Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

I dropped to my knees as I reeled from the implications of what just happened. This wasn't a dream. This wasn't a game where you could go back and redo your choices if you wanted to. This was real life... and I had ended the lives of three other people.

My hands shook for several moments until I replayed the fight in my head. I hadn't realized my spider-sense had been lightly buzzing during the fight, which meant the three guys had represented some kind of danger to me. I had just reacted and removed the threat to myself and my family. At least, that was what it felt like.

It was my life these guys threatened. My livelihood. It was... it was... my life. My choices... all of them... had consequences. I also had to deal with those consequences and I couldn't afford to have an existential crisis right now. I looked at my gloved hands and they no longer shook. I made my hands into fists and I felt resolve fill me.

The deaths weren't really justifiable in a court of law. They were stealing a very expensive dump truck and that wasn't worth their lives, according to most people. The problem was, they didn't see the people it would affect. The guys on the crew that wouldn't be paid, because the business had to repair or replace such expensive equipment.

The insurance company might not cover basic theft, because of where the vehicle was left. No basic protections had been around it, besides blocking off the alley to traffic. The permits wouldn't matter, either. Any damage these idiots might have caused while joyriding, wouldn't have been covered, either. I was sure Adrian had incidental on his policy; but, that wouldn't cover damage done intentionally and by a non-insured driver.

I almost laughed at my mind immediately giving myself reasons that accidentally killing three people was all right, because I was preventing a crime and any potential future crimes. Once I thought that, my mind made up a bunch of previous petty crimes that they must have gotten away with before now. They could have done anything and I stopped them.

I stopped them permanently.

I took several deep breaths and pushed all of that to the side. I had a crime to cover up and evidence to fake. I wasn't going to try and take the blame for the truck damage, though. That was just stupid and wouldn't earn me any respect for allowing it to happen. However, offering to pay for the repairs would. They did technically happen because of me and I would own up to that at least.

I looked at the three bodies and quickly thought about what I was going to do with them. I looked at my watch and saw how late it was. My experimenting had gone on longer than I had planned for and it was really late now. May was going to kill me if she realized it, so I would have to lie and say I fell asleep at work.

With a tentative plan in mind, I improvised a face covering with one of the guy's jackets before I hid two of the bodies under the rear truck tires and then picked up the third. I winced internally as I had to fold the thing up to make it unrecognizable. I had to break the arms, the legs, and the neck to do that, and I grabbed a set of stretchy cords from the dump truck that held down the tarp.

I trussed up my new and extra large backpack and transferred my normal one to my chest before hefting the new one onto my back. With it secured, I crawled back up the opposite building to the roof and looked over the cityscape that I could see. I had to find a good spot to dump the new backpack and I let my eyes roam.

It was then that I realized I could also use my spider-sense in a much different capacity than I ever had before. Actively. I concentrated on that danger sense as I looked at different spots for body concealment. I didn't get anything at first, probably because I wasn't thinking hard enough about my own safety and what would happen if I was discovered. When I did do that, I felt a slight tingle.

I smiled and started to run. I jumped when I reached the edge of the building and did my best to make my silhouette as small and indistinguishable as possible. I landed on the next building's roof and held in my laugh that the weight on my back didn't hinder me at all. I would need to see what else I could do that would simulate it.

I followed my spider-sense and let it lead me to a small and out of the way park near the waterfront. I kept using my senses like a direction finder, only without following the actual signal and followed where it didn't tingle. It led me to a large square storm grate that emptied out into the Hudson River and it stank. Like really, really stank.

When I crawled down to look through the grate, I saw several rotted animal carcasses of different kinds and a pile of rats. New York rats. Huge foot long and omnivorous rats. I eased the storm grate open with barely a squeak of the metal and carefully crawled into the thing on the ceiling. The rats either didn't notice or didn't care.

I assumed the not caring part, because they were huge foot long rats that ate everything. I carefully unhooked my new backpack and unbound it, then I carefully lowered the body down into the mass of rats that were gnawing on the carrion. They didn't stop moving or chewing as the new and quite large mass settled into their feeding space.

I hung there on the ceiling for several minutes, just to see what would happen, then one of the rats seemed to notice the new addition. It let out a squeal-like sound and slid inside the pant leg of the body's jeans. Another squeak was made and then every single rat in the area swarmed over the body.

It was shocking to see... for about two seconds. I didn't want to watch what happened and quietly crawled out before I put the storm grate back into place. I knew I was probably going to break down and cry about this later; but, that was later. I had two more special backpack deliveries to make before I could go home and I needed to move quickly.

*

“Damn, kid. You look wiped out.” Adrian said as I climbed into his pickup truck.

“I barely slept, sir.” I said and yawned. I didn't have to fake it, either. It took a lot longer to make those two deliveries, because I had to use different routes. Relying on my spider-sense like that had been both great and time consuming. Not trying to get caught was taxing, stressful, and tiring.

“Is the job too much for you?” Adrian asked as he drove.

“Huh?” I turned to look at him.

“Staying out late every night working is catching up to you.” Adrian said.

“What? No way, sir!” I said with conviction. “After I finished work last night, I stupidly stayed up most of the night after playing with some chemical compositions and then I also played around with some of the mechanical engineering scraps I managed to scrounge from school.”

“After work?” Adrian asked.

“Yes, sir. It was after I finished. I mistakenly thought I had lots of time to play around because it was the weekend and I didn't have school today.”

Adrian chuckled. “I make the same mistake sometimes.”

I certainly hope it's not the same mistake. I thought and didn't try to look too closely at the man, because I didn't want to give myself away. He was a good provider, like Doris had claimed, and it wasn't until Tony Stark screwed him over with the clean-up contracts with the city that he turned to crime to feed his family and to keep his guys working.

It was then that I realized something. Adrian was still running his salvage business and I was working for him. It wasn't a criminal enterprise and I hadn't seen a hint of any criminal activities. I also didn't see any hints of alien technology and there were no reports of anything in the papers, which meant the attack on New York hadn't happened yet.

Yet. I thought. It was coming and I wasn't prepared for it. I would have to step up my plans and get some things done as quickly as possible. All I really knew was that it hadn't happened in winter and the clothes people wore seemed like warm weather clothes, so I had a few months at least, perhaps until summer. That was not a lot of time, considering it was almost Christmas.

We arrived at the salvage business and I took out my safety gear and checked it with Frank before putting it on, then we loaded up the extra equipment we needed and went to the abandoned building. Almost right away, one of the first guys on the site ran back to Adrian.

“Adrian! We got some vandals 'er somethin' that done messed up yer truck!”

“Show me.” Adrian said in a harsh voice and I followed along.

Several of the guys cursed and Adrian picked up the screwdriver from the pavement where I had left it.

“We'll find the bastard that did it.” One of the guys said and they all nodded.

“It looks like they were trying to break in or something.” I said and pointed at the driver's side door.

That made a lot of the guys curse and Adrian gripped the screwdriver tightly.

“Ben, you didn't notice anything when you were working?” Adrian asked.

“No, sir. I always check before and after work to make sure none of the debris is left on the street.” I said and he nodded. That had been one of the very first things he had his guys do every day. “It must have happened late last night. It's dark back here and when I leave, there's never anyone else around.”

Adrian nodded again. “My insurance...”

“Sir, I'd like to offer to pay for the damages.” I interrupted and he and the guys turned to look at me. “I know I wasn't responsible; but, it happened after I was here. I wouldn't feel right letting your rates go up just for a stupid thief.”

“Ben, I can't let you do that.” Adrian said.

“Sir, I... I insist. If I had stayed here, I'm sure I would have dealt with things.” I said and let some anger show on my face. “You work hard to give us all good jobs and to feed our families. That some idiot would even think to try and steal from you, to steal from all of us, deserves whatever happens to them.”

“Damn right, kid.” Frank said and clapped me on the shoulder as everyone nodded.

Adrian looked at my face and nodded. “I'll get an estimate for the lock and the repainting.”

“I'll talk to my Aunt May about selling Peter's clarinet. It's just a pile of money that's just sitting there and not being used.” I offered and he looked surprised. “I'll hope that it'll be enough to cover it. If not, I can make payments and...”

Adrian smiled and clapped my other shoulder. “Relax, kid. Don't worry about it.”

“But...”

“We've got work to do. Put this out of your mind and let's get upstairs. The top floor isn't going to tear itself apart.” Adrian said. “We might work you a bit harder, too. Having you here all day is going to speed us up a lot.”

“Yes, sir. I understand.” I said and smiled. “I won't mind that at all, sir. Not at all.”

We all went inside and started working. I actually did work my ass off much harder than I normally would. I didn't take breaks and I used Adrian's swinging wheelbarrow move at both the elevator shaft and at the opening to fill up the dump truck. It sped up my work by a significant margin and everyone noticed.

“I taught him that.” Adrian said and the guys chuckled as they ate lunch. “Ben! You gotta eat.”

“There's just a few more loads left!” I said and kept going, which made them laugh some more.

“We're almost ready to start on the floor.” Frank said. “We'll have to use more securing ropes when we do.”

Adrian nodded. “Give Ben the central one. He's moving around the most out of all of us.”

“Yes, sir. He gets the thickest rope.” Frank said with a smile.

I almost laughed at them, because even I knew it was the biggest and heaviest rope. They were trying to slow me down. It wasn't going to work because I already had a workaround for it. I would pile it into the wheelbarrow to make it lighter and also make them laugh.

I needed the extra laughs in my life. A lot of laughs.

I had actually broken down and cried last night after disposing of the bodies, which was why I hadn't slept much. Killing three people had changed things for me. It also changed things inside of me. My mind had easily classified the criminals as prey and killing them was no different than swatting at flies.

I assumed that it was whatever the bite had done to alter my brain, because I wasn't that ruthless or that pragmatic before... and now I was. I had adapted to a 'me over them' mentality after my breakdown and I realized that was for the best. I couldn't lose my mind every time an accident happened. I wouldn't be able to function in normal society if that was the case.

So, I accepted what happened had been inevitable. It was going to happen sooner or later. I was going to cause someone's death, either by my own hand or by my inactivity, and I was going to be devastated by it. I had my existential crisis and survived it. It had to happen for me to become who I was meant to become.

The Pragmatic Spider-Man.

I would deal with things sensibly and realistically, in a way that was based on practical considerations rather than theoretical ones. I would deal with reality on a fundamental level and how my actions affected it. After what happened, I could do nothing less than that.

*

“Not in my house!” Doris exclaimed with a laugh when Adrian and I showed up covered in dust and dirt from head to toe. “Strip off right there and carry your work clothes to the laundry. Addy! Get upstairs to the bedroom after that and shower like your life depends on it!”

“Yes, dear.” Adrian said and sighed.

“Ben! You get the downstairs bathroom. Don't come out until you are fully scrubbed!”

“Yes, dear.” I said with a grin, which made Adrian chuckle and Doris looked happy. “I brought a change of clothes.” I said and handed her my clean backpack that had been in the pickup truck.

Doris took it and carried it to the bathroom and hung it on the back of the door while Adrian and I stripped off to our underwear.

“I can't believe she won't let me cook tomorrow if I didn't show up tonight for supper.” I commented and bundled up my jeans and t-shirt, careful of getting more dust on my arms than I already had.

“She convinced your aunt that it was a good idea to make it a group thing.” Adrian said with a shrug.

I chuckled. “I'm not going to argue with her, either.”

“Smart kid.” Adrian said and I followed him to the laundry room to drop off our clothes. He went up the stairs and I went to the downstairs bathroom.

“Towels are in the cabinet there and the soap and shampoo are on the shelves in the shower.” Doris said and pointed.

“Thanks, Doris.” I said and Doris glanced down at my crotch. “Not a lot of exciting things at work.”

“Pity.” Doris chuckled as she winked at me and then shut the door when she left.

No spider-sense, so she was just teasing. I think. I thought and chuckled myself as I stepped into the shower and started to scrub. Either that or my senses don't believe she's a danger to me.

I washed up and dried off before getting dressed. I primped myself a little, just because I would be around three women, and carried my backpack to the front door to leave it there.

“You cleaned up well.” Liz said from the stairs behind me.

“I knew I was going to see you, so I had to put in some effort.” I responded.

Liz walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss. “This doesn't count as our first date.”

“No, that's tomorrow like we planned. This was your mother's idea.” I said and gave her a fake confused look. “Wait, does that mean it's my first date with her instead?”

Liz laughed and gave me another kiss. “She's going to laugh her butt off if she thinks that!”

I had to grin at her. “Are you going to tell her or should I?”

Liz took my hand and brought me to the dining room. “Mom! Guess what Ben asked me!”

“Oh? I thought he was waiting for tomorrow.” Doris said.

“He is.” Liz said and then told them what I had asked.

May and Doris laughed pretty hard, probably because I had been having date meals every night with May. Adrian looked amused, probably for the same reason. Liz just hugged me and I kissed her cheek.

We had a great meal and we talked about everything and nothing for the rest of the evening.