Rogue of Taurus

Livia should not be so depressed about the cookies. The tea had gone over well, then Caecilia had taken three bites of a cookie and heaved it into the toilet. It didn't help that there was a parade in two days. Gaius said her attendance was required. She was even supposed to participate in some Taurus house ritual that she had skipped out on last year.

Gaius thought that watching videos of past parades was enough instruction for Livia to figure out what to do. So, Livia spent two hours analyzing and trying to decipher what she was supposed to say. She could only make out only every third word. Eventually, she threw down her pencil. She tried to call Gaius to complain but he didn’t pick up.

It was almost midnight now or she would have called Corvin for help. The next morning, she searched for Hyrum to see if he could help her. Instead, she found an exhausted Caecilia sipping ginger tea and eating a bowl of oatmeal one tiny nibble at a time.

“Are you feeling any better today?” Livia asked.

Caecilia looked up. “Yeah,” her voice was hoarse. “I’m keeping this oatmeal down...so far.”

Livia hated to bother her. “Is Hyrum home?”

“He went to work.”

Livia sighed. “Do you know if there’s another way to find what I’m supposed to say for this ritual thing? I know I’m supposed to chant something before I light the pile of grain on fire.”

Caecilia narrowed her eyes. “Gaius should have a book, I think. It has all the ceremonies in them. Didn’t he give a copy to you already?”

“He sent me a video?”

“Oh, right,” Caecilia’s face fell. “The video. Hyrum had to go to Gaius’ office to look at the books cause the video was bad. They’re setting up for the parade tomorrow. So, there’s no way they’ll let you into the office--”

“I’ll call Gaius,” Livia said.

Gaius still wasn’t answering his phone. Livia waited until ten and then called Corvin.

“Hey Liv,” he answered.

“Corvin, hey, I hate to bother you--”

There was a low rumble of noise going on in his audio. “No problem. What’s going on?”

“I’m supposed to do this...ritual...at the parade--”

“Yes, the one you didn’t do last year,” he said.

Livia’s heart slammed against her chest as she heard disapproval in his tone. “Well, I’m trying to do them this year but Gaius sent me a video and the audio is pretty mangled--”

“There’s a book of ceremonies--”

“It’s locked in Gaius’ office and Caecilia says you can’t get in today--”

“Come to my parents' house. There’s a copy in our library--”

“When may I do that?” Livia asked.

“Best to come right now. It’ll take a while to learn the Latin--”

“It’s in LATIN?” That explained hardly being able to make out any of the words.

“Yeah, Liv,” Corvin said. “We’ll see you in ten minutes, then?”

“Ten minutes,” Livia ground out.

Livia couldn’t remember the last time a stream of curse words flowed out of her mouth so furiously. The entire car ride over to Lars’ house she cursed Gaius, Caesarea, traditions, parades, and every single ancient Roman she could name. She parked on the street because the driveway was full of cars again.

She slammed the door as she got out. “Great, just great, now everyone is going to think we’re dating--” she muttered. She’d planned to avoid Corvin’s house for the duration of the vacation to avoid rumors. If Livia had her car she might have driven straight out of town. But she couldn’t steal Hyrum’s car. Maybe she could get lost on purpose during a hike and accidentally camp out overnight?

She felt too guilty to do that knowing that Justin and the TARP officers would be called in to find her. They would worry and spend all that time away from their families during the holiday. Livia was so upset by the time she got to Corvin’s door that she had tears in her eyes. She took a couple of deep breaths and wrestled down her emotion before she knocked.

Alia answered the door. “Hey, Liv, come in.”

Livia nodded. But she couldn’t release the tension in her throat enough to speak. Instead, she walked into the house. She froze as the sheer size of the place overwhelmed her. The ceiling of the foyer soared over her head and contained a huge crystal chandelier. Livia hadn't ever seen anything so fancy outside of a hotel ballroom. She suddenly felt very small and very intimidated.

“The library is this way--” Alia offered.

Livia’s voice had deserted her so she followed silently. If the foyer made her anxious, then she was completely unprepared to walk into the library. It was huge and had at least four leather sofas set up in the center of the room for reading. Floor-to-ceiling windows and a huge skylight flooded the entire room with light. Livia’s eyes flew to the shelves on every spare wall space of the room. There had to be thousands of books. There were two stories of bookshelves and most of them couldn’t be reached unless you climbed the stairs in the corner and accessed a metal walkway.

Livia had to remind herself to breathe because she was so stunned. Real people lived this way? She heard voices and in a distant corner, she saw that Corvin was standing with his father and his uncle Marcus. They were studying a book that was as big as Livia’s torso.

Sometimes you lie to yourself about how badly you hoped for something until you’re confronted with solid evidence it's impossible. Livia knew she and Corvin were too different to ever be together but she couldn’t have imagined that reality would make it this painfully obvious. She was crushed. Utterly. She did not fit into this world and she never would. She wished she’d never stepped across the threshold of his door. Livia trembled with the effort it took to act like everything was normal.

“Did you find it?” Alia asked as she crossed the room.

“We found it,” Corvin answered. “Come see, Livia.”

Livia did not want to see. She wanted the book to spontaneously combust into flames. Since that wasn’t going to happen, she stepped forward.

Corvin came around the table, turning the book as he came. “It’s all right here, Liv. It’s only three lines of Latin. Not too complicated either.”

Livia’s eyes wouldn’t focus on the words in front of her. Corvin started reciting in Latin and the foreign sound of the language made him feel like a stranger.

The sound of silence finally filled the space between them. Corvin turned away from the book and looked at her. “Liv?”

Her voice was still trapped somewhere inside. So, she didn’t respond. Corvin’s hand came to rest on her back. “You’re shaking? Are you cold? No, you’re Taurus…”

Silence fell again. “You...afraid, Liv?” Corvin asked.

“I can’t do this!” Livia cried. “I can’t!” It meant everything. It meant to be his friend. It meant to be attracted to him. It meant reciting Latin in front of an entire crowd. It meant to be a good patrician. It meant to stay in Caesarea. She couldn’t do any of it.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Corvin crooned. He pulled her into a hug. “You can do this.”

Livia shook her head. “I can’t. I-I wish I had my car. I’d drive away and never come back. On the way here I was thinking of getting lost in the woods on purpose but I didn’t want all the TARP staff to get bothered--”

Corvin laughed. “Take a deep breath. I’m not going to let you do this alone. We’ll break it down into manageable steps.”

Livia couldn’t relax. She held herself stiffly in Corvin’s arms. She scoffed at his reassurances. “Steps? Like it’s some kind of recipe? This is so beyond anything I’m capable of--”

“Then, we’re in for some personal growth,” Corvin said, pulling her in tighter.

Livia usually enjoyed Corvin’s touch but today his closeness felt awful. Livia shifted uncomfortably in his arms. “Are you trying to keep me from running away?”

Corvin released her and stepped back. “You’re stressed out, huh? So, that is not the slightest bit comforting, is it?”

“No,” Livia admitted, bluntly. “Feels terrible.”

Corvin grinned at her. “Well, don’t run away,” he joked.

“I’m not sure I remember how to get out or I would,” Livia joked back.

“Why don’t we walk around then?” Corvin asked. “I’ll show you the way out.”

“So, I can run?”

“So, you don’t feel as scared,” Corvin said.

Livia looked away feeling transparent.

“This addition to the house is fairly new,” Corvin said.

Livia's attention whipped back to him. “Addition?”

“Only been here for three years,” Corvin said. “I did not grow up with the house this way.”

Livia’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

Lars interjected. “Aurelia and I spent three years arguing about building it but we both agree it was the best thing we did for ourselves.”

“Why was it built?” Livia asked.

“Work-life balance,” Lars answered. “It takes thirty minutes to get to the forum from here and with all the traffic and congestion that can be extended to over an hour. I’d leave at seven and not get home until seven. When I work from the home office I can start work at 8 and be done at five and spend the lunch hour with the family. When so many of our hours are taken up involved in the community that extra morning and lunch hour are sacred.”

Livia looked around her. “So, this is an office?”

Lars shook his head. “No. The office is the next room over.”

“Come see,” Corvin urged.

Livia followed him through the library and let him show her around the entire addition. It was high class, no doubt, but it wasn’t as huge as Livia assumed. There was the library, Lars’ office, a storage closet, and some bathrooms.

Covin took her into the foyer and led her to the french doors that were opposite the entrance. “This is the old front door.”

He pushed it open and the sound of laughter drifted through the door. He gestured for her to look in. Livia poked her head through the door and was surprised to find a normal house. Expensive marble flooring transitioned to wood, cushy rugs, and worn furniture. Livia could see a living room fireplace on the right and into a small kitchen on the left. The island only had three spaces at the bar and while the appliances were nice there wasn’t a lot of cupboard space.

Livia looked at Corvin in surprise. It was a normal house.

“Hey, Liv!” Auzeara called. “You came to visit?”

Oh no. She’d been spotted. Her face flushed. “Uh, needed help with the ceremony thing tomorrow.”

“Sure,” Azurea winked. “It must be nice to see Corvin too.”

Livia ducked back into the foyer and gave Corvin a panicked look, but he thought the entire thing was funny. He was grinning. “See ya, Az. We’re going to hole up in the library and memorize some Latin.”

“Sure,” she teased. “That’s what I told my parents when I wanted to make out with my boyfriend too.”

Livia cringed. Then became aware that Alia, Lars, and Marcus were watching her. Corvin shut the door and turned to face her.

“Sorry,” she whispered.

Corvin’s brow furrowed. “What are you apologizing for?”

“They’re going to say--”

Corvin waved that away. “I’ve had worse rumors spread about me, Liv. Besides, you’re way too stressed out for kissing to be fun anyway--”

He strode past her leaving her wondering what would happen if she wasn’t stressed out. Would he try to kiss her? Livia suddenly remembered their almost kiss in his kitchen before Arik interrupted. Neither one of them had ever brought it up again. That must mean Corvin wasn’t interested, right? Even though his reaction right now made it seem he might want to kiss her when she was relaxed.

Livia was sure the confusion was written across her face when she turned to follow Corvin.

Lars interrupted her. “Marcus and I wanted to review some papers in the library if that wouldn’t make you uncomfortable…”

Oh, that was a relief! It took the ambiguity out of the situation. “That’s great! I mean, fine. I’m fine,” Livia said, trying to rein in her initial enthusiasm. “With that.”

Marcus chuckled. “You really aren’t dating.”

“No, we’re not,” Livia said.

Alia spoke up. “None of us would be against it if you were, you know?”

Livia’s eyes widened. “Oh,” she choked out.

Lars grinned. “We’d be rather pleased, actually.”

Livia didn’t know how to respond to Lars’ show of support. She was so surprised that she laughed. She wondered if Corvin knew his family was matchmaking behind his back--literally. She looked up and Corvin was leaning halfway out the library entrance.

“Fabulous, we have work to do,” he barked.

She exchanged a look with the trio and they all burst out in a round of laughter together. The unexpected moment of camaraderie left Livia with a warm buzz in her chest. She exchanged a conspiratorial smile with Corvin’s family.

“I do have Latin to learn,” she told them.

Lars winked playfully at her. “Women are renowned for multitasking.”

Another burst of shocked laughter startled out of Livia. “I gotta go. You lot are nothing but trouble--”

Their laughter echoed in the hallway as she marched toward Corvin with a red face.

“What’d they say?” he asked quietly.

Livia pressed her lips together and shook her head.

Corvin’s eyes widened. “What’d they say?” he pressed.

Livia couldn’t look him in the eye. “I can’t say--”

He laughed. “Are they teasing you? I can tell them to stop…”

“It’s okay,” Livia said, softly. “I don’t mind.”

“You let me know, Livia,” Corvin insisted. “If they cross a line and we’ll fix it together, alright?”

She nodded. She lifted her eyes to his and the sunlight streaming in behind him highlighted the warm-colored specks of amber in his eyes. Livia’s breath caught and she couldn’t look away.

“Come on, Fabulous,” Corvin said, walking into the library. “We got Latin to learn.”

Livia followed him to the large book. She sighed. “Where do we start?”

“With the first three words. How’s that sound?”

“Deceptively easy,” Livia muttered.

Corvin laughed. “Livia, you can do this. I’m going to prove it to you.”

Two hours later Corvin had invited his entire family into the library. Livia hid in a corner until Corvin dragged her out. So, they were holding hands in front of his family. She shot him an irritated look but he ignored it.

“Okay, Liv, they’ve agreed to the test run,” Corvin said. “Show them what you know.”

“I don’t think this is necessary,” she said, removing her hand from his.

“Oh, it is totally necessary,” he insisted. “It’s going to be uncomfortable reciting in front of all those people tomorrow. So, the last step is to make sure you can recite the lines while uncomfortable.”

“Is that supposed to make me want to do this?” Livia asked.

Corvin laughed. “Of course you don’t want to do this, Liv. I can’t fix that. My goal is that you’ll be prepared to do it.”

Livia stared down Corvin’s family and they stared right back at her. Even the children were oddly well-behaved like they understood their mission. She sighed and resigned herself to her fate. It was harder to remember the lines with people watching, feeling the pressure to not mess up. It took her about four tries until she managed it.

Livia put her hands over her face. “This isn’t going to work.”

“Livia, Livia, Livia,” Corvin grabbed her hands so he could look her in the eyes. “You’re going to do fine. This is why we’re practicing this way. Okay?”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “I can’t do this, Corvin.”

“Liv, hun, I know it’s hard but there’s no one else to do it,” he said, gently.

“What happens if I mess up in front of everyone?” Livia cried.

“Then you take a deep breath and start over again,” Corvin said.

“They will hate me forever,” Livia whispered, horrified. “They’ll never let me forget it.”

“Liv, you won’t be the first person to mess up at one of these things. It happens. No one holds it against people.”

Livia laughed bitterly. “That’s only because they’re considered Caesarean. No one thinks I belong here in the first place.”

“I think you belong here,” Corvin insisted, fiercely.

“No, you don’t,” Livia snapped. “Admit it. You disapproved of all the rules I broke and the people I hung out with--”

Corvin looked confused. “The people you hung out with? TARP? I never disapproved of that--”

“Arik. You thought he was beneath me--”

Hesitation crossed Corvin’s face.

“See!” Livia accused.

“I didn’t understand you,” Corvin said. “But that never meant I thought you should leave. You belong here as much as I do.”

“You say that.” Livia pointed a finger at his chest. “But you ignored me for an entire year. So, if that’s the best I can expect from the most decent person I know, I can only imagine how others will treat me.”

“Livia, that’s in the past,” Corvin insisted. “I’m not going to ignore you if you make a mistake.”

“Will you go back to ignoring me if I decide not to do this?” She challenged.

Corvin sighed. “Livia, let’s be reasonable about this--”

“How am I being unreasonable, Corvin?” Livia demanded. “What rational being places themselves in front of a hostile crowd knowing they’ll appear weak and incompetent? Tell me of any other creature in the animal kingdom that would do that. Humans are INSANE!”

Some of Corvin’s family laughed.

“She’s technically not wrong--” Melanie muttered. “Humans are the only animal that stupid.”

Corvin shot his sister a glare.

“Livia,” Corvin looked back at her. “First, they’re hostile because they believe you look down on Caesarean traditions.”

“That’s ridiculous--”

“Oh, then what would you conclude if someone new came to live at your house and then proceeded to ignore all the rules and traditions you’d established?”

Livia shouted. “No one taught me the rules!”

“Did Gaius ask you to perform the ritual last year?” Corvin asked.

“Gaius didn’t even find what I was supposed to say in that book,” Livia gestured, wildly. “He said I should get up there and mumble incoherently and eventually a prompter would tell me what to say! So, you can call me disrespectful for hiding in the audience with Arik but faking my way through a ritual some people might still consider sacred was way worse, Corvin!”

“Did Gaius actually say that?” Corvin asked.

“Yes! That’s what Hyrum did. Didn’t you watch him last year?”

“Yet, Hyrum has their respect and you do not,” Corvin said. “What does that tell you?”

Livia glared at Corvin.

“It’s natural to be frightened, Livia, but humans would not have survived millennia of challenges and catastrophes if we couldn’t act despite our fear,” Corvin said, firmly.

Livia shook her head. “I just don’t believe it will do any good, Corvin. And what’s the point of getting up there if it makes things worse? I already can’t deal with living here--”

“I need you to trust me--”

“I don’t,” she quipped. “Remember?”

Corvin shook his head. “Livia, trust me. Doing this--even if you make huge mistakes--will do so much good.”

“Why?” she asked. “Why does it matter so much?”

“Let’s go back to my earlier analogy. Imagine a stranger came to live in your house and they disrespected all your rules and traditions.”

“Okay--” Livia agreed. “I got that part--”

“What would you want them to do to make it up to you?”

“Leave,” Livia said, immediately.

“Or--” Corvin prompted.

Livia thought but she couldn’t come up with an answer. “I don’t know.”

“Start following the rules and traditions,” Corvin said.

“Oh,” Livia said. Then the understanding sunk deeper. “Oh, I see.”

“That's why, Livia,” Corvin said. “That’s how you fix it.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” Livia asked.

“That’s a possibility. You can’t control how people will respond to your efforts or how long it will take until they decide to trust you again--” Corvin stopped in the middle of his thought.

Emotions crossed over his face and at first, she thought he was upset about how she’d joked about not trusting him. Then she considered the wider circumstances. Caesarea was still upset at him for donating money to different campaigns.

“But if you keep doing the same things nothing will change. You have to show up, take risks, and hope it’s enough to create change--” he said, voice hoarse.

Corvin’s show of vulnerability gained her trust more than any argument could. Their situations were different but they were both currently in a form of exile--his political, hers social. His advice was being offered from a place of empathy.

Plus, he was right that repeating the same mistake she’d made last year was only going to make things worse. This was one of those crossroads moments. Livia could decide to ditch the parade out of fear like last year, or she could face her fear and discover if she could earn the respect she craved in Caesarea. If the entire thing backfired, she didn’t have much to lose. Nothing, except her new friendship with Corvin.

“If I do this...and I mess up in front of everyone...you’ll still be my friend, right?” Livia asked. “You won’t hate me?”

“No, Livia, of course not,” Corvin said.

“Promise?” she pleaded.

“I promise,” Corvin vowed.

“I just need one person to like me besides Hyrum,” Livia confessed, voice shaking. “I just need one person to stand by me no matter what--”

Corvin lifted his hands and gestured around the room. “What else do I need to do to prove that I support you, Livia?”

Livia laughed. “I know...I mean, thank you. I needed your help and you didn’t turn me away.”

“You should ask for help more often,” Corvin said. “I wish I knew sooner how awful Gaius treated you.”

Livia frowned. “He’s not awful.”

Corvin looked confused. “You don’t think so? Cause I think he’s not very helpful or supportive--”

“Well, that’s...irritating... inconvenient even,” Livia admitted. “But you have to do a lot worse to be awful.”

Corvin gave her a look.

“What?”

“We’re going to have to disagree here,” Corvin said. “He treats you awful. The only reason you don’t think so is that you don’t fully understand how much consideration you deserve.”

“Consideration?” Livia laughed like that was a joke.

Then she realized Corvin was not amused and maybe even genuinely angry by the look on his face. She froze. “Are you angry at me?”

“No. I’m angry at Gaius.”

“You’re angry at Gaius?” Livia was genuinely bewildered.

“Who sends a young woman up in front of thousands of people without teaching her what she’s supposed to say? That’s reprehensible, Livia. Not a single competent parent in Caesarea would stand for their child to be humiliated that way.”

Livia looked away, pained. “I still can’t believe Hyrum did it.”

“Does he know what to say this year?” Corvin asked.

“I--Caecilia seemed to think he did. She said he found the information in the same book you looked at--”

“I’ll call her,” Corvin said.

Corvin pulled out his phone and made the call immediately. He confirmed Hyrum did have the right information. Then tried to see if Livia had everything she needed to wear. Finally, he arranged for Livia to come to the house again the next morning. So Caecilia only had to worry about Hyrum and not spend hours doing Livia’s hair while her morning sickness was so intense.

Livia was irritated that he was making arrangements without asking her. Then he ended his call and asked, “Will we see you here tomorrow morning?”

Livia's irritation eased a tad. At least he was asking her instead of telling her. Also, his concern for Caecilia seemed genuine. Was Livia going to refuse and pile a load of work in her sister-in-law's lap?

“Fine,” she said, sharply. “What time?”

Corvin turned to his family and locked eyes with his mother. He’d made plans without consulting her either Livia realized. She wished she hadn’t agreed so hastily. Livia shot Aurelia a panicked look. “Only if that’s not a problem--”

She spoke warmly, “It’s not a problem. Please, come at six.”

“Are you certain?” Livia asked. “We could manage...somehow...I think?”

Corvin’s family laughed. Livia’s cheeks heated. Everyone in the room knew there was no way she’d manage and she hated looking so incompetent.

“The hairstyle and makeup required are quite specific,” Aurelia said. “We’d prefer that you were correctly presented this year so more important issues can be the focus of the ceremonies.”

“I’d prefer that too,” Livia agreed. “I’ll be here at six.”

“So, we’re doing this,” Corvin confirmed.

“We are,” Livia confirmed. She didn’t like it but Livia didn’t want another big scandal. “Thank you, Corvin.”