Sporemageddon

Death Cap - Thirty - Sealing a Deal for a More Profitable and Violent Future

“There are a lot of factors to keep in mind with that,” I said.

I buckled down and tried to tune everything but the conversation out. This could be trouble. If the Union wanted my mushrooms, that was fine. But there were two big, distinct issues that immediately came to mind.

First, if they wanted weaponized mushrooms or hallucinogenic ones which they could sell as drugs, then there was a very real possibility that those same mushrooms would quickly be turned illegal. I’d read a few passages in some newspapers about how some nearby cities were trying prohibition, to little success. City Nineteen hadn’t been hit by that yet, and it was possible we had fewer puritans here.

But getting high on mushrooms was not seen as publicly acceptable the way getting a pint at the local pub was.

The second issue was more personal.

If I was the sole provider of something, then I was suddenly a lot more precious to the union. Me. Personally. A single small child with very little in the way of effective defences or contacts outside of the union.

It wasn’t hard to imagine them locking me away in some damp underground farm with orders to produce metric tons of whatever mushroom they ordered me to for no pay and less privilege. Would I be able to escape that kind of situation?

Probably, maybe. If they underestimated me. The problem was that they knew I wouldn’t mind stooping to murder to get away, which meant the base-level of security they’d probably place would be pretty high.

Markham needed an answer beyond just that, and I couldn’t pause for too long.

“Mushrooms are temperamental. Dangerous, even. Some require a very specific environment to grow in. I can manage what I can because I have the time to move around and explore and find good growing locations across the slums. Usually, trying to grow mushrooms in captivity results in lots of dead fungi.” All true.

Markham nodded. “If we were to ask for a number of mushrooms then?”

“It would depend on what kind, and how much,” I said. “Do you mean the mushrooms I used on the bullies?”

“Yes, those,” he said. “What were they? From the reports, they caused digestive issues, gave the men who inhaled them hallucinations, were explosive, and had some sort of mana-absorbing quality.”

A what? That last one wasn’t something I was aware of. Which mushroom caused that? The lichen, maybe? It was meant to absorb mana to ignite, maybe... but then I didn’t know how the bullies discovered that. The lichen should have exploded along with the rest.

“That wasn’t a mushroom,” I admitted. “That was two mushrooms, a lichen, and some netting made of knit yarn.”

“Pardon?” Markham asked.

“Three different fungal bodies tied together,” I said. “One was an explosive with the diarrhetic effect. Another was an aerosolized magical mushroom which causes hallucinogenic episodes when inhaled. And the last was a lichen which interacts with mana. I used the last to ignite the other two.”

Markham leaned back in his chair with a creak, his eyes never leaving me. “That is rather terrifying, you know.”

I frowned. “No, it’s really not. Those three were picked for their non-lethality. That was one of the rules, wasn’t it? Don’t kill the bullies. It would have been infinitely easier to just wipe them out, at least until they started to whip out masks and antidote potions.”

Markham nodded. “Not antidotes. Those are generally specialised potions. The bullies carry a few long-lasting potions on them which allow them to endure pain and heal faster. It has a number of other positive, if temporary, health benefits. And some strong downsides.”

“That’s good to know,” I said. “Now, on the subject of selling mushrooms... I’m willing. In small batches. If you tell me what you’re looking for, I can help better. Most of the fungi I’m growing are edible, as you well know.”

Markham shifted a paper closer to the centre of his desk, squeezing it out from under a stack of other papers. The newspaper? Had my attack shown up there? I wouldn’t have expected it to. News that made the bullies look bad didn’t show up often. “We want these ones, the three you used on the bullies. How much can you get us by the end of the week?”

“Knit-up sets like I used? I can get you... I guess five by the end of the month.”

“The month?” he asked.

“Do you think mushrooms pop up instantly?” I asked. “They’re not plants, but they still take some time to grow.”

He looked confused for a moment when I said they weren’t plants, but he disguised it a heartbeat later. “I see. And how long would they keep for?”

“Ideally? If you have something to keep them dry and cool, maybe a week at full potency.”

“So, not a weapon that can be stored for later,” he muttered.

“I’m afraid not. But there are some other potential things that you’re not considering,” I said. I grinned, time to play the salesperson now that I’d shot down his previous ideas. “I have one magical mushroom with minimal side-effects whose powder, when eaten, allows you to see in the dark as if it were day.” A gross exaggeration, but not too far off.

Markham’s bushy brows rose up. “That is interesting.”

“I can, in a limited fashion, grow mushrooms in captivity. It’s risky, with a high chance of failure, and they need time to grow and I need time to study them, but if the Union wants anything in particular... well, I’m aware that alchemists use mushrooms for all sorts of effects.”

Markham shifted slightly in his seat. “I’ll consider that. The low-light-vision mushrooms could come in handy in a number of situations.” He reached into a drawer again and placed two more shillings atop the others. “Bring one, powdered, to Gary. Please label it and include what information you can. If it proves valuable, we might purchase more in the future at which time we’ll discuss value.”

I nodded. I doubted I’d be getting a shilling per mushroom, or even per gram of powder, but... well, it was maybe another passive source of income, and I wasn’t going to say no to those. “If that’s all you needed me for?” I asked.

“That was all, yes. Don’t spend it all in one place.”

I smiled my more beatific, child-like smile. “I won’t!” I promised before stepping up and scooping all the coins off his desk. I placed one in a purse by my waist, the rest was split between my satchel and a pouch hidden under my clothes which had some loose yarn to keep it from jangling.

With that done, I practically skipped out of the room. I was filthy, filthy rich!

No, no I wasn’t. I needed every halfpenny for a number of projects. Getting to the bottom of the dungeon wouldn’t happen easily, but it would happen, and it would be easier with the money I now had.

I met Gary outside, and nodded to him in greeting. “Things go well?” he asked.

“I got a talking-to, but he paid up.” I pouted. “Mostly. I didn’t get what I expected to get.”

Gary sniffed. “He can be cheap, but he’s better than the assholes running the factories,” he said.

I nodded along, content that the lie had passed. One didn’t show off wealth unless one wanted to lose it.

I left the Union’s new headquarters and headed towards the deeper end of the slums... for one block, then I took a sharp turn towards the Gutter and the nicer parts of the city. After cutting across a few streets and avoiding one entirely because there were some bullies patrolling, I reached the Gutter, then merged into the traffic heading northwards.

I crossed the gates into the Mistbacks quarter. The apartments were nicer here even than the nicest of the homes in the slums, and the Gutter didn’t smell quite so rank, though there were plenty of factories along the edge still. I didn’t dare cross the bridge over to Pearl Alley. That part of the city was firmly middle class and they’d smell the slums on me in an instant.

My goal was a shop that I’d heard about but never seen. Arthur’s Alembic. Alchemical Supplies for the Rarified Gent. The store was a singular building. Two storeys, with only slightly dirty windows and a front plastered in ads for every sort of vitamin and supplement and wonder drug that guaranteed big muscles, a slimmer figure, and functional genitals.

I was there for something else, of course. I finally had the money to spend to just buy raw ingredients. It might cost a bit, but I knew I could just outright buy the very materials that I had been scrounging for.

Soon, soon I’d have so many powerful mushrooms that the city itself would tremble!

Or maybe all they’d have were some mushrooms that cured erectile dysfunction.

I was ready to find out either way.

***