Take Eldritch surveys! Noted!

As I walked into Lux, I took a quick look around. It was empty of people, which isn’t surprising because of the time of day. To the right, I saw a stage with a piano, in the middle was the room for all the guests, and on the left back wall was a bar. Attending the bar was the lone person in the building besides me.

 

Jumping off the little stairway that was the entrance, I made my way to the woman attending the bar.

 

‘I wonder if she even knows she has a soul yet? Eh, not my problem.’

 

As I got closer, she finally turned around and let out a whistle.

 

Maze: “Well damn. Aren’t you a sexy one?”

 

Artoria: “Heh. And I can see why Lucifer is such a playboy if he has someone like you by his side all the time. My name is Artoria Alter. Corrupted Heroic Spirit.”

 

Giving me a nod and a playful smile, “Mazikeen. But just call me Maze. Archdemon. So Artoria, what brings you here?”

 

Artoria: “I have some things I want to talk to Lucifer about, but he’s busy for several hours, so he gave me his business card, and here I am.”

 

She gave me another look up and down, and let out a hmm of satisfaction and a smile.

 

Maze: “While we wait for him, want me to show you a good time?”

 

Artoria: “Direct much? But sure. Let’s see if you can keep up.”

 

Maze: “Ohh, I’ll take that challenge~. Follow me, sexy.”

 

As I was following Maze I thought, ‘Well, that went from 0-100 REAL quick. Demons for you I guess.’

 

While I was being led by such a temptress, unknown to me there was a meeting about to happen with the hot topic being me.

 

— P.O.V switch John Constantine —

 

As I was making my way down the halls of the vaunted “Hall of Justice” or whatever, I let out an annoyed sigh.

 

‘I get a gut feeling that what is about to happen is going to annoy the ever living shit out of me.’

 

Taking a puff from my cigarette, I fish out my canteen to take a swig. After taking a drink, I recap it, and put it back in its trusty pocket.

 

With a sigh, I mumble, “Why do I do this again? Ah, right. Money for booze. Hope my gut is wrong for once, and whatever the League needs isn’t a total fuck show like normal. But really, who am I kidding…”

 

With another sigh, I turned down a hall and after a few more minutes of walking I arrived at the room that was supposed to be our meeting area. Upon entering and seeing who was already in the room, I knew my gut was right once again.

 

John: “Ahh fuck. Hello Fate, Zatanna. So, what cluster fuck are we dealing with today?”

 

Turning their heads towards me, Fate just gave me a nod while Zatanna scoffed.

 

Zatanna: “John. So they called you as well hmm? How are you these days? Still an asshole?”

 

John: “Yup~. You know me. So, as I asked before, what’s going on?”

 

Fate: “We do not know yet. We’ve just arrived several minutes before you.”

 

Suddenly, Batman stepped out of a shadow in the corner of the room.

 

John: “God damn it Batman. How the fuck do you even do that?”

 

I could swear I saw the fucker smirk. He just ignored me, and addressed us.

 

Batman: “We’ve got a situation that needs your expertise. Superman and Wonder Woman will be joining us shortly.”

 

Zatanna: “Oh, I see. This is pretty serious if all three of you are going to give us a briefing.”

 

John: “More like it’s going to be a super pain in the ass. Haahhhh.”

 

Shaking my head, and going for my canteen again since I could tell I will be needing several swigs over the course of this briefing. Walking over to the small table, I sat away from everyone and just slumped in my chair.

 

Thankfully for my growing headache I was getting because of the death stare I was getting from Zatanna, Superman and Wonder Woman didn’t take long to arrive.

 

Superman: “Thank you for coming here on such short notice you three."

 

John: “Yea yea. So, what happened and what exactly did you fuck up?”

 

Zatanna: “John! Have some tact for once in your life?”

 

Just scoffing at her, I motioned for Superman to answer my question, but it was Batman who spoke up.

 

Batman: “Here’s the situation, and what happened.”

 

As Batman began to explain what happened, a frown was making its way on all our faces. Well, I assumed Fate was frowning. But when he got to a specific part, I had to interrupt him.

 

John: “Hold the fuck up. You attacked her? On a space station? While knowing she is King Arthur WITH the fucking Excalibur sword? Are you all fucking mental?”

 

Zatanna was about to speak up, but I raised my hand to stop her and looked at Wonder Woman.

 

John: “And you. YOU should at least know the power of Excalibur. This isn’t a fucking stick, or some fancy dancy sword we’re talking about here. It’s fucking EXCALIBUR! The strongest holy sword to have ever existed. You, Wonder Woman, should have known not to carelessly fuck with something like that!

 

If her sword is even half as powerful as our version, you are all lucky to still be here. It’s clear you don’t understand what it means to have a corrupted Excalibur being wielded by fucking King Arthur him… errr.. Herself.”

 

Fate: “While he is crass, John Constantine is right. The might of Excalibur is immense. And the fact that it is wielded by its true owner, and both are corrupted by this “All the World’s Evil” is alarming to a disturbing degree.”

 

Zatanna: “While I loath it, I agree with John. You all made a horrible call.”

 

Superman: “We are well aware of that now. This was a hard lesson. But we need a plan of action. And if at all possible, an estimate on how powerful she might be.”

 

Leaning back in my seat, I cross my arms and start to think about that. Just how powerful can someone like that be.

 

John: “You fought her a bit, Superman. When she punched you, how exactly did it feel?”

 

Superman: “In human terms, it felt like an entire city was crushing my chest.”

 

Widening my eyes, I could also see Zatanna is disturbed by the news.

 

John: “Okay, note to self. Don’t fucking get hit by her. Jesus. Well, continue the story Batman, what happened after you dumbasses attacked.”

 

Zatanna threw me a glare, and I just shrugged my shoulders and took a swig of my booze.

 

‘Yup, this is a total cluster fuck. Attacking King Arthur herself WHILE she has Excalibur?’

 

After Batman had finished his recap of the total shit show, I couldn’t help but sink further in my seat, and sigh.

 

John: “Yea, this is bad. The fact that the spiritual pressure she can give off, aka her aura for your mundane, can push down most of the heroes and even put pressure on Wonder Woman is terrifying to me if I am being honest.”

 

Fate: “Agreed. The fact that she even confirmed it herself that normal souls would be crushed is also cause for great concern. This is really bad.”

 

Zatanna: “By crushed, she means destroyed you think?”

 

John: “Most likely.”

 

Batman: “Elaborate.”

 

Fate: “A destroyed soul doesn’t get an afterlife. It gets oblivion.”

 

The three non magicals, Wonder Woman really doesn’t count in my books, looked like they ate a lemon. And I don’t blame them. Being able to simply destroy weaker souls by just being there? Not a good sign for our world.

 

Zatanna: “A small silver lining is that she isn’t inherently malicious. Just indifferent to the lives around her. I know it’s not much, but at least we don’t have to worry about her just wiping out a city for the giggles of it.”

 

John: “Oh yea. Real positive there.” I comment sarcastically.

 

Zatanna just sighed exasperatedly at me, and continued.

 

Zatanna: “But the problem remains: How to deal with her. A fight will more than likely destroy any surroundings, so if we pursue such an option we need to have said fight away from any population.”

 

Fate: “I am also concerned that none of the technology meant to track supernaturals worked on her. That will make it so tracking her down will take time. I am hesitant to just use magic for this, as it might alert her.”

 

Lighting up a new cigarette, I just grunt and say, “Leave finding her to me. I am a detective after all. But if I am being honest, I don’t want to fight her. I think you all are forgetting two very important things.”

 

Superman: “What’s that?”

 

John: “One, when she punched you, it actually hurt you. Second, she caught The Flash by the neck.”

 

Batman: “I see your point. Immense speed, or at least reaction time, and strength. Is there anything you can tell us about her sword?”

 

John: “Yea, if it’s anything like ours, get the fuck out of there.”

 

Zatanna just sighed again and said, “While I would put it more elegantly, he’s not wrong. Excalibur is a weapon beyond legend. It’s THE strongest sword. Her being able to wield it, and even summon it from seemingly nowhere means she is the true user. Which means she can bring out the full power of the sword.”

 

Shaking her head, she looked at Wonder Woman with complicated feelings.

 

Zatanna: “Diana. What were you thinking in supporting an attack on such an entity?”

 

Wonder Woman looked troubled when she responded.

 

Wonder Woman: “I honestly did not expect her to be so formidable. I also didn’t know the full extent of a weapon such as Excalibur. I just know it was a divine weapon of light.”

 

I just shook my head at that.

 

‘Is caution not a word in their fucking dictionaries?’

 

Fate: “So, what are we all thinking about doing?”

 

Letting out a long sigh I say, “Honestly? I don’t want to deal with her. I like my life, thank you very much. I vote we open a portal to a Dark Universe, and shove her ass through and let someone else deal with her.”

 

Zatanna: “John!”

 

Shrugging my shoulders, “What? This is fucking King Arthur we’re talking about, with a corrupted EXCALIBUR. Why is everyone glossing over this fact? This isn’t some random fucking ghost or sorcerer cult we’re dealing with. The damage this woman can cause could very well be world ending. Get that through your fucken skulls please.”

 

Fate: “Crude, but he is correct. Wonder Woman, you are the more magically inclined. When she released her shackles, how exactly did it feel?”

 

Wonder Woman looked down in seemingly shame.

 

Wonder Woman: “Truly like all the world’s evil was in front of me, threatening to crush me like an ant. Like all the times it feels to fight Darkseid.”

 

John: “See? And you fucking morons antagonized her. Thank you for that.”

 

Shaking her head, Zatanna spoke up.

 

Zatanna: “As much as I hate to agree with John, of all people, I think our best bet is to try and force her out of our reality. I think we should play it safe, and assume that this Excalibur is as powerful as ours, or maybe even more so. As such, a serious fight with her would lead to the deaths of a lot of heroes, and maybe a country or two.”

 

Superman's eyes widened at that, and asked, “Really? I know she hit me hard enough for it to hurt, but countries?”

 

Releasing an annoyed grunt I say, “Stop underestimating magic, Superman. I’ll be honest. If she wanted you dead, I would be willing to take the bet that you’d be dead.”

 

Superman crossed his arms, and frowned while looking down in thought.

 

Batman: “Okay, so let us work under the assumption that we are going to banish her to another dimension or reality. Where should we send her?”

 

And with that, this frankly terrifying meeting trudged on.

 

‘Really though. Attacking King Arthur while she has fucking Excalibur. Fucking morons, the lot of them. Even now they are not truly appreciating how royally fucked we are if she truly wishes to fight us…’

 

— P.O.V switch Artoria —

 

‘Well, that was fucking awesome…’

 

As I sat back at the bar, I was enjoying a glass of… something after Maze and I had some “fun” for several hours.

 

While I was lost in thought, I heard some footsteps behind me that snapped me out of my daze.

 

Lucifer: “Well well. I see you took the opportunity to sample some of our fine delicacies.”

 

Looking over at Maze who was bending over to get something, I couldn't help but smirk.

 

Artoria: “Fine delicacies indeed. Lucky devil you. So, how’d your day go with your soul mate?”

 

Lucifer: “Great I should think! But let’s get down to business. What was it you wanted to ask me?”

 

Turning around on my seat to face him, I asked my first question.

 

Artoria: “Do you know if it was your Dad who interfered with my summoning, and freed me from the Throne of Heroes?”

 

Lucifer: “Oh, I very much doubt that. Good ole pops doesn’t really do people favours like that. More so, when one is so… steeped in a flavour like you.”

 

Artoria: “I assumed as much, but just wanted to check. Next major thing is, you’re not going to try and send me to hell right? Since I am a spirit and all…”

 

Lucifer just laughed at that.

 

Lucifer: “No no, I don’t really care. Even if I did take my job seriously, something like you is well beyond my authority to just send to hell. You may be a spirit, but you’re not “Dead.” Oh, don’t misunderstand, you’re not “Alive” either but… well, it’s complicated. You’re kind of like me I guess? Beyond death as it were.”

 

Artoria: “Which leads me to my next question. Do you think Lady Death is going to have a problem with something like me?”

 

Lucifer brought up his right hand to brush against a non-existent beard as he went into thought.

 

Lucifer: “No, I don’t think she will. Maybe if you were from our Universe or section of Multiverse she’d send something after you. But since you actually exist, it means the Death of your universe allowed such a thing to happen in the first place. So I think she’ll just ignore you, and maybe even thank you for all the ones you’ll kill? Never know with Lady Death.”

 

Giving him a nod, I crossed my arms to think. But Lucifer shortly interrupted my thoughts.

 

Lucifer: “So, what are your plans then, Artoria?”

 

Artoria: “I was thinking of killing some garbage, and sending it your way?”

 

Lucifer barked a laugh at that.

 

Lucifer: “Ha, sure why not. Just don’t go wiping out entire cities to send someone my way. It’ll leave a bad taste in my mouth.”

 

Giving him a nod I say, “Sure, but no promises. It honestly depends on who I am fighting, and how any heroes respond.”

 

Giving me a wry smile Lucifer said, “Well, that’s all I ask. Anything else? If not, I have a few questions myself.”

 

Tilting my head in thought I tried to think if there was anything else to ask.

 

Artoria: “Ah! Do you know magic that can open portals, or teleport you to different universes or multiverses?”

 

Lucifer: “I do.”

 

Artoria: “What would I have to do, to have you teach me said magic?”

 

Lucifer hummed for a few seconds before saying, “Well. How about a favour one day?”

 

Artoria: “As long as it’s not something outrageous, sure.”

 

Lucifer: “Excellent. Now, before I teach you I want to ask something. Do you truly have Excalibur?”

 

Instead of answering him, I just hold out my right hand and summon my beauty. Instantly, it appears and Lucifer's eyes widen, and I hear a gasp from Maze.

 

Lucifer: “ My word. Now that is truly a magnificent sword! I dare say it far exceeds the Excalibur I know of by leagues. And the aura it gives off, is truly vile! How fun! And you said this was corrupted by the same source as you? How much are you holding back right now?”

 

Giving him a smirk, I get up off the stool, and walk a bit away so I am not near anything.

 

Artoria: “Want to see?”

 

Giving me a nod with a sly smile on his face, I just smirk and release the hold on my power, and use Mana Burst at maximum.

 

‘Well, not like I can actually not use it anything BUT maximum now that I think about it.’

 

Moments later, Excalibur Morgan and myself both erupt in red-black flames and release an oppressive feeling.

 

Lucifer: “My word! I am glad I have a barrier around my bar now, otherwise I think you very well would have obliterated some mortal souls around this area with the pressure you are emitting.”

 

Maze: “Yea, not going to lie. I am kinda wet.”

 

Both Lucifer and I just laugh a little at that remark.

 

Lucifer: “Truly though, the feeling you are giving off is most vile. So much so, that you’d expect that you would be nothing but a raging psychopath trying to murder everything and anything.”

 

Shrugging my shoulders I say, “I just channel this hatred towards trash.”

 

Giving me a nod Lucifer said, “I can respect that. But you and your sword make a stunning sight, for sure.”

 

He looked over at Maze, and then smiled wryly.

 

Lucifer: “Might want to put a cork on it though, Maze looks like she’s about to jump you.”

 

Letting out a small laugh, I stop using Mana burst, and dismiss Excalibur Morgan.

 

Maze: “Yea… excuse me for a bit. I need some new panties.”

 

Smiling and shaking his head, Lucifer turned to me and said, “Well, in any case. I’ll teach you dimension and universe hop. But it might take a while, and even then you might not have enough power to actually use the spell without help. Sounds good?”

 

Artoria: “Yea, sounds good. I won’t lie, I am curious to what favour you’ll call in one day.”

 

Lucifer just smiled at me playfully, “You’ll have to wait and see now, won’t you? After all, it’s a deal with the Devil.”