“Jumpy, Jumper, and Sleepy vs. the R.S.R.S.N.” (3.3)
“Oh, come on!” Kalei said when we got to the track.
A weird set or stage thing was blocking a good portion of the track. Behind a bunch of desks were logos that read “Rising Shards Rising School News (Sponsored by Redgre Cola)”.
A group of students were in suits doing vocal exercises, and Mr. Soleri wandered around with a clipboard, checking names off. It looked kinda nice with the lazily rolling clouds over us. But less nice for being in our way.
“What is all this?” Oka asked.
A short girl responded that she was covering the news, and immediately burped loudly in kind of a weirdly threatening territory defense move. We moved away to a safer, belch free zone.
I spotted Aira Orbis crawling around the grass. It was readily apparent she had unique tastes and hobbies (she got in trouble with Caya a week earlier for eating one of her vein seeds), but I decided she would be easier to ask than Soleri, who would probably respond with a riddle or something about the ancient cheeses of the Jercruible region.
“Hey Aira, what’s going on?” I asked.
Aira rolled over onto her back and sat up like she had just been reanimated.
“Why, hello, Zeta,” Aira said. “I was here doing stuff, and then they set all this up. I heard someone say it’s a new club that will be here for the next few weeks?”
“Next few weeks? Bleh.” I said. “What stuff were you doing?”
Aira looked sheepish as she pressed her pointer fingers together.
“I’m looking for…bugs.” Aira said.
“Aira, please don’t be eating bugs.” I said.
“I’m not eating them!” Aira said. “Do you really think I’m that weird?”
Before I could say anything (I didn’t think she was that weird), Aira quickly added. “I’m just documenting their flavor!”
I reported my findings to Oka and Kalei.
“Ew, what?” Oka asked. “And all this stuff is gonna be here for weeks?”
Kalei sighed.
“Let’s just go somewhere else.” Kalei said.
“No!” I said. “There’s gotta be something we can do.”
I looked around at all the pieces of the set. It was kind of lopsided, as it was covering the track while a big portion of the grassy part was free.
“Maybe we can convince Soleri to move it over, so this is all in the middle. We could use the track then!” I said.
Kalei shrugged, not looking convinced. My determination to help Kalei was stronger than my fear of talking to Soleri. Unfortunately, I was blocked from getting close to him.
“Well if it isn’t Zeta Manure.”
I almost didn’t recognize Ovie. She had weird TV makeup on and a pants suit with a zig zag pattern on it. Her hair looked like it had been replaced with a molded piece of plastic with all the product she had holding it up.
“Hey, don’t call her that!” Oka said. “Zeta doesn’t smell bad! She doesn’t really smell like anything!”
“Thanks?” I said.
“You’re welcome. And you must have a defective nasal cavity,” Ovie said. “But it’s less about her odor and more about her general personality."
Ever since class started, Ovie was pretty active in voicing her newfound dislike of me for some reason, including the very clever nickname Zeta Manure.
“Sorry,” Ovie said. “I don’t want to spend much more than seventeen seconds around manure.”
As I struggled to come up with a comeback (hours later I thought of saying “why do you want to spend any time around manure?”, which would have been great), Ovie continued.
“You should probably get out of here, lest you interfere with Rising Shards Rising School News,” Ovie said. “I’m going to be the lead broadcaster, and I can’t be on television if I’m in the presence of something so miserable.”
I doubted this would actually air anywhere other than school TVs.
“If all this stuff wasn’t here we could get out of your way.” I said.
“Well we need all this stuff,” Ovie said. “Do you really think we can practice here without a complete recreation of a television set?”
“I mean, probably.” I said. “You could move this inside.”
Ovie scowled at me.
“I think I have my first report,” Ovie said. “It’ll be called ‘Zeta Manure Sucks.”
“She doesn’t!” Oka said.
While I was glad Oka was quick to my defense, I was really tired of arguing with Ovie. I was trying to help Kalei (who rapidly looked like she was going to just give up and go back to the dorms), not freeze up fighting Ovie. She ignored Oka anyways, and kept her judgmental eyes locked on me.
“Ovie, can you just let me through already?” I asked.
“No,” Ovie said. “In fact, I’m going to go tell Mr. Soleri you’re trespassing, and that you said you wanted to burn television sets down. Second report: Zeta Manure is an arsonist and ties her shoes like someone whose parents got divorced.”
I stammered some sounds that I assume could have been words had they been given more than a reactionary ounce of angry thoughts, losing the argument immediately with my incapability to respond well as Ovie took off.
“Well, now what?” Oka asked.
“Hold on,” Kalei said. “Is that who I think it is over there?”
Another teacher sat in the bleachers with his head in his hands.
“Krangel!” Oka said. “He looks so sad.”
If I was afraid to talk to Soleri, I was a million times more afraid to talk to Krangel. But for Kalei, I had to.
“What are you thinking, Zeta?” Kalei asked.
“I just had an idea,” I said. “It’s really stupid, but it’s the only one I got.”
Mr. Krangel barely noticed us come up, even as our steps rattled loudly on the metal bleachers.
“Mr. Krangel?” I asked.
“WHAT?” Krangel bellowed as he snapped to attention. “Oh. Hello?”
“Are you alright, Mr. Krangel?” Oka asked.
“I uh, well, no,” Krangel said. “I feel as defeated as Smak Gristoff in the famous no holds barred championship bout of AB-784 at the eighteenth Remembrance of Pain event.”
Krangel’s language was basically Havena fighting. I didn’t really get or like watching Havena fights, but I knew I’d have to at least appeal somehow to his interests for his help. I tried to remember all the references to Havena Krangel had said to us so far.
“Are you mad about the field being taken up too?” I asked.
“Yes, it’s like the ring of my heart has been squashed by the invading faction of student television news.”
Krangel buried his face in his hands again.
“I just hate Soleri so much.” Krangel said, breaking school policy of being rude about other teachers in front of students. “But what can I even do about it?”
“Well, we can maybe be like that one Havena fighter…” I said.
Krangel stood up straighter and looked at me in anticipation. OK, this is all you now, me.
“Who lost that fight when they wouldn’t let him…fight,” I said. “But then at the next uh, show or whatever, he snuck in disguised as an insurance salesman, so he could beat up those other guys, bite the general manager with his fangs, and sign the contract, so he could get in…the fight?”
I hoped that made more sense to him than it did to me. Krangel gasped.
“Slep Dung!” Krangel said.
“Excuse you.” Oka said.
Krangel jumped to his feet.
“How could I be so blind?” Krangel asked. “This whole time, I needed the spirit of the wily yet brutally strong Slep Dung! How else could he win 42 flowserweight championships?”
“Definitely not by sitting here doing nothing!” I said.
“That’s right!” Krangel said. “But…what do we do?”
I didn’t plan this out this far. I assumed Krangel could just fix this for us. I couldn’t give up on Kalei, but I drew too many blanks.
“I got something,” Kalei said.
I turned to Kalei who, for the first time all day, had fire in her eyes.