Rogue of Taurus

Livia opted to ask her roommate Whitney for help before she left to go home for the weekend. So, on Friday they hopped into her car and headed to the store. It was a beautiful fall day and Livia updated Whitney about her last shopping adventure as they drove.

“I know what part of town you’re talking about,” she said. “It’s safer to stay on this side of the freeway. How do you know this Corvin guy?” she asked.

“He’s from back home,” Livia said. “We have a little group of us that meet on Saturday nights.”

“Oh, so, you hang out while I’m away?” she asked. “That makes me feel better. Sometimes I worry about leaving you alone.”

“No, I’m fine really. I like to be alone sometimes.”

Livia actually liked having the apartment to herself for long periods. It made her feel like she was in charge and could do whatever she wanted and that was more healing than she’d probably admit to anyone.

“What did you do with the old car?” Whitney asked.

“A friend from back home, Justin, knew a guy that wanted it. He said he’d arrange for it to be towed and transported and give me $200 for it.”

“Are you happy with that?” she asked.

“Yeah, it was a more than fair deal. It would have cost more to tow to the scrapyard than what the car was worth. So…”

“And your brother is sending a new car two weeks from now?”

“Yeah, some more friends from home are driving it over.”

“Which friends are these?” Whitney asked.

“Tavian and Adrian, Arik and Tan,” Livia said.

“Oh, those twins and your ex. Well, that should be a drama fest, right?”

Livia sighed. “I hope not.”

“Are you dreading seeing him?” Whitney asked.

“Not dreading...sometimes he can be easy to be around. I just hope he doesn’t do one of those little sulks he gets into. I mean, it’s only three days, right? He can’t do that much damage.”

Whitney laughed. “Hopefully not.”

Whitney and Livia talked as they walked. They bought the groceries and loaded them into the car and drove home.

###

Livia walked up to Corvin and Terrance’s door and knocked. Corvin answered and invited her in. Livia turned to wave to Whitney before she stepped in.

“Who is that?” Corvin asked.

“My roommate,” Livia answered. “She drove me over.”

Corvin waved at Whitney too. Whitney didn’t drive off immediately and waved back. Corvin approached her car and Whitney rolled down the window.

“You’re good to drive her back home?” Whitney asked. “She told me she’d be fine…”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure she gets home at a decent hour,” Corvin said, easily.

“Okay, good. You Corvin?” She asked.

“Yeah, and you’re the famous roommate that owns a bearded dragon,” Corvin teased.

Whitney laughed. “You’re invited to come to meet him anytime.”

“Thanks. It was nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Whitney said. “Gotta go.”

Whitney rolled up the window and backed out. Corvin returned to Livia.

“You talked to her?” Livia asked.

“Yeah, you can tell a lot about a person from your first impression--”

“And--” Livia drawled.

“What?” Corvin looked at her.

“What did you learn?”

“I liked that she didn’t leave until she’d confirmed I wouldn’t be inconvenienced by driving you home. So we can rule out her being a psychopath. She’s willing to let me into your apartment so that means she’s friendly and curious about people. She guessed my name so that means you talk about me--”

Corvin wiggled his eyebrows. Since when did he do things like that?

Livia sputtered. “Do not!”

Corvin grinned at her. “Teasing, Liv.”

“Speaking about talking about people,” Livia glared at him. “Have you talked to Justin lately?”

“Yesterday,” he said.

“You told him about Oliver!” Livia snapped.

“I did,” he said, shamelessly. “Let’s continue this conversation inside.”

As soon as the door closed behind them Livia whirled on him. “Why did you mention it?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Corvin asked.

“We aren’t dating,” Livia said. “So, it's insignificant.”

Corvin shook his head. “It showed you were making friends here and settling in. It wasn’t insignificant.”

Livia frowned. “What else does he ask you about me?”

Corvin's face creased with concern. “Are you upset about something, Liv?”

Livia sunk onto the couch and crossed her arms across her chest. “He’s spying on us both.”

Corvin laughed. “Explain.”

“I asked him if he sent you here to watch over me,” Livia muttered.

Corvin grunted. “What did he say?”

“That was only fifty percent of the reason why you were here--”

Corvin’s eyes widened. “He was that transparent with you? That’s impressive.”

“The other fifty percent of the reason why you're here is so I can watch over you--” Livia growled.

Corvin’s lips pursed as if he were trying not to smile. “You don’t like that?”

Livia huffed and tried to act nonchalant, but she couldn’t mask the worry that came out in her tone. “Are you okay?”

Corvin laughed. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Livia insisted.

Corvin lowered himself into the armchair across from her. “You can tell Justin everything is fine here.”

Livia furrowed her brow. “But is it, really?”

“Yes,” Corvin nodded. “I miss my family but it’s been a nice break.”

“Your classes aren’t stressing you out?” Livia asked.

“No.”

“You lonely?” she asked, hesitantly.

“No more than usual,” he smiled.

“You’re usually lonely?” Livia asked, curious.

Corvin shrugged. “Mostly romantically. I don’t like being single.”

“Justin asked me if you were dating anyone--” Livia said.

“What did you tell him?” Corvin folded his hands over his belly and settled more firmly into the armchair.

“That if he wanted to know something like that he’d have to ask you himself--”

Corvin gasped. “No!”

“Yes! I’m not a gossip or a snitch,” she said.

Corvin tried to contain his laughter by putting a hand over his mouth and failed. After he’d contained himself he scolded her. “Livia, you’re not supposed to talk to your patron like that!”

“I’m not turning into his spy--”

“Livia, he’ll think we’re dating if you talk like that,” Corvin said. “You don’t show more loyalty to me than to Justin if you don’t want rumors to spread.”

“So, you’re just fine with me telling him whatever I want about you?” Livia demanded.

“As long as it’s honest,” Corvin said.

“You don’t have a problem with him invading your privacy?” Livia asked.

Corvin looked so confused that Livia put a hand over her eyes and sighed. “Let me guess. Not a Caesarean thing, right?”

“I mean, it’s Justin,” Corvin said, splaying his hands out. “The man is one of my best friends and knows all my secrets. There’s no point in hiding anything from him--”

“Then why does he need me to watch out for you at all, then?” Livia demanded.

“Cause he wishes he were here to do it himself,” Corvin said. “Patrons often ask clients to do things that they can’t do themselves. That’s how the system works.”

Livia sighed.

Terrance came out of the kitchen with chips and salsa. “So, what’s this I hear about you and Livia dating, Corvin?”

“No!” Livia rounded on him and pointed a threatening finger. “Don’t you dare! That’s how those stupid rumors start. That’s the last thing I need people to start in on.”

Terrance adopted an innocent expression. “All I heard is that Justin thinks you’re dating now?”

“Cause she said she wouldn’t snitch on me or answer the question if I was dating anyone,” Corvin said, heaving out a huge sigh.

Terrance’s mouth popped into a huge ‘O.’ “Well, we’re lucky the Aurelians have tight lips, then.” He turned on Livia with a look of disbelief. “What possessed you to talk to your patron that way?”

Livia rubbed her temples. “You Caesareans are going to make me lose my damn mind.”

To her surprise, both Corvin and Terrance laughed.

Terrance turned to Corvin. “So, are you going to call and explain or let him think you’re secretly dating?”

“I better call,” Corvin shook his head. “I’ll do it later. Justin is busy inducting two recruits tonight.”

“Where’s Felicity?” Livia asked.

“She’s gonna be late,” Terrance answered. “She’s on a date.”

It was Livia’s turn to be surprised. “A non-civ?”

Terrance nodded. “She’ll be here to report in about a half-hour.”

That left Livia here alone with Terrance and Corvin and that suddenly made her anxious. She ran her hand up and down her arm and tried to think of something useful to do.

Corvin’s eyes narrowed in on her soothing gesture. “What are you thinking, Liv?”

Livia sighed. “We should do something…”

“Watch a movie?” Terrance suggested.

“Felicity would miss part of it,” Livia said. She didn’t want to watch a movie either. She wanted to do something with her hands.

“Liv, what do you want to do?” Corvin asked.

“Can I--” she hesitated. She felt uncomfortable asking to use their kitchen and their supplies. “Can I bake you some cookies? I mean, if you have supplies on hand?”

“Really?” Terrance asked. “Cause that sounds amazing!”

Relief flowed through Livia. “Yeah, let’s do it!”

So, they inspected the kitchen and didn’t find any brown sugar or chocolate chips so they had to settle for sugar cookies, but that wasn’t a problem for Livia.

Livia mixed the ingredients while Terrance and Corvin sat on barstools and watched. They offered to help a few times but she turned them down.

About halfway through the process, Terrance commented. “This is kind of fascinating to watch.”

Corvin chuckled. “She transformed before our very eyes, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, also, why is it so darn relaxing to her?” Terrance asked.

“I think it’s tactile,” Corvin said. “The way she presses her entire palm against the curve of the bowl. She rolls the cold eggs back and forth across her palm before she breaks them. The way she taps the bottom of the measuring cups on her palm to level them--”

“Yeah, but there’s like this timing in her head. It’s like a dance…” Terrance said.

Livia froze, self-conscious. “Um…I--”

“You feeling alright, Liv?” Corvin asked. “Taurus get tactile sensory cravings when they get too worn out.”

Livia looked up and met his eyes, confused. “We do?”

“You must be tired,” Corvin repeated.

“I had a couple of tests this week,” Livia admitted.

“Did you study a lot?” he asked. “Stay up late?”

“A couple of nights…” Livia said. “But I don’t feel tired--”

Corvin smiled. “You’re Taurus, Liv, you won’t feel tired until you're ready to pass out.”

“What does that mean? Tactile sensory cravings?” Livia asked.

“Means your body wants touch to compensate for something it’s lacking,” he said. “In this case probably a good night's sleep.”

“What if I don’t want to touch at all?” Livia asked, quietly.

“Often happens when Taurus get too hot or too stressed,” Corvin said.

Livia sighed. “You are kidding me--”

“No, but I’m not Taurus. What I’ve heard could be wrong...” Corvin said.

Livia started baking again. “No, that just would have been nice to know…”

Terrance and Corvin exchanged a startled look. Livia started shaping dough balls between her palms.

Corvin leaned forward and rested his elbows on the counter. “Yeah, uh, my uncle Marcus complains a lot--he’s a doctor--that Taurus women ignore how tired they are and make themselves chronically ill because they ignore what their body needs. So, if you’re feeling like you just can’t resist touching something, you might want to curl up around a pillow and take a nap instead of...is this what you usually do? Bake?”

“Yep,” Livia answered.

She was frustrated. First, why hadn’t her mom told her? But Livia was used to being disappointed by her mother so this wasn’t a surprise. Gaius, though, he should have said something, but he probably didn’t know that she didn’t know. So, it took Corvin observing her and doing his irritating people analysis thing for her to figure it out.

Livia lined the cookie sheets with dough balls in silence and then slipped two pans in the oven to bake. She went to the sink to wash her hands. She was surprised when Corvin’s hand shot out and adjusted the faucet. “That’s hot!” he barked.

Livia looked at him in surprise. Livia swallowed as the surprise turned to fear. Was he angry at her?

He froze and looked instantly sheepish. “Sorry, Liv, I-I have too many little sisters. Reflex.”

His fingers passed through the water. “That’s nice and cold. It will feel good.”

He stepped away and looked across the room. He acted almost embarrassed. Interesting.

Livia ran her hands under the water. To her surprise, the water did feel really good. She didn’t realize that tension had built up in her forearms and wrists. The cold water washed it all away.

“Is that also a Taurus thing?” Livia asked, quietly.

“Yep,” Corvin answered.

“Thanks,” Livia said.

“No problem, Liv,” Corvin said.

The doorbell rang and Corvin left to answer it.

Livia looked at Terrance.

He smiled at her. “You okay?”

“I thought he was mad at me,” Livia whispered.

Terrance shrugged one shoulder. “Nah, he just got protective. Hard not to be when you don’t know basic things about taking care of yourself.”

Livia's cheeks reddened. “I can take care of myself.”

“I don’t doubt that you can keep yourself alive, Livia. I think you’re real good at that but I don’t think you’re good at being kind to yourself.”

Livia frowned. “Why does that matter?”

Terrance sighed. “It’ll catch up to you sooner or later. Taurus women are notorious for it. Taurus men get violent when they’re pushed too far and the consequences of that are really severe so they take care of themselves. Taurus women tend to internalize and the result of that is a lot of mental illness. That, unfortunately, causes dysfunctional families and negative patterns get passed on…” Terrance sighed. “It was a huge problem in the collapse of the Patrician families of Taurus house. Taurus women just can’t push themselves the same way Rattus, Aquila, and Lupus women can. They’re meant to sprint, not run marathons, and the culture even just a generation ago refused to acknowledge that. We know better now but…” Terrance’s eyes filled with tears. “We lost a lot of them before we learned that.”

Livia inhaled sharply. “That...makes a lot of sense with what happened with…my mother. She couldn’t stay and survive--”

“Those parts of Caesarea are still around,” Terrance admitted. “But there are pockets now, there are people and places that will help you. TARP does amazing work with Taurus and so does Corvin’s uncle Dr. Tullius. His work has saved a lot of them.”

Livia nodded.

“Livia,” Terrance said, intently. “You are in such a crucial position right now. Your foremothers aren’t there to tell you what to do and that’s awful but it’s also a gift. You’re free from the traditions that harmed them. You have to find the courage to make new traditions. Healthy traditions that will protect you and your daughters and their daughters. You can create a new culture.”

Terrace’s passionate speech was interrupted by an enthusiastic Felicity coming into the kitchen. She told them about her date while they ate sugar cookies hot out of the oven. Corvin didn’t let Livia clean up the kitchen and insisted that he would take care of it later. Felicity was too worn out to stay for long and left only a few minutes after their cookie binge.

Livia looked to Corvin.

“You ready to head home, Liv?” he asked.

Livia nodded. “It’s still early but…”

“That’s alright,” he said. “I think you need the extra rest.”

Terrance pulled Livia into a tight hug. “See you next weekend. Be kind to yourself.”

Livia closed her eyes and didn’t let go of him immediately. The hug felt good, something that didn’t happen frequently.

Terrance laughed. “You’re Taurus tired.”

“What’s that mean?” Livia asked.

“Extra cuddly,” Corvin said. “Come on. You need sleep, Liv.”

Livia did get in random moods where she’d want Arik to hold her forever. Those moments seemed random and unpredictable but now she knew they were provoked by exhaustion.

After Livia and Corvin got in the car she asked, “Does everyone in Caesarea know about Taurus...tired?”

“No,” Corvin said. “It’s actually weird that more people don’t know. Taurus aren’t well understood. Partially because it was taboo to talk about a lot of things--”

“Mental illness,” Livia said.

Corvin looked at her in surprise.

“Terrance told me,” she said.

“Yeah, and intimacy,” Corvin said. “Taurus are often seen as invulnerable because they are so strong and so tough but they’re fairly sensitive.”

“I don’t think Arik knew,” Livia said.

Corvin sighed. “That’s not surprising to me. I don’t know that I would know if I didn’t have certain people in my life--Justin and Flavia are very open about it. My Aunt Garnet had a very difficult time managing chronic pain and her marriage relationship. She begged Uncle Lucius to divorce her for about five years. She said it would be better if she were alone forever. It was hard to watch.”

“They didn’t divorce,” Livia said. “Right?”

“Right,” Corvin nodded. “Uncle Lucius worked through it with her and it got better. They live a really quiet, almost reclusive life out on a ranch. They’re happy and content.”

“Sometimes…” Livia hesitated. She shook her head. She’d learned not to do this already. No confessions. Corvin wasn’t interested.

“Sometimes what, Liv?” Corvin asked, quietly.

She laughed. “It’s alright. You don’t have to listen.”

“I’d like to listen, Liv,” Corvin said.

Livia didn’t say anything until they were pulling into her apartment. “Sometimes I feel that way,” she confessed. “Like it’s better to live alone. Forever.”

Corvin spoke quietly. “Often, Liv?”

“Not as much as I used to--” she said. “It’s been...a while. This place must be good for me.”

“It usually happens when life becomes too difficult to deal with,” Corvin said. He reached over and pulled her hand into his and squeezed it. “If you ever feel that way again, you can come to tell me about it, okay?”

Livia laughed. She liked the feel of his hand holding hers. That somehow eclipsed everything else.

“What’s funny?” Corvin asked.

“That feels ridiculously good,” she answered.

Corvin smiled and squeezed her hand again. “This?”

Livia laughed again.

“You’re so tired, Livia,” he said, gently. “Promise me you’ll go in and sleep?”

“I promise, Corvin.”

He released her hand. Livia stifled a groan of disappointment. She pulled herself out of the car and waved. Corvin waved back and started to pull out of the parking lot. She went into the apartment and ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then went to bed.