Sword and Snow

I couldn’t figure out what had changed in that instant, but something must have. Whenever Emery and I had connected before - when we originally were practicing Dual Cultivation - emotions were always part of the equation. It was the predominant reason we stopped practicing the art when we started our relationship; we wanted to be sure that all the feelings involved were ours, and not just something conjured by the art of Dual Cultivation.

Even knowing all of that, I was not prepared for the torrent of emotion that swept through me once the connection was solidified. And given the sudden intake and rush of breath I could feel on my face from Emery, it seemed like she had a similar experience.

My mind went into panic mode, trying to filter and make sense of all the new sensations. There was a period of time, though I’m not sure how long, where I wasn’t sure I would have known my own name had someone asked me. My entire self was focused on sorting out the mass of whirling emotions that had suddenly overtaken everything.

When I finally came back to myself, a few things seemed to fall into place. Obviously, a large part of the emotions that had overwhelmed me were Emery’s. That wasn’t a new experience, though it had never been this intense before. Second, somewhere along the way, my physical body had adjusted. I was breathing softly, the way I would in meditation, and my body seemed calm rather than alert. Emery had also settled beside me, her breathing even and relaxed.

Third, our connection was stronger than it had been previously. There wasn’t exactly a tangible way to discern that, but I could feel it. It was as if, where our Qi and Domains had been braided together before, they were now more fully knitted together. The connection had gone from a few larger, looser connections to many smaller, tighter connections.

And fourth was Emery’s voice in my head, asking if I was okay. It was still just impressions and feelings as before, but the meaning was so much clearer. More articulate. I told her through the link that I was okay, and she seemed to relax another step. Once we were both fully back in control of ourselves and steady, it was time to Cultivate.

Despite it being a while since we had Cultivated together, the long hours of doing so together hadn’t been forgotten. Once we felt each other wordlessly agree it was time, we shuffled about. We broke our physical connection but maintained the spiritual one as we stripped down to just underclothes and resettled into our bed. We laid beside each other, pressed together, maximizing our physical contact as we had done a hundred times before.

Our legs tangled together as we each hugged the other closer, pressing ourselves against each other almost hungrily for that contact. For now, we rested our foreheads against each other as we focused on moving our Qi and Cultivating.

We fell quickly into our old patterns as they were not forgotten even after the extended break. Our Qi flowed through our combined pathways, being refined as it went. The speed of its movement quickly approached what would normally be the limits of a single body, and flew right past it.

Part of me recoiled at it, fully expecting the normal strain that I felt at that level when Cultivating alone, but it never happened. I wasn’t sure if it was because we were simply sharing the strain among two bodies or if there was some other mechanic at work, but as our collective Qi continued to travel through us at high speeds I quickly went from worried to simply in awe.

There were even other benefits in addition to the speed. I felt the sensation of the fast moving Qi scraping pleasantly at the walls of our meridians, almost cleaning them or refining them. Qi build-ups that could have eventually, over long periods of time, caused blockages were swept away in the torrent of surging Qi.

Emery must have felt it all too, because I could feel a strong feeling of elation coming from her in waves.

We continued to move our Qi along our shared meridians faster and faster, cheering it on like children watching a race. Eventually, we did finally begin to feel the strain on our bodies, but by then the Qi was moving so quickly that we couldn’t possibly be disappointed by it. Instead, we focused on maintaining the speed just below where the strain could be felt, the same way any Cultivator would when alone.

The two of us must have been more excited than we realized, because once the excitement and awe died down, the rest of the emotions came rushing back in. It wasn’t nearly the level of the rushing torrent in the beginning, but it was still enough that it demanded a portion of my attention.

I tried my best to sort through the emotions that were looking to take over now. Given that a solid portion of my concentration was focused on keeping our Qi moving, it took time to sort through the ball of emotion that sat heavily on me now. I could feel everything from intense safety and comfort to much more slight impressions of general excitement and hesitation.

Previously, while the feelings evoked while Dual Cultivating were intense, they had been general and broad emotions. Now, it was so much more exact and varied than before. I could feel distinctions between things like the excitement from how fast we were Cultivating and the excitement from being pressed up closely against someone I loved.

And that led me to finally address the two most obvious feelings that flowed freely over the connection, that I had separated early. Love and lust. Both were equally strong and equally overwhelming.

The new ability to distinguish the varying emotions helped immensely with separating these two in particular. Previously, the feelings of love and lust had been so intertwined that the emotional and physical need had simply been overwhelming. Now though, things were a bit more manageable. I could keep the physical and emotional desires separated which helped keep either one from being so singularly overwhelming.

Which isn’t to say that was easy, however.

I wasn’t sure how long we had been Cultivating for, but I could feel both of us slowly losing the battle of wills to keep those feelings controlled. It didn’t help that neither of us felt strongly enough about keeping boundaries up to really put in the effort; we were married, afterall. And unlike before, we had plenty of practice being intimate now.

So…Why bother fighting it?

With our thoughts being all but shared at this point, I wasn’t even sure who thought it first. But it was certainly the first thought that unraveled us. Our guards went down and suddenly all of the physical desires came in a rush. Our mouths came together in a sudden rush of near violent need. We both let go at that point, giving in to our combined desires, leaving only a sliver of our concentration on our Qi continuing to push it onward.

I wasn’t sure exactly how much time had passed when Emery and I finally found ourselves sated. We remained entangled on the bed, keeping ourselves close to continue our Cultivation, even after our bodies felt drained. It took a lot to make a Cultivator tired and sweaty, but we were both in a rare runner’s high after our physical activities.

We pressed our heads together comfortably as we cooled down and relaxed. Or at least we let our bodies relax while we continued our Qi flowing quickly between us. The speed of Qi had stayed pretty constant even when our concentration slipped. It made sense, looking back on it, why sex was so common during Dual Cultivation. The act itself seemed to perpetuate the Cultivation, and it all worked as a cohesive whole.

With the cloud of want and desire lifted, Emery and I had the clearest heads that we had managed while Cultivating together so far. Without words we mutually agreed to focus on our Cultivation, and each looked inward to our Domains and Inner Worlds.

It wasn’t the first time we had so while in the middle of Dual Cultivation. But previously, doing so led nowhere. Because we were always fighting a mass of emotion and feelings the entire time, our Inner Worlds and Domains were, quite literally, clouded.

For me, that meant that whenever I dove into my Domain, I was met with a thick blizzard with near zero visibility. I could usually manage to sit down and meditate to Cultivate, but that was about it. In Emery’s case, she always found her smithing village obscured with smoke or dust. It halted her every attempt to actually do anything other than sit in place and meditate. She found if she left the building she was in, she would get lost in the smog and find nothing.

Trying it this time was very different. We had sated the oppressive physical needs, and taken the time to sort through our shared emotions and feelings, which we had never been able to accomplish before.

And when I entered my Inner World it felt almost normal. I was on the usual snow-capped peak, with the usual small shed-like building in the middle of the snowy cliffside. I walked toward it as I always did and opened the door.

Rather than the normal bare interior with a single cushion, I found myself looking at various materials, tools, and stations common to smithies. The inside of the little shed was also much larger than it should have been. Weapons were propped up against the walls here and there, with more in various states of being made sitting out on the work stations. A glowing hot blade laid across an anvil with a hammer resting beside it caught my attention as it glowed hot in the otherwise cold room.

But my attention was snagged on it for only a moment when something else entirely caught my attention much more fully.

In the back of the room, there was a strange fissure or door that seemed to just exist apart from everything else. It looked like the edges of it were stitched into the fabric of the space itself. I had never seen anything like it before, but I had a good idea of what it was, given I could feel Emery’s presence on the other side of the fissure very strongly.

I had a sudden urge to crack open the fissure and let her in. I had heard of Cultivators visiting each other’s Inner Worlds through various means, the most common of which was a simple spiritual invitation. It was a fairly common occurrence, actually.

However, this felt altogether different from that. I had some sort of deep seated feeling that if either of us ripped that fissure open it would be a more fundamental change, and nothing like a visit. The way that the fissure looked sewn into the very being of this place was enough to make me hesitate before making any big moves, despite a very strong want to let Emery in.

Resolved for the moment not to make any sudden decisions, I strode toward the fissure to inspect it more closely. This was my Inner World, after all, and I felt no danger from the thing.

When I was within a few steps of it, I heard Emery as clear as day through it.

“What is this?”

“I don’t know.” I called back. “It feels very…interesting though.”

“Agreed.” She called. “It’s just in the middle of my village and there’s snow all over the ground here. What’s it like over there?”

“I’m in my little shed; it looks like a smithy workshop now. And it’s much bigger.” I said, looking around the room again before returning my eyes to the fissure. “I won’t lie to you, Emery, part of me really wants to rip this open and see what happens.”

I heard her excited, bubbly laughter. “I do too!” I couldn’t see her, but I could picture the big grin on her face. “It does feel like doing so is somehow very significant though.”

“Yeah. I get that feeling too.” I said honestly. “I suppose we shouldn’t touch it for now?”

There was a long moment of silence from the other side. I shifted my weight, waiting for a reply.

“...What if we did though?” Emery responded, sounding at her most mischievous. I was going to wave her off, but she continued. “It feels significant, but not in a bad way? And what if this is something special that we never have a chance at again?” I thought about that for a moment when she finally declared, “I think we should do it.”

I could feel her determination and excitement at the unknown wafting over through our link. It tickled my own excitement as I stared at the strange fissure. I still didn’t feel any danger from it, so while it felt like a big deal, it didn’t feel like a bad idea necessarily - exactly like Emery said.

I still held back. I was never really one for making snap decisions like this. Most of my major decisions throughout life were long thought out and planned for.

And yet -

Some of my best decisions in the last few years were snap decisions and not rational ones. Most of what led me here, in fact, were rash decisions. And taking my time and gathering all the facts before making a decision I knew I should’ve made ages ago is how my family ended up here and how Cierra got hurt.

My resolve crystallized in that moment. Every time I had made a snap decision with Emery involved it had gone well. I had faith in her that this would be no different.

“Let’s do it.” I said, suddenly full of excitement.

Not a second later I could feel Emery’s Qi push against the fissure from her side. The barrier held against it, seemingly unaffected as long as only one side acted on it. In the instant I added my Qi to hers, the fissure broke open and everything went white.