed almost afraid of her, as if her choice had somehow set her apart.
Yet even as she embraced this new direction, a part of Lilith mourned for the life she might have had. The path of the Sororitas, for all its dangers, had offered a kind of security and purpose that was rare in the Imperium. By choosing the Steel Legion instead, Lilith was stepping into a far more uncertain future.
---
Sister Mercy's office was quiet save for the soft hum of the air recyclers and the occasional creak of the ancient wooden chairs. Sister Victorine sat across from Sister Mercy, her power armor gleaming in the dim light, a stark contrast to the worn robes of the orphanage's caretaker. The Battle Sister's face was a mask of carefully controlled disappointment and curiosity.
"I must admit, Sister Mercy," Victorine began, her voice low and controlled, "I find myself at a loss. In all my years of service to the Emperor, I have never encountered a child who would turn down such an opportunity. Are you certain there isn't more to this decision?"
Sister Mercy sighed, her weathered hands clasped tightly in her lap. "I understand your confusion, Sister Victorine. Believe me, I share it. Lilith is... unique. Her intellect, her maturity - they far exceed what one would expect from a child her age. But her faith..." She trailed off, uncertain how to continue.
Victorine leaned forward, her eyes narrowing. "Her faith? Speak plainly, Sister Mercy. If there are doubts about the child's devotion to the Emperor, I need to know."
"No, no, it's not that," Sister Mercy hurried to clarify. "Lilith's faith is... complex. She asks questions, seeks to understand rather than simply accept. In many ways, her faith seems deeper, more considered than that of her peers. But it's not the unquestioning devotion that the Adepta Sororitas demands."
Sister Victorine sat back, her armored fingers drumming a slow rhythm on the arm of her chair. "Questions can be dangerous, Sister Mercy. They can lead to doubt, and doubt... well, we both know where that path leads."
"I'm well aware of the dangers, Sister," Mercy replied, a hint of steel entering her voice. "But I've watched Lilith closely. Her questions don't stem from doubt, but from a genuine desire to understand, to serve the Emperor better. Is that not what we should encourage in our charges?"
Victorine was silent for a long moment, her gaze distant as she considered Sister Mercy's words. "Perhaps," she finally conceded. "But the path of the Sororitas is not for everyone. It requires absolute conviction, unwavering faith. If the child lacks that..."
"She doesn't lack faith," Sister Mercy interjected. "She simply expresses it differently. And she's chosen a different path to serve the Emperor - the Steel Legion."
Victorine's eyebrows rose in surprise. "The Imperial Guard? That's... unexpected. Did you encourage this decision?"
Sister Mercy shook her head. "No, it was entirely Lilith's idea. She came to me with her decision already made. She believes she can serve the Emperor best as a Guardswoman."
"Interesting," Victorine mused. "Most children her age dream of more... glamorous roles. Commissars, Space Marines, even Inquisitors. To choose the life of a common soldier... it shows a level of pragmatism I wouldn't have expected."
"Lilith has always been practical," Sister Mercy said with a small smile. "She understands the realities of life in the Imperium better than most adults I know."
Sister Victorine nodded slowly. "I see. Well, while I'm disappointed she won't be joining our ranks, I can't fault her for choosing to serve the Emperor in her own way."
"Indeed," Sister Mercy agreed. "And I believe Lilith will excel there, just as she has here."
Victorine stood, her armor whirring softly with the movement. "Very well. I'll inform my superiors of her decision. But Sister Mercy," she added, her voice taking on a note of warning, "keep a close eye on her. Questions are well and good, but if they ever turn to doubt..."
"I understand, Sister Victorine," Mercy replied, rising to her feet as well. "I assure you, Lilith's faith is strong. Different, perhaps, but strong nonetheless."
As Sister Victorine turned to leave, the door to Sister Mercy's office opened, revealing Lilith standing in the threshold. The young girl's eyes widened at the sight of the Battle Sister, but she quickly composed herself.
"Forgive me, Sisters," Lilith said, her voice steady despite the nervousness evident in her posture. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I can come back later."
Sister Victorine studied the child for a moment, then turned to Sister Mercy. "Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like a word with young Lilith. Alone."
Sister Mercy hesitated, glancing between Victorine and Lilith. "I... of course, Sister. Lilith, are you comfortable with that?"
Lilith nodded, her eyes never leaving Sister Victorine's imposing form. "Yes, Sister Mercy. I'd like to speak with Sister Victorine as well."
With a final concerned look, Sister Mercy excused herself, leaving Lilith alone with the Battle Sister. Victorine gestured to the chair Sister Mercy had vacated. "Sit, child. I believe we have much to discuss."
Lilith perched on the edge of the chair, her back straight and her hands folded neatly in her lap. She met Sister Victorine's gaze without flinching, a feat that impressed the older woman despite herself.
"So," Victorine began, her voice neutral. "I understand you've declined our offer to join the Adepta Sororitas. May I ask why?"
Lilith took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts before speaking. "Sister Victorine, I'm deeply honored by your offer. The Adepta Sororitas are the embodiment of faith and devotion to the Emperor. But... I don't believe I'm suited for such a calling."
Victorine's eyes narrowed slightly. "Explain."
"The Sisters of Battle are warriors of unshakeable faith," Lilith continued, choosing her words carefully. "Their conviction is their strength, their devotion a weapon as potent as any weapon. But I... I question things, Sister Victorine. I seek to understand, not just to believe. I fear that in your ranks, I would be more of a hindrance than an asset."
Sister Victorine leaned back, studying Lilith with newfound interest. "You speak with a wisdom beyond your years, child. But tell me, do you doubt the Emperor's divinity? His right to rule over mankind?"
Lilith shook her head emphatically. "No, Sister. I believe in the Emperor's power, His importance to humanity. But I also believe that blind faith can be dangerous. The Emperor Himself sought to spread knowledge and understanding, did He not?"
For a moment, Sister Victorine was silent, her face unreadable. When she spoke, her voice was low and intense. "You tread dangerous ground, Lilith. Such thoughts, if misunderstood, could be seen as heresy."
"I know," Lilith replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "That's why I don't believe I'm suited for the Sororitas. Your faith is your strength, but for me... understanding is mine."
Sister Victorine stood abruptly, pacing the small office. Her armor creaked with each step, the sound loud in the tense silence. Finally, she turned back to Lilith. "You've chosen to join the Imperial Guard instead. The Steel Legion, I'm told. Why?"
Lilith straightened in her chair. "Because I simply believe I can serve the Emperor best there."
"And you believe you're prepared for the hardships of a Guardswoman's life? The constant danger, the grueling conditions?"
"No one is truly prepared for war, Sister Victorine," Lilith replied, a hint of sadness in her voice. "But I'm willing to face those hardships, to lay down my life if necessary, to protect the Imperium and its people. Isn't that what the Emperor asks of all of us?"
Sister Victorine stopped her pacing, fixing Lilith with an intense stare. "You are a curious child, Lilith. Your words carry weight far beyond your years. I wonder..." She trailed off, shaking her head slightly. "No matter. You've made your decision, and while it's not the one I'd hoped for, I cannot fault your reasoning."
Lilith relaxed slightly, relief evident in her posture. "Thank you for understanding, Sister Victorine."
"Understanding? Perhaps. Agreeing? That remains to be seen." Victorine moved to stand directly in front of Lilith, her imposing figure looming over the young girl. "But know this, Lilith. The path you've chosen is no less dangerous than the one you've rejected. The enemies of mankind care not for your questions or your understanding. They will seek to destroy you, body and soul."
Lilith met the Battle Sister's gaze unflinchingly. "I know, Sister. But I'd rather face those enemies with my eyes open and my mind clear."
A ghost of a smile flickered across Sister Victorine's face. "Well said, child. Well said indeed." She stepped back, her demeanor softening slightly. "Very well. I'll inform my superiors of your decision. But I'll be watching your career with great interest, Lilith. The Emperor has plans for you, I think. Whether they align with your own remains to be seen."
"Thank you, Sister Victorine," Lilith said, standing as the Battle Sister moved towards the door. "I... I hope I haven't disappointed you too greatly."
Victorine paused at the threshold, glancing back at Lilith. "Disappointment? No, child. Intrigue would be a better word. You've given me much to think about." Her expression turned serious once more. "But remember, Lilith. Faith can be a shield as well as a weapon. Don't let your questions leave you vulnerable to the darkness that lurks in the void."
With those final words, Sister Victorine left, the door closing behind her with a soft click. Lilith sank back into her chair, her small body trembling with the release of tension she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
Outside the office, Sister Mercy waited anxiously. She straightened as Sister Victorine emerged, searching the Battle Sister's face for any sign of how the conversation had gone.
"Sister Victorine? Is everything alright?"
Victorine nodded slowly. "Yes, I believe so. Your Lilith is... quite remarkable, Sister Mercy. Guard her well. And when the time comes for her to join the Steel Legion, remind her of our conversation. The Emperor protects, but only those who remain true to His light."
As Sister Victorine strode away, her armor gleaming in the dim light of the corridor, Sister Mercy slipped into her office. She found Lilith still seated, her young face a mask of contemplation.
"Lilith? Are you alright, my dear?"
Lilith looked up, a small smile forming on her lips. "Yes, Sister Mercy. I'm fine. Just... thinking."
Sister Mercy sat beside her, placing a comforting hand on Lilith's shoulder. "About what, child?"
Lilith's gaze drifted to the window, where the eternal smog of Armageddon obscured the stars. "Just thinking about the future."
Her thoughts drifted to the possible future where she can be killed anytime the moment, she joins the Imperial Guards but, she knows that sooner or later even when she does nothing, death always find a way. She gathers her thoughts, thinking that if she’s going to die, she’ll die doing something than die doing nothing.
As night fell over Hive Helsreach, Lilith lay awake in her narrow cot, Sister Victorine's words echoing in her mind. The path ahead was fraught with danger, she knew. But as she drifted off to sleep, Lilith felt a sense of purpose settling over her like a warm blanket. Whatever challenges lay ahead, she would face them with determination, intelligence, and a faith tempered by understanding. The Emperor may not be the god the Imperium claimed, but in this dark millennium, humanity needed every shield it could muster against the encroaching night.