Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

“I'm glad you know CPR, because you keep taking my breath away.” I joked as we approached the doors to the hospital.

“I've heard that tons of times.” The female paramedic said.

“I was feeling off today and you've turned me on again.” I said and she shook her head.

“Lame.” She said. “We're going inside, so you can stop now.”

“I've got time for one more.” I said and grinned. “I really want to take you to the movies, except they won't let you bring your own snacks.”

“Ha ha ha!” Her partner laughed and she smacked his arm. “What? That's pretty funny.”

“I'm trying to encourage him to not use them, idiot.” She said and he laughed again as we stopped beside the main reception desk.

“What do we have here?” A stern black woman behind the desk asked. She was quite pretty and I just couldn't resist saying something.

My resolve to be less outgoing didn't last long at all.

“I can't tell if that was an earthquake or if you just rocked my world.” I said to her.

The two paramedics had completely shocked faces for several seconds as they stared at the receptionist.

“Severe head trauma!” The female paramedic exclaimed and handed over several sheets of paper.

The black woman raised a single eyebrow at me before she read the report. “Bring him to bed eight in the trauma center.”

The two paramedics scrambled to do so and quickly delivered me, unstrapped me, and transferred me to the bed. They practically ran out of the curtained off area and didn't even say goodbye.

“I should ask you how you are feeling, Mr. Parker. Instead, I should warn you that what you said was highly inappropriate for such a public setting.” The receptionist said.

I only needed two seconds to understand what she meant. “What else could I say? When God made you, he was seriously showing off.”

She gave me a blank look for a second, then she smiled and it lit up her whole face. “Yes, he was.”

I smiled back and let her see that I was sincere with the compliment, then I caught my breath when my spider-sense went off.

“BENNNNN!” May's voice cut through the room and the curtains didn't dull the echo at all.

“It seems your aunt has received the notice about you.” The receptionist said. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” I said as the curtain around the bed was almost torn off the metal rack it hung on and it revealed a very frantic looking May.

“Ben! Oh, my GOD!” May shouted and dove for me. I caught her and managed to not hurt either of us.

“The doctor will be down to see you as soon as possible.” The receptionist said and closed the curtain as she left.

“Ben, what happened?” May asked me, desperately.

I quickly explained what happened and didn't leave anything out.

May started crying. “No! I can't lose you, too!” She exclaimed and hugged me close. “Please don't forget me again! NOT AGAIN!”

I was really glad that I had played the joke on the paramedic and not her, because the last thing I wanted to do was cause May any distress. “I could never forget someone as wonderful as you, May.”

May cried and held me for several minutes before she calmed down and stood up straight. She checked my forehead and shook her head at it. “I need to get back to work.”

“It's okay. I'm fine.” I reassured her. “It hit the thickest part of my skull.”

May smiled for a moment, then she looked murderous. “He's going to pay for what he did!”

I nodded and didn't remind her that he was already being suspended. If she wanted to add pressure to the school to get rid of the bully everyone disliked, I wasn't going to discourage her.

“I'll be back during my break.” May said and leaned down to kiss my cheek before she left.

I laid there in silence as I thought about what had happened and how I was going to handle things. I could still pretend to be reserved, which meant I needed to stop joking around with everyone I met. That was going to be harder than I assumed, considering how I reacted to the female paramedic and the duty nurse at the receptionist desk.

It was just so much fun trying to get a reaction out of them. Some were reserved like Gladys and making her smile was quite enjoyable. I had the same feeling from the receptionist here. Seeing her genuine smile when it seemed like everyone was afraid of getting on her bad side, was quite the accomplishment for me.

That reminded me I needed to do something to make it up to Gladys. I reached for my cell phone and sighed, because I had left it in my backpack back at school. It was also Friday afternoon and I wasn't going to be able to get out of here for several hours yet, even if the doctor showed up early, which he never did. This place was too busy for him to check me out first.

I reached up and lightly touched the huge bump on my head and hissed at the shooting pain that came from it. Thank you so much, spider-sense! This would have probably killed me without your help.

I didn't feel any response, despite my brain telling me it appreciated the compliment.

I laid there for another hour or so as I brewed a web mixture in my head, then I pretended I was reinforcing my suit with much needed protection before May came back to spend her break with me. She had another two hours to work before her shift ended and we both hoped that the doctor would see me before then.

An hour later, I was a little surprised when Doris appeared. She also had my backpack with her.

“I'm technically not supposed to be here.” Doris said and put my backpack on the chair beside the bed.

“I suppose I should technically not thank you until I'm in the lobby?” I asked.

“I'm not a doctor. I can't advise patients on what to do.” Doris said with a smile.

I pretended to struggle a little as I sat up, to draw her close, and she came right over to me and helped. I sat up and put my arms around her and hugged her. “Thank you. My cell phone is in my backpack.”

“Liz brought it out to us when we picked her up after school.” Doris said and I sighed. “Ben...”

“I'm sorry things didn't work out between Liz and I.” I said and let her go. “I wanted it to. I really did.”

“You could always give her another chance.” Doris said.

I sighed again. “She's not ready for that.”

“She made a mistake. She assumed...”

“That makes an ass out of you and me.” I joked and she smiled. “I know what she thought. I also reminded her that I stopped doing it long before we kissed and I also didn't treat her the same way.”

Doris sighed this time. “How am I supposed to benefit from having you around if you're not dating my daughter?”

I chuckled and took her hand. “I thought the kitchen was your space?”

Doris smiled. “I didn't mind sharing when you proved you actually knew what you were doing.”

“I thought as much.” I said and let her hand go. “It would be awkward to invite me over to cook now.”

Doris nodded. “I think we'll all have calmer heads if we let things stay as they are for a while.”

I pointed to the growing bump on my forehead and she laughed softly.

“Present circumstances excluded.” Doris said and glanced around, even though we were behind a privacy curtain and no one else was there. She leaned in close to whisper. “The doctor will be in to see you in fifteen minutes.”

My eyes widened. “Who do I have to kiss to thank for that?”

Doris looked amused and tapped her cheek with a fingertip.

I grinned at her and planted a three second kiss right on that spot. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, Ben.” Doris said and walked over to the curtain. “I have to go before anyone wonders why I came back to work.”

“Tell Mr. Toomes I'll still make it into work tonight.” I said.

“No, you won't. He already gave you the night off.” Doris said. “You took a severe blow to the head and you'll need to recover from that.”

I shook my head. “Like I told the paramedics, I'm fine. I'll just have to forgo wearing headgear unless the doctor drains this thing.” I indicated the bump. “It's not enough to keep me overnight for observation, even if I want to pad the bill being sent to the Thompsons.”

Doris chuckled. “I'll keep that in mind when I do it up for them.”

I grinned at her and she smiled as she left. I reached for my backpack and took out my cell phone. There was a good signal, so I started searching for something for Gladys. What would a dedicated librarian want? A book, of course. She liked the old atlas I gave her, so I searched for any classic literature for sale.

I checked for things under different currencies as well, considering I had three grand I hadn't converted yet, not that I could without drawing attention to myself. I would need to spend them where they wouldn't be as noticeable, like online.

I found a book that I thought she would like, A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. It was a leather-bound first edition, partially illustrated, with a publish date of 1889. It was a bit more than thirteen hundred dollars, so I checked the conversion rates for Euros. I chuckled when it came out to be just about the right amount and I checked the contact info for the seller.

I sent a quick text and asked if they would accept Euros instead and they agreed. They were also in New York in lower Manhattan and would be happy to let me visit to pick up the book. We agreed to Sunday afternoon and I put my phone into my pocket.

I really hope she likes it. I thought and waited for the doctor. He showed up when Doris said he would and he did a quick check up on me, read the report and marked a few things, and poked the bump. I hissed appropriately and he nodded as he marked something else down.

“Take two of these for the pain every four hours. It should reduce in swelling on its own after a couple of days.” The doctor said and gave me a prescription note. “You're very lucky it hit where it did, young man. Almost anywhere else and you would have cracked your cranium and it could have killed you.”

“Can you add that to the report and give my Aunt May a copy, please?” I asked and he raised his eyebrows at me. “The school should be suspending the guy that threw the ball at me and any evidence that it could have been much worse would be appreciated.”

“I won't embellish the facts.” The doctor said.

“I don't want you to.” I said and turned my head to show the bald spot. “This is the second time I've been hurt like this and I don't want him getting away with it.”

The doctor nodded. “I'll give the details that could have happened if the ball had hit the side of your head instead.”

“Thank you, doctor. Both I and my skull appreciate the help.”

That made him smile. “Rest here for another fifteen minutes and then get out.”

I chuckled. “Clear the bed. Got it.”

The doctor nodded and left. A nurse came right in to remove the IV for me and I barely refrained from teasing her.

Instead of laying there for the remaining time, I changed out of my gym clothes and put on my street clothes. I also put my phone in my pocket and waited until the fifteen minutes was up and left the bed. I went to the front reception desk and the black woman there gave me a stern look.

“The doctor cleared me to leave. I won't, though. I'll sit right over there, in case I have any symptoms of dizziness or feel lightheaded.” I said and she nodded. “Can you send word to May for me? I don't want to disturb her by calling her cell phone.”

“I can do that.” She responded.

“Thank you.” I said and walked over to sit down in her direct line of sight. I didn't glance around, either. I stared right at her and kept a small smile on my face.

She gave me a single raised eyebrow once more and I didn't change my tactics. She shrugged slightly and went back to work. As time moved on, she would occasionally glance over at me and I kept the small smile on my face, because our eyes met every time and she seemed surprised each time that I still hadn't looked away from her.

“Ben!” May said as she walked into the reception area and came over to me. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a pinata.” I said and she looked a little sad.

“Come on. Let's go home.” May said and took my hand to lead me outside.

“I have some pain medication to pick up, too.” I said and handed her the prescription.

“Ben, these pills are pretty expensive, even with our medical plan.” May said.

“It's okay. We're sending the bills to the Thompsons, remember?” I asked.

May looked thoughtful and nodded. “We can stop at the pharmacy on the way.”

“Great! I can't wait to see how loopy I get while riding a medicinal high.”

May shook her head. “You are taking them under my strict supervision, mister.”

“Aww, that's no fun.” I said and hailed a taxi. One came right over to us.

“Painkillers are not supposed to be fun.” May said and opened the door to the cab and helped me inside.

“I'm not an invalid.” I said with a smile.

May hushed me and climbed in, too. We rode in the taxi to the pharmacy and they had the pills available. They were just as expensive as May said and I paid for them out of the money I had from selling the clarinet. She gave me a sad look about it and I gave her a hug before accepting the pills.

We made it home not long after that and May ordered fast food to be delivered. She didn't want me to cook for some reason. After we enjoyed a nice pizza, she carefully opened the pill bottle and handed me a single pill.

“These things are really strong, Ben.” May said and I accepted the pill. “You'll need a mouthful of soda pop to wash it down.”

I nodded and tossed the pill into my mouth. My spider-sense went off as the thing touched my tongue, so I trapped it against the roof of my mouth. I took a drink and made a show of swallowing as I pushed the pill to the side and up under my top lip.

“It will take fifteen minutes to a half an hour for it to kick in, so go lay down for a bit.” May advised me.

I nodded again and walked up the stairs to go to my room. My spider-sense increased in intensity as the pill started to dissolve, so I spit it out into the small trashcan in my room and used my finger to dig out any residue. I wasn't sure why it set my sense off, though.

Perhaps my comment about it making me loopy wasn't as far off the mark as I thought it was? I asked myself as I laid down on the bed.

After twenty minutes, my mouth went a little dry and I felt something was a little off. My spider-sense was a dull tingle and not in a normal way. It wasn't quite a warning and it wasn't quite danger, so it was very confusing. If that one little bit could cause me to react like this, I could only imagine what I would be like with a full dose.

May came into my room without knocking, because I had left the door open, and sat down on my desk chair as she looked at me. “Ben, how do you feel?”

“Weird. Like really, really weird.” I answered. I didn't even have to lie. I could taste cotton on my tongue.

“Any pain?” May asked.

“I don't know. Kind of?” I said it like a question and she nodded.

“There's a reason these painkillers are so expensive. They are highly psychotropic as a side effect and are a popular target for thieves.”

“You didn't tell me that.” I said and wanted to frown at her. I didn't know why I couldn't.

“You would have to take it anyway. Doctor's orders.” May said and leaned forward. “I also... there's something I wanted to know... and I'm too scared to ask after what happened when I accused you of taking drugs.”

“You can ask me anything.” I said, truthfully.

“Are you... have you...” May paused and took a breath. “Have you had sex with any girls at school?”

I didn't see a reason to lie. “Just oral sex and it was only on her, not on me.”

“Liz?” May asked.

“Isabelle.” I said.

“Who's that?” May asked, surprised.

“She's a senior I met at school on my first day back. She cared about what happened and didn't assume I was faking it.” I said and May's face showed sadness. “I kissed her and went down on her in the bathroom. I told her it was a reward for being so nice. What I really wanted to know was if she would let me after just meeting me. She did.”

May looked surprised for several moments. “Why didn't you tell me about that?”

“You didn't ask.” I said and she looked even more surprised.

“You... would you have...” May shook her head. “How many times?”

“I didn't bother counting. She had multiple orgasms each time. Counting would have been counterproductive to her enjoyment.” I said and May looked shocked.

“The... the break-up with Liz...”

“I stopped long before asking Liz out.” I said and she nodded. “It shouldn't have mattered, though. She knew about it, as did Val, Gina, Betty, Cindy, her other friends, Isabelle's friends and their friends, and after the break-up, most of the cafeteria.”

May sat there with her mouth hanging open and didn't respond.