Shades Of Forever

I slowly walk away from the clearing after unloading the last incognito field pieces, MacWillie's words echoing in my mind. I'm trying to understand them. She wouldn't really trigger an Entity event if she thought all hope was lost, would she?

She definitely would, Sky. We should start considering how we're going to escape if things go bad.

I shake my head.

"Escape? I'm not leaving the village, Box. Besides, you're wrong. She'd never do that to us."

"Who'd do what to whom?"

I look over at the voice. Violet is striding next to me, Corgia bouncing at her side. Looks like she's recovered from the landing or crash or whatever it was.

"Hey, Violet. I'm just worried about MacWillie. Box thinks she might blow everything up if things go bad and the incognito field doesn't work."

Violet shrugs.

"Well, as long I get enough warning to get off the planet first, I'm okay with it. Certainly won't hurt my chances at running if she decides to create some chaos."

"You're... okay with it?"

"Sky." An outstretched hand brings me to a halt, Violet turning me so I can look at her. "I like your village. It's peaceful here. Nice. I'd prefer to stay, along with the transmitter you all promised to build me." Her eyes harden. "But I like my own life more, and if the Chief Engineer goes full nova then I wish her every bit of luck in taking out as many of those bastards as she can. Especially if they're from my family."

"You'd leave? Just like that?"

Her hand falls, concern crossing her face.

"Sky, if that woman decides to crack reality's lid, it's going to be because you all have no chance of surviving. If the incog field doesn't work, that's exactly what it'll be. No. Chance. There are entire war fleets headed this way now - more than I can handle, no matter how powerful that transmitter is. I'm not sticking around for what they'll do to this place if they find it. I'll take my odds trying to hack one of the ships to escape." Her gaze softens. "You should come too, and I'm not just saying that because I want the prototype. I think we could work well together. Keep each other alive."

My stomach drops as I imagine endless waves of Marauders cutting mercilessly through the trees, flames scouring the canopy above in roaring infernos. Our village, my home, ravaged after so many millennia of survival. Ruined by other humans. Everyone I know - dead.

"I'm with MacWillie," I whisper. "If I can't hide the village and lead everyone after me away, then I'd rather we go out together."

"Well, you do you. I'm planning on living a long time." Her stomach growls, and she makes a face. "Which I won't be able to do if I starve to death. You got any food around here?"

"...yeah. Follow me."

I set off through the trees towards the village, Violet following close behind. More unwanted images of death and destruction fill my mind, an endless succession of potential horror that I can't seem to snap out of.

Sky, this is counterproductive. You're spiraling.

"I know," I murmur, not wanting Violet to hear, "but I can't think of anything else. The village is all I have left. What if the field doesn't work?"

Dwelling on negative outcomes won't help, and I want to once again iterate my desire for us not to be here should one of those outcomes ensue.

"I'm not abandoning the village if things go bad, Box."

I don't want to die, Sky. I don't want you to die. This is one of those situations where we can't cheat reality. Escaping with Violet is a viable alternative to-

"I'm done talking about it!"

My shout rings through the trees, and a low whistle sounds from behind.

"Daaaaaaamn, I don't think I've ever seen an integrator that upset. Good thing you can't tell what it's thinking right now." I whirl on Violet and she holds her hands out. "Peace, peace, I don't want to fight, just making an observation."

I turn around and stomp away, my head throbbing with anger. Why doesn't Box get it? The village - these are my people. My friends. My family. I can't abandon them to save myself. As we enter the outskirts of the village, I hear a woof at my heels.

"That's a good point, Corgia," Violet says thoughtfully. "Sky, assuming the incog field works, just how are you planning on leading the search away from here?"

"I'm going to run somewhere else," I grumble. "I can run pretty fast now."

"...that's your plan? To 'run somewhere else?'" She lets out a horrified laugh as we enter the village square. "We really need to work on your plans."

She falls silent as I lead us towards the table the Bakers have set up for today's midday meal. There's a pile of neatly wrapped roast Glowbeast sandwiches along with a large bowl of forest salad - mixed greens tossed with sliced carrots, cucumbers, and crumbled crabroach cheese, all topped with a pricklebrush oil and shimmerfruit vinaigrette. Wordlessly, we both grab some food and sit down at an empty table.

"So..." Violet hesitantly starts around a bite of roast Glowbeast. I keep shoveling forest salad into my mouth. It's not my favorite, but I need to eat a balanced diet. Too much meat is unhealthy. Great Grandpa made sure I learned that at an early age.

"...'so,' what?"

"About your plan-"

I don't hear the rest of her sentence, forkful of salad dropping back down to my plate. That's right. Great Grandpa Axe is gone. I've been moving so fast I let myself forget it, but now that I'm sitting still, surrounded by sympathetic faces I'm just now noticing, I can't hide from what happened.

"...Sky? What's wrong-"

I grab Violet's wrist as I stand, my limbs quickly storing the remainder of our meal for later. I pretend not to see Stove Mind as I force us away from the common area, knowing it's going to be something I have to address in the future but I'm not willing to face it in the now.

"...I want you to see the village. See who we are. See why I can't just let them die."

I ignore her protestations, Corgia yapping at our feet, and beeline for a tall, airy structure just past the Idiot Archive. Violet needs to understand. Box, too. How hard we've worked to survive.

Violet falls silent as we enter, our footfalls echoing quietly in the towering atrium of the Shrine of Saint Penicillin. Muted canopy light radiates ethereally from the three walls composed almost entirely of stained glass windows, gentle swirling patterns of blue and yellow and green. The fourth wall is the trunk of a tree, one of the forest elders, an arched alcove at its base, and it's there that I lead her.

In the organic hollow, a pale wooden statue of a woman stands, head down, hands clasped across her stomach in repose. Crimson leaves cascade from her head, veiling parts of her face and trailing down nearly to her knees. Small openings dot the trunk surrounding her, most empty, others filled with small round pods that look grown from the wood itself, attached by the slenderest of threads.

"...wow, okay, that is fucking creepy. That carving looks like an actual person. A bone person."

"Saint Penicillin," I reply to Violet's stunned observation. "'She gave her life out of love for us all, keeping us healthy and whole, for life alone is not enough. Life must be enjoyed to have meaning.'"

"That sounds like another one of your quotes."

"It is. From the Book of Beginnings. This is where almost all of our medicine comes from."

"...ooooookay. Well, good job to whoever made whatever it is, I guess. So fucking creepy."

Sky, we should talk about our next step once the incognito field is active. How we're going to lead the corpos away. Violet has a point in that we don't really have a plan.

They both still don't get it. What I'm trying to tell them.

"...come on. I want to show you something else."

I pull Violet back across the village square, once more avoiding Stove's searching stare, this time aiming for a squat, sturdy building that hunkers protectively around the tree at its center. The Shrine of Saint Gunpowder. The acolyte inside stiffens when we enter, then relaxes after I tell him we're only going to the viewing room.

"Is this going to be another creepy... gah!"

Violet's startled exclamation is absorbed by the thick walls of the viewing room, a long glass wall at the far end separating us from the other half of the small chamber. Beyond is a wooden statue of a man caught mid stride, hands outstretched with palms up, a pleading look on the eternally frozen face. Red leaves cover his lips and chin, a shorter layer atop his head. Fine dust trickles between his fingers into the collection boxes below in a steady stream of grayish specks.

"'He loved her more than life itself, and gave that love to us. To protect and defend, so life and love might flourish together.' Do you understand now?"

My voice is pleading, begging. I need them to understand why I can't abandon the village.

"...what the shit is going on with that dust? It's clearly non-causal, but I'm not picking up anything!"

It is remarkably strange. Sky, is this related to the trees? That is an impossibly pure mixture of nitrocellulose and-

"They gave up their lives to protect us all!" I'm trying so hard not to shout. "Because we're all a family. If I-" I stumble towards one of the padded chairs lining the wall, letting it take my weight instead of my treacherous legs, "-if I lose the village... what do I have left? What reason is there to live?" The grief surges through me. "Great Grandpa..."

"Ahh, there you are." Stove's no-nonsense tone cuts through my stifled sobs, and she takes a seat next to me. "This is why I wanted to speak with you, Sky. If you run from the pain, it will always catch you, and you've been doing a lot of running lately." Her voice raises. "You can wait outside," she points a finger at Violet, who looks back guiltily from her sidle to the exit.

Violet mutters something to Corgia as they leave but I don't catch it, too caught up in my own despair.

"I don't know what to do, Stove. I'm trying so hard to protect everyone, but if the incog field doesn't work I'm going to lose you all!"

Stove raises a questioning eyebrow and I tell her about MacWillie's plan, Violet's tracking of the incoming forces. Of Box's desire for us to escape, of my fears of being all alone. Of the pain in my heart.

"I can see why you're feeling overwhelmed," she says as I finally trail off. "Speaking for myself personally, I would prefer that the village survives, with all of us in it." She leans forward, placing a hand on my knee. "But Sky, I'd like you to ask yourself a question. Why did the Saints give their lives to protect the village in the first place?"

"Because they loved us."

"That they did, but why? Where did that love spring from?"

"Because..." I stop to think, to find the answer to what she's really asking. Great Grandpa whispers in my ear, a thousand lessons learned growing up a Memoriam. "...because we were all that was left after the world ended. They had to make sure we survived."

"Exactly." Her eyes gleam. "Except now we know that we're not alone, and while I do not want the village to be destroyed, there is still hope. When does someone die?"

"When the last person forgets about them," I respond automatically, Memoriam training kicking in once again.

"Indeed. With that in mind, why would we ask you to stay? If the worst comes to pass, why wouldn't we rather have someone who remembers us? Who can tell our stories and keep us alive, though our bodies might be gone?"

"But... I'd be abandoning you all..."

"Sky." Her voice gains an edge. "You are not the only person in this village who wants others to live. If you need to escape, if you need to leave us all behind, every other person here would gladly see you survive. Because we love you, just as you love us."

I break down again, Stove sitting patiently beside me, hand still on my knee. Offering me contact, a connection, without demanding more than I'm comfortable with. Offering me her love.

Eventually the tears stop falling and I'm able to look into her eyes. She gives me a small smile.

"The pain may fade, it may not. You might be hurt again, you might not. But as long as you keep us here," she taps my forehead, "and here," my chest, "then we'll never die. Your family will never die. Do you understand?"

"...thank you, Stove Mind."

"Good. Now go find Broom, she wants to talk to you."

We both stand and walk out of the viewing room, my hands rubbing away the puffy tears still lingering. Violet straightens up from her lounging posture outside and grins nervously at Stove.

"Look, I'm feeling a lot better and I don't think-"

"If you don't want to talk, you don't have to. I'll be in my study."

Violet gives an exasperated sigh but follows Stove and I out. I part ways from them, my mood lifting slightly as I watch her continue tagging along behind the Mind. I hope Stove is able to help her like she did for me.

It's a short walk to the Archive, and I finish my lunch on the way. I'm not that hungry, but I'm not about to waste food. There's one person at the desks when I enter - a familiar face. Torch. She's working on a collection of metal tubes and complicated mechanical parts.

"Hey, Torch. Is Broom here? Also, what's that?"

"She's in the back." Torch flicks her head towards the door to the left, not the one that leads down into the Archives proper, then returns her attention to her tinkering. "This'll be a flamethrower. When I can get it to stop exploding."

"...okay. Thanks."

She grunts in reply and I leave her to her work. Opening the door reveals a combination barracks and laboratory, a row of beds flanking the wall composed of the tree trunk, isolated tables and workstations opposite them. There's a chest-high barrier separating the two sides, small footlockers on the bed side and low bookshelves on the other. Broom is standing at one of the workstations, experimenting with something I can't see, but she turns around when she hears the door open.

"Hey, Sky. How are you doing?"

"Not great, but better. Stove said you wanted to see me?"

She steps away from the table and walks over, grabbing something from one of the bookshelves on her way.

"Yeah, two things. First is this."

She hands me a thin book. The cover bears only two words, 'Surviving Outsiders,' and this copy looks well-worn. It seems familiar... oh!

"Jasper was reading this. What's it about?"

"Bunch of different stuff." Broom adjusts her hair to capture some loose strands. "How to interact with outsiders if you happen to meet one, survival tips, random stories. Book wrote the original. It's required reading for every Idiot."

"I saw Jasper reading it. He said something about a test. What happens if I fail?"

"We'll make you keep reading until you pass. Not sure why, but it's in the records. One of the only things Book was absolutely insistent on. 'Every Idiot to be tested every year, and to write their own copy if they survive to thirty.' I can show you the metal plate if you want. It's down in the Archives."

"...metal plate?"

"Guess she was pretty serious about it."

"...okay. What was the second thing?"

She sticks her hands in her pockets, as if she's bracing for something.

"Axe's funeral. We're planning on having it tomorrow morning at sun-up."

"I... that's so... I'm not sure if I'm ready."

She shrugs.

"We can delay it a day or two if you want, but we need to plant his tree."

I try to think past the pain. Once he's in the ground, once the tree has sprouted... he's gone. Forevermore a part of the forest.

"I..."

Stove's words come back to me, delivered so recently. As long as someone remembers him, he isn't dead. What if everything goes wrong and I have to run without saying my last goodbye? Without seeing his tree rise from the soil?

"...tomorrow morning is fine."

Broom squints at me, then nods.

"Good. I'm not going to say it gets easier, but I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

"Thanks, Broom." I shuffle my feet awkwardly. "Uhm, so what do I do now?"

"You get everything you need to make that field thing?"

"I did. MacWillie and Huckens are setting it up. She said it's going to take a while, maybe even the whole night."

"Well, then why don't you give yourself a break and do some reading? You've been running yourself ragged the past few days. Feel free to grab a bed."

"I..."

She's right. I don't have anything to do. No pressing objective, no imminent disaster I can avert. Nothing to do but wait. Maybe the book will help keep my mind from dwelling on everything that can go wrong.

"I'll do that. Thanks again, Broom."

She smiles as she turns to her workstation.

"Anytime, kid. Us Idiots have to look after each other."

I let her get back to whatever it is she's doing and sit on the bed closest to the door, spine resting against the comforting bulk of the tree. My finger traces out the burned in lettering on the leather cover.

Surviving Outsiders.

I open to the first page and start to read.