Sexy Steampunk Babes

“It doesn’t look like much.”

It was all William could do not to sag as Verity so casually undercut his grand reveal.

Admittedly, the orc wasn’t wrong. His latest invention didn’t look like much. Little more than a long pipe with a variety of off-the shelf bolt-bow parts either magically or conventionally welded onto it. The thing in his hands looked like a paintball gun that had had its gas cylinder removed and the ammo hopper replaced with an upside down bolt-mag.

Glancing around at the unimpressed faces of his team, he also had to admit that the locale he’d picked for his grand reveal was hardly the most impressive around. Little more than an empty field on the outskirts of the city, the low lighting meant that while he couldn’t exactly see any mounds of cow shit nearby, he could definitely smell them.

Fortunately for the coming test firing of his new toy, the progenitors of said turds were currently absent from the field – courtesy of a small bribe he’d placed to their owner an hour ago.

No, the field was empty but for them and an armoured mannequin clad in Bonnlyn’s old academy armour.

…A move that girl was far from happy about. Sure, they’d bought her new equipment weeks ago, but she’d been holding onto her old surplus equipment in the hopes of selling it on for a small profit.

Instead, it was being used for target practice.

“Probably because this isn’t the only thing he’s been working on,” the dwarf in question pouted. “He spent most of the time I was with him working on a diving suit and a… spiky barrel.”

“A spiky barrel?” He saw Olzenya whisper in puzzlement as he speared the dwarf with a look.

The girl was utterly unrepentant.

He sighed. “You knew it was a diving suit?”

She shrugged casually. “I mean, not at first. At first, I thought it was a high-altitude flight suit or maybe a new kind of maneuver suit or something. Then you gave it a pair of steel boots and connected what I thought was the aether-tank to the helmet. Didn’t take a genius to figure it out from there.” She paused. “Though I’ve still not got a clue what the barrel is for.

William stared at the dwarf for a moment before shaking his head. Honestly, he shouldn’t have been too surprised that Bonnlyn had figured out that his suit was intended for diving. It wasn’t like the technology was completely unknown to the locals.

Given the veritable queen’s ransom in airships that had been destroyed over deep water over the years, it would be insane to think that a people that had figured out aether-tanks and welding gear wouldn’t also figure out some way to go diving for them.

With that said, there was a reason why suits intended for deep sea diving were rare enough that he was a little surprised that Bonnlyn had figured out what he was working on.

The age of deep sea exploration had ended about as swiftly as it began. And it had less to do with the difficulty of building said suits and reaching said depths - as it had to do with contending with the things that lived down there.

There’s a reason why most of the wrecks out there are still out there despite the many attempts to recover them, he thought.

And given the way he could see Marline’s dark complexion paling, despite the relative gloom surrounding them, he had a feeling she had just developed certain suspicions about where he intended to recover the mithril-core he was supposed to give to her family from.

Fortunately for him, the geass kept her from saying as much.

Unfortunately for him, Olzenya did not have the same restriction.

“You intend to go diving!?” The high elf shouted. “Have you completely taken leave of your senses?”

He aimed a gimlet eye in Bonnlyn’s direction, though the dwarf looked utterly unrepentant. Truth be told, she’d likely been waiting for an opportunity.

“No,” he lied. “I have no intention of going diving.”

“Then why the suit?” Bonnlyn prompted.

“Firefighting,” he lied again. “I’m trying to create a better way for plebeian women-at-arms to combat blazes. Aboard ship or on land.”

Even as he spoke, he was patting himself on the back for having that excuse ready to go.

“Firefighting? Really?” Olzenya deadpanned.

He shrugged. “Pyrokinetics are the number one payload for shard bombers after enchanted javelins. And Shards are only growing more popular. Give it a few more years and I bet you the Council of Acquisitions will be screaming for more reliable ways to fight fires. Both aboard airships and in cities.”

Olzenya still looked skeptical, but behind her he could see Bonnlyn was starting to look contemplative – her mercantile brain no doubt working over the concept. Beyond her Verity looked a little lost… and Marline knew he was full of shit.

In his defense, his diving suit wouldn’t be a terrible firefighting suit. After a certain point there wasn’t all that much difference between keeping someone from drowning in the ocean of burning in an inferno.

…Theoretically.

In practice, he’d still rather not wade into a blaze in his suit.

Still, his team – with one noticeable exception - was buying it.

“Ok, say I believe that, why are you doing it now?” Olzenya continued. “We’re students. Not royal engineers. The academy is hard enough without you wandering off each night. And now that I’ve raised the topic, what’s Marline getting out of it that she’s been willing to get your room ready for inspection every night for the last few weeks.”

“A cut of the profits,” Marline said slowly. “I mean, you know my house has fallen on hard times.”

Perhaps if the topic were different, the high elf might have picked up on the rather wooden delivery of that statement. Marline was, after all, a terrible liar and now likely much less enthused about the deal they’d made than she was a few minutes ago.

Fortunately for him and her continued adherence to their contract, the topic of her house’s ‘fall’ was sensitive enough that the rest of the team collectively winced at her words rather than analysed them. Hell, even if they had, they’d likely have attributed her wooden demeanour to shame rather than her lying.

“Oh,” Olzeyna said, no doubt regretting being so inquisitive. “I see, well, your business is your own.”

Though after a moment she rallied. “Just so long as this little side project doesn’t affect the standing of our team.”

“It won’t,” he said, before turning toward Bonnlyn before she could say anything. “And yes Bonnlyn, we can talk about getting your family in on my plans. It was on the agenda anyway, given that I’ll need help with getting a lot of suits manufactured if we reach that point.”

And he sure as shit wasn’t going to have his family take care of that.

…Mostly because he’d had no intention of making a firefighting suit… but the more he thought of it, the more he warmed to the idea. It wasn’t like the logic behind what he’d said was untrue – even if it was bullshit he’d made up.

Mind turning over the concept, he watched as the dwarf smiled widely at the business opportunity.

“Ah?”

He took a breath, favoring Verity with a smile. “And yes, I’m sure we can find something for you to do at some point, Verity. It might not be much, but it’ll be an extra something to send home.”

The orc beamed widely at him.

…Well shit, now I’m actually going to have to go through with this, he thought.

Because the alternative was disappointing Verity – and while his grand plan would likely end up drowning the continent in blood and death… he just couldn’t bring himself to disappoint one well meaning orc girl.

He felt like slamming his head against the nearby fence line. He didn’t do that though. Instead, he lifted his near forgotten ‘paintball gun’. “Well, now that that’s all been addressed, can I get back to why I actually brought you all out here? Or do you want in on this firefighting plan, Olzenya?”

The elf eyes widening before she reluctantly looked away told him all he needed to know.

Sagging, he continued. “Well I guess I’ll find something for you to do with it too. Now, back to business. Actual business. Academy business.”

He ignored Bonnlyn’s snicker as he brought the weapon up.

“Good,” he said, getting serious again. “Because this is how we’re going to beat my fiance's team.”

------------------

Perhaps it was just his imagination, but Marline looked a little shell shocked as the pair of them sailed out towards the open ocean. Though how much of that was a result of his demonstration a few hours ago, or being roused from her bed in the middle of the night, who could say.

“Me,” the dark elf in question deadpanned, her hand steady on the tiller. “And the reason I’m a little ‘shell shocked’ – whatever the fuck that means – is because I’m on a two person boat sailing into kraken infested waters. In the middle of the night.”

William glanced up from the compass and map he’d been looking at.

Huh, must have spoken aloud, he thought.

Overhead, the boat's sail swayed slightly as the wind caught it once more. Which was good. If it stayed that way they’d likely make it to their destination and back before the sun came up.

Though we’ll likely be cutting it a bit close, he thought.

The rest of the team wouldn’t be happy about that. Given his insistence on spending the night at an inn once more rather than heading out to visit Verity’s family – and the fact that Marline had done the same – he wouldn’t be too surprised if the other girls thought he was sleeping with the dark elf.

Sure, he’d managed to convince them that wasn’t the case the first time he and the dark elf had spent the night ‘together’, but he had a feeling his protestations would ring hollow the second time.

That might cause some friction, he thought with a frown.

He’d need to do something about it either way.

“You said when we formed this contract that I wouldn’t be in danger,” Marline said.

“Actually, if you recall, I said that, in the undertaking of this task, the danger to you would be significantly lesser than that faced by me.” He gestured to his diving suit. “Which, I think we can both agree is the case.”

Marline scowled. “You’re insane.”

He grinned, pearly whites gleaming in the gloom. “You’re overstating the danger. A boat this small isn’t going to be of any interest to a kraken.”

And that was true, the thing was just big enough to hold both of them and a small cabin ‘below deck’ that was currently taken up by a length of chain, an anchor and fine mesh net containing enough chum to make the open sea air significantly more fragrant than either of them might have preferred.

Though strictly speaking, the chain wasn’t entirely ‘in the boat’ given that it was attached to a floating barrel that was being tugged along behind their boat.

The same barrel he and Bonnlyn had been working on a few weeks ago.

“Yes, and I might draw comfort from the fact that our little boat is beneath the notice of a giant squid, if we didn’t have a bag full of chum with us.”

William deliberately turned away from the girl’s glare.

Mostly because he knew that if she were unhappy about the chum, he couldn’t imagine how she’d respond if she knew exactly what the barrel was both full of and for.

“What even is it anyway?” the girl muttered as she made a small course correction. “It smells like death.”

“Mermaid.”

Diced mermaid.

Though fortunately for his conscience, the mermaids of this world weren’t quite what the stories from back home portrayed them to be.

Perhaps if they’d been at sea for a few months a horny man or woman might mistake one of the creatures for a beautiful woman or man with a fish stuck to their ass – but only from a distance.

A closer inspection would reveal that though the creature did indeed have a humanoid upper body and a fish tail, that was where the resemblance ended.

Taloned scaly creatures with razor sharp teeth and bulging black eyes, the things were actually quite frightening to look at.

They were also no more sentient than a crow or any other kind of simple tool using animal.

He’d checked after being a little horrified by one showing up on his family’s dinner table. Given the existence of orcs, elves, humans and dwarves, the notion of intelligent fish people seemed entirely plausible at the time.

Yet after acquiring a live specimen, he’d been both disappointed and a little relieved to discover the creatures were simply a very oddly shaped animal.

Which certainly makes this whole scheme a lot less morally objectionable than it might otherwise have been, he thought ruefully.

Marline sighed from behind him. “Even better.”

Indeed it was. Few things got a kraken moving quite like a school of mermaids. To the extent that some maritime crews kept buckets of the creature’s blood to be used as a decoy to lure away encroaching squid attacks.

Because, while whales were a staple of the giant predator’s diet, mermaids were a treat beyond compare.

Not for eating, mind you, just for killing.

The reason for which was the same as why the giant squid tended to congregate around down airship wrecks.

Magic, William thought.

Krakens loved magic. No one knew for sure why, but the leading theory was that they liked the sensation of it brushing against their anti-magic scales.

Not unlike a bear rubbing up against a tree or a cat using a scratching post.

It was a little amusing really – one of the most valuable metals in the world rendered nigh inaccessible below water because an oversized squid liked to use it to proverbially scratch its ass.

Mermaids weren’t quite on the same level, but their aether rich blood served as a decent enough consolation prize as far as most kraken seemed to be concerned.

As did mage blood – be it elven, human, orcish or dwarven. For a mage, going swimming with kraken was just asking to suffer the same fate as a roll of toothpaste exposed to an industrial press.

Glancing down at the murky darkness beneath them, William shuddered as he imagined a great tentacle appearing from the depths.

Theoretically they were beyond the senses of the giant squid so long as they stayed out of the water, but that did little to keep his mind from imagining the worst case scenario.

Because as much as he was playing it cool for Marline, inside he was just a little terrified.

Sure, the boat was ostensibly small enough to beneath a kraken’s notice, but that didn’t mean a statistically anomalous attack wasn’t possible.

…And it wasn’t like Krakens were the only threats to call the deep home.

Shaking his head, he checked the map and his compass again. If his calculations were correct, they’d be arriving at their destination shortly. Which meant they’d technically been in the territory of Al’Hundra for a good few minutes now.

…Al’Hundra, the god of a thousand hands, he thought.

An exaggeration to be sure; the ancient kraken had eight, just like any other kraken.

It just made up for it in scale.

Because Kraken never stopped growing and Al’Hundra had been named as such by the ancient human tribes of Lindholm prior to elven invasion.

He dared not even imagine the size of the leviathan that dwelled in the depths below their boat, snuggled over a veritable graveyard of downed airships.

Indeed, it said a lot about the number of downed vessels in this particular patch of water that Al’Hundra actually migrated from her old territory around the Eastern cost to swim all the way here to settle down – before murdering any rival krakens that had attempted to claim the spot in the intervening time.

“So this is where the first war of re-conquest was decided,” Marline muttered from behind him.

He didn’t disagree – though admittedly the only source of illumination they had was the boat’s lantern and the moon overhead. Beyond the small puddle of light created by the lantern, all he could see was the glistening tips of waves as the small boat bobbed in the open water.

Given her eyes’ natural tint, William didn’t doubt that Marline saw even less than him.

“I mean, what did you expect?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know… something? It’s just strange to think that the Solite Armada was broken in the skies above us, but there’s nothing to show for it.”

William could understand that. The final ‘real battle’ of the First Re-Conquest War was certainly one for the history books. Not necessarily in numbers or casualties, given that both sides retreated with fairly minor losses all-told, relative to the size of the fleets involved, but because of what it represented.

Lindholm’s determination to remain an independent state, free of the turmoil of its home continent.

To the extent that they chose to challenge the invaders not over dry-land or even shallow water, but over the open ocean between the two nations.

A move that stated loudly that even if the Solites managed to vanquish the smaller Lindholm fleet, they’d not profit from their victory.

The battle was as brief as it was brutal – and though the Solites did retreat, that still meant nearly a dozen ships from both sides were lost beneath the waves before it was done.

The battle represented the single greatest loss of mithril cores in recorded history.

And now those mithril-cores were pretty much directly beneath him.

Just… guarded by a creature that had been dubbed a god-beast by ancient humanity. One that was the size of a battleship, immune to magic and poison – and perfectly capable of sensing any intrusion into its home.

Even regular humans without magic weren’t immune to the latter item, they just got a bit closer before being sensed.

And even if they weren’t apparently as fun to squish for giant squid, the creature would still do so given that the airship-wrecks also doubled as a nest for her eggs.

“Please tell me your plan isn’t to try and sneak past Al’Hundra by trying to distract her with chum?” Marline’s voice was deadpan, but there was no missing the slight undertone of panic in her tone.

He imagined that, not for the first time, she was thinking about the fact that in essence she’d tied herself to a madman. One who could quite easily get them both killed – and there was nothing she could do about it.

The geass held strong, and the only way she might escape would be by forfeiting her magic.

Which to most nobles, would be a fate worse than death.

Well, perhaps in future she’ll be a bit more careful about entering into unbreakable contracts with people she’s only known for about two months, he thought as he awkwardly reached below deck to grab the net.

“William?” she asked again, a little panic in the normally unshakeable girl’s tone.

Her voice actually cracked a bit.

Hooking the net onto a bit of the chain, he shook his head. “I’m not going to try and sneak past Al’Hundra.”

The dark elf practically sagged in relief.

“I’m going to kill her and steal her hoard out from under her corpse,” he grunted as he heaved both the anchor and net overboard.

The anchor sank instantly with a thunk, but the net continued to float for a few seconds before the chain it was attached to dragged it down – and less than a second later, the barrel they were both attached to went with it. In an instant they were all out of sight, dragged down into the gloomy darkness.

“You’re insane,” Marline breathed, panic plain on her features.

He sat back down, before favoring her with a small smile he hoped would calm her some – though given her expression, he had a feeling it had the opposite effect.

“I’m not insane,” he said slowly. “I’m just aware of a few things you aren’t.”

He gestured around them. “Things that make all this a little less suicidal than it seems.”

Not without risk. Not even close. But less risky than Marline thought.

Part of him actually felt a little guilty about bringing her into it all, to be honest, but he really did need the help. Someone needed to watch the boat to make sure it didn’t float too far away while he was down below.

And, compared to his ultimate plans… risking the life of the cadet of a military academy alongside his own was fairly small beans. Hell, his plan was actually a less risky path than the one she’d already been on when she initially signed up for the military.

Tangling with a god beast was scary, but compared to boarding an enemy ship in the name of stealing its mithril-core, he was pretty sure his plan actually carried less risk.

…Even if it was a little more all or nothing.

“What could you possible be ‘aware’ of that makes tangling with a kraken over open water not suicidal?”

He laughed. “Well, I mean, you’ve heard my moniker. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“That was an adolescent!” Marline started to yell before apparently thinking better of it – even if Al’Hundra was hardly likely to ‘hear’ them. “And you didn’t kill it. You scared it away.”

“I blew off a tentacle,” he pointed out.

“One of eight! Eight! With a trauma-surge. And it wasn’t really injured, it was surprised - so it ran away!” She pulled at her hair. “That’s like smacking a dog on the nose to make it flee before claiming you slew a werewolf.”

William nodded, conceding the point. That was a fairly apt comparison. Even if werewolves in this world were also a little different from what they were depicted as back home.

Honestly, most ‘mythical’ creatures in this world were like the Chinese whispers equivalent of what they were back home.

“House New Haven hunts kraken. They line their airships with the scales.”

Personally he thought that argument was pretty reasonable, but given how Marline’s grip on the tiller tightened, apparently it wasn’t.

“House New Haven is a ducal house.” She spoke slowly, as if to a child – or someone not entirely stable. “With an entire fleet of specialized warships dedicated to the task. They’re also completely full of shit. They scavenge from corpses that float to the surface after territorial clashes, or they ambush adolescents that are dumb enough to expose themselves above water by going after cargo ships.”

She poked him in the chest. “Not. Fully. Grown. Adults. In. Open. Water.”

The dark elf stood up suddenly, making the boat rock a bit. “And certainly not the fucking Al’Hundra!”

Truth be told, he’d known that. It was one of the first things he’d researched when he’d come up with this plan – if only to figure out why no one had dealt with the Al’Hundra before him.

He’d kind of been hoping Marline didn’t though. If only to help soothe her nerves. Though anything he might have been about to say was cut off by a muffled thud from below.

It wasn’t that loud, but it was surprising enough that Marline nearly tripped and fell out of the boat before he caught the front of her uniform.

Rather than thank him though, she simply crouched back down, eyes darting about wildly. “What was that!? What was that!?”

Glancing overboard once he was sure the dark elf wasn’t about to tip overboard, he hummed. “I think that was the Al’Hunda encountering my sea-mine.”

“Sea-mine!?” the girl asked. “What does that even mean?”

He shrugged, heart at peace. “It means that in the next few minutes we’re either going to see a lot of chunks of calamari float to the surface – or one really pissed off god-beast.”

“…What?”

He ended up spending the next few minutes deflecting questions from the dark elf as she all-but demanded answers about what the hell was going on.

Questions that only ended when the first chunks of chum floated to the surface.

Thereafter there was stunned silence as more and more fish-bits floated up.

Though the question started again when William started pulling on his diving boots, ignoring the many sea birds that had started to gather overhead.

If anything, they were even more insistent.

Not that William answered any of them. Even as he dove into the icy cold water, he was just happy that he’d lived to see his plan take another step forward.

You know, provided an enterprising shark or some such didn’t get him while he was down there.

Hopefully the god-beasts corpse wouldn’t attract them until he was totally gone with his bounty safely secured.