Solo For Two

The next morning, Sasha woke up alone in bed.For a while, Sasha blinked vacantly, listening to the birds chirping.Seeing the empty space beside him, any pleasant feelings from the dream he had last night quickly faded into sadness. Even though he had begged Karel to stay with him, it seemed that Karel hadn’t been willing to comply with such a desperate request. Sasha thought he should be grateful that Karel hadn’t kicked him out.Sasha sat up. As he pulled the blanket aside, his bare legs were revealed. In a hurry, he looked for his pants, finding them neatly folded on the sheet, carelessly taken off by Guden the night before. As he put on his clothes, Sasha reached for his silk tie, but seeing it stained beyond repair with his own tears, he stuffed it into his pocket instead.After getting up and washing his face, Sasha checked his appearance. He might run into Karel again in the house. However, the face in the mirror didn’t please him at all. His shirt, slept in and full of wrinkles, and his eyes, swollen from crying, made him look worn out. To top it off, his hair was wildly disheveled from a deep sleep.Sasha combed his hair with a wet hand and wandered around the room for a while.He didn’t have the courage to open the door and go out.“They’ll tell me to go home now…”If that happened, he wouldn’t know when they’d meet again. Thinking about that, he didn’t want to go home.After a long while, Sasha opened the door and came out. He heard voices from the first floor. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw Karel and Georg sitting at a large table, going through various documents.Sasha greeted them timidly, but Karel was too absorbed in his work to notice. Only Georg, who noticed first, responded.“You’re up.”“Yes…”Sasha sat down on a nearby couch, glancing nervously. Karel briefly looked at him and then returned to his work, seemingly glad that Sasha didn’t immediately tell him to leave.It was after Sasha had been ignored for about ten minutes that Georg suddenly asked, “Did you eat anything yesterday?”“What? No. I think I just slept.”Sasha answered, blushing. Just then, his stomach growled loudly. He couldn’t lift his head. The awkward silence from both Georg and Karel made him even more embarrassed.After a moment, Georg clicked his tongue and said, “Wait a moment.”“No, I…”But Georg was already heading to what looked like the kitchen. The kitchen, with its large marble countertop and white furniture, was clean and beautiful, but it seemed more like a model with no signs of actual cooking.“Sasha.”Sasha quickly turned his head to where the voice came from. Georg was still in the kitchen, bending over and rummaging for something. Then…“You can go home.”Karel, still focused on the table and scribbling something, spoke.“Georg will take you.”Sasha quickly replied, “But we haven’t… We haven’t done anything yet.”With that, Karel finally looked up.“I just slept the whole time… Do I really have to go?”Sasha knew he was saying something quite ridiculous. Who in the world begs their patron to use them up, even in such a relationship? If Karel had no intention of being involved, it would be like demanding service from his patron.Karel looked down at Sasha, a bit speechless. Feeling small under his gaze, Sasha nevertheless thought he couldn’t back down like this. He mustered all his courage and spoke to Karel.“I don’t want to share your… care… with others. I don’t want to lose your attention.”“…”“Karel…”Sasha was about to ask, almost tearfully when Georg conveniently came out with some cheese and alcohol. Sasha inwardly resented Georg and adjusted his expression.“This is all I could find for a snack.”When Georg was about to open a bottle of champagne, Karel stopped him.“Let’s go out to eat.”“Now?”“Yes.”With that, Karel took the champagne from Georg.The two of them left Sasha sitting in the living room and went upstairs. After a while, Karel came back down, ready to go out. Georg, who was still seated, spoke to Sasha.“Let’s go.”“Can I come too?”“…Probably?”Sasha followed them nervously. As he got into the sleek black car with no roof, Georg took the wheel. When Sasha quickly sat next to Karel, he thankfully said nothing.＊ ＊ ＊They headed to a high-end restaurant in the heart of Paris. The elegant eatery, with a view of the Seine from the window, was packed with people. Sasha admired the delicate chandelier as they walked in. After a few words from Georg, the staff led them to a quiet private room, even without a reservation.In the formal restaurant, where even coats were taken off for you, Sasha felt embarrassed to be sitting there in his disheveled state, without even a tie. It was even more embarrassing to face Karel directly. While Sasha buried his nose in the menu, struggling to read the unfamiliar words, Karel, who didn’t even glance at the menu, had already finished ordering. Soon after, the food began to arrive.After finishing various types of charcuterie, several types of desserts were served. For Sasha, it was a luxurious meal that took a long time, something he hadn’t experienced in a while.At that moment, Georg, who had been observing Sasha’s clumsy table manners, suddenly asked, “How do you usually eat?”Not understanding the question immediately, Sasha pondered for a moment. “At home…”“At home? Do you usually eat alone?”“Yes.”In truth, it was Levin who cooked for him, but Sasha answered that way. In fact, he couldn’t quite remember what he had been eating to survive. For the past few years, Sasha had lived without enjoying food. He ate just to stave off hunger, and even that wasn’t done regularly.Georg silently watched Sasha eat quietly. He still held prejudices against Sasha. As a popular star of Valerus, he thought Sasha must be living a flashy and decadent lifestyle. However, from his aristocratic perspective, Sasha’s table manners were awkward, and his fascination with the elaborate and precise presentation of the meticulously prepared food was unexpected.‘They said they lived together… but it’s hard to tell.’The combination of Karel, whose manners were perfect as if he were born a noble, and Sasha, who was still clumsy despite years of living in Paris, was incomprehensible to Georg.“Excuse me, Georg… Are you full?”Sasha pointed to Georg’s plate, which still had untouched desserts.“Oh, I don’t like sweets.”A lie. Georg loved sweets like crazy. He just refrained from eating them recently due to the need to manage his weight.“Then…”Georg suddenly noticed that Sasha’s dessert plate was completely empty. Realizing Sasha’s meaning belatedly, Georg pushed his plate towards Sasha. At that moment, Georg’s eyes met Karel’s.Karel’s gaze naturally averted, and Georg momentarily lost his words.“Is this why he wanted to come to this restaurant?”This restaurant was famous for its various types of desserts, though its meat dishes were excellent as well. It was also a popular spot for ladies who came just for the desserts. Georg should have realized sooner why his superior, who knew he was on a diet, chose this place.Between Sasha, who was happily devouring the sweets, and Karel, who remained silent, Georg subconsciously rubbed his forehead and sighed.“Let’s go.”It was Karel who stood up first after finishing the meal. As soon as he left, Georg approached and helped Sasha with his jacket. Sasha suddenly thought that Georg’s businesslike expression, polite attitude, and arrogant tone were quite consistent. He had misunderstood initially, but Georg seemed to be a fairly consistent person.“Thank you.”“Don’t mention it.”When the two left the room, Sasha saw Karel talking to others. Two women in beautiful silhouette dresses were speaking to Karel with pleased expressions. Their fur-wrapped necks and velvet gloves exuded wealth. Karel had a manufactured smile on his face, but Sasha still felt a pang of envy. Especially when Karel bent slightly and kissed the back of one lady’s hand.“Shall we head straight home?”Georg’s question made Sasha shake his head. He didn’t want to go home yet.“No…”Georg led the way out of the restaurant. When he opened the car door, Sasha reluctantly got in, looking back at the restaurant.“What about Karel? He hasn’t come out yet.”“Mr. Scar has an appointment nearby after this. I’ll take you home.”“I see.”Sasha lowered his head. He could no longer insist.“How can I meet Karel again?”On the way home, Sasha desperately racked his brain. It didn’t take long to reach home. When Georg stopped the car and looked back at Sasha, Sasha, feeling the urgency to do something, spoke up.“Georg, can you… make mistakes occasionally in the future?”“Excuse me?”Georg raised his eyebrows, looking bewildered.“Like yesterday. I… I can’t contact Karel even if I want to see him. Karel told me not to. But waiting is too frustrating… So, when Karel looks for a patron, can you contact me instead?”“I’d get a pay cut for that.”“I can pay you too.”Georg stared intently at Sasha. The desperate and challenging look that had briefly crossed Sasha’s eyes yesterday was flickering there again. Georg snorted.“You’re trying to bribe me? Is that how you see me?”“…”“Mr. Scar treats patronage as a business. It’s not a romantic game.”“Then what can I do…anything I can do…”Georg clicked his tongue. Sasha Sedrin was better off staying put than doing anything strange.“Then let me ask you one thing.”“What is it?”“Have you ever been supported by anyone other than Scar?”Sasha didn’t answer immediately and fell silent. The first memory that came to mind was with the Grand Duke, and his life in Paris wasn’t exactly clean either. Although there were no forms of prostitution, as Georg subtly hinted, he merely responded to Mikhail’s invitations to salons, exhibitions, and dinner parties, where he had to endure the advances of various nobles, including Hartley. Recalling these memories, Sasha’s expression darkened.Seeing Sasha unable to respond, Georg lectured, “If you want a one-on-one patron relationship, you need to clean up your entanglements before expecting anything from Scar.”“Yes…”Sasha answered gloomily and got out of the car, slamming the door in frustration. But he quickly remembered that the car belonged to Karel.Feeling remorseful, Sasha approached the mansion entrance and saw Levin and Charles standing on the steps.“Levin?”“I wasn’t sure if it was you.”Levin pointed behind Sasha. “I’ve never seen such a fancy car before. You usually take a hired carriage.”“That’s true. Today, someone gave me a ride. Charles is asleep.”Sasha stroked the fine, soft hair of the baby and kissed his crown. Levin turned to make it easier for Sasha to see Charles.“He just fell asleep. Did you have lunch?”“Yes, I ate before coming back.”Chatting quietly, they entered the mansion.Meanwhile, Georg, who hadn’t left yet, watched the entrance of the mansion where the two, no, the family of three, had disappeared.When asked if he usually ate alone, Sasha had said yes. Moreover, seeing him cling persistently to Karel, Georg naturally assumed Sasha was single. But the scene he had just witnessed…‘What’s with that guy?’Georg, bewildered, couldn’t leave the spot for a while.＊ ＊ ＊After the weekend, the week at the ballet company began again.Sasha expected it would be awkward to face Gudin and felt a bit afraid when he did. But except for the morning class, there was no reason to meet, and even then, he could avoid Gudin in the large class for a few days.However, he knew he couldn’t completely ignore him forever.Four days after parting from Karel’s mansion, Sasha finally faced Gudin directly in the changing room. Sasha tried to look away and pass by casually, but Gudin grabbed his arm firmly, making Sasha stop. Feeling goosebumps from Gudin’s cold touch, Sasha turned.“Gudin.”“Are you avoiding me?”“No… Yes, I am.”Sasha sighed and admitted it immediately. He thought avoiding Gudin was best for both of them, but Gudin seemed to think otherwise. Gudin asked something strange.“Are you okay with being treated like that?”Sasha frowned at Gudin’s question. It was odd coming from Gudin, who had treated him roughly—slapping his face for biting his tongue during a kiss, spanking him as if it were nothing.“If you pretend not to know, I’m fine. So, let’s consider it never happened…”“I had to listen to you.”Gudin’s lips, which Sasha had bitten, were still injured. Sasha glanced at the wound and then met Gudin’s eyes.“I went to a meeting Scar called yesterday… that guy is really… a pervert. I almost threw up and ran away. Do you always get treated like that?”Sasha tried hard to hide his complex feelings. Learning indirectly that Karel satisfied his desires elsewhere and that Gudin was invited instead made him uneasy. Yet, at the same time, he wished Karel had used him instead of Gudin.Sasha avoided Gudin’s piercing gaze and murmured, “No, it’s not always like that.”“That’s crazy. You’re saying it’s sometimes bearable? Can you endure that?”“Of course, there are tough times…”“I refused.”Sasha’s eyes widened. “You… refused Scar’s patronage?”“Yes, continuing that would ruin my body. I couldn’t even perform on stage.”Gudin’s face turned pale as he spoke. Sasha felt a sense of relief. The young man who once wanted to succeed by leveraging a patron seemed to have changed his mind. Sasha welcomed Gudin’s newfound perspective as a dancer.But he could only think this way because he didn’t know the intensity of the ‘show’ Scar had shown Gudin.“That’s good, Gudin.”“Good? What about you?”Gudin scrutinized Sasha’s relieved expression as if he couldn’t understand it.“I’ll keep seeing him. That’s my goal.”And with that, Sasha left the changing room, mentioning he had to meet Mikhail.Gudin was left alone, lost in thought. The usual Sasha didn’t seem like an ambitious principal dancer aiming to monopolize a patron. But neither was he a naive saint sacrificing himself for junior dancers. Gudin had seen many sides of Sasha Sedrin, but he still couldn’t tell which was the real one.As soon as Sasha left Gudin, he went straight to the director’s office. He directly asked Mikhail, who happened to be there:“Are there any other dancers besides Gudin and me who are supported by Scar, or are scheduled to be?”Mikhail answered with a displeased look, “All the others have dropped out. Those who might have suited Scar’s taste were disgusted and withdrew, and the rest didn’t get a favorable response from him. You can’t handle it alone, but you’ll have to manage.”“Is that so?”Gudin’s words about refusing the patronage seemed to be true. Sasha visibly relaxed.“If you can hold Scar’s interest for even half a year, that would be a success.”“Half a year…”“Most patron relationships are settled within half a year. Physical relationships don’t last long. Whether you play around and end it, or maintain a steady relationship, it’s up to you. What if Scar loses interest sooner than you think? Moreover, there’s already a rumor that you have patrons all over the place… Of course, many people are eyeing Scar’s patronage, but, well… your value has dropped accordingly. And also…”Mikhail gave Sasha a sideways glance.“Maintaining your skills will become increasingly difficult.”“……”“I’m saying you won’t get another lucky break like Scar’s patronage.”“I understand.”Sasha realized why Mikhail was subtly pressuring him. Mikhail seemed to be gauging Sasha’s retirement timing. Sasha himself sensed it too. Unlike before, the exhaustion he felt after finishing a full-length performance was on a different level.Even when his popularity was rising, Sasha struggled to endure a tight schedule. It was Mikhail who recommended stimulants back then. Though it greatly depleted Sasha’s mental and physical health and wasted his future longevity on stage, he didn’t want to blame Mikhail. He knew how harshly Mikhail had endured during his active years.Even Mikhail, who probably had far better stamina than Sasha, retired at 35.‘I will probably be even shorter.’Life is long, but a dancer’s career is short. Sasha suddenly realized he had never thought about life after retirement.“Is your knee still bothering you?”Mikhail pointed at Sasha’s left leg with his chin, seemingly noticing the bandage under the warmer.“It’s not the knee, exactly. It’s more the shin.”If a knee condition becomes chronic, it often renders the leg unusable. Worried that Mikhail might suggest an early retirement, Sasha quickly corrected him.“Really? The shin can also be troublesome if it gets too fatigued.”“It’s not too bothersome yet.”Mikhail clicked his tongue at Sasha’s words. Sasha unknowingly lowered his head. Not taking proper care of his body was shameful.“If you want, you could stay with the company and teach the younger dancers…”Yet, Mikhail still showed signs of distrust towards Sasha’s lack of social skills and difficulty in mingling with other members. Sasha knew this very well, so he merely mumbled a polite thank you and left the office.Alone again, Sasha pondered.Life after retirement.‘It would be nice if I could stay by Karel’s side.’But he worried if Karel would leave a place for him. And as he aged, he would surely lose the physical charm that Karel liked.‘Then what could I give Karel…?’That day, as he returned home, Sasha realized a truth about love.He could only offer love, but if the other person didn’t want it, it was useless.＊ ＊ ＊Unable to patiently wait for Karel to call, Sasha decided to create opportunities to meet him. Having already discarded his shame, he decided to be more proactive.At first, he aimlessly visited places where ‘Scar’ was rumored to appear. Hearing that Scar had purchased an expensive sculpture, he frequented auction houses and dined at restaurants Karel had taken him to. As he aligned his activities with Karel’s, Sasha’s expenses sharply increased. Having never spent money freely, Sasha didn’t fully grasp how quickly his funds were depleting, focusing only on matching Karel’s tastes.One day, without any success, Sasha visited a street lined with luxury boutiques. He heard that Karel often visited a specific watch workshop.“These days, gentlemen prefer pocket watches, but if you’re going to wear it yourself, this wristwatch would be perfect. This limited edition only has twenty pieces produced annually. Look at how the gold frame and jeweled hands peek out from under your sleeve. It’s marvelous.”“Yes, it’s wonderful. But…”“Yes?”“What’s the price?”When the clerk told him the price, Sasha was shocked. It felt like a bucket of cold water had been poured over him. Even without a sense of money, he knew paying the price of a mansion for a watch was excessive.Unconsciously trembling, Sasha carefully took off the watch. The thought of it costing as much as a house made his wrist feel heavy.Then the clerk whispered, “Scar bought one of these recently.”“Really?”Sasha, immediately intrigued, ran his fingers over the watch again. Feeling the enormity of Karel’s wealth and the desire to own the same thing, the impulse surged.Eventually, Sasha left the store with a luxurious leather box in hand. Although he didn’t accidentally meet Karel, owning the same item made Sasha happy.The next place Sasha headed was a noblewoman’s art exhibition. Despite having made futile trips so far, he felt certain this time that he would meet Karel.“I heard Scar has a long-standing, deep relationship with that noblewoman’s family. He’ll definitely visit on the first day of the exhibition.”Sasha entered the exhibition hall alone. Within thirty minutes of his arrival, he had already circled the hall twice. The paintings were difficult to understand and didn’t particularly interest Sasha. When it became hard to pretend to focus on the art, he slipped out to the lounge.‘What if Karel doesn’t come today?’He suddenly felt a sense of hopelessness. Moreover, he didn’t have the patience to wait in the lounge for several more hours until the exhibition ended. Many strangers had already recognized and greeted Sasha warmly, and each time they met him again, they would say, “You’re still here?”Feeling like he was becoming more of a spectacle as time passed, Sasha reluctantly stood up.Just as he was about to leave, he saw Karel entering from the opposite side of the hall.“Ka… Scar!”Sasha called out in great joy and hurriedly ran toward the entrance where Karel was coming in.“Sasha?”Karel seemed slightly surprised by Sasha’s appearance but quickly nodded in acknowledgment and walked past him.‘…He’s gone?’Sasha stood there, staring blankly at Karel’s back as he walked further inside. Karel was escorting a lady, something Sasha hadn’t expected. Left with nothing to do, Sasha stood and gazed inside.He lingered outside the door for a while. But there was nothing else he could do but wait. He had already spent several days trailing Karel’s movements unsuccessfully. He couldn’t just go home now that he had finally seen him today.About forty minutes later, after greeting countless people, Sasha saw Karel leaving the hall. Fortunately, Karel was alone this time.“Scar.”Sasha greeted Karel with a flushed face, forgetting the long wait.“You’re still here.”Karel, not particularly surprised, walked past Sasha and headed out.“Yes, I was waiting… to greet you.”Sasha quickly followed Karel, who was briskly walking out of the lobby. Feeling encouraged since Karel didn’t seem to be brushing him off, Sasha gathered some courage.“Are you busy?”“I’m going home.”“Well… I have plenty of time. Karel, if you don’t mind…”Karel interrupted Sasha with a long sigh. Afraid that he had irritated Karel, Sasha fell silent.Outside, Sasha saw a familiar car parked in front of the exhibition hall. Inside the car was Georg, who had not entered the hall. Georg looked surprised when he saw Sasha.“Did you meet inside?”“Yes.”As soon as Karel got into the car, Sasha quickly followed suit, not wanting to be left behind. Georg’s gaze through the rearview mirror was palpable. Although Sasha knew how rude it was, he was prepared to get out if asked. But since Karel didn’t say anything, Georg soon started the car.Feeling nervous but relieved once the car started moving, Sasha finally spoke.“Georg, is Scar busy today?”“…There are no more external appointments.”With that, Sasha eagerly glanced at Karel, hoping for a response. But Karel was merely looking out at the scenery, not saying anything.“Sasha, don’t you need to go home?” Georg asked.“No? I’m fine.”Georg frowned slightly, but Sasha didn’t notice.The car slowly drove along the riverside and soon arrived at Karel’s mansion.As soon as the car stopped, Georg asked, “Should I go off duty now, or…?”Georg glanced at Sasha, asking if he should drive him back. Nervous, Sasha quickly got out of the car, worried that Georg might leave with him still inside.“You can go in. Sasha Sedrin will stay until tomorrow morning,” Karel said, bringing a glow to Sasha’s face.“Yes, understood.”Georg replied professionally, hiding his emotions as Sasha entered the house with Karel. But Georg couldn’t hide his complicated expression as he watched them go inside. There was something he hadn’t yet reported to his superior.＊ ＊ ＊The two of them had a simple dinner together. Though it wasn’t a meal Karel had personally prepared nor was there any kind conversation, Sasha was happy just to be in Karel’s space and spending private time with him.Was Karel like this in the past?Sasha smiled unconsciously. Surprisingly, just realizing his love for Karel lifted his spirits.Before bed, Karel told Sasha that he had some work to finish and that Sasha should go to the bedroom first.‘You can sleep first if you want.’