Chapter 13: Government Red Tape
We stopped and grabbed a fast food breakfast. It was surprisingly cheap and there was a lot in it. Two eggs any way you wanted them, a sausage patty, two pieces of toast cut in half, and a small bag of hash browns. I did a quick calculation in my head with buying the items individually to make the breakfast, and I was pretty sure it was cheaper to buy the fast food meal. The sausage patties were the expensive items and blew away making them at home. That was from costs I knew ten years ago. Now? I almost laughed. From now on, I was buying my breakfasts. It was just too good of a deal to pass up.
We pulled into the government offices and a feeling of dread came over me. I knew this was going to be a pain in the ass. The red tape alone was going to make it a horrible experience. I also knew I would be spending a long time there today. I had a flash of Divine Sight and closed my eyes. I let it play out and nodded my head several times.
Jenny was a dear and stayed silent as I sat there for several minutes and didn't move. She waited for me to open my eyes before she said anything. “Do I want to know what you were doing?”
“I was meditating over what to do today.” I said and looked at her with a smile.
“Uh huh.” Jenny said and stared at me. “Come on, spill it.”
“I was coming up with a way to try and make the process faster.”
“You do realize that you can't threaten the government, right?” Jenny asked and I chuckled.
“No, not threaten.” I said and my smile grew.
Jenny gasped. “No! You can't!”
“It's the fastest way.”
“It's the fastest way to jail!” Jenny exclaimed. “You can't bribe the government, either!”
“I was thinking more along the lines of a donation to our great nation's treasury.”
“Damon!” Jenny nearly yelled and I laughed.
“I'm ready to go in now.” I said and got out of her car, locked her door, and walked towards the government building.
“Damon, wait!” Jenny scrambled after me and caught up to me, even wearing high heels. “Please, don't do this. I don't want you to go to jail. You just came back into my life and I don't want you to leave me all alone again!”
I came to a stop and turned to face her. “My dear sweet little sister.” I said and took her into my arms to hug her. “I can't promise that I'll never leave again. Fate alone is going to make me have to leave at some point.” I said, referring to my death, which I hoped to have happen long before hers. “I will do everything within my power to stay in your life for as long as I can.”
Jenny took several breaths and calmed herself. She couldn't go in there looking flustered. “We should have gotten you a haircut yesterday.”
“Oh, right. I'm so used to having it long that I forgot.” I let her out of the hug and took out a hair tie, bent over and shook my long hair out, then added the tie and stood back up. I pulled the tie from the top of my head towards the back and now I had a perfect ponytail with my hair in the same shape as a cobra when it was agitated.
Jenny stood there and stared at me with wide eyes and her mouth slightly open.
“Jesus, close your mouth.” I joked as I repeated her words and tapped her chin.
“It's not funny when you do it.” Jenny said with a smile.
“Let's go.” I said and waved towards the entrance. “Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.”
“I certainly hope so.” Jenny said and we went inside.
We stood in line for only a few minutes when the next clerk was available. “Next.”
“I'm waiting for someone.” I said and Jenny gave me a reproachful look. “Trust me.” I whispered.
Two more clerks came to the desk and started to work, then the one I saw walked over. I couldn't be seen as eager, that would be a complete derailment of my vision, so I remained stoic and unwavering. As soon as he sat down and asked for who was next, I walked over to him.
“What can I do for you today?” The man asked. He was normal looking and he had short and styled hair. People at his work didn't know how much he enjoyed the drudgery that came with the job. He loved doing paperwork and the harder the case the better. His silent joy of using the bureaucratic system gave him a sense of fulfillment that no other thing in his life ever could.
“Hi, there. I'm dead and I want you to bring me back to life.” I said, matter of factly.
Jenny gasped and looked at the clerk to see his reaction to such an outrageous statement.
The man sat there and stared at me. “When did you die?”
“Nine years ago. A body was found and falsely identified and then buried, along with the rest of my life.” I said and Jenny took a sharp breath and grabbed my hand.
“I see.” The man said and I could see the wheels turning in his head. “You were nowhere to be found.”
I shook my head. “I was kidnapped the year before and taken away against my will. I only managed to come back yesterday.”
“Your family must be devastated.”
“Beyond belief.” I said. “I was there barely a few hours and my father banished me.”
The man looked at my sister. “Your sister was hit the hardest by your death.”
“She really was.” I said. “I didn't realize how hard until I came back.”
“You are both different people.” The man said and looked at me. “Do you have anything to say?”
“If I thought becoming a different person legally would be better, I would have done that.” I admitted and Jenny gasped. “My very intelligent sister advised me against that and told me to come here to find you, instead.”
“Me?” The man asked, a little concerned.
“An expert in dealing with all the bureaucracy.” I said. “I desperately need your help and I have nowhere else to turn, except... you know. Illegal means.”
“Damon!” Jenny gasped.
The man sat there and didn't say anything for several minutes. I didn't move or say anything else. I couldn't. If anything at all disturbed him from his contemplation, he would refuse my plea. So, I waited. Right at the six minute mark, he pushed his chair back and stood up.
“Go over to the door on the side.” The man said and walked away.
I walked over to the door with Jenny and waited.
“Damon, what was all that?” Jenny asked in a whisper. “I've never had an experience like that before.”
“I knew I had to be completely honest, like you said. Lying wasn't going to get me anywhere.”
“But... good lord, that... I don't understand how that worked!” Jenny said and her hand squeezed mine. “I mean, who would believe it? I thought we would be arguing over if you were really you or not.”
“Don't worry, that's coming.” I said and the door in front of me buzzed. I grabbed the handle and it opened. In front of me were two security guards and the man I had talked to.
“This way.” The man said and walked down the hallway to the right.
I followed with Jenny in tow and the two security men followed us. We entered a small room that I wasn't surprised looked like a police interrogation room. I had caught a glimpse of it before and sat down in the odd shaped and yet comfortable chair. Jenny sat next to me and looked slightly nervous.
“You don't mind us taking fingerprints, do you?” The man asked as one of the security men handed him a small ink pad and a piece of paper.
“Of course not.” I said. “Both hands, right?”
“Just in case, yes.” The man said and he expertly dabbed my thumbs and fingertips, then helped me put each print into the appropriate spaces on the sheet. He handed me some tissues and I wiped off as much excess ink from my hands as I could.
“I have my old driver's license and social security number, too.” I said and took out my wallet and the man wrote out the information. He didn't take them from me, which was a good sign. He handed the ink pad and the sheet to the guard, along with my information to check, and he left with it.
“I volunteer to give a DNA swab, too.” I said, to everyone's surprise.
“I don't think that's quite necessary at this stage.” The man said.
“It will save me having to come back and give it later, won't it?” I asked and looked at the remaining security man. He shrugged and left the room to get the item needed.
“You seem quite willing to submit yourself to deep scrutiny.” The man said and looked at my sister. “Your sister seems much more nervous about you doing so.”
“That's because she's afraid that I'll turn out to be a fake.” I said.
“Damon!” Jenny gasped.
“I'm sorry, you know it's true.” I said. “Just like dad, you have a skeptical mind. You've been ignoring it for me, and I love you so much more because of that.”
Jenny closed her eyes and squeezed my hand harder.
“Does it matter to you if your brother is a fake or not?” The man asked.
Jenny took a deep breath and opened her eyes. “No.” She said and looked at me. “It'll hurt beyond all imagining if he's not my brother that's come back from the dead; but, even if he's not my real brother, he's still my brother.”
“You would accept a fake after only half a day and a night?” I asked with a grin. “You must really love me to delude yourself like that!”
“Yes, I do.” Jenny said, completely seriously.
The guard came back and handed over a little test tube with a cotton swab that was inside of it on a slider.
“That's neat.” I said.
The man popped the top and slid up the cotton swab, then jammed it into my open mouth and poked me fairly hard in both cheeks. He soaked up as much saliva around my jaws as he could, then pulled it out of my mouth, slid the cotton swab down, closed the top, and applied the tape again. He handed it to the guard and stood up.
“I think we've sweated you enough.” The man said. “Most people trying to put one over on us would have cracked by now.”
I stood up and Jenny did, too.
“Let's go to my office while we wait for the results.”
“There's no way you can have DNA analyzed that quickly, is there?” I asked, genuinely surprised. “I thought that took weeks and weeks to process.”
The man smiled slightly and walked ahead of us. “We've got it down to three days, assuming there's nothing else in the pipeline.”
“I thought the cell phone advances were amazing. I never thought....” I sighed. “Everything really has progressed a lot in ten years, hasn't it?” I asked Jenny.
“It really has.” Jenny smiled. “It's okay. I'll have you tech savvy by the end of the week.”
“Having to rely on you for that makes me feel old, you know.”
“I do!” Jenny said with a chuckle and I sighed exaggeratedly for her to make her laugh.
“Here we are.” The man said and opened the door.
I stepped into the office and sat down in chairs that were identical to the ones in the interview room.
“I need you to tell me exactly what happened to cause this calamity with the government.” The man said and sat down behind his desk, He hit several buttons on the keyboard and then folded his hands on the desk.
I told him the exact same story I did to Jenny and my family the day before. Once again, I left out the crucial detail that I had been taken to another world. The man listened attentively and never moved or commented, until I was done.
“That's as an outrageous story as I've ever heard.” The man said, to both Jenny's and my surprise. “You show up after ten years, wearing odd clothing, and have no actual proof of where you'd been or why.”
“They said that they needed me.” I said with a shrug. “They didn't really give me a choice.”
“Then they just let you go.” The man said, his eyes squinted.
I huffed a laugh. “No, even then it was a fight. They also took everything that they thought was valuable from me and made sure that I was too weak to resist them. The next thing I knew, they threw me out and I was back on the same street that they had abducted me from.”
“You didn't tell me that!” Jenny exclaimed.
“I've been home how long?” I asked her. “When have we had a chance to talk? Just the two of us?”
Jenny opened her mouth to say last night, then she nodded. “We are having a nice long talk after this.”
It was my turn to nod and we sat there and waited for the security guy to come back with my prints. Or at least, I assumed so. What actually happened was the man's computer beeped at him and he checked it.
“Your prints are clean.” The man said and looked at Jenny and not me. “They also match.”
“Thank GOD!” Jenny yelled and jumped on me to hug my neck so tightly that she had me in a headlock.
“Je... Jen.” I managed to say.
“Oh! I'm sorry.” Jenny said and eased her hold on me. “I'm just so happy!”
“I couldn't tell.” I said and rubbed my neck.
The man smiled. “We still should wait for the DNA; but, I think we can get the preliminary paperwork out of the way and get the ball rolling to get you brought back to life.”
“Thank you.” Jenny said to him and then looked at me. “Hi, big brother. It's nice to have you back in the land of the living.”
“If you keep hugging me so tightly, I won't be living for very long.” I joked.
“Yeah, just try and make me let you go.” Jenny said with a smile.