LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 50
“I am still here, you know?” said Tom as I begin to wash myself and I finally understood what his problem was.
“Is it my problem if you see me naked? Never seen a girl before or what?” I immediately started to throw my underwear away and picked up the washing cloth. There was no way I was going to bathe after all.
“You completely lack decency, you know?” He admonished me, still turning away.
“Why does everyone need to nag at how I do things? Everyone! Because I am a bit different or what?” I asked nobody in particular. Markus was guilty of this, Mary and to a certain degree even Arthur. And Tom apparently needed to go down the same route.
“You said you are just a bit different? You laughed as you ripped someone´s heart out and bit into it in front of us. You aren’t even remotely normal, you are a monster.” He said while I wondered if I really did such a thing. I have done quite a few horrible things and couldn’t remember all of them, so I had to trust his words in that regard. It still pained me that he saw me like that.
“… I have feelings you know … nobody wants to be called a monster.” I pouted and sat down on the shore, the water just a metre away.
“And yet you are trying especially hard to be one.” I gritted my teeth as I realized a bit of truth behind his words.
“I´m sorry. I´m sorry for killing an elven spy that used you. I´m sorry for murdering your friends. Is that what you want to hear?” I said in a monotone, emotionless voice. I looked up through the canopy towards a cloudy sky. Sadly, the stars couldn’t calm me down that night.
“It would be a beginning.” Silence soon spread around us, with only the occasional sound of a cloth being dipped into the water and rubbing sounds interrupting the otherwise peaceful night. “You murdered my friends.”
I rubbed my head, hoping that he wouldn’t get sentimental now.
“Your so-called friends were the scum of society. They raped, pillaged and murdered and now you are blaming me for doing the same?”
“There were good people among them, driven into poverty with no way out.” He still tried to justify the actions of his friends, although I doubted that it was his only goal.
“Good? Since when is robbing others of their possessions considered good? You lot were as evil as I am, but at least I am admitting it.” I threw my bloody dress on top of him. His reaction time was bad and his actions smeared even more blood on his clothing as he pulled my dress off him.
“I know what we have done! And I … and I …” He began to tremble and stared at his bloodied hands. I shook my head in disappointment but wasn’t willing to give up on him just yet. He just had to realize that his character was closer to mine than to anyone else.
“And you helped the elf in executing everything as his right hand. And now you are blaming yourself for feeling satisfied that your plan, your ideas worked in the favour of your group. There is no way you haven’t seen the atrocities you and your friends committed. What did you feel when you saw a burning caravan, beheaded merchants or brutally abused woman?” I cleaned up my head good enough and started rubbing my legs, all while washing the cloth a few times. The pond was already turning slightly red due to all of the blood.
“I did everything because the elf forced me to!” I was incredibly disappointed that he still didn’t realize his true feelings. While I murdered all these bandits, I always kept an eye on him. He was scared, but he never shed a tear for his friends or tried to help in any way.
He let it play out, even when he had the chance to show everyone a way of survival simply by challenging me in a luck-based game. He wasn’t forced by the elf to do anything, he tagged along because he wanted to. He didn’t want to face his evil side and rather pushed all responsibility away from him, just so that he could later look in the mirror and claim to be a good person. Quite a twisted way of thinking in my opinion.
“You could have run away.” I said and pointed out what I thought.
“Run away? Neither he nor you would allow such a thing.”
“You can do that right now. I am naked, not even I would run around like this. I won´t pursue you, nor will I order anyone to do it. You are free.” I already said he was going to live and I didn’t intend to go back on my word.
“Free? You forced me to be your subordinate directly after I flipped this cursed coin.” He claimed rather loudly.
“Nope. I said come with me, we got a few elves to kill. You could have refused right there, but you followed me.” I smirked at his misunderstanding.
“You would have killed me otherwise.” He still tried to push me into a role I didn’t have. I knew how it is to have one´s freedom restricted and I certainly wouldn’t force anyone into the same situation. Every single one of my subordinates should be free to do whatever they wanted. But some apparently didn’t wish for this freedom, including him.
“Ohh, I know what you are doing. You cannot live with the guilt of your actions, but you also found a liking in the chaos you spread didn’t you?” His trembling stopped completely and I immediately knew that I was on the right way. “Oh my, what will become of you if you don’t find someone who forces you to do all these evil things … if you want to find out, you can go now. Or you can turn around and look at the naked me. If you do that … I will never let you run away from me. I can´t have you spread stories about my beautiful body after all.”
I faced him completely and awaited his response. It took some time, but he did step forward once, only to stop again while I tilted my head in curiosity. I was giving him a choice he absolutely didn’t want to make. Whatever option he took, he would have difficulties looking in the mirror and seeing a good person in it afterwards. Slowly but surely, he turned around, but sadly with shut eyelids. What a bothersome fellow.
“Will I regret opening my eyes?” He asked bitterly. I thought a moment about his question until I found what I really wanted to convey to him.
“I don’t know, but you will regret running away from yourself forever.” And with that, he opened his eyes. He kept looking into my eyes, unwilling to let his gaze strife further down, just like I expected. He was in no way sexually interested in me, at least right then. I smiled and opened my mouth, showing him my canines that now stuck out of my mouth. He slapped his own forehead as the clues he already had started to fit together. He knew that I wasn’t human and if he listened intensely to my speech to the bandits, he also knew that I was from a nocturnal race. And yet, he didn’t think I was a vampire, purely because my race doesn’t spend their time in the military.
“Damn it. First a bandit elf and now an insane vampire girl. I am really running out of luck.” He said and paused for a second. “Why are you still naked though? Just the knowledge that you are a vampire would be enough to kill me anyway.”
“Yeah … I kind of need someone to rub my back. There is this one spot I just cannot reach.” I threw him the wet cloth and turned around to look at the pond once more.
Even this hateful water seemed strangely beautiful all of a sudden.
