Side Note

A lovely cabin to hide away from the end of the world, that's where me and the gang are… can three people be considered a gang? 

"A gang of hooligans! Hohoho!" Sherry let out a hearty laugh, causing Mel to flinch.

"Didn't you say this was a stealth mission?!" Mel tries to slap Sherry on the head but is easily dodged.

"Eh, doesn't matter. We'll win anyways." Sherry jumps out of the bush, brandishing her axe, then swiftly cleaves through the cabin's door. She was about to step out when she suddenly disappeared, the only evidence of her being there being the axe she was holding, which comically fell to the ground. That's… not good.

A moment later, a little elf girl wearing a bloodied and ragged dress holding an equally bloodied and ragged knife walked out, inspecting the axe lying on the ground. She seems familiar… did I have a food-eating contest against her before?

"I don't recognise her…" Mel said, her eyes glued to the little elf. "She must've been from before you freed me."

"Oh my god… Duchess Chloe's illegitimate child?! She had a secret concubine who wasn't the Demon Lord, the Hero, or Merry?!"

"I don't think that's it."

"Rio's illegitimate child?! I have to tell Deja about her lovers' former lover!!!"

"You mentioned something about a butler being kidnapped before your execution, right?"

"Oh yeah, that happened… that might be the kidnapper."

"Do you want to save the butler?"

"Not really."

"Then let's leave."

"Oh, okay."

"You will not leave here alive." Mel and I both turned our heads, seeing the little elf had joined us in the bush. Mel wielded her bow, creating a light arrow, while I took out a dagger from under my skirt. The elf didn't seem alarmed by the weapons suddenly pointed at her and, in fact, sighed. "Always quick to threaten…" She let out an evil smile. "Never quick enough to kill." And boom, Mel and I suddenly were in the sky without our weapons (Well, I still had my dagger-making dagger under my skirt). Down below, we could see Sherry. I guess that's where she went.

"Hey Mel, any ideas?"

"Don't you know wind magic?"

"I suck at wind magic."

"Hmm… check your interdimensional storage thing, then. Maybe you've got something useful."

"Aye aye, captain!"

I flipped my skirt, much to Mel's embarrassment (I should point out she has seen me naked on multiple occasions), and let everything sitting in my storage fly out. Countless masks, countless daggers, the table Mel and I own, and my extra maid dresses. 

"Huh… I thought there would be weirder things."

"I can't be unnecessarily weird all the time!"

"Hmm… okay, I got the solution to our problem."

"Ooh, what is it?!"

"We dive right into the shadows and into the Shadowrealm!"

I give a little clap. Truly a genius plan… except, "What about Sherry?"

"You think a little fall will kill her?"

"Good point."

"For extra safety, though." Mel let out her arms towards me. "Let's fall together."

"Aww… you're so romantic!" I happily said, swimming into her arms.

"Ah yes, a plummet to our deaths. Very romantic."

"I think it is. Suspension effect, you know."

"Only idiots who read too many creepy romance stories believe in the effectiveness of the suspension effect."

"Aww… thank you."

"Haa.."

We continued casually talking while falling towards the ground, with the occasional yell from below, which we ignored.

Great news! The Shadowrealm plan worked! Terrible news. Mel and I are now tied up in separate chairs, and it wasn't even me who did it!

"Can you even tie yourself to a chair?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

"Hush!" The little elf stabs a knife into the table in front of me. Yep, we're in her cabin. By the way, it's just Mel and I, but there's also Rio's old butler! He's a corpse, though. As for Sherry, she's still in the air. Mel sped up our falling process with some wind magic. I would've done that if I didn't suck at wind magic… she did end up blowing away my masks and stuff, which sucks.

"So… what are you gonna do to us?" Good job asking her, Mel! I was dying to ask her, but you're more diplomatic than me!

"Feed you to beloved, of course."

"Oh." 

"Huh." A cannibalistic elf. That's new. "Can I refuse?"

"A maid? Refusing?" The elf giggles, and then her face turns back to neutral. She gets on top of the table, crawling over to me and around Sherry's axe, which is lodged into the centre of the table, and her eyes turn manic while making contact with mine.

Huh. It's been a while since I've seen one of these. "Maybe I'll feed you first."

Immediately after she said that, Mel kicked the table, causing her to lose her balance and making her fall off. The little elf immediately got up and glared at Mel. "Shut the fuck up, you shitty loli."

"I will skin you both ali-" At that moment, the cabin roof collapsed, and a thud was heard at the centre of the now broken table. It was Sherry who had coolly landed in the middle of this mess. Before the little elf could react, Sherry grabbed her axe and swung it, completely splitting the elf in half and splatting blood all over the cabin and us.

I looked down at my now bloodied dress. "Hey Mel, want to take a bath together?"

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

Character profile: Lucy Page

Sacred power: Teleportation

Reason for mental instability: Was inspired by some Otherworld works.

Description: The yangire loli elf left alone in the woods. Long story short: Adopted loli elf whose adoptive father was taken from her by the dastardly Verdeux house. A cruel combination of Hamblin and abandonment does something to folks. Murder is quite the common outcome in Hamblin.

Chapter namesake: Freefall by The Overdressed Monkeys

pojlk

You ever just forget what you're actually writing?