LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 14: A Tale of Two Memories
Northdale, South Dakota, April 15, 2005
“Gosh, Danny, this has been the best night ever,” she said.
“Yeah, Diane,” they replied, “it has been. Even though we only went to the gas station.”
“What, and you wanted to go all the way to Sioux Falls? Give me a break,” Diane replied, looking out the rolled-down window.
“Do you know what night this is, Di?” Danny asked.
“Of course I do,” she replied, smiling, “it’s the night you asked me out three years ago.”
“I…I need something more than what we have, Di,” they spoke, “I’m going crazy for you but our parents won’t like us moving in without a wedding.”
“Danny Vanderlaan, are you?”
They pulled over into the gravel, and turned to her, digging a case out of their pocket. “It’s worth four months of work at the auto place. I hope you don’t mind it’s a bit dusty, I’ve been waiting for this,” they replied, “but I need to ask something first.”
“Go ahead, Danny,” Diane replied, putting her hand on their shoulder, “I’m listening to you, you know that.”
“I…” (do I tell her about these urges? I’d be laughed out of any clinics, we’d have to move to California or New York State to have any luck. Not to mention Pa would just, reject me, if he didn’t have me killed the next time he saw me.)
“Danny, I know it’s hard, but you’re starting to worry me. I love you, and my answer is going to be yes, just, please be honest with me,” she said, smiling earnestly at them.
“It’s nothing,” Daniel replied, sighing, “I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, and I’m nervous to start our life together, but I believe we can make it work.”
Diane looked at him skeptically for a few moments, before delicately pulling the ring out of the box and sliding it on her finger. She grinned at him, then hugged him.
“I love you, Danny,” she said, tears of joy streaming down her face.
“Dan now, please, honey,” he replied, smiling weakly, “I love you too, more than you’ll ever know.
Omaha, Nebraska, September 16, 2008
“Why can’t you just be open with me, dammit?” she screamed at him, their baby, John, in one arm, “there used to be a good man in you, I could feel it.”
“There was never a good man in me, I’m sorry,” he replied, stroking his mustache, “I’m sorry but, I don’t know what to do. With the recession and all I’m going to have to change careers, and God, I know you need help with the baby, but I just feel like a shell of the person I used to be every day.”
“Imagine birthing someone from your own body, then!” she yelled at him, walking out of the room. Dan stared at his hands, trying to sob. He knew his wife needed help, and that she was carrying the burden of his unexpressed emotions, but… something felt off, that he couldn’t explain. He would have to buckle down and be the man he knew he needed to be, for his boy.
Forests of Wales, Just After Midnight, March 17, 2025
“Holy fuck,” Dani called as she held her throat, gasping, “wait, why the fuck am I swearing so much? Why do I sound like a woman?”
“Welcome back from the past, Danielle Vanderlaan-Smith,” Cindy replied, grinning, “you’ve seen where you were in a life that’s no longer yours. You’ve seen how you denying your true self hurt yourself and those you love in ways you couldn’t have imagined.”
“I…that was really the past, that first memory?” she asked, gasping.
“That was, yes. Repressed memories are the hardest,” she replied, a glint of sympathy in her eyes, “if you’d like, I’d like to introduce you to just a snippet of the new memories.”
“I…you can do that?” Dani asked.
“Do you have to ask that at this point? Look at yourself,” Cindy replied.
Dani took a look down and took in what she saw. A woman, in her mid-to-late 30’s, by the look of it, perhaps with a little bit of visceral fat to suggest…pregnancy some time ago? But, with all of that, she knew she looked exactly the way she’d wanted to at this age.
"How can you do this, though?" Dani asked, "by what right do you do this, to me and my daughters?"
"It fixed the problems, didn't it?" Cindy pointed out.
"I...suppose," Dani said, peering at Cindy, still not sure what to make of the deity standing before her. There was still something of a young woman about the powerful witch, and though she knew she had in a sense been made by her, and knew that she meant well, she couldn't help but feel that...something was off.
"I understand your unsureness, Danielle," Cindy said, "I am unsure, too. If you would like, I could undo some of this."
"I'm not sure what I'd do myself," Dani replied, sighing, "I just don't want this to be an issue. I just want to go home to my family."
"Are you afraid of me?" Cindy asked, recoiling.
"Yes. I am afraid of you, for me, for my family, and for the whole world. But I cannot ask you to stop," Danielle replied, "let's get this over with."
She gasped as more memories flooded her consciousness.
Northdale, South Dakota, April 15, 2005
“I…want to be a woman,” Dani spoke, wincing at her masculine voice, “like the woman we read about at the library, who used to be a man.”
“Okay,” Diane replied, staring forwards, “I guess that’d make me a lesbian, of all things, wouldn’t it?”
“I’m sorry if it’s not what–”
“Dani,” she replied, “is Dani still okay?”
“With an ‘i’, yes,” Dani replied, trying to hold back her tears.
“Dani Vanderlaan, I don’t know what God has planned, but I know I love you for you, and if that means we’re in love as lesbians, if that means we have to get you to some commie place out east, we’ll do that,” Diane replied, smiling as she took the ring.
“W..what? That easily you’ll agree to marry me? You have no idea what we’ll have to do,” Dani exclaimed in reply.
“I don’t, you’re right. We’ll research it at the library, make a plan, and get the heck out of here,” Diane replied, “I don’t know what you thought my response would be, but I dated you because of the spark of hope and wonder in your eyes, Dani, and we’re going to keep that going.”
San Francisco, California, September 16, 2008
“You got mail, dear,” Diane said as she nursed their baby, a girl named Lydia, “three pieces.”
“Thanks Di, it’s probably just spam,” Dani replied, taking her briefcase with her oversized laptop up the stairs before running back down to kiss her wife.
“You weren’t in the layoffs, were you?” Diane asked, nervously as she rifled through the mail.
“Nah, boss has got me covered, something about my sector being vital to the new digital economy, it’s nothing like the crash in ‘01,” Dani replied, taking a sandwich out of the fridge.
“Well that’s nice. Dear, um, you may want to see this one. Address is South Dakota,” Diane spoke up, waving it in front of her partner’s eyes.
Dear Mr. Daniel Vanderlaan-Smith,
She winced at the deadname, but continued reading
We regret to inform you of the untimely passage of your father, Mr. Paul Vanderlaan, and your brothers Steven and Michael Vanderlaan, of a motor vehicle crash just outside of their home in Northdale.
Regards and Condolences,
Brett White,
Sheriff, NPD
“It’s finally over,” she gasped, “he won’t try to kill us anymore.”
“You mean he’s…” Diane started to say, before catching herself.
Dani nodded excitedly, “my father is dead.”
“Well, good news comes in batches, honey, open the other two!”
Diane rifled through the other two letters, one from some annoying conservative group that wouldn’t stop mailing them (and deadnaming her in the mailings), and decided on the other one.
Dear Ms. Vanderlaan-Smith,
Your insurance has approved your surgery. Wait lists, however, are long at the San Francisco clinic. We suggest you seek surgery elsewhere in the country, at one of our associated doctors. You have a high likelihood of being approved at our Des Moines and Chicago clinics. Please call our office at your earliest convenience to inform us of your decision.
-Howard McClellan, MD/PhD
Dani sighed. Mixed news. “What’s next?”
“Something about Prop 8?” Diane said cautiously.
“Let me see that,” Dani said as she gently took it out of her wife’s hand, her heart dropping.
Des Moines, Iowa, August 8, 2010
“I don’t know how it’s happened, Ms. Vanderlaan-Smith, but you have the anatomy of a cissexual woman, one hundred percent,” the doctor said, rubbing her temples, “if I didn’t know better, I’d accuse you of being a different person, but well.”
“You mean that I’ll be able to…”
“Carry children, likely, yes,” she replied, sitting down at the stool, “I’ll write you a letter to change your sex with the state of South Dakota in the morning. For now, get some rest, and let me know if you have any unexpected issues.”
Dani walked out to her car, hopped in the passenger side next to Diane, and sighed with relief. Her wife looked at her anxiously.
“It’s as we suspected,” she replied, “a miracle. Never happened before.”
“You mean that…”
“We’ll need a donor, I mean, but yes,” Dani replied, hugging her wife.
“Oh, honey, that’s the best news I’ve ever heard in my life. I love you so much,” she almost screamed with joy, returning the embrace enthusiastically.
“I love you too, Di,” Dani replied, grinning.