V2.10 Why Do We Dream?
There was a light tapping on my cheek. My eyes fluttered open to see the furry panther lady standing over me.
“Hey, you alright?” She pulled me into a seated position.
I grabbed at the back of my head, which started pounding louder the more I moved. “Kind of. My head’s killing me right now.”
I looked around and saw that I was still in the water reservoir room, with Igzad and Sol standing to the side.
Sol, still missing his arm, walked over to pick it up. “Yuholla didn’t make it.” He put the appendage against the stump, and the vines shifted and reattached themselves. “It’d be a sad day if we were to lose you too. There’s already been enough loss to go around.” He turned his hand as if to experiment to see if his arm still worked.
“You can regenerate too?” I asked. “And why do you care about me? Isn’t that just a waste of energy?”
Igzad sighed. “That’s not true. For the first two floors, you can get away with solo tactics as long as you are skilled and smart. On this floor, it’ll kill you the fastest.” He gave me a quick smile. “I can reattach any lost limbs as long as my core is intact. Nothing like what you’re capable of.”
Igzad walked over to me. “Does any of this have to do with why you say it’s safer for me to not know too much about you?” He pointed to my wounds that had finished healing.
I stared at my hand. “It does, and I still don’t want to share why.”
“Here, let’s get you out of the blood.” Shadara pulled me to a dry wall. My clothes were heavily damaged and soaked in blood. I didn’t see the point, but I didn’t have the energy to argue with her. “Why don’t you want to tell people? I imagine dealing with the shaylips on the second floor soured you and put it into your head that you need to climb the Nexus alone, but that’s not true. The more hunting partners you have, the safer things are. You just have to spend more time making sure everyone gets levels and works together.”
Igzad nodded. “She’s mostly right. I’ve been one to believe that more than four tend to draw too much attention and unbalance things too much.”
I looked at the others. “You’re just saying that because there are four of us right now.” The throbbing in the back of my head slowly eased to a dull ache. “Besides, none of you want to be around me for long. It’ll get you killed.”
Igzad nodded. “I see. That explains so much more.”
Sol kneeled next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. “We’re all going to die one day. Don’t you think it’s up to us to choose when, how, or who we’re with when we do?”
I pointed to Yuholla. “Did she really want to die here? Sorry, but I sincerely doubt being ripped in half was high on the list of ways she wanted to die. I know it’s not on mine.” I’ve already died once, and I should’ve died many more times after that. One of these days, I’ll learn to not put myself in such stupid situations. I pushed Sol’s hand off my shoulder. “You stand a better chance of successfully climbing the Nexus without me.” I hung my head. “And I don’t want to watch any more people die.”
Shadara sat next to me. “Then I’m going to do my best to not die first.”
I tilted my head at the panther lady, and she grinned. I then shook my head. “No. Don’t. This is for your good, not mine.”
Shadara put an arm around me. “You’re being hunted, aren’t you?” I leaned back and pushed her away. How did she know? She laughed. “You’re probably wondering how I know?” I nodded. She pointed to her eyes. “It’s in your eyes. I’ve seen that look so many times in my prey that I know the look.”
I pushed her farther away or tried to. I didn’t have the energy to keep moving for long. My stomach was starting to hurt. “If you know I’m being hunted, then why? Why waste your time and possibly your life being near me?”
Igzad crossed his arms. “I’m with Rina on this one. Why? That’s how you get yourself killed.”
The panther lady stood up and brushed the little dirt from her legs. “Because that’s how you live an interesting life. Besides, if I don’t follow her, how am I going to learn about her little healing trick?” She offered a hand to me. “You said you need food and sleep, so let’s get you some.”
I stared at her hand. It’s going to happen again, isn’t it? She’s going to become my friend, and when that creature catches up with me, she’ll die, and I’ll survive somehow.
“Don’t make me go through that again.” I pushed her hand away. Slowly, and using the wall for support, I pulled myself to my feet. “Just tell me where to get some food, and I’ll be out of your hair, and you can forget I even exist. It’ll be better for you if you do.”
Sol pointed to one of the doors. “Head down that hall and make a right at the first intersection. Then follow it and go straight through the next one. There will be a place you can get both food and a bed. Hopefully, they’ll have room for you.”
“Thanks,” I said as I headed towards the door he pointed to.
“It is not my place to judge, but I truly wish you reconsider your stance on letting others assist you.” I turned to see Sol frowning. He continued, “You shouldn’t go through life alone. The Soul Nexus is too dangerous for that. This place tests you in more ways than you can imagine.”
I shook my head. “Before I came to the Nexus, I was alone. Anyone I knew got along well before they met me, and they’ll be fine without me.” I left the room. “There’s no reason it will be any different here.”
As I followed Sol’s directions, I couldn’t help but feel I was being followed. I turned and saw Shadara walking lazily behind me. She waved to me with a wide smile on her face.
“I said you should leave me alone. It’s not safe for you.” I resumed walking.
“I’m not following you then. I’m heading in the same direction.” Shadara then caught up to walk next to me. “See, I’m not behind you anymore. Maybe I want some food too.”
My headache was gone, likely because my mana had recovered somewhat. “Fine. Do whatever you want.”
Silently, we walked side by side. Whenever I had to slow down, Shadara conveniently slowed down too. We continued until we reached the place Sol had mentioned to me. There was a single centicrad, and they were putting out several mugs of water and the alcoholic stuff Igzad tried to make me drink. I sat down, or more accurately, fell into the chair and onto the closest table.
Shadara sat across from me. I looked around and saw a dozen other empty tables for the panther woman to sit at, but yet, she sat at mine.
I propped my head up and glared at the woman. “You can cut the act. Stop following me and leave me alone.”
She didn’t say anything to me. Instead, she turned to the centicrad behind the counter. “Hey, do you got any food around here? We’ll take anything you got. Also, we’ll take a couple of drinks.”
The centicrad lifted their head up to look at us momentarily and then ducked behind the counter. They then came back up with a plate of some dried meat with mushroom caps on two plates. Their legs clicked against the stone as they skittered over and placed the two plates and two mugs of each water and alcohol in front of us.
They clicked their mandibles. “Anything else?”
I looked at the simple plate. “Yeah, how much is this going to cost?”
They shook their head. “After a surge, nothing.”
I broke off a piece of the mushroom and meat, tasting them both. The meat, while dry, tasted alright, but the mushroom tasted a lot more like dirt. “Then I’ll take thirty things of the meat.”
While the centicrad didn’t have much of a face, I could feel the doubt oozing from its three eyes. “You can have only what you can eat.”
Shadara laughed. “She’s not joking. Just give it to her. I wanna see this. Besides, if she doesn’t finish all of it, just charge her for everything she doesn’t.” She held up a finger. “I’ll just take another plate.”
The centicrad turned to Shadara and hesitated. “Agreeable.”
They skittered off without another word to a doorway that I couldn’t see from where I sat. Shadara pulled one of the plates and lifted the meat off it. She dangled it between her fingers and bit down on it.
After she swallowed the piece, she made quite the display of licking her lips. “Mmm. Not a fan of the mushrooms?”
I pulled the second plate closer and tried to fold the meat over the mushroom. “Not really.”
She shrugged and went back to her meat. It wasn’t long until the centicrad returned, with one plate and a platter with a massive stack of meat piled on it. They placed the platter in front of me and the plate in front of Shadara. As they went back to the counter, they kept their eyes on me.
We continued to eat in silence until some more individuals stumbled into the place. All of them were covered in patched-up wounds and filth. I looked down at myself and saw the damaged clothes exposing my midriff. There was also a caked-on layer of blood on me that was suddenly very itchy.
“So, is there a place I can get a bath?” I ravenously stuffed each piece of meat in my mouth, only chewing enough to keep myself from choking.
Shadara smirked. “Oh, I know a place. But that would require you to follow me. Can you do that? Or are you committed to your loneliness?”
I hung my head as I lowered a piece of meat back to the platter. “It’s not me who is committed to being alone. Everything that keeps happening to me forces it on me. I’m just done fighting it. It’s too hard to fight it. Also, it’s safer for people like you.” I stared at the half-finished platter of meat.
“What happened exactly?” Sharara leaned closer. “You aren’t telling me the whole story. I know you don’t want to talk about it. But I’ve got to know.”
I smirked. “So you’re being selfish too. Everyone here’s selfish, aren’t they? I’m probably the worst.”
Shadara leaned her head on her arm, her plates empty. “Everyone’s at least a little selfish. I haven’t met a single species that didn’t have some selfishness to them. But why are you so against receiving help?”
“I’m not against receiving help on a temporary basis.” I felt my voice catch. “It’s just that I don’t want to make friends with someone and then watch them die again. My first true friends in my life, and I watched them die in front of me. And I even killed one of them.” I slammed my fist on the table, tears streaming down my face.
I’m a horrible person. If I had just not told him about my nanites, he probably would’ve still been alive. Then maybe we would’ve stood a better chance against the demon lady. Who am I kidding? She probably still would’ve killed him in the end.
The room went quiet. Shadara pushed her chair back from the table. Without a word, she walked over, wrapped her arm around me, and picked me up. She then picked up the platter of meat I was eating after leaving a small yellow crystal next to it.
“Come on,” she whispered. “Let’s get you someplace quieter.”
I didn’t walk, but Shadara carried me in her one hand easily. She walked me up a narrow stairwell and into a small room with a single bed. She sat me on the bed and placed the platter of meat on the stand next to it.
She walked to the door and closed it. After she locked it, she turned back to me. “It’s alright now. Let it out. It’s safe to cry now.”
So I did.
The damn holding back all the tears burst, and the memory of Killa’s frozen body and Bark’s blood-soaked, convulsing body played in my mind on repeat.
I didn’t want him to die. All he wanted to do was save his people. But he was impatient. He tried to use my nanites too, but they killed him. Killa tried to buy time for me in the fight to augment myself and give myself a way to kill the demon.
Now Shadara won’t leave me alone and is following me because she wants to know. I can’t go through that again. It hurt too much the first time. It still hurts. She can’t stay with me. Nobody should travel with me. I don’t care how dangerous it is to travel alone. It’s more dangerous for them to travel with me because of that thing constantly hunting me.
I don’t know when Shadara sat next to me, but she sat quietly, waiting. Slowly, the tears stopped, and I let the memory of my friends’ deaths fade. I felt drained. My energy bar was still very low, but the air wasn’t so heavy anymore.
“Feel better?” Shadara placed the food in front of me. “Don’t worry, I paid the guy owning the place for this. You still looked like you would’ve finished it anyway.”
I wiped my face. “Why are you doing this? I want you to leave me alone. I don’t want any more friends, only to watch them die because of me.”
Shadara frowned. “Why do we dream? What is the purpose of life, the universe, and everything?”
“What?”
“That’s my question for when I reach the top.” Shadara smiled. She held out her hand. “When I learned that there is a whole universe out there full of unique worlds filled with secrets and interesting people, my curiosity wouldn’t let me stand by and not find out why.”
“A question?” I sighed. “You’re climbing the Soul Nexus for a question. Have you ever heard of the saying, curiosity killed the cat?” I chuckled. “But then again, so am I.”
Shadara giggled. “I have. We all have our vices. Mine just happens to be curiosity.” She crossed her legs and leaned forward, her tail swaying behind her. “So, what’s your question?”
“What will it take for you to leave me alone?” I glared at her.
She grinned. “Sate my curiosity and find out.”
“Is that possible?”
The panther lady shrugged. “Eh, I don’t know. It hasn’t happened yet.”
I placed my face in my hand and groaned. “So I’m stuck with you whether I want to or not.”
“Precisely.”
I let out another, longer groan. If you can’t beat them, join them. “Fine. Fine, you win.” I took a deep breath. “Do you know what happens after you die?”
She furled her eyebrows. “Really? That’s your question?”
I shook my head. “No, that’s my question to you.”
Shadara relaxed, her tail gently tapping on the bed beside her. “Oh, okay. No, I don’t know what happens. Why?”
I licked my lips. “Because I have. And that’s how all this started for me.”