Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

After we dropped off the groceries at the apartment, I excused myself and went to my room. I stared at the mass of debris on my floor and I wondered what I had done with all of the cannibalized parts. I didn't clue in to what happened until I had somehow managed to get all of the crap on my floor packed into garbage bags.

I thought about going through it all, piece by piece, to find out where I had gotten some of it, then abandoned that idea, because I found what I had made. My yet-to-be-patented and fully functioning security device was beside my bed and I wasn't sure how I had built the thing without machining the custom parts it would need.

Right underneath the device were six sheets of paper that were filled with the instructions, the steps, the patent forms, and a little note reminding me to look on the top shelf of my closet. It was then that I realized the drug-addled me was a bit of a condescending jerk for not writing out what he meant when he clearly could have.

I went to the closet and opened it up, only to stare at five more completed security devices and another collapsible black gym bag that was just as full as the one with all of my equipment in it. I was tempted to not open it, because I was sure that I didn't want to know what was in it. Whatever drug-addled me did, I didn't want to remember. At least, I didn't think I wanted to remember.

I sighed, because if I knew me as well as I know I did, I would have put something very important inside that bag. I took it down from the top shelf and hesitated, even though I had to open the thing. I shook my head at myself for being a pussy about it and opened the bag... and froze. It was stuffed with cash. Lots and lots of cash. Like, a ridiculous amount of cash.

It was all different denominations, some of it in neat bundles and some of it wadded up like it had been shoved in from a huge pile. I moved some of it around and caught my breath when I saw what was underneath the cash. Two mini-uzi machine guns, twenty handguns, ten knives of various sizes, a handful of spare clips, and the city's safe house map.

It had a red mark on it and if I read it correctly, it was the warehouse where Spider-Man had captured the drug dealers. I felt the back of my head tingle and grabbed a web shooter and shot my bedroom door handle and part of the door frame. I had forgotten to lock it before investigating the bag.

The door handle moved slightly and stopped. “Ben? Why is the door locked?” May asked.

I had to think fast and looked down at the untraceable cell phone with Mary's conversation on it. “I'm jerking off and needed some privacy.”

There was silence on the other side of the door and then May laughed. “You could have just said you were in the middle of an experiment or something.”

“Uh... I'll remember that for next time.” I said and kicked myself mentally for being so stupid.

May laughed again. “I've made sandwiches for lunch, so when you're... done... wash your hands.”

“Okay!” I said back and listened for her to walk away. I sighed and looked down at the bag full of contraband, two of which were highly illegal. What the hell am I going to do with all of this crap?

I spent the next ten minutes taking out all of the money and stashed it into the other gym bag. I would sort it and count it out later. I added the city map and put the bag back onto the top shelf of my closet. For now, I put the several garbage bags and the gym bag of guns out on the fire escape. I would need to take them down to the dumpsters later, when I left to go pick up the book for Gladys.

I didn't want to wait for the web to dissolve on its own, so I used some of the cleaning and dissolving solution and a rag to wipe at the door handle and the door. The chemicals combined with the web fluid's own dissolving chemicals and sped up the process, which clued me in to what I had used inside the security devices to free anyone caught. I really needed to investigate what I did last night.

I left my room and went to the bathroom and washed my hands to get the cleaning solution off of them, then I went downstairs to eat lunch with May. The smug look on her face as she eyed me and my hands, made me shrug. I wasn't embarrassed about what I said. I was a healthy young man, after all.

When I was done eating and washed my hands again, I managed to convince May that I wanted to go for a walk, unsupervised. She gave my head another examination and nodded after I refused another pain pill. Those things were dangerous to my new metabolism... and my sanity.

I kissed her cheek and went upstairs to change into my best dress pants and a nice button-up shirt. I grabbed my school backpack with some packing material, my cell phone and the untraceable one just in case, added my web shooters to the backpack and the stash of foreign currency I had, some real cash in case it was needed, and left the apartment after putting on my jacket and the backpack.

I ran down the stairwell and left through a side door, rather than go all the way to the front of the building. I ran around to the side with the fire escape and let my spider-sense tell me if it was safe. I jumped up and grabbed onto the ladder and quickly climbed the ladder and then the fire escape to my floor.

I put on my web shooters and used them as I tossed each garbage bag over the side. I caught them and lowered them to the ground into a neat pile, then picked up the gym bag with the guns inside. I couldn't throw them around, so I carefully carried it down as I climbed back down the side of the fire escape and out of sight of the windows they were in front of.

Once on the ground, I quickly put the garbage bags into the different dumpsters and spread them out, so they wouldn't draw too much attention to one sole dumpster. I was sure that it didn't matter, considering they were half full of garbage and one more bag wouldn't make a difference. It also meant the garbage trucks would be by soon to empty them.

I walked out of the alleyway and went to the bus stop. I hopped on and rode the bus to the address in the middle of Manhattan and my eyes admired the rich and upscale neighbourhood when the bus came to a stop. I left the bus and checked my phone for the address and went to a very nice building.

The doorman stopped me and I explained why I was there and showed him my phone. He looked through it and told me to wait as he handed it back. He went inside and the glass was tinted to stop people from doing what I was trying to do, looking in to see what was going on.

“An escort will take you up to the right apartment.” The doorman said and held the door for me.

“Thanks!” I said, instead of laughing at him for making sure that I wasn't tricking him to get into the building.

The escort was a handsome and tall woman that looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but here.

“Hi, there!” I said happily and she gave me a pointed look, so I gave her one right back and looked at her from head to foot. “Don't let my height fool you. I can climb anything worth climbing and you look like you're worth the effort and the breathlessness when I reach the top.”

Her eyes widened at me and I beamed a smile at her, as if I hadn't just told her I would mount her like a mountain climber on the Matterhorn. “Follow me, please.”

“I would be honored.” I said and kept the smile on my face as she took me to the elevator.

We entered it and she used a key and hit the button for the penthouse.

“You must be very important here to be trusted with an access key.” I said with admiration in my voice.

She seemed a little surprised by my words and then she looked thoughtful.

“I'm tempted to make small talk and ask you what you do for a living; but, I'm not important enough for you to acknowledge me like that. Not yet, anyway.”

She gave me another pointed look. “You at least dressed well, despite the backpack and gym bag.”

I chuckled. “I needed something to carry the important gift I'm picking up. I can't just walk around with a first edition Charles Dickens for everyone to see, can I?”

She blinked her eyes at me until the elevator dinged and the doors opened. “You're here for a book?”

“Of course. I'm not some solicitor, sales person, or charity case, if that's what you think. It's a personal purchase for a friend that I seriously pissed off.”

She nodded and led me down the hallway and pointed to the door. “I will wait by the elevator for you.”

I glanced back and saw that there were no buttons, just a keyhole. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“I'm not sure why I believe you.” She said and walked away.

It's because I'm being sincere. I thought and took out my cell phone. I checked the time and stood there for about eight minutes before I knocked on the door.

The door opened with a swish and a tall man stood there. He was clean shaven, his short hair was styled, and he looked aristocratic and very high class. I also recognized him and quickly hid my shock.

“I do enjoy meeting someone just as punctual as myself.” He said with a rich baritone voice.

“I would never want to annoy or bother someone of your status, Dr. Strange.” I said and he looked surprised.

“You know me?” Dr. Strange asked.

“Only your vaunted reputation of miracle surgical procedures, sir.” I said and lied convincingly. “I recognized your face from the last scientific journal on brain surgery.”

“Oh?” He asked and stepped back to wave me inside.

I stepped by him and put the gym bag down beside the door before I pointed to the bald patch on the side of my head, then pointed to the smaller bump on the side of my forehead as I smiled.

“I seem to have a history of brain damage. I also had amnesia from the first hit with a metal railing and the second hit could have killed me if the baseball had hit anywhere else.”

Dr. Strange gave me a significant look. “Amnesia, you say? Interesting.”

“Yes, sir. I woke up as a completely different person.” I admitted, because I was sure he was going to ask about it. “It's taken me several weeks to try and fit back into my previous self's life enough that only a few things like interpersonal relationships are still awkward.”

Dr. Strange chuckled and led me out of the small hallway and across an expanse of living room to another room that looked like a den and library combined. “It's too bad I'm not into psychology. I might have taken your case, just because of the sheer curiosity it represents.”

I chuckled, too. “I sincerely doubt my brain is interesting enough to satiate your curiosity, Dr. Strange.”

The man smiled and walked around his desk. “Do I need to ask why you are interested in such an old book? You don't look like a lover of the classics.”

“To own? No. To read? Definitely.” I said and he nodded. “I'm actually buying it as a gift for a librarian that I angered and embarrassed at work.”

Dr. Strange barked a laugh and opened a drawer in the desk and took out the large book. “You do realize buying something like this as a gift, far exceeds your current problem?” He asked and then smiled. “Unless you're planning to bed her in the future, then it is more than appropriate to 'butter her up' as the locals say.”

I laughed as well and took out the Euros, counted them, and added some dollar bills to make up the small difference. “Who knows what the future holds?”

Dr. Strange put the book on the desk and took the money. He put it in the drawer without counting it. “Apparently this Spider-Man does. Some of it, anyway.”

It was then I was reminded of exactly why I knew him and I seriously thought about telling him about it. I knew if I did, then everything would change. I wasn't sure if I could accept that kind of responsibility, considering what was coming and the role Doctor Strange played in it when he became the Sorcerer Supreme.

“I'm sure he just wanted to warn people to be ready for whatever it is.” I hedged.

“If he's involved, it's going to sound like he's setting it all up.” Dr. Strange said and my eyes widened. “I doubt he is, just that some people will see it as him advocating it.”

“Well, damn.” I said and he chuckled.

“I doubt you have to worry about it, young man.” Dr. Strange said and motioned to the book.

I took the hint and took off my backpack and pulled out some bubble wrap and then a thick sweater. He smiled as I carefully wrapped the book up and put it into my backpack. “Thank you for your time, sir.”

“I'm just glad it's going to a good home.” Dr. Strange said and led me back across his apartment to his door. “Have a good day, young man.”

“You too, Dr. Strange.” I said and picked up the gym bag and stepped out. The door shut behind me and I walked down the hallway towards the elevator.

The woman gave me an inquisitive look as she inserted her key and opened the elevator. “I assume you were successful?”

I smiled at her. “If you mean about buying the book, yes. If you mean about climbing you and planting my flag upon your peaks, that has yet to be determined.”

The woman raised her eyebrows at me and then looked like she was struggling to not smile. “How old are you?” She asked as we stepped into the elevator and she hit the button for the lobby.

“Old enough to know I can't use that analogy anymore without annoying you.” I said with a smirk and she stopped fighting the urge and smiled. “There's the smile I was hunting for. Thank you.”

She shook her head at me and leaned against the wall slightly as she looked at me. “What would you do if I actually accepted your absurd offer?”

I knew exactly what to say to that. “I would ask for your apartment number, rush home to grab my safety gear and hard hat that I wear on my construction job, then I would make a valiant attempt at completing the innuendo to your satisfaction.”

The look of shock on her face was priceless. The elevator doors opened right then and I winked at her before I walked out of the elevator towards the front door. The doorman nodded to me as he opened it for me and I nodded back. I glanced back to see the woman as she stood in the elevator and she stared at me like she had just missed the opportunity of a lifetime.

I walked down the sidewalk and down the street to the bus stop. I had one more stop to make before going home and it was going to be a weird one. At least, I hoped it was only going to be weird. I wasn't sure how I would deal with it if it became more than that. Then again, I could get lucky and the person I talked to could be a fetching young woman that liked to flirt back.

*

“Hey DeWolff, who's the kid that brought in all the guns?” A tall black man asked as he entered the small room.

A five foot eight inch tall blonde-haired woman looked up from the television monitor that showed an interrogation room. “Hi, Jackson. His name's Ben Parker.”

“Any luck tracing them?” Jackson asked and sat beside her at the desk.

“Plenty. The idiots didn't bother scratching off the serial numbers. We've got the histories and linked them with a few petty crimes and four armed robberies in the last month.” DeWolff said and smiled. “They are also covered with the prints of the zip-tied thugs that were brought in last night.”

The black man whistled. “That's going to close a lot of pending cases.” He said and she nodded. “What's the kid's deal?”

“He asked the clerk at the front desk if there was a reward for turning in lost or stolen weapons.”

“You're fucking kidding me!” The black man cursed in surprise.

“I kid you not.” DeWolff said and smirked at him. “He walked in with a full gym bag and went right to the counter. He didn't pause or needed to work up the courage or anything. He asked right away and waited patiently for the desk sergeant to stop sputtering to call me.”

Jackson laughed and nodded several times. “The kid's got balls.”

“Big brass balls.” DeWolff said and saw his eyes widen. “He hit on me as soon as I approached him.”

“BAHAHAHA!” Jackson laughed. “Did you punch him hard?”

DeWolff shook her head. “He surprised me with what he said.”

“If it stopped you in your tracks, I've got to hear this.”

“He said, 'I'm Ben Parker, your assigned date for the evening, courtesy of the NYPD. I am completely at your disposal in whatever capacity you desire'.” DeWolff said.

Jackson gave her a surprised look, then laughed. “Holy shit! He's got HUGE brass balls!”

DeWolff nodded. “I might need a hand interrogating him.”

“I'd sit in even if you didn't need me for moral support.” Jackson said and she laughed, too.