Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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Disaster’s Maw.

This term refers to the cursed maw of a person who brings disaster merely by opening their mouth to speak. And right now, it also referred to my mouth.

Crow.

I had forgotten.

‘…Osidens.’

Skylar’s damn sister was a psychopath who loved her family way too much, and I had somewhat forgotten that.

After meeting her, I encountered the emperor and platinum adventurer Eckhart, then came straight here to find Fura.

It was chaotic. I couldn’t focus.

Could they really send more watchers after me?

The Gray Cat sitting on my lap opened its eyes, raised its body, and stretched its neck out the wagon’s opening.

The cat’s vertically split pupils were chasing the crow at a terrifying speed. The crow’s black, bead-like eyes met those of the cat.

But the cat’s body couldn’t do anything.

It was actually Skylar who was moving.

Skylar spotted the crow and immediately pulled out a scroll from her pocket.

‘…I feel like I keep wondering how many scrolls I can fit in there. It’s like a damn pocket dimension that keeps bringing them out.’

Magic power flowed.

Sparkles gathered.

Flames ignited.

The scroll turned to ash and vanished, and through the blue flames, a long spear of lightning materialized.

Next to me, Fura’s eyes widened in surprise as she opened her mouth.

“You… that!”

“Just borrowing it for a sec.”

Boom.

With a thunderous sound, a bolt shot up into the sky. The crow was pierced through the chest by the lightning spear, turning into black mist and vanishing.

Amid the dense black fog, a pale something, likely a human molar, fell to the ground.

Still a hideous witch.

How did such a woman end up being my sister?

‘…I really hate this.’

Just thinking about it made me feel sick. I didn’t even know why. Was it simply because she threatened my life? That was a rational reason. Nobody could like a person who tried to kill them.

“Are you stealing my divinity?!”

“…It was the most accurate and useful long-range spell in the current situation.”

“Not a spell, you idiot wizard! It’s divinity!”

“What’s wrong with borrowing?”

“Hey!”

Fura was kicking up a fuss in the wagon about Skylar’s irresponsible remarks. Skylar, in turn, was just picking his fingernails with his pinky finger, ignoring her completely.

Though they spoke like that, they didn’t seem angry at all.

They were treating this like it was totally normal.

‘…Isn’t divinity and magic operated quite differently? It’s not like she borrowed it.’

It was just a common prank between friends.

Nothing more than that.

For some reason, watching those two chat happily made me… a bit… uncomfortable. Yeah. I didn’t like it. They weren’t being serious!

“It’s hard to believe we just destroyed that witch’s minion a moment ago.”

“It’s just another day.”

“What?”

Fura said this while turning her gaze to Skylar.

Her expression and atmosphere felt like she was saying, ‘You explain your own affairs.’

Could I finally hear some old stories?

Skylar would sometimes tell me tales of past requests experienced by “the Star Chasers” when I begged him to tell me something fun in the early hours.

But those stories always lacked details and sometimes omitted critical points.

As Skylar kept his mouth shut, Fura shrugged her shoulders stepped in to speak.

“There were similar incidents when I was with ‘the Star Chasers.’ How hasn’t your sister changed over the 150 years?”

“…More like 180 years have passed.”

“Does your sister still collect bodies? Killing her old teammates along the way?”

“……”

“I see. That was a good answer.”

I hadn’t expected anyone to be able to match Skylar’s conversational flow. Is this what it’s like to have companions and friends?

It felt entirely different from the conversations I had with Skylar.

When I talked with him, he usually held the reins. Only when I occasionally came to my senses did I get a word in.

Or when I’d give up and use charm or roll dice… something like that?

Right now, Skylar was losing the conversation battle to Fura.

Had it been my usual self, I would have mocked him with a great laugh, but… now, my chest felt heavy. Every time those two shared a pleasant moment I hadn’t seen, it felt like something was stuck in my throat.

Yeah. I was annoyed.

It wasn’t jealousy.

Probably.

Yeah. It likely wasn’t.

Then, what emotion was this?

Before I could come to a conclusion, our wagon arrived at the city’s entrance, facing the risk of being checked by the guards.

Skylar quickly burned a scroll, trapping the grinning Fura in an illusion. Fura, without showing a hint of surprise, closed her mouth and held her breath quietly.

It was a skilled move.

Even after a long time apart, their teamwork was impeccable.

Skylar and I presented the adventurer badges and hygiene certificates to the city guards for verification. Fura, hidden in the illusion, seemed bored, twisting her body here and there.

Skylar’s expression twisted in delight as he saw her get closer to the shimmering barrier, and he deliberately touched the barrier with his finger to disrupt it a bit.

It seemed like Skylar was going to be really mad once we entered the city.

‘…Gotta be careful not to catch any backlash.’

In this way, we successfully entered the city without getting caught.

***

The atmosphere was a bit ambiguous for Skylar to berate Fura.

Beyond this point lay the desert, an area where the wagon wheels struggled to roll. Strictly speaking, while it was possible to turn the wheels, it meant riding a camel would be much more efficient.

It wasn’t about being companions; we were only in a simple employment relationship.

Still, parting was parting. Even if we hadn’t exchanged a single proper word, we saw each other’s faces every morning.

‘…Let’s not say something foolish like not being able to talk because he lacked a tongue.’

The driver Skylar hired was, as I mentioned before, a bit expensive and quite the extraordinary one.

Without a tongue, his mouth was worth more than gold, and he could handle a thief alone even without guards.

I smiled and greeted him as he looked down at us from the driver’s seat of the wagon.

Since it was Fura’s first time meeting him, she just nodded her head slightly, and Skylar kept his greeting brief.

However, I didn’t want to part lightly.

“May we meet again someday on the path of destiny.”

It didn’t particularly hold any grand meaning.

Honestly, it was just a casual statement stemming from a desire to use a cool phrase I had heard in the past. But, it didn’t seem to come across lightly to the driver.

Perhaps moved, he looked at me with slightly misty eyes, nodded once, and turned the horse’s head toward the city exit.

It was a short and poignant farewell.

A throwaway comment could mean a great deal to someone. Just as a frog can die from being hit by a careless stone, the opposite is also possible.

That’s the power of words.

Skylar spoke up.

“Let’s go. Summer is coming soon.”

“Yeah. Which means we need to cross the desert before summer arrives, right?”

“Exactly.”

Thus, we took our first step into the desert’s gate.

***

After finding temporary lodging, we began our meeting.

We established a simple framework for our future plans and listed out what we needed.

Skylar, the reclusive angel, a useless bard, and finally, the perverted cat.

Out of the four of us, Skylar was the only one who was properly leading the meeting.

It seemed that keeping his mouth shut and listening was actually beneficial for him compared to rebutting our arguments. The speed at which he made plans was significantly faster today.

Before a night had fully passed, we succeeded in setting a rough goal and prioritizing our tasks.

“Alright. The body holder we’ll meet in the desert is…”

“That person, right?”

“Yeah.”

Fura and Skylar began discussing things that only they could understand, and I puffed my cheeks, trying to squeeze into their conversation.

Skylar glanced at my reactions and expression for a moment, then begrudgingly began to explain.

“I don’t know the exact whereabouts of the other body holders. I only know the locations of my old colleagues at best. I can’t even guarantee those are accurate.”

“So, who are we meeting now?”

“…The leader.”

“The leader?”

“The one who gathered the greatest party of adventurers, consisting of gold and platinum adventurers, is hiding out in this desert.”

“…Is that so?”

“At least, based on 200-year-old records.”

“Hey.”

Skylar scratched his head and averted his gaze slightly.