LIGHTNOVELONLINE V13: Suicide
Hate them, hate them. I want to know that killing them is not enough. If I'm to kill them one day, I must make sure their existence is gone forever and ever. These people must die and be erased from the face of the earth, and their souls must be destroyed with their deaths.
"UUUUGHHHH! GODDAMN BE YOUR SOULS! I WILL RETURN! KILL ME NOW! WHY DO YOU EVEN KEEP ME ALIVE!? AHHHHHHHH!!" My body hurts every time their whip hits me, yet I can't avoid it or brace for it. I just have to take it and scream to relieve my pain.
I've been down here for so long eating nothing but trashed food and human feces that I've lost a lot of weight. I'm practically boned now. There's nothing left of me here. I don't know when this torture will end, but I pray to god it is soon! Please! Whatever god may hear me! Kill me already!
"Scream louder, boy! Your voice is not as loud as it used to be! What's wrong!?" The main guard, who enjoys torturing me almost every day, laughs with such eagerness it makes me wonder. I cannot wait to have another chance at life, and I hope I get it in this world so I can make him pay.
My voice is not as loud as it used to be. How can I keep screaming at the top of my lungs without losing my voice? I don't even have the mental strenght to keep my head together anymore. It's all just wishful thinking at this point. I wish I would die soon. I want it badly. Please let me die!
"Jake! That's enough! His health bar is about to reach absolute zero," Another guard about as big as the one hitting me suddenly stops the guy's arm mid swing preventing Jake from delivering the final blow that would kill me, damn it! DAMN IT! LET ME DIE!
"So what if this little shit dies! Are you gonna report me or something?"
"I indeed will. Our orders are to keep it alive for the master of slaves," the master of slaves? Is that what they want to turn me into? A slave? Do they think I will let them do that? Becoming a slave is a fate worse than Death. I'd rather die than be the attack monster of some rich wizard! I will never accept it!
{Death Approaching slowly}
I can feel it lurking nearby in this hole of doom. I can see it through the walls, the image of Death, its smell, and even its intentions. If only I could truly die, then I would be free once again, but I never seem able to reach it. I never seem close enough. It's just out of reach.
My eyes are heavy, and my breath slows down as my body enters its state of delusion. I can no longer distinguish between truth and reality. Whenever these illusions appear, I just keep forgetting and letting my mind go, slowly losing my mind to loneliness.
{Imagination}
Uh? Did I make it out of that bad dream? But why am I back in Japan? What is that smell nearby? Is that the! Don't tell me I'm back here! Ahaha! I missed your ramen so much, mister! One big bowl of your best ramen, Satoru-sama!
Hold on, something feels off. This place is just like I remember, but why can't I talk? Why is everyone around me silent? The ramen stand looks like always with its bright neon light sign saying "open." What is going on with the cars on the street? They're going upside down.
Where am I? This is not Japan, is it? But it looks close enough to it; where did I arrive? My clothes are the ones I used to wear when I was a kid. Why am I wearing kid's clothes? It's hard to comprehend, but something is true in this world; it's a world I'm familiar with. I know my way into it, and I want back, please me back.
I thought reincarnation was the best thing that ever happened to me, but it has not happened! Reincarnation so far has been a living nightmare I want out of! Ever since I lost everything and then slowly got back to my feet with hard work, it was all just taken away from me so quickly!
I lost everything back again. I'm back in the same hole I came from. I don't know what I want or what I even am! Why do I keep living!? Why won't you let me die?
The ground beneath my feet opens wide, and my body falls deep into a dark hole of nothing. As my consciousness hits rock bottom, all I can see is a deep hole of souls crying for help around me and an extremely dim light getting away from me at a tremendous speed.
I am alone. There's nobody who cares about me, not even back in Japan, not even back in the world I was so familiar with. Nobody cares about a nothing burger like me, and I don't blame them. I was always a pathetic loser, and even when given another chance, I will remain one.
Once a loser, always a loser. I'm worth nothing but a couple of penis and a cup of coffee in either reality. I'm a worthless piece of garbage destined never to be anyone or accomplish anything, am I not?
The light becomes dimmer and more distant, almost wholly put out at this point, and soon, even my hand stops trying to reach out for it as I let my body be engulfed in the crying souls that are trying to absorb me into their eternal crying.
Why even fight it? Just let it take me; I would much rather accept my fate now than later. There's nothing I can do now since my fate has been written in stone since I arrived in this world. I'm bound to be a loser because I was always a loser and never meant to grow past that.
And so the light finally goes out entirely out of sight as the abyss takes my soul, and I finally feel free in the world of nothing. I'm a vessel ready to be used. I'm nothing and never will be something, just a tool to be used, just an object.