Re:Zero - Reincarnated on a Co-op Route

[Subaru's POV]

Subaru stands in the hallway of the mansion, the echo of his scream still ringing in his head. The walls, cold and silent, seem to absorb his thoughts as he analyzes what happened at the time of his death. Staring blankly, he sees Kaoru and Emilia talking about something in the garden, their soft laughter contrasting with his own fear.

"Should I tell him?" wonders Subaru, doubt knotting in his chest like a weight. "I feel like I don't want to tell him anything. He always solves everything for me. And I'm the clumsy fool who can't think for myself."

He vividly remembers the brutality of his death on the first floor of the mansion, the image of the ball of thorns tied with a chain running through his mind like a terrifying echo. "I was brutally murdered, and I can't get that image out of my head," he muses to himself, his hands shaking slightly.

"I was also poisoned somehow," he continues to think. "My body felt weak at one point. I didn't even have the strength to run. Was it intentional? Did they plan to poison me to make me weak so they could kill me more easily?" Uncertainty consumes him, every thought a reminder of his vulnerability.

Subaru continues to analyze the events. "Kaoru told me that we are very suspicious. But... was it really someone from the mansion? If only those two maids, Beatrice and the clown-faced man, Roswaal, are there.".

"This is strange... I felt cold. Is feeling cold a symptom of poisoning? On the other hand... I felt symptoms of extreme weakness, among others."

"Maybe it's some kind of magic I don't know about..." he muses as he sighs, frustration building in his chest. He feels caught between helplessness and the desire to act.

"In that case... I should find a place where I can see the mansion from afar and spot any suspects on the third day. Yes, that's what I should do."

"I'm not going to tell him anything. I'm going to show that fucking clown that I can figure things out on my own. And I'll save everyone..." The words echo in his mind like a mantra, a promise he makes to himself.

Subaru's hands tremble, still dealing with the psychological aftermath of the brutal murder, his brain turned to mush.

"I will do it..." he says firmly, determination taking shape in his heart. "I will not be a burden. Not this time." 

--[Time Skip]-- 

"Emilia-sama told me that you saved her from a ruthless assassin. Surely, that is a feat that deserves to be rewarded." Roswaal interlaced his fingers, leaning forward slightly with a broad smile. "So, tell me, what is it you wish? You may ask for anything, and yours truly, Roswaal L. Mathers, will fulfill it."

"Then let me work here as a servant! But I want free hours to learn to write and read and a salary!" says Subaru with determination, his voice echoing with conviction in the main hall of the mansion.

Kaoru asked the same as in the previous loop, still thinking that it is the first time they are in the mansion.

At that instant, a soft sneeze is heard.

Then, Subaru is taken to the dressing room to put on his new servant outfit. He looks in the mirror, and the clothes fit him wrong as usual, with the shirt too big and the pants a bit baggy. "Why do I always have to look like this?"

--[Time Skip]-- 

"This is the VIP Room."

"This is the kitchen."

"This is the bathing room."

"This is the lavatory."

Ram gave Subaru a quick—a really quick—tour of the mansion. 

This was very apparent, but Ram showed him no mercy. "Do you have any questions?"

"Actu-"

"Since you have no questions, I will get to the ins and outs of your job. You will be helping me with my work. Today I have to— She continued to give a huge list of things that she was doing, and it made him fall into despair. 

Hours later, Subaru is working with training weights on his wrists and ankles. "This is awful..." he thinks, feeling the weight and the discomfort. "But I need to remind myself that I can't fail this time. I can't let all my effort go to waste."

"On the third day they will attack me... I must be ready..." he tells himself as he brooms the wards, his mind focused on what is to come. 

"I don't need Kaoru. I also don't need that clown shit to compare me to him." Subaru clenches his knuckles as he struggles through his tasks with a firm resolve: he will find out for himself what is going on at the mansion.

During the day, he watches the twin sisters carefully as they work. His attention is especially focused on the kitchen, to see if they put in any poison or anything. Rem begins to notice him, throwing furtive glances at him from time to time, while Ram seems indifferent, completely oblivious to the scrutiny.

In the evenings, Subaru continues his studies with Ram. He reflects on his ability to "Return By Dead," aware of his limitations. "It's interesting that my mind retains what I learn, but it's frustrating that my body returns to its initial state after each reset." His advances in physical strength, dexterity, or magic disappear with each death, leaving him trapped in a cycle of incomplete progress.

It is now the second night of this cycle in the mansion. Subaru stands alone, quietly reflecting. "My skill is garbage, really. Not as much as Kaoru's, but it's still limited. I can't keep the results of my effort, and that's hell."

He sighs, remembering the interactions with the others. "Talking the same thing to the same people, over and over again... it's exhausting. No one remembers what happened. It's like nothing happened. Today Kaoru had the same talk with me, and I had to feign surprise, even though I already knew. It's annoying."

An uncomfortable thought arises in her mind. "What is this feeling? Am I jealous of him? I didn't tell him about the loop, and I know it was ego."

Resentment toward Roswaal also consumes him. "That bastard looks at me like I'm pathetic. I hate him."

Subaru grits his teeth, frustration and the weight of his emotions pressing down on his chest. "I have to do it. On my own. Without depending on anyone."

"Who am I really working out for?" That question haunts him as he looks at the weights on his wrists and ankles, which seem to weigh more on his mind than on his body. "I was transported to this world, and yet I'm still treated like the same scum as before: weak, cowardly, powerless... someone who can be killed just like that."

Exhaustion seizes him as he drops onto the bed, feeling the pressure of his own thoughts. "Is there any point in straining? These weights, maybe, they work to make me stronger, but for what? If I die again, all progress will be lost. So what's the point?"

He recalls the days he's lived through on repeat. "The same conversations, the same actions, possibly the same conclusion. Everything feels empty."

Resentment and envy begin to boil up inside him. "Roswaal, that clown, is the greatest wizard in the kingdom of Lugunica. What a damn joke. And those maidservants could probably kick my ass without batting an eyelid. I'm completely useless here."

With an impromptu decision, Subaru decides on a course of action for the next day. "Tomorrow I'll tell Rem and Ram that I'm going shopping in Arlam Village. But in reality, I'll keep watch from an elevated area to observe the mansion. I want to find out who the killer is and stop him once and for all."

Determination is mixed with fear and anger. "That assassin, I will make him suffer. And whoever is behind this too."

Finally, he blows out the candles in his room. Darkness envelops him as he closes his eyes, trying to silence the memories of his own death.