Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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My head was throbbing.

It was a sensation I hadn’t felt in a long time.

I didn’t exactly feel like my intelligence had risen or fallen. I just hoped I wasn’t fixed in a state of low intelligence.

‘No, I got hit by that damned priest.’

Maybe I had fainted? No, I couldn’t have lost consciousness for that long. If I had, I would have seen a strange ceiling for the first time.

“…Ha.”

A sigh escaped me.

It felt like I suddenly had a lot more on my mind.

Until now, I thought that the status window and narration couldn’t practically affect my body. They were merely penalties at most.

I wasn’t exactly in pain; I just coughed a bit if I overexerted myself, spat out some blood, fell asleep once a day, and was generally clumsy.

‘No, listing it like that does sound a bit severe.’

Isn’t it something I should just brush off?

Slowly, I raised my surprisingly agile body and looked around.

Skylar, with a concerned look in his eyes, was staring at me, and noticing the ‘worry’ on his face gave me a strange sense of satisfaction.

Nisha, who had been wagging her tail like a fox next to Skylar, was nowhere to be found, and only Propertyius remained.

Propertyius was talking with a sweaty face next to Skylar as if he didn’t care about me at all.

Probably… making excuses? I couldn’t tell; I couldn’t hear the content clearly.

I moved my feet slowly. My body still felt light. I seemed hardly like a human who had just been lying on the ground.

“…Hello?”

Propertyius jumped, seemingly not sensing my presence, and turned to look at me. His face was slightly paler than before.

“…”

“Aren’t you going to apologize?”

“I apologize.”

“Why is that damned priest so fast in the first place? Are all physical humans just these kinds of monsters?”

“If I may correct that, if you don’t become strong enough to this extent, your body will be taken by someone else. Is it easier to understand as survival of the fittest?”

“I don’t like that.”

Skylar squeezed himself between Propertyius and my body, physically blocking the conversation.

It was as if he intentionally wanted to exclude that priest from the discussion.

When Skylar stopped the dialogue and opened his mouth, what came out surprised me slightly.

“You could have just surrendered.”

“Y-you are blaming me?!”

“No, to be precise, both of you share the blame. You could have surrendered along the way, but you chose to grit your teeth and try to win somehow. Do you think I didn’t see that?”

“…”

“You realized you couldn’t win halfway through, right? If you had gotten a stash, you should have surrendered before getting hurt. I seriously don’t know why you don’t think about your body every time you do something. It even looked like you intentionally didn’t dodge something you could’ve at the end.”

No, a man doesn’t evade a fight. Surrendering halfway through is absolutely out of the question.

And I really couldn’t evade it.

Damn status window.

‘…If I say this is a manly act, they’d look at me like I’m crazy.’

For now, I kept my mouth shut, sitting quietly with a ‘I’m sorry’ expression. Either way, I doubted his scolding would last long.

Originally, I was supposed to be calling for a wagon to head to another city by now.

I spaced out, letting the time pass by listening with one ear and letting it flow out the other. How much time had passed? Slowly, Skylar stopped talking.

In the distance, Nisha waved her hand as she approached us.

Suddenly, irritation surged up.

Nisha clung to me, acting friendly, and rubbed her face against mine with her characteristic smile. I could feel her soft skin and unique scent.

If this had happened during my days as a man, it would have surely been the moment my sponge would’ve filled with high-density liquid, but I felt only an incomprehensible emptiness.

My mood fell even further.

Whether she understood how I felt or was just completely oblivious, Nisha maintained her close embrace and bombarded me with questions out of curiosity.

“Is the principle replacing a magic spell chant with melody?”

“Huh?”

“To be honest, Bards are a rare profession. Aside from the beggars in taverns or those around brothels, real Bards are hard to find in this era.”

“Are they really that rare?”

“No, if we want to get picky, they’re not really that rare. I’ve been active long enough to get platinum for it. I have plenty of experience.”

That was a bit disappointing.

The term rare profession carries something that resonates with a man, right? That feeling of being something special that others can’t do! You know what I mean?

Instead, the idea that a Bard in this era replaces a Wizard’s spellcasting with performances? If so, could I possibly replicate what Wizards can do?

‘Like shooting fireballs from a lute.’

Seeing my expression, Nisha immediately began to correct her explanation.

“I don’t know what kind of imagination could have caused that expression, but probably not.”

“…Ah.”

“Even if you look at me with such regretful eyes, it’s no use. Even with just a performance, auxiliary magic has its limits. If you have a ‘magical episode,’ why not just learn magic properly this time?”

My intelligence is 2, you know.

Can I actually learn magic properly?

I wanted to retort immediately, but mentioning an invisible intelligence level would just make me look strange if I said I couldn’t learn magic.

I felt like I was about to sigh, but I swallowed it down.

‘Honestly, that’s not what’s important right now.’

Why in the world did Propertyius suddenly challenge me to a duel? And why did he hit my head with his palm without stopping in between?

That’s what’s important.

Carefully peeling away Nisha’s burdensome touch while ignoring Skylar’s scolding, I took a step toward Propertyius.

And he took a step back.

Every time I approached him, sweating profusely, he retreated a step back, looking significantly less imposing than when he had been showing off during the duel earlier.

“…Got nothing to say?”

“I believe I did apologize earlier.”

Do you happen to know this? People in fantasy worlds might not realize it well, but there’s a tradition in a small archipelago at the end of the East.

The people of the East, who think they are superior, lose their manners in a split second.

Especially when one person is clearly responsible for a situation, and I’ve suffered physical harm due to that, there’s a very effective technique to employ.

“I still feel pain in my body. It’d be nice to receive some compensation for the treatment.”

“…Huh?”

“Look, I have bruises on my body, right?”

“I don’t see any.”

“Do you have a bit of a vision problem? Look closely.”

“I healed it directly with my divine power. There would be no bruises left. I would appreciate if you’d stop with these jokes—”

Cough.

A cough escaped me.

Silence.

Oh, right. To be honest, I hadn’t intended for this situation.

If we’re being picky, it was rather a series of accidents that occurred by chance. It was true I had wanted to extort some treatment costs, but I didn’t want this much money. Really!

Yes. I coughed up blood in front of Propertyius, Nisha, and Skylar.

Red, sticky blood was on my palm. It was closer to black than red and resembled jelly or pudding more than liquid.

Gross, disgusting, and I doubted this was coming out of my body. The late-appearing nauseating smell made me feel even worse.

I felt like I was going to gag, but I managed to swallow it down.

Memories of acid reflux and rhinitis suddenly surfaced. I hadn’t experienced them since I got trapped in this perfectly customized body.

“W-well, what happened was…”

“I don’t particularly need an explanation. It seems there were internal injuries that weren’t treated with divine power. This is clearly my mistake. I apologize once again.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“I’ll prepare compensation for my mistake, if not treatment fees. This all started from my misunderstanding.”

With Propertyius’s incomprehensible words, a white light began to gather in the palm of his hand like fireflies and suddenly flew toward my face.

The throbbing headache eased a bit, but that was all. I didn’t particularly feel a significant surge in my condition.

With the negative news that health and strength status penalties couldn’t be solved with just two divine spells, we finally left the church.

The fact that Skylar’s gaze had shifted from looking at a human to something on the outskirts of human nature was an added bonus.

We set out for the next town, our pockets feeling considerably heavier.

For reference, the money we received went to the coachman. It wasn’t even that large of an amount. Damn priest.

Inside the rattling wagon, I stifled a yawn and rolled the lute on my lap. The endless fields outside stretched out boringly.

‘This is getting dull. It feels like the same scene is repeating over and over. I hope there’s a slightly different story waiting in the next city.’

Skylar, sitting across from me, was still focused on his book. His black robe was neatly fitted like a raven, and in terms of fashion, he still looked much more grown-up than I did.

“Skylar, aren’t you bored?”

“No, I’m good.”

I tried to initiate a conversation to wane off my tedium, but he didn’t even lift his head to respond. Not fun at all.

Ultimately, to relieve my boredom, I chose to gaze out the carriage window, matching the shapes of clouds to imaginary animals.

“Doesn’t that cloud look like a dragon?”

Hearing my words, Skylar moved his serious pumpkin-colored eyes to the sky.

Finally, he took his gaze off the book.

“If I burn just one scroll, I could create a real dragon and manifest it in a smaller size with magic. There’s no need to look at clouds.”

“You have no romance.”

“Is romance necessary for traveling?”

“Of course.”

Before I knew it, my hand moved uncontrollably and picked up the lute.

As I plucked the strings, a pleasant melody filled my ears.

Skylar let out a small sigh, but I didn’t miss the faint smile lingering on his lips.

“Let’s do this. Next, you’ll show me a real dragon made with your magic, okay?”

“I have to conserve my scrolls for now. If I get my magic back later, then perhaps.”

“Alright.”

The wagon continued rattling along. The clouds in the sky still looked like dragons, and Skylar turned back to his book.

Sometimes, the imagination of a trivial Bard could create something far more incredible than the illusions made by a great wizard.

Watching the dragon made of clouds, we moved toward the next city.

Adventure was still ongoing.