Scientific Sorcery : Beware of Kittens!

“What?” Cali hissed back to me. “How is that hero still alive… Why didn’t the Word unmake him? Explode him again, Ioan! Before he finds out where we are…”

“Clever, clever,” Jarl Bobliss shook his head, his voice calm but somehow carrying itself across all of Svalbard as if every inflection of his tongue made the air itself vibrate. “But not as clever as I. Those were good men that died. You will pay for that, witch.”

He began to advance toward us, walking very slowly as more blood seeped across the ruins, rejoining his body, adding to his muscle mass and height.

My lips spoke on their own accord as I stared at the fractal tattoo on the Jarl's cest. "I'm not a god, Cali. I'm just... a boy from Svalbard, imbued with knowledge from long ago given to me by River Glinka. Stormy is just a kitten, not an Elder Wyrm."

“Goldara’s tits, Ioan,” Cali choked, shaking me by my backpack. “I don't give a shit what you two are right now! You can explode him again… can’t you? Liquefy the ground? Make the river swallow him! Do something before he gets here!!!”

Her words finally pulled me out of my Skeletor-vision stupor.

It was time for plan B.

I pulled out the arbalest from my side and set its arrow on fire, pointing it at Glinka’s megalith.

Jarl Bobliss wasn’t a Jotun yet. He didn't walk in a straight line, milling about the ruins to recollect all of his spilled blood which began to spin around him like clouds of red fog.

He calmly walked across the ruins of the town, stretching his reformed muscles and likewise, calmly entered the frigid river current, somehow sensing where we were.

In a minute he was on the other side, approaching Glinka’s megalith.

“Do you think that a mere fire-tipped arrow will stop me?” He laughed, his far-too sharp eyes spotting me at the top of the cliff. “Go on, show me what you’ve got, boy. I’d love to see exactly how you’ve managed to drag two of my Lady’s minions all the way to the North Sea!"

Time slowed again as I pressed the trigger, releasing the arrow at Glinka’s megalith. It struck a small container of gunpowder inside of which sat Cali’s lavalier. The container exploded right beneath Glinka’s column, making the entire stone shudder.

Glinka, who was previously calmly sitting atop of her megalith leapt up looking left and right in outrage. Then she spotted Jarl Bobliss and sensed the lavalier pulsing under her.

“Ah,” Bobliss said, eyeing the river spirit. “There you are. Greetings goddess Glinka, I am Jarl Bobliss and I bring your death."

Glinka raised her hands into the air, the river roaring from both sides of her, heading towards Bobliss.

Bobliss swung his oversized blood sword at the megalith. The blood-blade sliced right through the Astral-imprint of Glinka, cleaving her in half and struck the stone beneath with a deafening crack.

Glinka’s megalith groaned and split in half, the water-hands collapsing back into the river. The river Spirit reformed atop of the biggest piece of rock. Filled with absolute fury she swung her hands again.

Bobliss struck the rock again, splitting it and the river spirit one more time.

Glinka appeared again, this time slightly dimmer, atop of the other large piece of her megalith.

“Let me guess,” Bobliss said. “The witch-boy made a pact with you? What did he give up? Half of his pitiful life? Half of his blood? All of his dreams? A pity that was all for naught, because unlike Jotuns, I cannot be pushed aside by running water.”

The blood sword reformed into a massive hammer and Bobliss struck the megalith, obliterating it into small rocks that flew like shrapnel all around with a deafening crack.

Glinka flashed above her remaining two megalith pieces, looking distraught, her gestures looking desperate now.

She swung a hand and a large watery hand came out of the river, grabbing at Bobliss. The water-hand wasn’t very big. The river water that did so well against Cali's sleigh and the Jotuns went right through the Jarl of Bernt, as if it was simply unable to pick him off the ground.

“Some heroes can fly,” Bobliss commented. “I cannot be moved from where I stand.”

I pressed the remote, liquefying the ground right beneath Bobliss. It didn’t do anything to the man, but it managed to submerge half of Glinka’s unsmashed megalith piece in it.

Bobliss looked down, his naked feet simply hovering right above the liquid mire that worked so well against Cali.

“A basic witch-trick,” he yawned. “What’s next?”

He casually swung his blood hammer, obliterating the 2nd piece of the megalith.

“One more piece left,” he said with a grin. “Then you’ll be undone, Glinka. Any last words, river goddess?”

Glinka, now hovering atop of her half-submerged, mostly shattered megalith, fell to her knees, hands together in an expression of begging.

“Oh? What’s this?” Bobliss laughed. “Begging for your life, are we? I do wonder what happens to river spirits after death. I very much doubt that they end up in Zal-Slavi!"

I could not lose Glinka, could not watch as my best resource in this world was simply destroyed, hammered to bits. Time slowed its crawl as I threw myself off the cliff, knell-blade aimed at Bobliss.

He matched my speed and simply swatted me aside, sending me flying. I lost the dragonglass sword, smashed into the cliffside, feeling as my backpack tore partially. My spine shattered from the impact with the cliff. Red circles swam inside of my eyes as I slumped into the rocky ground.

“Now who shall I end first?” Bobliss tapped his chin with his blood hammer. “The witch-boy or the river? Hrm. Hrm. Decisions, decisions.”

“L-le-leave Glinka alone,” I choked, feeling as blood poured from my body staining the ground around me, my vision fading in and out.

“Oh? A witch-boy in love with a river?” Bobliss laughed. “How quaint. You know, I thought that you would run. I was hoping to see how far North your horses and legs would take you. A shame you stayed here in Svalbard, taking half the fun out of my hunt.”

Damn it! Bobliss somehow knew that I was a mobile witch.

I looked at Glinka. She was still on her knees, desperate and begging. It looked like tears were running down her cheeks, her entire body trembling.

"You see Ioan," Bobliss said, pointing at the broken megalith. "I know exactly how to kill witches and river spirits. A river goddess isn't just water, it's a magic anchor. Smash the anchor and free all of the souls bound to it. When my hammer comes down, thousands of drowned souls and wish-makers will be released all at once. Everything that sustains Glinka's existence will cease!"

I didn't say anything to his ranting, was in too much pain to move.

“I know how to make this mundane affair slightly more entertaining,” Bobliss smirked. “Why don’t I close my eyes for ten seconds and you can do whatever you want to me. Sounds fair?”

“Ten,” he began, closing his eyes and smiling wide. “Nine.”

I swallowed.

“I suggest you crawl that broken body to the river, boy,” he commented, without opening his eyes. “Touch the water, offer your magic and life to the river goddess Glinka. Beg her for a… solution, for more power to stop me, for strength to spare your companions!"

I thought about reaching the river, about making one last desperate wish, about selling something to Glinka in exchange for power. I didn’t know what to ask for. All of my weapons had failed me, my rationality and scientific knowledge utterly useless in the face of a genuinely immortal Champion.

Through blood-covered eyes I saw that Cali was standing atop of the cliff, Stormy on her shoulder, her blue eyes wide with pure terror.

“Eight,” Bobliss said. “Seven. Go on witch-boy, crawl to the river. I want to see what powers you’ll be able to buy from the river. Crawl and beg because if you don’t, I’ll unmake that Arcanicx girlfriend of yours, peel her flesh from her body, pop her eyes, break her fingers one by one... all while keeping her alive. Spill your blood into the water and make your final wish to the river!”

I swallowed. Feeling in my pocket I realized that my earth-liquefying remote was cracked, the button turned off, the ground beneath the Jarl now solid.

“Six,” Bobliss counted slowly, giving me a chance to challenge the invincible, immovable man. “Five.”

I began to crawl towards the water, blood thrumming in my ears.

I didn't see as Cali rushed from the cliff, leaping away from it.

What I saw was how her body smashed into the rocky edge of the river right in front of me. She landed poorly and something vital in her broke on impact with the rocks. The front half of her body sunk into the river, blood seeping away into the boiling current as she whisper-exhaled something incomprehensible in Castian.

Shit. Why'd she do that?

“Four,” Bobliss laughed, looming above us like an angel of death. Blood-infused cloud spirals spun above him, still arriving from Svalbard, drop by drop increasing his inhuman musculature.

Cali’s body suddenly twitched, as if held up by invisible strings. She rose, standing in front of me, holding onto her lavalier in her left hand and the Knell-blade in her right.

“Stop,” she ordered, blue threads pouring from the lavalier to paw at the Jarl.

“Really, Sorceress of the South?” Bobliss opened his eyes. “Do you think that you can command me with that shiny trinket? Sorry to break it to ya - it doesn't work on me."

His hand flew through the air with a sonic boom, ripping the lavalier from her left hand. Cali yelped as she fell back into the river and then rose again, in the same unnatural manner. Through one of the intact lenses of my Astralscope I saw green-blue threads heading from Glinka’s megalith supporting Cali’s body.

The Arcanicx had made a wish on Glinka, sacrificed something to protect me. Her magic? Her life? Her memories? What did she give up?! Why?!

Lightning struck Bobliss from the lavalier as he squeezed it in his fingers, laughing.

“For my Champion!” Cali thrust the dragonglass blade forward, striking it deep into Bobliss’s chest.

“Ouch,” Bobliss said, looking at the Knell-blade. “That… kind of hurt. A pity for you that I don’t have a heart to stab through. Just give me a moment to deal with this… pretty necklace and I’ll get to you.”

The monstrous man squeezed harder and the lavalier shimmered and cracked, the Star-Shard gemstones on it popping one by one.

“Wh-wheres’s your heart?” I ground out, fighting back an ocean of pain.

“My heart is inside an egg, the egg is in a duck, the duck is in a hare, the hare is in a chest and the chest… well, that would be spoiling it,” Bobliss smirked.

He squeezed harder and the central gem in Cali’s lavalier shattered, the thrashing jewellery stilling.

Cali pulled the knell blade from Bobliss’s chest and tried to stab his face, but the man was faster. He simply moved his head aside, thrusting his right hand forward. His fist went right through Cali’s chest.

Cali fell backwards, a massive hole in her chest gushing blood. I watched as Bobliss held her heart above me. He squeezed hard and crushed her heart, making Cali’s blood rain down on the remnant of Glinka's megalith.

“You…” I choked out.

“Don’t worry,” Bobliss said with a nonchalant look. “Her body will be fed to Chernobog, turned into another Gygr. She did just as my Lady predicted she would, sacrificed all of her life and magic for you, Ioan. Let it be done. Let all of thy power flow into the corpse you wield!"

Bobliss swung his blood hammer, obliterating the remainder of Glinka’s column. Glinka’s avatar fell apart into radiant shears with a silent cry.

“There,” Bobliss said, his eyes shining like glowing rubies from within. “The final stroke is made, the loop is complete."

“Why…” I hissed.

“All part of the ritual, I’m afraid,” Bobliss revealed. “All part of the plan. No more megalith. Every drowned soul belonging to Glinka is thus henceforth bound to the heartless corpse of Callista Liesl. Together, the river spirit and the Castian Sorceress will make a perfect, new Gygr, one who will serve our Lady Christianna for all eternity. Like me, she will be one with Chernobog and in time she will wash away the glaciers.”

I blinked tears of blood from my eyes.

Threads of vibrating, folding darkness were dancing around Bobliss, emerging from the tattoo on his chest, reaching out to me like the feet of a giant black spider, digging into my head, making my thoughts swim and shatter before they even had a chance to form. His red beard fluttered in the wind, made up from transparent threads of blood like wriggling tentacles, gradually reforming his hair.

“You and Yaga Grandhilda have both been played for fools, mere pieces in our game,” Bobliss said with a chiding tone. “In the end, it made no difference whether you became a hero or a witch. Our goal was always to kill river Glinka, to bind its spirit to the body of a Felix Arcanicx who was doomed to fall in love with a Nordstaii boy and to sacrifice everything in her young, noble folly. Farewell, Ioan Starfall. May the halls of Zal-Slavi welcome you into their embrace, the last Champion of Svalbard. You have fought well today.”

I watched as Bobliss raised his blood-hammer for one last time, ready to smash my head in.